Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, however I do like making up my own stories based on them.

It's mid July in Trenton, New Jersey and the weather has been gruesomely hot and dry with record breaking temperatures going on ten days now, and according to the pasty pal weather man of WZBN, who looked as if he spent every daylight hour hiding from the sun, we are in for the long hull. I guess they call this a draught. Many of Trenton's inhibitors have begun locking themselves away in their homes with their AC blowing out of control, but not me. Nope, Stephanie Plum loves the heat. In fact, this 28 year old New Jersey native says bring it on!

It's 6:30 a.m. and I am climbing up the stairs of my red brick apartment building on the corner of St. James and Dunworth. Like clock work, I was up at 5:15 a.m. and out the door at 5:30 hitting the pavement with my favorite Asic tennis shoes for my morning run. I was at the door of my extremely outdated, sparsely decorated, yet comforting in a way only I would find, single bedroom apartment when I heard someone shuffling around on the other side of my apartment door. The first thought that popped into my head was, "Damn Steph, how did they get in? You did lock the door behind you, right?" And then I remembered that along with this outdated apartment came outdated locks and my perfect sister Val's two daughters could probably pick the locks. I knew I should have updated those as soon as I moved in. I mean I took time to update the shower massager, why not the locks. Ok, ok I definitely had to have the shower massager ASAP, but I guess I could have taken proper security measures and updated the locks as well, especially considering who I am and the predicament I am currently in.

You see, though I have not taken a job in almost a year, I acquire very impressive and important skills for tracking people down and kicking ass, and am highly sought after by various types of organizations and people for just the sort. It all started with my father, Frank Plum. He is a retired Army Ranger, husband to one perfectly placed "Burg" model wife, Helen Plum, and father to two completely different daughters. One who follows in the footsteps of her mother and one who could not be further from the annoyingly perfect housewife stigma that is the requirement of the "Burg." That would be me and I am very happy to follow in the footsteps of my heroic father…well at least that is how I see him and I have a pretty good idea that, that is how others view him too, at least the Army anyway. My father never had any sons and I think the idea of raising two daughters scared the hell out of him, so I think his way of ensuring his control of the situation he was in was to focus on what he knew best and then teach it two my sister and I. From the time I was six he began instilling in me the components and skills to take care of myself and do it well. He began with teaching Val and I very basic self defense moves and over the years gradually grew into intense training for me that I am sure he learned from his years in the service. When he was off on missions I joined a Dojo and grew to love the art of karate. I would have to say that I am very grateful to my father for introducing me to and instilling skills in me, that molded me to the person that I am today and I wouldn't trade the bond we share because of it for the world.

Val on the other hand was a different story. She showed interest for just about a whole two minutes and then was off to play with her Barbie's two houses down with the young girl who always wore that disgusting pepto bismol pink color and bows in her hair…yuck! I think daddy was a bit upset with the fact that Val had no interest in learning from my father, but he quickly got over it when he discovered how much I enjoyed it. Mom on the other hand found my interest in his teachings to be unfit for a young girl and said that I should be more like Val and want to play with girly things and be interested in cooking and all that female Burg crap, but from the beginning I had no intentions of following in my mothers footsteps and eventually she just gave up…for the most part.

When I was eighteen and graduated from high school I couldn't wait to get out of Trenton and go off to college. I spent the first half of the summer in Trenton hanging out with my best friends Connie Rosolli and Mary Lou Stankovic. All three of us were very different in some ways and very similar in others, but we were perfect in friendship. Connie is actually a few years older than Mary Lou and I, but on the first day of first grade for Lou and I Connie made her appearance in our lives. We had just sat down in our seats on the school bus when this snot nosed boy started picked on us (this was obviously before I mastered my skills.) Connie came out of no where and told the boy that he better leave us alone. She told him that we were under her protection and that she wasn't going to let any boys push around her friends. Needless to say the three of us have been best friends ever since.

Connie has been known to have mob ties and is part of "The Family," if you know what I mean. She is about two inches shorter than me and is three cup sizes bigger than me and has curves to kill. She has big Jersey girl hair, flashy clothes and definitely looks the part of what you would picture a mob princess to look like, but we don't talk about that. She currently works as an office manager or "Pit-bull" for my weasel of a cousin, Vinnie. Vinnie owns Vincent Plum Bail Bonds and uses Connie to take care of his dirty work when he is too chicken to face it himself. She doesn't seem to mind though and she keeps Vinnie's sleazy ass in check for the most part.

