Ok I couldn't resist writing another Neighbours slash fic. I am posting so many things lately. Anyway I have been meaning to write this for about a week or so but didn't know how. I hope you enjoy.

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Have you ever fell in love?

Have you ever felt that rush of emotions that makes you feel giddy, or that knee trembling, butterfly inducing lust?

Did that person want you back?

Or were you like me, and have to watch as they acted like a complete idiot in front of a girl who doesn't even know what she wants from herself much less from other people.

Could you stand back and watch as the man you loved fell in love with someone else?

I know I couldn't, and I didn't. I did the one thing that I thought would spare me from the pain of having to listen him go on and on about her every single detail all the while the only thing he sees me as is a mate… maybe even a brother.

(I don't think I need to point out that he is straight while I am obviously not.)

I couldn't stand it, so I destroyed that too.

My plan was perfect really. Simple and destructive and best of all; no one would ever see the lie.

Do you see it now?

I decided to take her away from him.

I have to say though I am quite the actor; nobody suspected a thing.

I thought I made it quite obvious, though, with all the photos and everything, but even under the same roof he didn't suspect a single thing.

I was going to come right out and say it, but I guess Susan beat me to it.

I always knew you looked magnificent when you were mad, but I never guessed how much it would hurt seeing him hate.

Do you have any idea how much it hurts to see him put that girl above every single other thing in his life?

No… No you don't and you probably never will.

So I did the only thing I could do.

I poisoned my pain and turned it into anger and jealousy.

I took my tears and turned them to fists so I could hurt him as much as he hurts me.

But in any case my plan was a huge success in the way of making him hate my guts but I just wish I had thought about the reactions of everyone else.

If I had then my life wouldn't be the constant act it is now that I am forced to be without him.

Now I have to constantly pretend that everything is ok when it so clearly isn't.

What is worse is that everyone believes it so much they say I need counselling.

Yeah, great load of help that would do.

Maybe I should just pack up my stuff and go and join Rachel. She is the only one I can talk to anyway.

I don't know what to do anymore.

He hates me.

Susan thinks I have some deep, psychological trauma.

My friends are busy pretending that everything is ok so they can go on with their lives.

But I think we have made Donna swear of guys for life at least.

I don't know how much more pretending I can take before I just scream the truth in his face.

The longer this continues the more I will continue to act out to out and lie.

I will continue until I have destroyed myself so thoroughly that I can never be put back together again.

It feels insane how much I want him.

I love you Ringo Brown.

This is the one and only confession I will ever make, even if you never know about it.

Here ends my confessions.

Zeke Kinsky

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Thank you for reading. Please leave me a review and tell me what you think. I hope it wasn't OOC, Cya.