Disclaimer: I own nothing here except the plot.

Notes: Please could you R&R? Or check out one of my other fan fictions? Also here Bellatrix and Sirius are roughly the same age- in the books she is ten years his senior, but that little fact will come in handy later on.

Enjoy! xxxx

The Twisted Diaries of an Azkaban Escapee

Part One

Thursday 8th November 1981

So here I am. In Azkaban.

I can't say I wasn't expecting it.

The trial was this morning, all four of us convicted in one trial- Rabastan, Rodolphus, little Barty Crouch Jr. and I.

Poor little Barty, he's so young. As old as my cousin Regulus was when he got himself killed. But that's not the only reason I feel sorry for Barty… his father runs the court. He hates Death Eaters, his father does. It must have been a shock to find out his son was one, and it was. Crouch Sr. denied even having a son in the courtroom. Poor, poor little Barty.

I kept my dignity as I walked into the courtroom, holding my head high as I was taught to do. Barty was in tears from the beginning, and Rabastan succumbed to them soon after. I could feel my husband, Rodolphus, shaking, but he didn't cry. As for me, I would never dream of crying.

I remember the trial so clearly. The phrase 'as if it were yesterday' comes to mind, but seeing as it really was yesterday it doesn't really fit. Only yesterday? The hours are so drawn out in my little cell I feel as if my sentence should be over soon.

Not bloody likely. I've got twenty years in this dungheap.

Anyway, the trial… We waited in the small bleak room while Igor Karkaroff held his trial, (the filthy scumbag probably sold about twenty others out to save his own worthless skin…). My husband and his little brother Rabastan were talking quietly in one corner, and Barty was crying in another, but trying not to show it. I walked over to Barty, as well as I could while chained to the wall. Id never been one for comforting people, but I gave him a hug anyway.

"What do we do, Bella?" he asked.

"We go in there and let the people know that we're proud of doing what we did, of fighting for the right cause." I answered, trying to sound strong. There was something inside of me, not fear, but some kind of nagging in my stomach of… dread?

"But, Bella…" Barty sobbed out. "We'll be arrested… Azkaban… Dementors… we could die…"

"I know. But we won't, we'll stay strong. And one day, the Dark Lord will rescue us."

He nodded. I could tell what he was thinking; the Dark Lord had disappeared nine days ago. Some people say little Harry Potter killed him, but they're idiots. The Dark Lord cannot be killed; he is invincible.

I took Barty's clammy hand and squeezed it encouragingly. Bloody hell, I was being nice. Very un- me- ish…

I remember being yanked by the chain around my waist away from Barty, by some filthy Azkaban guard, (human, not a Dementor.). I fell, sprawling on the ground. In an instant, Rodolphus was at my side, helping me up. Once I was on my feet again, he turned to face the guard, but I held him back. The guard laughed, showing blackened teeth, spraying spit everywhere.

"Good move." He wheezed at me. "Pretty girl you are, ay? I could 'elp you out, make yer stay more…" He moved closer. "…Comfortable."

Eww, that was disgusting. I could not believe it. I badly wanted to seize his scrawny neck and make him pay dearly, but I forced myself to keep my dignity.

Wiping his spit of my face with a forced calm, I gave him my iciest glare. My husband lunged at him, pining him by the throat to the grey wall. Immediately, two Dementors grabbed his shoulders and threw him back.

They chained us to Dementors, and we were escorted in.

Crouch Sr.'s eyes raked our faces, lingering for a fraction of a second on his son, with disgust. I gave him my most degrading stare right back.

We sat in the chairs, and chains sprung up around us, painfully tight. I looked around the courtroom, seeing who would witness this. There was Dumbledore, with the Auror Moody sitting behind him, some woman crying into her handkerchief, 'Madam' Bones, loads of other idiots, and my prick of a brother- in- law, Lucius Malfoy. He met my gaze and smirked.

Bastard. How could Cissy stand him? I hated him. Eww.

Anyway. Passing over my sister's terrible taste in men…

I found the trial overly boring. I had always hated long discussions, even when they were about me.

Crouch Sr. went on about all the terrible things we'd done. It was rather long.

To say the least…

Eventually Crouch asked the court the famous question, 'Guilty or not guilty?' which I thought was rather stupid as we'd happily admitted to doing all those things. The entire court raised their hands. (Yes, even Lucius. Note to self; spend Azkaban sentence thinking of twisted ways to make brother- in- law suffer long and painful death. Moo ha ha.)

At this point Barty cracked.

"FATHER!" He screamed, and started begging his father to spare him. If I wasn't a heartless murderess I would feel quite sorry for him.

Crouch yelled back that he didn't have a son. The woman who had been crying next to him fainted. Which is rather harsh. Though I can't talk…

Yet again, the Dementors came, and we started our journey from London to Azkaban…

…In the North Sea. Joy.

So here I am. Sitting in a little boat in the freezing North Sea trying to write. It doesn't help that my hands are tied behind my back, either.

Friday 9th November 1981

I hate this.

Not only am I stuck in Azkaban for twenty years, where there are no showers, but guess who is in the cell next to me?

My cousin. Sirius Black.

And, believe me, there is NO 'Cousinly Love' between us, none whatsoever.

Actually, our relationship could be classed as 'Cousinly Hate'… the fact that I have tried to murder him on several occasions since my sixteenth birthday may partly account for that, along with the whole Slytherin- Gryffindor thing.

And the fact that he beheaded my teddy bear when I was five.

What? A traumatised childhood can affect you badly in later life. Science- proven fact.