Mary Lou on the other hand has a much softer appearance. She has a slender body type, dark brown hair that flows naturally with very little help of salon products and has a more neutral wardrobe. She left the Burg after high school for about 6 months to go to college but met her now husband, Lenny, and moved back to get married and start a family. She currently still lives in the Burg and portrays that stay at home Burg wife life nicely. Lenny and she have three kids and a dog and seem to be very happy. I am happy for her, but would not trade her lives for anything.

I on the other hand am 5'7," have dark brown curly hair that takes an army of products to tame and bright astonishing blue eyes that must have come from my mothers Hungarian side, and am known to have a mouth like a sailor. I am very fit and take pride in my toned body…even though I do lack the ever wanting voluptuous chest that Connie was blessed with. I do however have very long and lean legs and like to think that those are my one feature that god blessed me with. I mean we are all blessed with at least one, right? Like I said, though we are very different in many ways, such as lifestyles for one, but there is always one thing we share and that is the love for each other…that and our Italian temper.

After spending the first half of the summer with my two best friends I was suddenly shipped off to do some traveling with grandma Mazur until beginning college the following Fall. The reason I was shipped out so suddenly was because of my mishap with one Mr. Joseph Morelli, the no good slime ball of the Burg. You see, Morelli was the gorgeous, popular, ladies man of our high school. He is the same age as Connie and I have known him just as long and had a crush on him for years but he never paid any attention to me, I mean why would he? I am two years younger than he and he could have any girl in the damn school, why would he want Stephanie Plum? Well, that all changed one evening behind the pastry counter during the end of my shift at the Tasty Pastry. Morelli was getting ready to leave for the Navy and came in talking his charm and it just so happens that his charm, charmed me right out of my light blue Levi's and just like that my virginity was gone. It was dirty and unromantic, definitely not what I wanted my first time to be. The worst part wasn't even that as soon as it was over Morelli pulled up his pants and high tailed it out the door without a glance back. Nope, that wasn't the worst of it at all. The worst part was that he went on to tag what happened that evening on the floor of the Tasty Pastry on just about every men's bathroom stall in the tri-state area, including the Moose Lodge where daddy hung out with his buddies. I take that back, that wasn't the worst part of the incident either. The absolute worst part was that for the first time in my life my daddy looked at me with shame and disappointment in his eyes and from that moment on I vowed to get my revenge on Joseph Morelli one way or another and that came two years later on a hot mid July summer day.

I was driving my grandfathers Buick, "Big Blue" and lone behold who do I see walking down the sidewalk home on leave from the Navy? Well, Joseph Morelli, the scum! My horns went up, my nostrils flared and I lost all sense of control…I saw red! I stepped on the gas, jumped the curb and ran down the son of a bitch right there on the sidewalk. Yup, I was finally able to seek my revenge and I took it in the form of an indestructible powder blue Buick. Well, Morelli ended up breaking his leg and I was sighted for reckless driving and then was unfortunately arrested for mouthing off to the cop that it was an accident and my foot slipped and I shouldn't get a ticket at all. Well they considered this to be combative and put me in cuffs. Woops, didn't see that coming. In all actuality I should have probably been arrested for purposely running down a human being, but I was definitely sticking to the story that it was an accident and no one was second guessing me because a sweet girl from the Burg doesn't do such a thing. Well, actually there was one person second guessing the "accident" claim and that was Joe, but he dare not say a word. After being arrested and then released and paying my fines, my mom decided that I needed to get out of Trenton as soon as possible so that I didn't tarnish her appearance of perfection as a mother, "Sally Vitto's daughter doesn't accidently run down men and get arrested." Yeah, yeah, yeah. Daddy on the other hand was of course proud of me. He never said anything in front of mom, but before I took off on my road trip with grandma to visit all of her crazy senior friends on the east coast he made sure I knew just how proud he was of me for not letting Morelli get away with his previous antics and disrespect.

After my month of living it up with grandma on the road she dropped me off at Douglass College where I only spent 2 months before dropping out and joining a whole new world that I never for saw coming.

