Pasquinade
by BridgitKiido

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh GX and all related characters and concepts belong to Kazuki Takahashi. The OC "Chika", however, is my own creation, unfortunate though that is.

Warnings: The existence of Fujiwara Yusuke is a spoiler for season 4 – you can be certain that there will be spoilers through the end of the series. Also, my narration has been known to be sarcastic, cynical, and accidentally controversial at times – I apologize if anyone is offended by anything I write, but I write in the manner that I write because that is how I wish to write, and I will not change points in my narration simply because someone might disagree with my opinion.

Timeline Note: This takes place about a year after the end of season 4. It makes the assumption that Fujiwara Yusuke made special arrangements and returned to Duel Academy as a teaching assistant while he finally worked on completing his own education, and is staying at Ryou's apartment over summer break.

Well, there it was. Apartment 813, left side of the hallway, with a window that opened up to a nice balcony that, being in a reasonably non-polluted part of the city, made a nice place to sit and read when the weather was nice.

The green-haired young man knew this apartment well. …Well, not well as in that he was there all the time or anything, but he'd stayed there a few times, and he knew the person who lived there, so…

Taking a brief second to survey the luggage he had brought with him, Yusuke made sure that he had everything. He'd packed lightly, only bringing what he would need over break, not that he usually brought much of anything anywhere anyway if he didn't need to. And content that everything he thought he'd brought was, in fact, with him, he turned toward the door.

The nameplate to the side of the door read the kanji for Marufuji, which was certainly not a name unknown in the world. Especially the world of dueling – the Pro Leagues had seen the rise and fall of the Kaiser, followed by the rise of the Hell Kaiser, and very recently, the formation of a new circuit run by the Kaiser and his younger brother, who had inherited his deck. It was almost amazing that there wasn't so much as a single member of the press knocking at the door, demanding an interview. But then, they were all probably at Kaiba Corporation's recently-rebuilt world headquarters, getting quotes from the workers for the papers.

With a bit of a breath in, Yusuke knocked on the door.

After a few moments, the door opened in response. But it wasn't the expected blue-haired young man who was standing there, nor was it his younger brother – not that it would be, as he was visiting Manjoume Jun. Heck, it would have been more expected if Fubuki had pounced from the hall within – it certainly couldn't be put past him, anyway.

Instead, in the doorway stood a young woman, seemingly in her early 20s, with (probably dyed, judging by its unnatural – and not very pretty at that – shade) red hair tied back in a ponytail. She looked straight at Yusuke and asked, "Who are you?"

To be quite truthful, Yusuke had not been expecting that. He had been expecting someone he knew to answer the door, ask him to come in, and certainly not ask him who he was.

"I-I'm sorry," he replied after a moment of shock due to the stranger. "I-I'm Fujiwara Yusuke, and I was supposed to be coming over to stay with my friend, Marufuji Ryou… This is his apartment, after all, right?"

The girl thought for a moment before replying, "Fujiwara Yusuke… no, sorry, I can't say I recognize the name. Are you sure you're supposed to be –"

Yusuke was saved from having to talk further with the young woman when a familiar voice came from further inside the apartment. "Chika, let him in. He's a friend of mine; he's staying for a while."

The girl, evidently called Chika, looked toward the sound of the voice as though in mild shock, but after a moment surrendered. "Well, if Mr. Marufuji says you're okay, then I guess you can come in," she stated, although her tone suggested that she wasn't particularly thrilled with the decision. And as though to add to the tone further, after she had said that, she turned her back and went back into the room, without so much as a second glance.

A rather odd girl, to say the least, and Yusuke wondered just what she was doing here, but as he picked up his bags and made his own way into the apartment, he attempted to shrug it off.

And as soon as he had placed his belongings where he knew they were supposed to go for the moment, he stepped into the next room and was greeted by the sight of his blue-haired friend.

"It's good to see you," Ryou greeted in his usual manner. He had an air about him that implied that he had been through a lot in his life and probably could use a little rest from everything being thrown at him, even if he didn't accept said rest. But he certainly looked a lot better than he had the last time Yusuke had seen him – he had heard a few general things about Ryou's heart problems but had never prodded further, but the exercises and treatment that his doctor had prescribed when he had finally gone (read: when Fubuki and Sho had finally managed to actually nag him into actually going for a second opinion on the matter, and even then there were rumors of physical dragging being involved) seemed to be helping a lot. "Did you have a pleasant trip here?"

"Yes, I did," Yusuke replied in his own usual manner, though somewhat more confidently than he would with most other people. "And it's good to see you, as well."

