Bolder

by rainxface

Set after Angel, Max is having a hard time coping with Fang missing and Dylan trying to fill in. One-shot, songfic Landslide . Rated for mild swearing.

Bolder

By rainxface

I just reread the ending of Angel for the first time in probably a year. Nearly started crying again and also wanted to punch something. Really badly. ANWAY! I came up with idea because this is my current running-this-song-until-it's-way-too-over-played song of the month.

Disclaimer: JP still owns MR, Stevie Nicks/Fleetwood Mac for the song ("Landslide"), and everything else is me!

He was gone.

He had just left; it was no big deal to him. No emotions guy. That's how it always was. And as always, I'm the one left in the rubble of his disasters that he thinks he can just leave whenever he wants. Because I've always cleaned up his messes.

I poked the dying fire with a long stick. We weren't running – back at Mom's with a nice fire pit out in the large back woods. It was only early in the evening, but the twilight was still glazing everything a bit darker than normal. Neither Mom nor Jeb had yet to return. Ella didn't even know we were back.

And he was still gone.

Dylan came and sat by my side. Slowly, he tried to reach for my hand.

I didn't give it to him.

After a deep sigh I heard, "You can let him take over you like this."

I'm not letting him take me over. If I was I probably wouldn't even be out in the open. I probably would have locked myself up in my room blaring some First Aid Kit or Benders. This is me not letting him take over, I wanted to say.

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Till the landslide brought me down

No one bothered me much those first weeks.

However, Dylan began following me everywhere I went. He waited for me outside the bathroom that was how puppy dog he was for me. It was the exact opposite of what I wanted: I needed time to myself, although I didn't doubt that he would have loved having Dylan show so much love for me.

At dinner Dylan always tried to catch my hand under the table. Eventually I got so frustrated I began eating without my manners and never put down my knife.

"Max, we need to talk," Dylan caught me when I left the bathroom one morning. "I'm worried."

Dylan led me to his and Iggy's room, sitting me on the edge with him sitting criss-cross on his pillow. The carpet in that room was somehow different than that in my room. It was almost paler, maybe even a bit more woodrose in it. On my bare feet, it was also softer. Why do the boys get better carpet? I wondered, keeping my brain away from Dylan. Only when Dylan tried to brush back my hair did I finally look at him.

"Max, sweetie," Dylan cooed. "It's been over a week already. Why can't you talk to me about it?"

It. Not even him. At least I have the generosity of making him seem human, even if his motives feel too cynical for human abilities. Can't Dylan?

I grunted.

"Max," Dylan exasperatedly sighed. "Please just talk to me. I need to understand."

I gasped. "Need?" I asked severely. "You need to understand? Why do you need to understand?" I was crawling over the bed on my hands and knees, getting closer and closer to Dylan with each word.

"I – uh, I – I'm sorry, but I don't understand," Dylan stuttered. Dylan was nearly laying down on his back, his eyes looking straight up, fear beginning to grow.

"What don't you understand? What you don't understand? Or that you're just a boy hoping to be a fill in who doesn't understand why I am wallowing in abandonment?" Some things people can't help. I can't help yelling at people who are trembling in fear under my raging body.

Dylan sputtered to get his answer out. "I.. I – uh, I – I don't – don't understand – uh…"

"Don't understand what?" I growled.

Sweat was forming across his manicured brow, his cheeks growing pinker with each breath. "Don't under- understand you!" Dylan yelled.

I eased up off of him. "You're shitting me, right?"

Dylan sat up, obviously happy that I was no longer a big threat to him. Dylan was still fumbling for words though. "Uh, um, I uh, um, that's – that's right."

I turned back to the edge of the bed, comparing carpets again.

"You're not turning away from me." It was stern, unfriendly. "I told you what I didn't under-fucking-stand. Now why can't you explain anything to me?" Where had this come from Dylan, all this hate?