Stop looking at me like that. Or I may be forced to Crucio you.

Oh, God. I'm talking to a sheet of parchment. I've been in here one day and I've already gone mad. Bloody hell.

Anyway, I am stuck in a cell for twenty years next to my cousin- the cousin who I passionately hate. The other cousin's dead.

Oh, Merlin's pants. Now, Mr Sirius- I'm - a- big- headed- loser- Black has decided to try and engage me in a conversation. And there is a hole in the wall between our cells. So now I can see him and hear him. Joy.

But I will keep my dignity and ignore him.

"Bella… Bells… Oi! Lestrange! Bellatrix! Are you bloody deaf?" Ok. He is officially the world's most annoying cousin. I will write down the conversation to prove it to you.

"What?" That was moi.

"Nice to see you again."

"Fuck off."

"Really. Language. Anyway, Bells, how are you?"

"Fine until you came."

"You're such a nice person, aren't you?" I didn't answer, so he took that as an invitation to carry on. "What're you writing?"

"A list of people I want to kill." I snapped. I am quite good at snapping. And glaring. But that answer was a lie, I was actually writing this diary thingy.

"Who's on it?" Does he not know when to stop? Probably not…

"You are."

"Cool." Twenty years…

I have now decided that Sirius should die a slow and torturous death along with Lucius.

If he doesn't kill me first with his annoying grin.

Prat.

I'm trying to ignore him.

I can feel him watching me.

Watching me and… grinning.

The phrase 'Die, Sirius, die' comes to mind.

It's just occurred to me that Sirius is locked up, too. What had he done?

Be right back.

I just went and asked him what he was charged with. The conversation went something like this,

Me: "Why are you in here?"

Him: "Murder."

Me: laughs a lot at this. "No, seriously."

Him: "Murder."

Me: Speechless for a while. "W- wait… YOU murdered someone?"

Him: "No."

Me: "Stop confusing me. Did you or did you not murder someone?"

Him: "No. I didn't."

At this point I was very confused so I didn't say anything.

Him: Sigh. "Basically, I didn't murder anyone but they think I did."

Me: "Oh. I knew you didn't have the guts to murder someone."

That was meant to be a blow at his ego, but i think it cheered him up. Which is quite odd. This can only mean one thing… I'm loosing my touch. Shit. One day and I have lost my ability to offend people.

What will I be like after twenty years?

Shudder.

Oh dear.

Monday 12th November 1981

I hate keeping secrets. Which sucks, as I am now the only person within fifty miles who knows about a secret as dramatically life- changing as the discovery of the Wolfsbane potion.

It is more important than the secret my other sister Andromeda told me about her little crush on Professor Herman (the old Hogwarts Arithmancy teacher) when she was fourteen.

It is more important than my dead cousin Regulus' secret that he broke Walburga's goblin- made million- galleon diamond necklace. He was six but I loved holding it above his head for the next decade or so. I'm plain evil like that.

It is more important than the time I… Ok, no it's not. No one must ever find out about that.

I will tell you the secret as you are an inanimate sheet of parchment and the only other person is Sirius. Oh, God…

Anyway, what happened is I saw Crouch Sr. and his wife (the crying woman from the trial) walking along to presumably see their son. About half an hour later they came back, Crouch now carrying his wife. Oddly, there were no guards, human or Dementor, outside my cell, so Crouch's 'wife' leapt out of his arms and looked through the bars at me. I was very confused; atleast until she spoke, and I heard Barty's voice.

"Bella," he said, "Bella, it's me. It's Barty. I'm getting out of here. I'll come back for you. You must promise, don't tell anyone about this. Promise?"

Speechless, I nodded. Barty grinned and kissed me quickly on the lips, before running away.

I think I am mentally scarred, because when Barty kissed me he looked like his mother. Does that make me a lesbian?

Shit. Bad images. Nooo! Get them out! Bad thoughts!

Now Sirius is asking me why I am smacking myself on the forehead. I will go to Hell before I tell him.

And how the hell does Barty expect me to keep a secret that bloody big? EVERYONE knows my tendency to humiliate people who are stupid enough to confide in me.

Oh, bugger. Now the Dementors come.

I really hate Dementors. On the list of things of things I hate, they are definitely in the Top Ten, probably somewhere under Andromeda, Sirius, Lucius Malfoy and Banoffee Pie. (Banana and toffee… who would put them together? Eww. I had the misfortune to come across a Banoffee Pie flavoured Every Flavour Bean once. Double eww!)

Sirius is, yet again, being annoying. He seems intent on preventing me from pouring (what's left of) my heart in to this diary- thing.

Classic Sirius.

Oh, holy crap. He is now throwing little bits of concrete that have broken off from the hole in the wall at me. They don't hurt; they're about the size of my little fingernail. The size of his brain, in fact…

God, I hate him… Right. I can't take this anymore.

Sorry about that. I have an extremely short temper and I just needed to punch my cousin on the nose. Random urge… It hurt him, a lot. Despite the fact that he over exaggerates and milks everything for all that it's worth, I can tell. Moo ha ha.

Back onto the Barty business… how long will it take for him to 'come back for me'? I doubt he will, to be honest. With his father, I doubt he'll see sunlight more than once a year.

I wonder if there's any chance of my parents breaking me out of Azkaban? Hmmm…

Nope. No chance whatsoever.

Wow... that was five pages on word!

Please could you R&R?

Next chapter up soonish. I hope. The more reviews I get the faster it will be... (That's a subtle hint...) lol :D

Love you xxxx