My college experience may have been different if I hadn't been approached by a gentlemen by the name of Jake Lole or just "Lole." Lole was 28 when he approached me after one of my excruciating workout sessions. I had been at Douglas for just over two months and I was walking back to my dorm one evening from the gym when I noticed I was being followed. I immediately thought he was some sort of a female predator and felt kind of bad for the guy because I was going to tear him to shreds…he chose the wrong girl to mess with, or the right girl because by choosing me a more innocent girl was spared. I could feel him gaining on me. He was creeping ever so slightly, but I could feel and sense his every move. Of course he didn't know this, I let on nothing and I was ready for his attack. Once he was just a few feet behind me I quickly crouched down, bending at my left knee, swinging my right leg and taking his feet right out from under him. He landed hard on his back and before I could allow him any chance at getting back on his feet I pounced. I quickly turned him so that his chest was facing the pavement and pulled his right arm up behind his back and had my left arm placed tightly around his neck. Daddy would have been so proud! The odd thing about this moment was that he didn't seem too surprised. I began rattling off questions, "Who are you and what do you want with me?" He tried to squeak out an answer, but the choke hold I had him in was so tight that I was making it a little hard for him to speak so I loosened it slightly, but kept a firm hold on his arm. He then told me his name and that he had sort of a business proposition for me and judging from how I handled this encounter he has know doubt that I would be perfect for the job. Before I would release my hold on him he gave me his card and identification and explained that he has a group of highly trained persons in physical and mental combat/investigation of a sort all over the United States and he is hoping to add me to the list. He stated that he has been watching me for the last two months and is here to recruit me. Eventually, I released my hold on Lole and he stood up cracking his neck. I kept my protective distance from him and my guard up while he asked if I would accompany him to a diner down the street to talk. I decided to take a chance and follow Lole to the diner. He seemed honest and my "Spidy Senses" were down, so I went with it. Plus, we were still going to be in a public area so I might as well see what this was all about.

Once at the diner, Lole found us a private booth in the far back where he went on to explain his highly discrete organization called the Protection Alliance. There is no headquarters and no offices. A person who is part of the Protection Alliance is considered "the ghost" of a mission. They are the infiltrator, the one key component for building the case and gathering the information needed for a successful mission. He told me that all cases are dangerous, but some are of course more so than others and a PA member is definitely in the most danger of all. He told me that PA member's identity is always kept unknown...even when doing work with the government. He said that if I took his offer I would receive my missions through the PA, but communicate in various ways with various government agencies or the individuals who have hired you along the way if needed but for the most part I would be on my own. Lole explained that if there are ever issues of dire, and he stressed very dire, need for assistance or abortion, they have the option of calling in for back up but it is extremely rare. PA members are given their missions by receiving an email or are a phone call that gives information and directions to a remote location where they can pick up their mission folder. These emails and phone calls are very cryptic to limit hacking incidents and he said that as to date there had been no hacking thus far. Lole is the one in charge of disbursing the missions to their rightful PA member but I believe I am the only PA member who knows this of him and that is only because he broke his rule for my first mission. He expressed that the mission organizer does things this way in order to keep things neutral and still allows for privacy of the person seeking out the Protection Alliance for assistance and for the PA members identity. Lole divulged that he receives many personal clients, but because he formerly was a government operative in the form of an American bad ass (Lole never explained what his true position was with the government but I assume it was something along the lines of the bad ass field) he receives many government contracted jobs as well.

After our lengthy discussion at the diner and my long night of contemplating whether or not to take this opportunity I decided to grab the bull by the horns, so to speak, and take it. I left Douglas College with Lole the following day and joined him in a remote location in the Poconos Mountains of Pennsylvania for training. I went through three long months of training. I ate, slept (or lack there of) and breathed training, and on January 22, 2002 I was given my first mission. This was the only mission that Lole physically handed me, which is how I knew he was the mission organizer and is also when he broke his rule of thumb on disbursement of missions. Every other mission following my first always went through the proper chains of action, even though I lived with Lole and he could just as easily given it to me. He said it was because he wanted to again keep things neutral and of the norm.

Lole never let a recruit move in with him, but he also never before had gotten this close with a recruit. He is ten years older than me and loves me like a little sister. In fact, I think his feelings toward me scared him a little bit. I will always remember my first mission he gave me. Lole personally saw me off on my first mission and I could tell that he was not too happy with giving me this particular one, but in the end he did anyway. I hadn't opened the mission in front of him, as he asked me to wait until he left, but he did express that I was the best one for the job in many different ways, physically and mentally, and that he knew it would be a success. The mission ended up with me infiltrating a prostitution ring and breaking it down from the inside out. I understood immediately why he was skeptical and worried, but he could not discriminate and pick and choose missions for me if I was going to be a success in his organization. The prostitution ring was based just outside New York City and it took me three months but in the end I single handedly destroyed it and the government was very, very happy with the work of Lole's newest recruit, of which they did not know who I was just that I was very good at what I did.