A soft cough came from slightly back in the room, and out of simple reflex, both young men turned toward the sound. "Excuse me," the girl named Chika said, though her tone could have been taken either as an apology for her cough or as the beginning of a question. It was hard to tell.

Ryou addressed the girl in a formal manner, "Thank you for coming over today – your help is always appreciated. When can I expect that you'll visit next?"

"I'm free mid-week," the girl replied, instantly smiling upon having been recognized by the blue-haired young man. "Though, there's still plenty of time today – I can stay longer, if you need me to."

"Thank you for the offer," was his response, perhaps a split second too quick, "but if you don't mind, I have a guest who just arrived, and we'd like some privacy."

She almost appeared as though she were about to protest for a moment, but instead she responded, "All right then, Mr. Marufuji. I'll be back mid-week. See you later." And with that, she gave him the slightest of smiles before leaving the apartment, making sure that the door was closed behind her.

And as soon as the door was shut, Ryou sat down on the sofa with a bit of a groan. "It's Hell Kaiser," he muttered, his tone as exasperated as he tended to get.

"So… who was that?" Yusuke asked after a few moments of watching the door to make sure it remained closed.

Ryou sighed, rubbing his head a little as though to relieve a mild headache. "A girl who lives in another apartment on this floor – insists I call her by her given name of 'Chika'. She comes over to help with all of the paperwork I have to do sometimes, when Sho's away. I can't handle all of it, so I can't say she isn't helpful." He rolled his eyes a little. "However, she's also extremely possessive, and on more than one occasion has asked to pet my hair. 'Stress relief', she claims."

"To pet your hair?" That was an odd thing to hear, if anything was.

The response was a slight nod. "Not that it will ever happen, though – I've made it as clear as I can that I'll be brainwashed before the day comes that I let anyone do that."

Risking the smallest of teases, Yusuke replied, "I think you'd like it – it's really relaxing, or at least it was that time..." When the only reply he received was an unamused, silent look, he changed the subject. "So, um… is there anything you need to do this week that I can help with?"

"If it doesn't interfere with your own appointments," Ryou replied, "I do have an examination with my doctor at the end of the week. Just a routine check-up on things, nothing serious – mostly Fubuki insisting that I actually go and pestering me endlessly until I actually made the appointment. But I wouldn't mind if you came with me."

With a sheepish smile, Yusuke replied, "My only appointment this week is toward the middle – you know the one. I should be free to come with you to yours though."

Of course Ryou knew the one. For the last year, Yusuke had been going to private therapy sessions, to help him get completely over his mental instability that led to the incident involving Darkness. Among other things, it was supposed to be helping him finally get over the depression, anxiety and paranoia caused by his parents' deaths when he was little. And it seemed to be helping – the green-haired young man seemed significantly happier and more outgoing than he ever had been before, though he was still shy around those he didn't really know, which was understandable.

"That's good," Ryou replied. Then, in a move that might have been able to be interpreted as avoiding a difficult subject, though it was hard to tell, he continued, "Anyway, make yourself at home."

And with a cheerful smile, Yusuke replied, "I will. Thanks again, Ryou."

The next morning, Yusuke threw up.

"I warned you that my cooking is horrible," Ryou commented as his green-haired guest, embarrassed, exited the bathroom. He had only attempted to cook breakfast because Yusuke had asked him to, even though he knew that he had only enough cooking ability to microwave a can of soup, and then he had to keep a constant eye on it to make sure it didn't boil over – he certainly hadn't wanted to make Yusuke sick.

Yusuke shook his head. "It didn't taste bad at all, I don't think."

Had he been more of one to tease, Ryou would have wondered aloud here what Yusuke had been able to eat all those years if he thought that way. However, that was still a difficult topic for all parties involved, and he wasn't going to bring it up unless someone else did first. Instead, he replied, "You do realize that just because you're staying here doesn't mean you need to feel obligated to compliment me."

"I know," Yusuke replied with a smile. "And I'm not lying. My stomach is probably just being finicky today."

"Still," Ryou responded, "you should rest. If you're throwing up, that probably means that you've got some kind of illness, maybe from travelling. And Fubuki wouldn't be happy if he heard I let you get sick on my watch."

"I'm fine, really," Yusuke assured with a slight laugh, though he did take Ryou's advice and went to lie down on the sofa for a little while. His stomach did still hurt a little bit, after all, and he liked to think that he wasn't so masochistic (anymore) that he would purposefully deny himself rest if he needed it. Maybe the rest would make him feel better.