Dylan stepped off the bed. It only took him one step to stand in front of me. Finger pointed out, Dylan said, "I work my ass off to try to help you in case anything ever happens. I'm willing to risk my life for you. I want to protect you every damn day because I don't want to lose you, yet you just sit around, head in the rain clouds. Wouldn't it be just a little fair to tell me what your head is doing there in the first place?"

"Stop yelling!" I yelled, head raised. "I'm allowed in those rain clouds. At least I don't fucking leave you after I tell you I'll always be here. Because I know I won't always be here for you. I have human decencies, unlike some birdbrain I thought I once knew!"

"I don't always need you to be here!" Dylan roared back. "I'm not dependent on one person and that sole person only! I'm not some idiot that lets the world crush me when just one person says good bye!"

"You don't even know what it's like to have friends for very long! You were just grafted up one day!" I spat, standing up and pointing my finger at Dylan's chest.

"Oh, and you weren't?" Dylan scoffed. "At least I don't have delusions of being capable of running kids out of harm's way only to lead them directly into traps, time after time!"

I stood taller, wings starting to stretch out. "I'm only an elected official! I–"

"Elected? I sure as hell didn't vote on this! But you know who did? That slime of a human being-" Dylan matched my height, and then some, wings also outstretched "-who you still claim your love for even after all the heart break he supposedly gives you! Why can't you see that I was the one who was made for you?"

I didn't let myself cower in Dylan's shadow. I grew taller than him, my wings beating perfectly in rhythm much unlike my heart. "You can't make someone to be a lover. That's what is wrong with you guys! Oh, let's make Max a lover although she already has one. That isn't how it works. Were you there the time I nearly drove myself mad from a voice in my head? Were you there when they took Angel the first time? Were you there when my brother died twice? Did you even know I had a little brother?"

My face was red; I couldn't stop all the trembling throughout my body. The world was shaking.

And Dylan could only sputter syllables.

After Dylan became quiet for a minute or two, I lowered myself and left the room, slamming the door in the process.

Oh mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

I sat in my room long into the night. Nudge came in around eleven and was out pretty soon after. I felt bad about the light still being on, but I was afraid that if I turned out the light, I would only see his face in front of me.

Dylan was made to be my lover.

He chose to be my lover. He also chose to leave me in pain, no word of where he might be next.

Maybe I could find where he might go next, I thought hopelessly. Maybe if I showed I cared for him he would love me again. The way he used to.

I checked the clock: one a.m.

I took the laptop off the side table and turned it on. Thoughts started racing through my mind – where he might be, what he could be doing – and most importantly of all: what would he think if he saw me coast into his group after he told Dylan to take care of me.

And he has her with him, not that she within herself was bad. It's only when I see those two together that she becomes evil. It's like watching old home movies of how the two of us used to be, but we're growing older. And I'll never know what it really is like to grow old with him.

Although it yielded the same results as anticipated every day, I checked my email for anything – anything – from him. Then I checked the blog; the last update was too old to have any consideration. In desperation, I googled "Stop the Doomsday Group". The first result was of course the blog. The several after it were promotions of the organization. The rest were all political messages, calling the budget a doomsday within itself. Some help that was.

I was ready to turn the whole thing off. The computer, the light, my life. I inhaled and closed my eyes, resting my head against the cold mahogany head board of the bed. Exhaling slowly, I lifted my head off the board.

"Max?"

My eyes snapped open, all my alertness was on high.

"Max?" Nudge repeated.

"Oh," I sighed. "It's just you." I closed the laptop and focused on her. "What's up, sweetie?"

Nudge kicked her shoe across the carpet a couple of times before answering, her eyes still low. "I think I know where he is."

"What?" I nearly yelled. How could she know where he was and not tell me? Why wouldn't she have told me? Is that why Dylan was freaked out about me earlier that day? "Nudge! How long have you known?"

Her discomfort was becoming more and more announced as time wore on. "He kind of wrote to me."