From that moment forward I continued to take missions as a Protective Alliance member and was very good at my job. Don't get me wrong I was put in extremely bad situations and saw and had to do many things that most people would consider horrifying, myself included at times, but in the end the job I was doing and the help I was providing prevailed.

About one year ago, or nine years after I left home I decided that I missed my family and friends and I wanted to go back. I had been doing missions for the Protection Alliance for almost nine years and lived with Lole in between missions. Though I loved it I needed a break. Lole completely understood and without any questions he let me go, even though I did not know if I was ever coming back. He has always supported me in everything over the last nine years and I am very grateful for our adoptive siblingship. I don't know where I would be without him…definitely living a completely different life.

I decided to forgo the phone calls and go for the surprise affect of my home coming. Over the past nine years I kept in touch with Mary Lou, Connie and my family, mostly daddy and grandma, but at a very spacious rate. I have been home to visit five times since leaving Trenton and all five were not until three years after I left and they were short visits, more like long weekends. I know that Mary Lou and Connie didn't really understand and I didn't want to lie to them so I basically didn't let on too much to what I actually did and I think they understood the importance of my keeping it a secret that they didn't pressure me. Everyone, including daddy, thinks that for the first three years I was gone I was at Douglas. I know it usually takes at least four years to graduate but I told them that I was focused and driven and took on extremely heavy loads in order to finish in three years so that is why I wasn't able to make it home to visit. Because I felt guilty for lying about my college education I decided to get an online college degree and took classes while I had breaks in between missions.

My family and friends were extremely happy with my home coming, but for the first few weeks I was there they kept asking me when I was leaving. I kept telling them that I thought I would stay indefinitely, but I guess because of my absence they were skeptical. I couldn't blame them. I loved being back in the presence of Connie and Mary Lou and my father and grandmother, but my mother was a whole different story. I love her, I do, and I know she loves me but she is so tiring. Just a few weeks after I returned home she started in on how now that I am back in the Burg I should find myself a nice man, settle down and become a Burg housewife…bad ass to Burg wife, yeah right! She started inviting man after man to Friday night dinners and it got so bad that I couldn't go out of the house with her because I felt like she was trying to pimp me out to just about every man we saw without a wedding band.

Finally, about a month after being home I decided that I should get out and maybe try to meet someone just to get mom off my back. I called Mary Lou and Connie and we decided to make it a girl's night. We decided to hit up rather fancy white color like martini bar called "The Green Room" after about fifteen minutes I was approached by a nice looking man in a tailored suit and we sat and talked for a while. He seemed nice, but I had this odd feeling about him, probably my "Spidy Senses" but because my mom was being such a tyrant about me meeting someone I squashed them down…BIG mistake on my part. Daddy always told me to trust my instincts. He and Lole both said that I have the best instincts of anyone they know and to always trust them and the one time I didn't I really messed up.

I ended up inviting Dickie Ore, and yes his name is Dicke which should have been my first sign, to Friday night dinner the following week. Next thing you know I'm married to the Dick and it soon became the biggest mistake I ever made. I was not in love with him when he asked me to marry him two months after we met. Of course he did it in front of my mother and it soon became a whirlwind of bad decisions on my part and most of these bad decision were part of a guilt trip by mommy dearest.

Almost the minute after we said our nuptials he turned into the biggest horses ass and three months after our wedding I came home to find that ass of a husband fucking my arch nemesis, Joyce "The Town Slut" Barnhardt on MY brand new kitchen table. Needless to say I once again saw red! I grabbed that bitch by the bright red mop on her head and dragged her out of my house. I didn't want her naked ass disturbing my neighbors so I did them a favor and threw her clothes out to her on the front lawn. I then squared my shoulders, marched back in my house, and looked Dickie straight in the face, yelled "I WANT A DIVORCE," and with everything I had inside of me threw the meanest punch of my life causing him to fall back into the table knocking himself out cold.

At that moment I reminded myself that I am an opportunist and I took the opportunity of Dickie being knocked out to throw every last article of clothing, his lap top and all of his files in his office onto the front lawn. As I was walking back into the house for my next load of Dickie possessions I reminded myself of the person I was before meeting Dickie. How could I have let myself turn into this woman that I had become? I realized that I hated being married to Dickie and I hated that my mother guilt tripped me into doing it. I am a strong, independent woman and I had spent the last nine years of my life proving just that. I mean I am an American bad ass. I have literally kicked ass and taken names. This is not my standard of living. Hell this isn't living at all for me! This may be living for Mary Lou, my mother and my sister, but this, this…this was me existing and by me just solely existing was not enough. It was time to be true to myself. I then thought about Lole and how sad he would be if he knew the way I was existing in my life. Lole had gone off on a mission before I was married and had yet to come back, boy was he going to be surprised that I got married and divorced in the limited time he was gone. There was still time to fix the mistake I had made of my life, still time to get back to the "Wonder Women" that Lole always referred to me as.

