I, ALRI the Crazy ALaskan, as respectful fan fic author, admit I own nothing.....nothing but this twisted plot, that is.........MWAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! And Dom....and Neal if you guys wouldn't mind....
* Jon, Alanna, George, Thayet, Myles, Roger, Numair, Daine, Kitten, Kel, Dom, Neal, Cleon, Owen, Wyldon, Raoul, and Joren walk into the Jugged Hare one evening, looking quite hungry*
Jon: Okay everyone, it's on me!
*Everyone cheers rowdily and throw roses at him*
*They are seated and given menus*
*They all want the same thing: cinnamon-toast-crunch cereal and stewed prunes with a side-dish of chicken, fish, Arby's home-style fries, and rabbit food*
One hour later:
Alanna: Great Mother Goddess, I'm hungry!
*Great Mother Goddess pops out of no-where and glares at Alanna, and hits her on the head*
Goddess: What am I supposed to do about it?
*Alanna glares back and sticks tongue out at the Great Mother Goddess*
*Everyone looks at her strangely because she's the only one who can see and hear the Goddess*
*Guards come to drag her away*
Raoul: Okay, I think it's time we take drastic action, we have to attack!
Kel: I agree.
Neal: Ooooooo, fun!
*Neal sticks foot out and trips waiter who was bringing the first coarse of food to another table*
Neal: Was that drastic enough?
*Pulls off lid and finds it is a bunch of ketchup covered chocholate-chip cookies*
Neal: Damn! It isn't our order.
*Chucks it at nearest waitress*
Neal: Where's our food?!!!
*All hear breathy, tormented, moans*
Raoul: *Pant* *Pant* *Pant* Save yourselves! I'm not a pleasant *pant* person when I don't get food *Pant*!
Kel: Wow, he wasn't kidding when he said he gets all funky when he isn't fed regularly.
*Raoul turns green and his clothes rip, unable to accomodate his new muscle*
Raoul (sounding like Arnold Shawrtzinager): I am dee Hulk, and I demand Fooooood!!!!!!!!
*Guards come to drag him away too*
Owen: Excuse me! Waitress?
*waitress turns around. She looks a lot like Britany Spears in the "Toxic" music video where she is wearing the freaky flight-attendant outfit*
*Owen's breath is taken away and he begins to drool*
*The Britany-Spears-wannabe comes over to the table*
Waitress: What can I get for you, cutie?
*Owen falls off his chair and into a puddle of his own drool*
*All women at table role their eyes as the rest of the men notice the waitresses presence and begin to drool*
*Thayet stands up and begins to pout*
Thayet: S'cuse me, but I'M THE CUTE ONE AROUND HERE!
*Thayet grabs tray from nearest waiter and dumps it all over the waitress's uniform*
Thayet: Awww, CRAP, that was our order!
*All begin to beat Thayet up*
*twenty minutes later everyone is sitting at the table looking as though they had not just ganged up on Thayet*
*Thayet's hair is messed up, both her eyes are black, her big nose is crooked, and she is missing teeth, not looking quite as cute as she used to*
Thayet*unable to see through her black eyes*: Hey, I heard that!
ALRI the Crazy Alaskan (me): And......?
Thayet: How dare you?!?
*Thayet stumbles out of her chair and comes after me, knocking over a waiter who was carrying the rest of the Tortallan's order, which went flying all over the place*
*I fall over laughing as the rest of the Tortallans start beating up Thayet again*
*****
*As Thayet lays in her coffin, all the Tortallanswho were at lunch with her when she died and I stand over her*
Jon: To bad, she was hot......
*Alanna and Raoul who are both wearing strait-jackets and are surrounded by their care-takers from the correctional facility nod their heads in agreement with the rest of the Tortallans*
Me: Wait a minute! I need her to be in my next fic! Crap!
*I pull out cell phone and call up my good buddy Black God*
Me: Hey, dude, can I get Thayet back? I need her in my next fic.
Black God: Why should I?
Me (evily): Because I could have you singing and dancing in my next fic along with the rest of the Tortallans!
*I do one of those creepy evil laughs*
Black God: NOOOOO!!!!! Anything but that! I'll bring her back!
Me: Okay, good, bye bye, now!
Roger: Wait, what's this about you making us dance and sing?
Me: Ummmmm.....you see...
________________________
*I get beat up by the Tortallans, Thayet (back from the dead) joins in*
Me *from under all the Tortallans*: Okay, please reveiw, I want to see what yall thought of my first fic! THANKS!
