Kingdom Hearts: Bloopers
Sum: Rising from the ashes of its predecessor comes the eight letters that will bring destruction across the worlds… Nothing will go unscathed… Reviewers beware, for KH Bloopers are here! Ideas and requests readily accepted and put to use!
Intro: (sighs) Okay, I know I agreed to do it. KH Bloopers. (sighs again, eyeing One-Winged-Chaos out of the corner of her eye) This is from a special request by One-Winged-Chaos, who GLOMPed me when I said I would… Being as such, I owe him for not putting him in before. So like Armageddon Child, MakruTree, and Sora67 before him…he's a co-director alongside me. (sighs)
AC, Makru, and Sora67: (clapping Chaos on the back) Welcome aboard, Chaos!
Chaos (yes, I shortened his name): It's good to be here…just trying to go through life without looking stupid… It's not working out too well.
Zack: Copyright infringement! (points accusingly at Chaos) He took my line from Zack Parodies V!
BlueFox: You're drunk…all of you. Ahem. Either way, this is a present for Sora67, a be;ated B-Day present… And a Halloween treat for all of you. And a few things are different from FF7 Bloopers. Instead of audiences of the characters, each Disc has a special opening blooper (Disc one was thought up by Sora67) and no Special Bloopers at the end of the chapter. Instead…KH Fanmail will be read. About 3-5 letters each time depending on the length. Make it understandable.
MakruTree: ANYWAY! Welcome to this sequel-ish…thing…
AC: Not really.
MakruTree: (smacks AC) Of FF7 bloopers, KINGDOM HEARTS BLOOPERS!
(insert favorite Disclaimer here)
WARNING: THIS FIC IS FULL OF KAIRI AND TIFA BASHING!! If you actually LIKE these characters, 1) What's wrong w/ you? and 2) leave…NOW!
Chapter One
Enter Bloopers: Leave No Survivors!
-OPENING-
-Strike Raid Screw-Up-
Sora was being sneaky. As Donald and Goofy were getting their butts fried by Maleficent's green fire, he was climbing up one of those pipe things in the room. Laughing to himself about the awesomeness of his thinking (cough) he waited until he could see the magical circle thing that meant lock on.
"STRIKE RAID!" he screamed, though nobody heard him, and he threw Olympia with all of his might at the Dragon's head.
The Dragon lowered her head to try to bite of Donald's head and Olympia flew right past her with a slight whistling sound.
CRASH! went the window across from Sora as Olympia flew through it. The fighting paused as everyone waited, and waited, and waited, but Olympia never came back.
"Ohnononono!" Sora's eyes grew wide as he started to flip out. "TheKeybladesgone! Itsnotcomingback! HowamIsupposedtosavetheworldsnow? I WANT MY MOMMY!" Sora proceed to have a 'moment' and tore out all of his brown hair and froth a little at the mouth as every onlookers' eyes resembled 0.0. Well, except…
BlueFox and Sora67: (ROFLTAO)
Tetsuya: Oh…oh no… (buries face and starts to quietly sob)
-BLOOPERS!-
-Scene With Roxas and the Computer-
After the whole flashback scene was over, Roxas started to flip out. He grabbed his head.
"I…"
He gritted his teeth and clenched his eyes closed.
"…want…"
He summoned the Keyblade.
"COOKIES!"
And proceeded to demolish the computer.
-Scene Before Axel II Boss-
"Simply amazing, Roxas," came a voice from down the corridor. In walked Axel, arms crossed, looking a little bored.
"Axel…" Roxas looked down at the Keyblade, the sole thing that had caused him to lose his lov-BEST FRIEND!! Ahem…
"So you really do remember me this time?" He spun to Roxas. "I'm SO FLATTERED!" He threw open his arms and fire sprang from them and set the whole place on fire. Roxas jumped back, startled, but suddenly the fire died and Axel was in tears.
"Err… What's up?" Roxas didn't know what was going on.
"I BURNED MYSELF!"