Wrote? How could he have written to her? We don't get the mail anymore. I asked this to Nudge.

"Postage isn't needed when you can drop it in someone's mail box," she answered in a very Angel-esque way.

Given the time, it took me awhile to understand what she said exactly.

"He's close to us?" I screamed, my heart being tugged on by love and frustration simultaneously.

Well I've been afraid of changing 'cause I
Built my life around you.
But time makes you bolder
Children get older and I'm getting older too

I took to the skies that moment. I packed a small backpack and was airborne in less than five minutes. Knowing how he works, he probably was in either a foreclosed home or a hotel. Being low on money (most likely), I started looking at the empty houses.

With as badly as the recession had hit this area, there were more than plenty of houses to explore, even live in because the police had too many to look over.

I began in the neighborhood that had been hit the most, a few miles south of our house. Almost every other house had a foreclosed sign staked out front. Those houses that weren't foreclosed had owners that looked like they were barely hanging on to their houses.

It was a breeding ground for kids like him.

I descended and climbed into the first house. It was dark, as to be expected at two-thirty in the morning. There weren't any sounds of any small animals running around. A lot of the valuables had been stolen already.

I cautiously walked throughout the house, looking in every closet and pantry in case he had hidden himself. Room after room, however, had turned out to be nothing more than a let down. Disappointed, I left that house on the search for the next house.

House after house I had the same let downs, the same scenarios as the first. I had finished almost half the neighborhood by day break. The sun only meant I would have to work faster, stealthier so no one would call the cops on me.

I finished the whole neighborhood in less than two hours. I didn't even bump heads into squatters or wild life seeking refuge.

Tired and in dire need of sleep, I began to fly back home.

Half a mile out from our house something caught my eye, though. It wasn't shiny, as most people seem to think all eye catching things must be. It wasn't even that stand out-ish. I just knew that I should land there.

The front yard had the same foreclosure stakes as all other houses I had seen that morning. With a clouded mind, I opened the door. There was no noise, no smell of anything in the house. Not even mold. I walked farther into the house, opening all doors as I walked along. One of the bathrooms I passed, I took a look in the mirror and almost gasped in horror of my tired body. Those rings under my eyes were the biggest I had had in a long time.

I exited the bathroom and reached for the next door's knob. As soon as a little crack was formed at the edge of the door frame, I smelt the musty smell I thought I would never smell again, and all my emotions went above and beyond their normal levels.

I called his name into the room, continuing to open the door wider and wider. There was no response. I entered, still calling his name, my hope fading quickly. The room was empty. Not even furniture for me to look behind or beneath.

I left and almost didn't have enough faith to open the last door. I swung the door open quickly and only did a visual check, too tired to look far into the room. I closed the door and walked back to the front of the house. As I was leaving, I heard him. He called my name.

I turned around, and there he was. Emerging from that last door, he was there. Physically there.

Fang began walking towards me, his eyes wide and mouth agape. "I didn't think you would ever find me. It's been two weeks."

"I didn't know you were here," I choked out. "I didn't think you wanted me to come find you." Fang stood in front of me, eyes locking into mine.

Emotions inevitably flooded me: hate, anger, love, exhaustion, uncertainty. There wasn't much that I could think to do.

With all the force I could muster at such low levels of sleep, I punched him in the arm.

"Max, you need sleep," Fang stated, grabbing me around the waist and trying to pull me up into his arms.

"I'm fine!" I protested. "I don't need any sleep! I'm perfect!" I couldn't help myself, though. I let my eyes close on me. Sleep was just so inviting.

I woke up on a small bed, the evening sun barely still in the far outreaches of the western deserts. A small, thin blanket was resting gently upon my body. To my left, a night stand stood on three legs with a glass of water on top. To the right, Fang sat on the ground with a pocket knife and small tree branch in hand, whittling away.

I rubbed my eyes to wake myself up a little better. I turned to face Fang. He immediately stopped all that he was doing and sat down on the bed next to me.