The morning after that, Yusuke threw up again.

"Are you sure you feel well enough to go to your appointment?" Ryou inquired about an hour afterwards as his green-haired guest insisted that he didn't need more rest, that he felt just fine despite having just thrown up the entire contents of his stomach.

Yusuke nodded as he sifted through his deck to make sure all of his cards were there – despite the majority of his monsters' connections to the nihility of Darkness, he still kept the deck with him at all times, perhaps out of the habit of a duelist, perhaps as a reminder of past mistakes, perhaps as a bit of both. "I'm fine, Ryou – I probably just ate too much. You don't have to worry. And besides, I have to give a day's advance notice if I want to cancel an appointment."

While this was true, and the last argument had its foundations in logic – after all, his inheritance, while large enough to allow him to survive comfortably until he had a steady career not related to his own education, was still small enough that he wouldn't want it to be wasted – Ryou was still concerned. "Fine enough to go alone? I won't let you go out if I can't be sure you'll come back all right." If it weren't for the fact that his own hands were tied behind piles of papers, he would have offered to go with him himself.

"It's okay," Yusuke responded with a smile as he pulled a single card from his deck. "I'll have Honest with me. He'll make sure I'm okay."

"You mean the spirit that lives inside your card, that I can't see?" was the frank response. It wasn't as though Ryou doubted the angel's existence. From the stories he'd heard from everyone else, he was certainly there. But the fact remained that only a select few people were capable of seeing spirits, and the blue-haired young man was not one of them.

Yusuke's expression visibly faltered. "You mean you don't trust me to be careful and make sure someone calls if anything happens?"

To directly imply that he would have reason not to would be to begin a discussion about their first year at Duel Academy, and Ryou still felt no reason to bring it up. So, instead, he responded, "If something happens, make sure someone does." Not an admission of defeat – simply a compromise that would allow both parties to avoid further argument.

"I will, don't worry," Yusuke replied, putting his deck away before heading toward the door. "I'll be back later."

"I'll see you then," was Ryou's response, and that would have been all.

Would have, except that there was someone waiting at the door as Yusuke opened it to leave. And that someone just happened to be unnaturally red-headed Chika.

"You're still here?" the girl asked, her expression as neutral as one can be except for the tiniest hint of what could possibly have been distaste. Of what, Yusuke couldn't be certain.

"Yes, he's my guest," Ryou explained, coming forward from further back in the room, in a tone that clearly stated that this should have been obvious.

And as soon as Ryou had spoken, in fact, Chika's entire expression changed into one of pacifism and (though somewhat bitter) acceptance. "Oh, Mr. Marufuji. Well, if he's your guest, then…"

"I'm sorry," Yusuke said politely, "but I have an appointment to get to. Ryou, I'll see you later."

And with that, the green-haired young man left down the hall, leaving the blue-haired young man to deal with the girl with hair of an unnaturally red hue.

"I wonder where he's off to," Chika asked, with a tone that suggested that perhaps she was less interested in that than just striking up a conversation with the other.

"His weekly appointment with his therapist," was Ryou's response, his tone one of detachment from the person he was talking to. It wasn't as though it was a secret, even if the reason behind his visits wasn't something to be talked about.

"Oh, I hope he's okay," was the response, though there was no feeling behind the statement. "But anyway, how about we get started on some more of that paperwork, Mr. Marufuji?"

There was no response – Ryou simply turned back into the room and walked back, motioning for the girl to follow him.

The next morning, for the third morning in a row, Yusuke threw up.

"It's probably just a stomach virus, Ryou," Yusuke excused with his hands raised in the air. "I'll be fine in a few days, don't worry."

"You're not feverish," was Ryou's reply. "There's something wrong, if it's happening three days in a row." And it couldn't entirely be blamed on Ryou's cooking anymore, either – they'd ordered takeout for every meal since the first breakfast.

The phone began to ring as Yusuke responded, "You worry too much about my health, and not enough about your own, Ryou…"

Not bothering to argue the point, Ryou answered the phone, "Marufuji residence."

"Hey, Ryou!" came a very recognizable voice from the other end.

"Hello, Fubuki," Ryou replied. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your calling?"

"Hey, can't a friend check in on one of his best friends every once in a while? Besides, I'm leaving for a big tournament tomorrow, and I'm not sure if there'll be another chance for us to talk beforehand. Can't not give you the opportunity to wish me luck, right?"