Tetsuya: Cut!
BlueFox: (cracking up and holding her stomach)
Take 2
"You really do remember me this time? I'm SO sorry! Roxas, can you forgive me? I didn't mean to hurt you! I could never hurt you! I'm so sorry!" Axel fell into tears again as Roxas shot a look to the sky in exasperation.
Take 3
"I'm SO FLATTERED!" The fire sprang up and Roxas got a little freaked out before turning his eyes to Axel, who was looking a little worse for wear.
"Uh…"
"ROXAS! I love you! ROXAS! I love you! ROXAS! I-"
Roxas threw up his hands. "Okay, okay, I get it, jeez!"
Tetsuya: (glares at BlueFox and AC)
BlueFox and AC: (fangirl giggles)
MakruTree: (cracking up)
Sora67: (disgusted)
Chaos: Cut!
-Scene With Roxas Popping Out of Sora-
Roxas popped out of Sora.
"WOAH! What the hell, did you just walk out of my body?"
Tetsuya: SORA!…
BlueFox: This is awesome.
-Scene With Riku/Ansem and Sora-
"Lead me to everlasting darkness!" Riku/Ansem threw the Dark Keyblade down and Sora held up Olympia to fend it off, only to have it…
…break in half.
A bloodcurdling scream filled the area.
Everyone: 0.0
(A few hours later)
Saïx, Leon, and Seifer all glared at Sora, the non-emo kid who now sported a scar like theirs.
-Scene When Sora Turns into a Heartless-
Hmmm… Sora thought.
Little black claws…glowing yellow eyes…bendy antenna…? I must be a…BUTTERFLY!
Tetsuya: Sora, you're a Heartless.
Oh…that was my second guess. Wait… OH MY GOD!
-FAN MAIL-
Dear Cloud,
Cloud sighed. "Oh God. Here we go…"
Who do you like more? Tifa, Yuffie, or Aerith?
(-.-) "Let me get this straight. You're asking me whether I like a chick," he pointed to Tifa, "a hyperactive lesbian stripper," he pointed to Yuffie, "or a girl who is technically dead?" he pointed to Aerith.
Readers: …Yes.
Cloud sighed again and just walked away.
BlueFox: (images of Clack and Cleon fill her head) Hee hee.
Sora67 and MakruTree: (are disgusted)
AC: This next one is for…Sephiroth?! Is he even here?
"Boo."
AC: (turns and sees Sephiroth behind her) HO-LEE F--! (grabs chest) Where did you come from?
Sephiroth smirked. "Your worst nightmare."
Chaos: (furrows eyebrows) You came from Scotland?
Everyone Else: …
BlueFox: Aaaaaanyway, here's your letter.
Dear Sephiroth, How do you fly with one wing? Do you fly in circles or something?
Sephiroth's eyelids began to twitch spasmodically. "Do you know how many times I have been asked that? Why not ask Angeal or Genesis or Cloud? They each only have a wing, too! But nooooo, I always get stuck with these stupid questions. You've all seen me fly with one wing! I swear, the next time I hear someone ask me something like that, I will stab them through so many times their own mothers wouldn't recognize them, then rip up their hearts so Heartless and Nobodies don't come and ask me that question of such high stupidity, and then I'll cackle as I watch your pathetic mortal soul rise from your body and then be torn to shreds by Masamune!"
BlueFox: 0.0
"I sincerely wish I could do that you right now! But alas…it is past my bedtime." Sephiroth disappeared in a puff of feathers.
BlueFox: I'm scared. I-I mean… (shifty eyes)
Short chapter, meant to be that way. Hope you aren't too badly OOC Chaos, but that's how it is. Lessee here…the next chapter…um…it'll be random! Cause I have no idea what's next! Though the theme's gonna be Winter/Christmas and stuff, cause this won't be updated till December…
Comments? Ideas? Fanmail? Requests? Send 'em in by review!
Oh, and HAPPY HALLOWEEN! (tosses audience their favorite candies)