"I may owe you an explanation, huh?"

I've been afraid of changing 'cause I
I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
and I'm getting older too
I'm getting older too

"You told Max?" Dylan was screaming back at the house.

"I saw how much pain she was going through. I couldn't let her sit there forever in her own pain!" Nudge tried to reason. She was crouching in the corner of her room, her arms in defense over her face.

"Do you know what this means for me? For all of us? She's going to leave us. Then who will be left to run us? I sure as hell can't! What was going through your mind when you did this?"

Tears streaked down Nudge's child-like cheeks. She had never seen Dylan this vicious before – never known he could be this vicious. She couldn't even stand up to fight her grounds.

"What is wrong with you?" Dylan continued. "Do you only think of her? Why can't you think of the rest of us? Stop thinking the world is all about Max. It clearly isn't." Dylan raised his hand above his head, open palm, ready to strike.

Iggy burst into the room, Gazzy in tail. Dylan instantly dropped his hand. "What's all this ruckus?" Iggy yelled.

Gazzy exclaimed, "Dylan! What are you doing to Nudge?" He ran over to her and helped pick her up. Dylan backed up from the corner took one swift look at everyone in the room and left, giving Iggy a shoulder as he did.

Iggy joined Gazzy and Nudge on the bed, holding her in his arms for her to cry. "It's alright, cupcake. It's okay."

Gazzy couldn't keep himself quiet. "What was he yelling at you for?"

In between sobs, Nudge muttered, "Max and Fang."

"You told him?" asked Iggy.

"I thought he told us in the first place," said Gazzy. "Why would he be mad for that?"

"I told Max," Nudge confessed. "And now she's looking for him. That's why she's gone."

Iggy pulled Nudge tighter into his chest. "It will be okay. How long has she been gone?"

"She left in the early morning."

"She'll be fine. She's always fine," Iggy said, running his hands over her mane of hair.

---

"I was wrong. I should never have left you; I apologize," Fang finished a half hour later. I drank all the water from the side table, staying quiet while Fang spoke the whole time. It was a lot to take in at one time.

Fang looked at me desperately, his fingers twitching next to mine. "Maya was nice – for awhile – until I realized she wasn't you. She took the Gen 77 kids to lead on her own. At least she still had the same leadership skills."

I stared out the window. The trees were peaceful outside. The sun had finished its last rays in the deep west. All the things Fang said were still echoing through my head: searching for DG headquarters, finding more Gen 77 kids. All the things I should have been doing instead of crawling into dark spaces to cry about Fang.

"Being away from you made me realize how stupid I can be, and how much I need someone to always have my back." Fang grabbed for my hand. I was frozen staring at this gesture. His fingers were gripping into mine, but from the recent circumstances, I didn't find it right to reciprocate the action.

"Max?" he cooed ever so sweetly. He shifted himself closer to me. Saying my name quieter and extended. He brushed a bit of hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering on my cheek bone a few seconds longer than normal. I felt my cheeks flush; I bit my lip and kept my head out of the window.

"I can't – I'm sorry. This was a huge mistake," I said. I stood up from the bed and was ready to sling my backpack over my shoulder when I realized it wasn't there. "I need to go – I'm sorry. Where's my pack?"

Fang stood up next to me and grabbed my hand again. "Max, it's alright. You can stay here for as long as you need. I'm here for you now." His hand cupped my face, and he leaned in to kiss me.

I distracted enough from my missing pack to realize this in time. He caught me perfectly on the lips, his other hand now on my waist. It was a kiss much like the times we had kissed before everything became so confused. It was nice until I realized what was going on.

I quickly broke away and took a couple steps away from Fang. "I can't do this. Not again. You're not good for me."

"Max, you wouldn't have come if we weren't sure about being here with me," he said with all confidence. "You did look for me. You didn't want to let go."

Fang was back close to me. His breath was falling down my neck, chilling me to the bone. He leaned in again, but I dodged it.

