the impostor

This is to let you know I'm not dead, okay? Okay. It's me, by the way, Katherine or Kathy or however you know me, formally known as HopeJalice4ever. I've been thinking about changing my username for a while now, I just had no inspiration for a new username, but then I made a twitter account with this name, so I finally changed it here too.

And yes, this is indeed to let you know that I'm still here, just busy with other things, and with other fandoms if I want to be honest... But don't worry, Dean/Ruby will always mean a lot to me, and I don't think I could ever stop writing them, even if it takes me months to write something new for them.

So, anyway, this is set in season 4. It doesn't really have a specific timeline but it's definitely before Dean finds about Sam's addiction to demon blood. This is the first, and probably the last time I'm ever writing Gen's Ruby. It's in Dean's POV but in 2nd person POV, which is something I've done before with TVD, but never with SPN, so I'd like to hear what you think about it. I think that sometimes I just need to write differently, but there's no way in hell that I'm ever writing in 1st person POV, because I hate that, so I usually just go with 2nd person POV.

Well, on with the story now.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

You're not sure when you come to think of Ruby and Ruby as two different people, but once you do, you cannot imagine how you ever didn't. The differences are so conspicuous, you must have been blind not to see it from the beginning.

It's unsettling.

And it's not even just the physical differences, no - although that plays a part in it too, because you know that Ruby liked being a blonde. You know that she was blonde as a human. You know that she knew you liked blondes better.

But it's the changes in her personality that worries you and set you off in the first place.

It's like... it's like she's not Ruby anymore. Not really.

Ruby was passionate. And fierce. And brave, and sarcastic, and loving - so loving underneath all that hard exterior.

You don't think she can be called any of these things anymore.

She used to be good, she used to help Sam and thought of him as her own little brother, and she used to love you.

Now she's all wrong and malicious, and she's ruining Sam - she's fucking him, but not only that, she's fucking with him too - and she just doesn't give a crap about you.

You don't mention any of this to Sam because you know he didn't know about your relationship - if he did, he wouldn't fuck her, you know he wouldn't do that to you - but all this doubt is slowly starting to eat you up inside, all this confusion is screwing with your head, and you just don't know what to think anymore.

You know she was sent back to Hell for a second time, and you know Hell changes you, you know that first hand, but you don't think it could have affected her this much.

Did it burn away any remaining bits of her lingering humanity? Is she too far gone? Was she always like this, you just didn't see it?

Is she even the same person?

That's when you begin wondering. How sure are you that she is really Ruby and not just some... impostor?

The answer is you're not. You're not sure at all.

The impostor is sitting on a chair with her ugly brunette hair and stupid brown eyes - not like her beautiful blonde hair and sparkling green eyes and the way she used to not give a fuck and sit on the table with her legs crossed - and with a smirk on her face as she watches Sam research that's more menacing than lustful.

That's the other thing.

Her smirks used to be playful and sexy and mostly directed at you, not at your brother.

But now she barely even acknowledges your existence, pretending like nothing ever happened between you, like she doesn't know how it would hurt you to see her prancing around with your own goddamn brother after everything you were to each other.

It makes you even more confident in your revelation: the impostor is not Ruby.

You just need to prove it somehow.

When the impostor leans in to distract Sam with a light kiss you can't help but roll your eyes and, fed up with the whole situation, you get up to leave the room. Neither of them notice your departure.

Outside the motel you lean against the cold wall, listening to the quiet hum of the crickets, closing your eyes as you try to clear your head, but the images just won't leave you alone. It's not images of her, it's Ruby, it's always Ruby and your stolen kisses and lost memories.

The event you're reminiscing just now happened only a few weeks before your inevitable doom. You can't remember what you were hunting anymore, but you do recall that she got hurt and you can remember the worry you felt for her even though you knew she'd be okay, and you can also remember the conversation that took place after that.

("She died."

"Who died?"

"Ruby. The woman I possessed. The real Ruby."

"Oh."

"Yeah. It's been a long time coming. I could feel her slipping away bits by bits, but tonight... tonight she finally died."

"..."

"Why don't you hate me? I just caused an innocent woman's death."

"I don't know."

"You should know that she was... mentally disturbed. She caught my eye because she looked a lot like I did when I was still human. She might have been my descendant or something. But she was in an asylum when I found her. She was ill. I guess that made me feel better about possessing her body, because the life she lived... that wasn't a life. Most of the time she was beside herself, and I told myself that it was better for her this way, but I don't know if it actually made it better. I guess it doesn't matter anymore."

You just nod and squeeze her hand tightly because you honestly have no idea what to say that would make it better, but the small smile that she gives you makes you think that maybe she doesn't even need your words. Maybe your actions are enough.)

Suddenly your eyes pop open but you're not seeing anything in front of you. You know now what you have to do to make sure that Ruby is not Ruby.

The door slams shut so loudly when you march back in that both of them looks up at you - Sam is watching you with a question in his eyes at the sight of your stormy expression, and Ruby just simply looks bored.

Rather than to answer your brother's unspoken question, you turn to the impostor. "Hey, Ruby," you drawl, and the name burns your tongue for two reasons - one: because it's addressed to the wrong person, and two: because it reminds you of who it really belonged to. "You remember your old body? The blonde one?"

"Yeah," she shrugs, still looking uninterested with you. "What about it?"

"Well, I just remembered that one time when you told me that you found her in jail, right? She was arrested for murder, I think." You furrow your eyebrows in concentration as if you were trying to remember the details, but you're actually watching her like a hawk, looking for clues or any indications that will finally reveal you the truth.

The first signs of emotions finally cross her face - first, she looks surprised, then it turns to uncertainty. It only lasts for a moment before her features are straightened again and her mask of languidity is back in place, but for you it was more than enough. "Yes," she nods. "That's right. Why?"

Your next movement is barely an instinct - you're across the room in a second and before Sam could even react you're already plunging Ruby's knife into her heart without even thinking about it, twisting it for good measure, and damn, it feels good.

Her mouth opens in surprise and she flashes like they usually do, then it's over.

She's gone.

Sam is outraged and confused and shouting at you, and you know you're going to have to explain and soon, but right now you're not even hearing him, because she's gone but so is Ruby.

Ruby's gone too and her death won't change that.

You thought it would give you some sort of closure or peace or something to know the truth, to know that it wasn't actually the woman you loved who seduced your brother and did all those horrible things, but now that you do, you realize that it doesn't matter.

She's still back in Hell.

She's still gone.

Have I ever told you that I hate endings? I think they're, by far, my biggest weakness in writing. *sigh*

But anyway, this was born because I still don't believe that Gen's Ruby was actually the same person as Katie's Ruby, and I'm pretty sure that if anything ever happened between Dean and Ruby, he would've realized that too.

I'll try to write more of them (I actually have an idea of some sort, and I still need to finish There's Only Love In The Dark, which will be finished, I promise you that) meanwhile I also try to catch up on all those D/R stories I'm reading, so maybe that will inspire me or something.

Until next time, guys.

Kathy