Yup, that was Fubuki, all right. Ever since he's graduated, he'd been thriving in his career as a showman duelist – even if he didn't win every duel (though he did most of the time), he managed to make even his losses so spectacular that everyone seemed to love him anyway. Maybe it was his natural enthusiasm, and his attitude toward life in general, that allowed him to not get swept up in his losses.

And Ryou didn't envy him at all – the thought to do so never even crossed his mind. Friends or not, they were two different people, and Ryou wouldn't be who he was today if he hadn't gone down the path he had gone down.

"I'm sure you'll do fine," was Ryou's response. "I'll try to catch it on TV, even though it probably won't be the same as it would have been in person."

"Well, though I would have loved for you to have come," Fubuki replied, "you haven't forgotten what you have to do tomorrow, right?"

Ryou rolled his eyes. Of course this call wasn't just a friendly one – it was also a reminder of that appointment. "Of course I haven't forgotten. Though, there's been one change of plans."

"Oh?"

And with that, bluish-green eyes met lavender as Ryou replied calmly, "Yusuke's coming with me, and he's getting checked too."

And though he still didn't really think it necessary, Yusuke didn't argue.

Of course, if Ryou and Yusuke had thought that they were in private during that conversation, they were quite wrong. Because Chika had been listening in, her ear pressed against the Marufuji apartment's front door, and now she returned to her own apartment, having heard the entire conversation.

"Fujiwara Yusuke," she muttered as she sat down at her own cluttered desk, littered with newspaper clippings and magazine articles featuring the Hell Kaiser. "Mr. Marufuji's 'guest', who comes during school vacations. The last time would have been spring break, about two months ago."

She tapped a pencil against the hard surface in a steady rhythm. "He goes to a therapist once a week, and he's thrown up every morning ever since he got here…"

She pondered… and pondered…

…and suddenly a light bulb flashed. It all made sense! The therapist visits were obviously to control his mood swings, the throwing up was due to morning sickness, and…

"That Fujiwara Yusuke person is pregnant, and it's with Mr. Marufuji's child!"

The very thought of it sickened her, of course. How could such a low-life with such an unnatural green hue to his hair, who she'd never even heard of, charm her precious Marufuji Ryou into such a dreadful thing? And outside of marriage!

But still… if it was Mr. Marufuji, then his decision, much as she hated to admit it, was the one that mattered here. And if he cared for someone else more than he cared for her…

Well then, she would just have to show him the extent of her own affections. And what better way than by helping to greet the new baby? So what if it was early in the pregnancy!

The next morning, Yusuke threw up again; however, it would likely be the last time for a while, as the trip to the doctor (which was significantly longer than Ryou's appointments usually went, but it was a slow day at the office) had given them an answer. After several tests, of course, and about half an hour's worth of explaining the treatment that had been prescribed, but still.

"I can't believe I have a stomach ulcer, of all things," Yusuke muttered as they walked down the hallway to return to Ryou's apartment.

Ryou said nothing in response to that, though Yusuke didn't feel as though he would have needed to anyway. Instead, he pulled out the key to his apartment once they got to it, and as he unlocked the door, he stated, "You should rest on the sofa for a…"

He didn't finish that sentence, however, as he opened the door and found something that even left his own jaw dropping with speechlessness.

There was what appeared to be a large cradle in the middle of the hallway, filled to the brim with packages of diapers, baby powder, small toys, and other things that one would need in order to properly raise a very young child in this day and age. A banner also hung above it, congratulating Ryou on the seemingly aforementioned baby.

And the culprit behind all of this was standing behind it with a large smile (akin to those that Fubuki had occasionally worn, except without any innate cleverness behind it at all), her unusual red hair almost seeming to glow like a brilliant fire.

"Surprise!" Chika said with enthusiasm. "I know it's early in the pregnancy, but when I figured it out, I felt that it was my duty to help you out in whatever way I could."

"Pregnancy?" Yusuke wondered, but Ryou's question was more direct, and with one of the more furious tones that one could ever coax out of him.

"What are you doing?"

She walked toward him, changing her expression to be one of admiration for the blue-haired young man. "Oh, Mr. Marufuji, I know it must have been horrible, to have him force you into that, but…"

"Force into what? What are you talking about?" Yusuke asked, quite honestly very confused.

Ryou, however, was not to be swayed. "You come into my apartment, uninvited, while I'm away, and put all of this together… why?" The final word was said with a tone that would have given even the most seasoned competitor in the underground circuits a chill in their spine.

Somehow, however, its effect was lost on Chika. "Because if he's pregnant, we have to celebrate a new birth coming into the world!"