"No, I need to go. If not for myself, then for Dylan. The one who I'm actually with right now. Dylan won't abandon me like you did." The last words stung me as they left my mouth. I didn't feel right saying them out loud, but I knew it would help him understand.

The poison had shown through his eyes. Saying that was the worst thing I could have said at that moment. And I had said it.

Yet he wasn't backing down.

"Let me come back with you; I want to show that I can still find my way back home."

So, take this love, take it down.
Oh, if you climb a mountain and you turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down, down

"Max! You're back!" Dylan ran out of the house, arms out stretched as if I could easily land in such a position. Fang landed close behind me, but not hidden enough from Dylan.

"Him? You brought back him?" Dylan asked almost incredulously. "I hadn't expected to see him ever again. I thought he said he was out of here!"

"Sometimes I need time to myself," Fang said aggressively, his stance becoming a bit defensive. "That doesn't mean that I'll be gone forever." Turning to me, he added, "Get in the house before anything happens."

I was shocked. I knew he and Dylan wouldn't get along but not like this. "No," I replied. "I need to be here for this." I don't want anyone dying today.

"Suit yourself," Dylan grunted, also taking a defensive stance.

"I went looking for him," I called to Dylan. "There isn't anything wrong with wanting to cure a curious mind."

"There is when you know it has led you to depression times before."

Fang's eyes sharpened. Only I could tell the smallest whitening of his knuckles, the tightness of his jaw. "I let Max decide what she thinks is best for her."

Dylan was quick to respond. "I don't let her do anything that would destroy her too badly."

"And how's that working out for you? Oh yeah, she still came back to me."

"Hold up! I never said I was coming back to you," I interjected. "I'm willing to let you have another chance with the flock, if everyone else wants you here. I'm still with Dylan" (Dylan let a small Ha! out) "but life is full of changes."

Dylan let down his guard, turning and walking towards me. "So you're saying you're going to leave me one day just like someone who doesn't have human decencies to let you know that this isn't permanent?"

"I never told you it was!" I screamed. Dylan was practically above me at this point. "Besides, aren't you the one who is always so independent, no reliance on anyone but yourself?"

"Yeah, I am! And I'm not going to sulk in the rain clouds, crying out woe-is-me at anyone who will listen." Dylan raised his fist just below his chin, in front of mine.

"That's it!" Fang called as he jumped on Dylan's back. "You don't even threaten to touch Max without having to touch me first."

All in one second, the backyard became the cartoon dust cloud, covering all the fighting going on. From the sounds of it, however, Fang was throwing as many punches as he was taking. A few seconds later, the two boys took to the clouds. I took off after them.

Fighting in the sky is a lot like ballet in that every move has to be perfectly planned or else the attacker will become the victim by own miscalculation. Although I understood each person's motives behind the fight, I still didn't want either of them to fall to their death.

Dylan had gotten pretty good at fighting in the sky; he was almost as good as Fang. Dylan got one punch in for every two punches Fang got in.

Fang was still faster, stronger than Dylan could have ever hoped to have been at this point. Time after time, Fang had no problem drilling in kicks to Dylan's chest. I could audibly hear Dylan's breath being knocked out of him. Dylan staggered in the sky, but with a loud crack punched Fang square in the nose, breaking it for probably the 100th time in his life. Blood dribbled down his face, but Fang fought on, catching Dylan in mid-flight, pulling in Dylan's wings. Fang was holding both of them in the air. Dylan screamed wildly, words sobbing of mercy.

Then, with no preceding warning, Fang let go of him. Dylan was still crying out in pain. He didn't open his wings. His body was plummeting towards the earth.

I dove after him. I caught him a few hundred feet from the ground, grabbing from under the arms. Slowly, I lowered him to the ground.

Fang was right behind us on landing. He was still pursuing Dylan, even as Dylan lay curled in a ball. Being the true menace he's always been, Fang crouched down and whispered in Dylan's ear. "You don't touch my girl."