I still had more than plenty of money saved up from my missions in my private account to live on and even if I was flat broke I wouldn't want anything from him. I hated that house, I hated that life and most of all I hated Dickie! I was done, done with letting my mother get to me and trap me in a life that I hated, done with Dickie and done being lost. At that point I packed my clothes, shoes, purses and products; I mean a gal has got to have priorities, grabbed my hamster, Rex, off of the counter placed everything in my car and drove off never to look back again. I immediately filed for divorce, gave Dickie everything, including my brand new dining room table that he marred with his disgusting ass, and set out on a new journey to rekindling the old Stephanie Plum (thank god I insisted on keeping my maiden name.)

I ended up staying a week with Connie before finding my own place. She offered me a permanent room but I really needed my own space. I love her to death but she and I live a little bit differently. For example, she has beautiful Italian leather furniture in her living room. Even with having plenty of cash on hand I still only care about the necessities, which is why in my living room I have a small couch, club chair and TV on one side and then on the other side my necessities…two power tower boxing bags on either side of a hanging heavy bag. I use these to practice my self defense and keep my skills sharp. In Connie's bedroom she owns beautiful oak furniture and Chantilly lace bedding and 1000 count sheets. I own a full size bed with a non matching bedspread, however I do have the same 1000 count sheets, hey I've slept in some pretty horrible places, I deserve nice sheets. My bed is pushed up against the wall so that there is enough room for my favorite piece; my karate or sparing mat. Unfortunately, I have no one to spar with so it's mostly used for me to practice my karate. The one thing that Connie and I do share is our appreciation for amazing clothes, purses/bags and shoes which is where I do in fact become envious of Connie, because she has the most amazing closet and mine, well mine barely holds what I currently own and I am definitely not giving up my weekly trip to Macy's, so I may have to divest in some sort of storage contraption!

Anyway, there were not many apartments available in Trenton at the time I was looking but as I stated before I was able to land a one bedroom on the corner of St. James and Dunworth and it was outside the Burg so that was a major plus! Besides, I really liked the super, Dillon, so I was sold…for now at least. It's not beautiful and it's definitely not upscale. It houses mainly seniors, but at least in that sense it's quite. Connie hates my place and has voiced her opinion openly. Lou is a little kinder about her opinion of the one bedroom apartment I call home, but I can tell by the way that she never wants to meet at my place and when she has to she acts scared of it, that she feels the same way as Connie, but doesn't want to hurt my feelings. It doesn't bother me at all though; this is all I need for now. I don't plan on staying here forever and when I figure out what I want to do and where I want to go, then I will definitely put time and effort into beautifying it. For now, I am happy with what I call home.

This brings me back to present day and the little predicament I have found myself to be in. It's early morning and after returning from my daily run I have sensed the presence of someone in my apartment. Not only do I sense them but I can honestly hear them moving around in there. Geesh, they definitely need to work on their stealth skills. Maybe after I kick their ass I will give them a few pointers. I crack my apartment door and notice the backside of a very familiar skanky ass…Joyce Barnhardt, that bitch! I can't believe she has the nerve to break into my apartment, honestly I can't believe she knows how to break into it, but that's beside the point. I have already established that a fricken goat could probably pick my locks. I am definitely upgrading them. Ugh, I can't believe that weasel cousin of mine gave Joyce Barnhardt my FTA file! I know Connie would never have and I had an excellent reason for missing my court date, damn it! Ugh, I told him I would turn myself in willingly. This is definitely going to cost him!

See, two weeks ago I was leaving the Tasty Pastry and headed for Vincent Plum Bail Bonds to bring Connie breakfast. I hadn't seen her in a week and decided to go catch up. I walked out the door and right into Joyce "The Slut" Barnhardt! Worst fucking morning ever…well at least in a while! She instantly tried her hand at an insult by saying, "Look who it is the Trenton's crazy ass scorned prude!" Wow, is that all she had? Seriously, my five year old niece could do better than that. But, just because I couldn't stand her stupid face and because she took from me one thing that I truly did love, my brand new dining room table, I decided she should finally get what she had coming to her. So, as she turned to walk away I took the chance at touching her disease infected body and tapped he on her shoulder. When she turned her face toward me I threw my second hardest punch ever and stuck her square in the eye with my fist. When she was lying flat on the sidewalk I dropped a donut on her chest and said, "The punch was for being trashy, skank ass bitch and for ruining my new dining room table, but the donut is a thanks for helping me to be rid of Dickie!" I then turned on my heels and strutted my very happy ass down the sidewalk to the bail bonds office.