And with that, what the strange redhead was talking about clicked into place in Yusuke's mind, and his next words were in a tone that was like someone who was rather freaked out. "You mean to tell me that you think that he got me pregnant?"

A nod.

"When both of us are male?"

"I've read stories about it online! It's possible!"

"How would that work?!?"

A shrug. "Don't ask me – I didn't do well in biology."

Yusuke then hid his eyes behind his bangs, and his voice turned cold and livid. "You dare to think that Ryou would do such a thing… that such a thing would be possible… If you honestly believe that that's possible, then I wonder… what's your hidden darkness li –"

"Yusuke."

A single hand on his shoulder and a disapproving look from Ryou that clearly stated 'you would throw all of your hard work away?' were all that were needed to calm Yusuke down sufficiently. After a pause, he quietly apologized, "You're right, Ryou. I… she's not worth it."

"Come on," Ryou said with a nod. "You need to rest." And without addressing Chika again, the two of them pushed past her into the room.

"Wait!" she exclaimed. "Aren't you thankful for what I'm trying to do for you?"

A brief moment passed where the two young men disappeared from sight, into the living room. But then, Ryou emerged once again, to remove the distasteful baby objects from his hallway.

As soon as they were out of there, he confronted the girl. "Thank you for your help these past few weeks. I doubt I'll need it again – if I do, I will call you. And if you come over uninvited again, I will call Security on you." There was quite the reliable new officer who had been put in charge of the floor as a test, after all – he was likely to be promoted to the actual police force within the next few months, if all went well, but Ryou rather liked Ushio, the time he came to introduce himself. A man who knew how to respect, but also knew when that respect wasn't necessary.

"But, Mr. Marufuji…"

"Hell Kaiser," was the response, and the door shut in the girl's face.

She banged at it desperately, willing it to open. "Wait! Mr. Marufuji! You've got to open up! We're supposed to have a secret crush on each other, right? I mean, I was the top girl in your class!"

"I already tried that," came a voice from behind her. "He already knows that you weren't in his class – you didn't recognize Master."

She turned around, and was confused to see a mirror image of the very green-haired young man who was her blue-haired idol's guest. To understate it, he didn't look too happy. "What are you talking about?"

The doppelganger's tone was cold. "You would dare to insult Master, calling him pregnant when he's clearly a man, saying that he was the one who forced it upon someone else, attempting to ruin his name and his bond with his friend?"

"Who are you?" Now Chika was getting somewhat nervous.

"That hardly matters," the young man replied. He got a small twinkle in his eye as he continued, "In fact, I don't think you know who you are, yourself."

"Wh-What do you mean?" This was getting creepy…

The young man's eyes began to glow red. "Don't you remember? You're not a human – you've just been forced to think that you are. You're really… a chinchilla."

"A… chinchilla?"

A smirk, and a tone that was mysterious and full of contempt and satisfaction at the same time. "Yes, that's right."

And that was the last thing she understood before her world turned in on itself.

No one ever heard from Chika again. The news, one afternoon, ran a short story covering a car that had run over a girl in the street. The girl was described as completely insane, with ragged, unnatural red hair, and had apparently been acting as though she were some kind of small, four-legged mammal; she had attempted to run across the street, and the car didn't notice.

Yusuke shot a glare at Honest over his shoulder that evening as he took his antacids, but the angel only gave a look of innocence on the matter.

And with that, things returned to normal. Or at least, as normal as things got for anyone who had ever attended Duel Academy.

Author's Notes: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary defines the term 'pasquinade' in two ways: if used as a noun, it is "a lampoon or satirical writing," while if it is instead a verb, it means "to lampoon, to satirize".

Chika is, in fact, a real Japanese name. See Daimon Chika from Digimon Savers if you don't believe me. The difference here is, while Daimon Chika's name is spelled with the kanji for "know" and the kanji for "fragrance" (the latter of which, incidentally, is also in the spelling of Tenjoin Asuka's name), this Chika is spelled with the kanji for "know" and the kanji for "what". Unless that combination of kanji doesn't actually make a name, in which case please correct me.

And in case you haven't realized it yet, this has been a satire on the topic of male pregnancy in fanfiction, original characters inserting themselves into the casts, and pairing canon characters with original characters in an out of character manner. My initial intention was only to cover the first one, but it spiraled outward.

The next time I upload a fanfic will, unless plans change, be my project for National Novel Writing Month, under the current working title of "For Good". It is an alternate universe story involving Fujiwara Yusuke (you can tell what my current topic-of-choice is, probably). Expect the first chapter sometime in early December.

Happy Halloween to you all.