"She's not your girl; she's still with me," Dylan tried to spit out, blood and spit oozing from between his teeth. Dylan put his arms under himself, pressing to get up, but failed as he fell back to the dirt path.

"By default, she became yours. So really, you should thank me, because without me, you wouldn't have ever had her," Fang joked, still crouched next to Dylan on the floor.

I stood flabbergasted a few feet away from them both. My jaw had dropped a few inches, too.

"This is not a matter of whose girl I am!" I screamed, running over to the both of them. "I want you both to understand that we are a family."

"So why didn't you stop us from fighting?" Dylan grunted.

"Because she knew I would win," Fang smirked.

"No!" I shouted. "I didn't stop you guys because I couldn't stop you guys without one of you hitting me! At that point, it would be a three way fight, which isn't any better than a two-sided fight."

"So what do you want us to do?" Fang asked, obviously not very happy with me as he stood up and took a few steps in my direction.

I sighed, tired. "I want the both of you to be a family and respect each other. Respect me. No matter what asinine choice I've made that day."

Dylan finally got himself up, hands on knees to not fall over again. "You can't pull that shit. I know that in a week you're either going to crawl into a ball of shame or you're going to crawl your pathetic ass back to him."

"Fine!" I raged. "If that's what you think will happen, then go! Because you obviously always know the future!" Tears began streaking down my dirt caked face. "GO!"

"Max," Fang sang, walking to take my hand in his. "Breathe, Max, and listen to what you're saying. Stay rational."

"I am staying fucking rational," I murmured. "Dylan hasn't been any help here. Unless he can clean up his act, he needs to go."

"Max, you can't be fucking serious!" Dylan cried. Dylan ran over to me, his stance once again resuming defense. "I've been here for you, never leaving you because I told you I never would!"

"Go," I mumbled.

"You can't be seri-"

"Go."

"Max!"

"GO!"

"I will go when I think I should go!" Dylan screamed. With one quick motion, he brought his hand up and slapped it across my cheek. It caught me so off guard, I fell to the ground in slow motion. Simultaneously, Fang's foot collided with Dylan's fat face. Dylan fell to the ground next to me, his whole face a bleeding mess. His breath subdued, I could feel his heart slowing from adrenaline.

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills,
Well maybe, the landslide 'ill bring it down.
Well, well the landslide with bring it down.

I stood up, grabbing Fang away from Dylan. "He's not worth much more," I said.

Fang and I walked into the house and found Iggy, Nudge, and Gazzy lined up at the windows. Nudge had a black eye, but the boys looked untouched. I reached out to ask her, but she pulled away saying, "Dylan."

"Don't worry, sweetie," I cooed, patting her hair and giving her a brief hug.

Fang followed me back into my room. I sat on the bed, nursing a few of his open wounds with our small first aid kit. After a couple of winces, Fang said, "I'm sorry for all this trouble. I just wanted to come back to you."

"I know; Dylan just didn't want you back."

I finished bandaging him up, and he insisted upon looking at my red cheek. "It was only a slap."

"I don't trust Dylan to have just slapped you," Fang remarked. He kissed me on the cheek, saying "kiss to make it better."

Oddly, it did feel better. It felt better to not have Dylan breathing down my neck at all times. It felt better to be enclosed by Fang's arms instead of Dylan's. It felt better to be laying in bed with Fang at my side, telling him what he meant to me, and he saying what I meant to him.

The next morning, I went outside. The patch of dirt that Dylan had fallen to yesterday was empty. He had left. I turned to walk back inside when a paper on the outside table caught my eye. It was addressed to me, in Dylan's nicest hand writing. I put it in my pocket, keeping it for when we had a fire pit going later that night.

Sooooo that was that fanfic done. Sorry it was so wordy.. I was just… bored I guess during my spring break :) although this only took about three days to write. Also, this is my longest fanfic. Whoot!

Smiles,

rainxface