While enjoying my chat over coffee with Connie I informed her that I may be getting arrested here in the next couple of hours and that I would probably need her assistance. At just about that time two uniformed officers, one of whom I knew very well as being Eddie Gazarra, my good friend growing up and of whom is married to my cousin, Shirley the Whiner. Eddie stopped three steps inside the door, looked at me and shook his head side to side with a wide grin plastered on his face. He then spoke, "Steph, you know I love you and you know I love what you did, but I have to take you down to the station, Joyce pressed charges."

I just stood up, turned around and placed my hands behind my back and said, "Eddie, it was well worth it!"

Connie followed us down to the station and Eddie was able to talk the captain into getting me in front of a judge almost immediately. He didn't have to twist Joe Juniak's arm too much though; I mean I have known him my whole life as being one of daddy's best friends. My court date was schedule for last Thursday, but I honestly could not make it. I had an emergency and called to tell Connie that I was not going to be able to make it into court that day. She begged me to tell her why, but it was not information that I could divulge to her and told her she had to trust me. I told her to tell Vinnie that I would turn myself in willingly when I could. Well damn, it's only Monday and he has already got that skank out after me? Fucking piece of shit cousin of mine! He is not getting away with this one, but because I did not want to get into anymore trouble than I already was in I quietly closed my door and headed back down to the parking lot. I headed over to my black Ford Escape and angled into the driver's seat. Lucky for me I took my car keys and cell phone with me on my run today, so I had a quick escape. Unluckily, because of this heat that I just so happen to love so much I am drenched in sweat and probably smell like a dirty gym sock. I pulled out of my parking lot and headed toward Connie's. Boy I hope she's awake, she is a grouch early in the morning and especially if you wake her before her waking time comes. I pulled out my cell phone, dialed her number and waited for the answer while quietly chanting, "Please be awake, Please be awake, Please be awake!" Unfortunately, I got a groggled yet stern, "Lo?" and knew she definitely was not awake. Still, I answered back, "Connie, its Steph!"

"Duh, Steph, I have caller ID, what the fuck are you calling me at" pause "6:30 in the morning, are you fucking kidding me, Steph?" "I love you dearly, but I may have to kill ya for this one if you don't have one hell of an excuse! Oh, and you better not tell me it's classified, secret, personal or any of your other non-explanations." "And…"

I knew I had to cut her off, she would rant for hours and I did not have hours.

"Connie, listen it is important." Silence "Ok, so you know that I missed my court date, right?"

"Yeah, Steph, you called me remember?"

"Yeah, yeah I know but apparently Vinnie put me as FTA and guess who has my fucking file and is searching my apartment as we speak?"

More silence

"Steph, don't tell me that rat bastard cousin of yours went behind my back and gave your file to Joyce Barnhardt?

"Bingo, Connie!"

"That lanky ass, pee brained, animal loving, no good piece of horse shit! I swear, Steph, I am going to ring his weasel neck over this one."

"You and me both, Connie. Look I was planning on having you or someone take me down to the court house today but it can't be Joyce, it just can't! I will definitely end up rearranging her face and I really do not need anymore trouble right now, ya know?"

"Yeah, Steph, I hear ya! Don't worry I will take care of it. Where are you now?"

"Actually, I am in your driveway but I would love to go home and shower."

"Ok, look I will call Joyce and make something up about a skip and ask her to meet me in the office in an hour. Hopefully, she will leave your apartment right away, but if not can you wait an hour?"

"Yeah, Connie, I can wait and thank you so much for your help! I love you!"

"Love ya too, Steph! Oh and Steph?"

"Yeah, Connie?

"Try to stay at your apartment all morning ok? I am going to send someone by to escort you in."

"Ok, sounds good. You know I trust you so whatever you say."

"Ok, bye Steph."

"Latter, Connie."

With that, I reversed out of Connie's driveway and tried to come up with a plan to get Joyce to drop the charges on me. Hmmm…if only I could come up with something to blackmail her with. I will have to converse with Connie and Lou to see if they have heard anything big enough to cause damage.