*After my beating is through I go skipping off after giving a big smooch to the 'Submit Reveiw'
button*
___________
* Jon, Alanna, George, Thayet, Myles, Roger, Numair, Daine, Kitten, Kel, Dom, Neal, Cleon, Owen, Wyldon, Raoul, and Joren walk into the Jugged Hare one evening, looking quite hungry*
Jon: Okay everyone, it's on me!
*Everyone cheers rowdily and throw roses at him*
*They are seated and given menus*
*They all want the same thing: cinnamon-toast-crunch cereal and stewed prunes with a side-dish of chicken, fish, Arby's home-style fries, and rabbit food*
One hour later:
Alanna: Great Mother Goddess, I'm hungry!
*Great Mother Goddess pops out of no-where and glares at Alanna, and hits her on the head*
Goddess: What am I supposed to do about it?
*Alanna glares back and sticks tongue out at the Great Mother Goddess*
*Everyone looks at her strangely because she's the only one who can see and hear the Goddess*
*Guards come to drag her away*
Raoul: Okay, I think it's time we take drastic action, we have to attack!
Kel: I agree.
Neal: Ooooooo, fun!
*Neal sticks foot out and trips waiter who was bringing the first coarse of food to another table*
Neal: Was that drastic enough?
*Pulls off lid and finds it is a bunch of ketchup covered chocholate-chip cookies*
Neal: Damn! It isn't our order.
*Chucks it at nearest waitress*
Neal: Where's our food?!!!
*All hear breathy, tormented, moans*
Raoul: *Pant* *Pant* *Pant* Save yourselves! I'm not a pleasant *pant* person when I don't get food *Pant*!
Kel: Wow, he wasn't kidding when he said he gets all funky when he isn't fed regularly.
*Raoul turns green and his clothes rip, unable to accomodate his new muscle*
Raoul (sounding like Arnold Shawrtzinager): I am dee Hulk, and I demand Fooooood!!!!!!!!
*Guards come to drag him away too*
Owen: Excuse me! Waitress?
*waitress turns around. She looks a lot like Britany Spears in the "Toxic" music video where she is wearing the freaky flight-attendant outfit*
*Owen's breath is taken away and he begins to drool*
*The Britany-Spears-wannabe comes over to the table*
Waitress: What can I get for you, cutie?
*Owen falls off his chair and into a puddle of his own drool*
*All women at table role their eyes as the rest of the men notice the waitresses presence and begin to drool*
*Thayet stands up and begins to pout*
Thayet: S'cuse me, but I'M THE CUTE ONE AROUND HERE!
*Thayet grabs tray from nearest waiter and dumps it all over the waitress's uniform*
Thayet: Awww, CRAP, that was our order!
*All begin to beat Thayet up*
*twenty minutes later everyone is sitting at the table looking as though they had not just ganged up on Thayet*
*Thayet's hair is messed up, both her eyes are black, her big nose is crooked, and she is missing teeth, not looking quite as cute as she used to*
Thayet*unable to see through her black eyes*: Hey, I heard that!
ALRI the Crazy Alaskan (me): And......?
Thayet: How dare you?!?
*Thayet stumbles out of her chair and comes after me, knocking over a waiter who was carrying the rest of the Tortallan's order, which went flying all over the place*
*I fall over laughing as the rest of the Tortallans start beating up Thayet again*
*****
*As Thayet lays in her coffin, all the Tortallanswho were at lunch with her when she died and I stand over her*
Jon: To bad, she was hot......
*Alanna and Raoul who are both wearing strait-jackets and are surrounded by their care-takers from the correctional facility nod their heads in agreement with the rest of the Tortallans*
Me: Wait a minute! I need her to be in my next fic! Crap!
*I pull out cell phone and call up my good buddy Black God*
Me: Hey, dude, can I get Thayet back? I need her in my next fic.
Black God: Why should I?
Me (evily): Because I could have you singing and dancing in my next fic along with the rest of the Tortallans!
*I do one of those creepy evil laughs*
Black God: NOOOOO!!!!! Anything but that! I'll bring her back!
Me: Okay, good, bye bye, now!
Roger: Wait, what's this about you making us dance and sing?
Me: Ummmmm.....you see...
________________________
*I get beat up by the Tortallans, Thayet (back from the dead) joins in*
Me *from under all the Tortallans*: Okay, please reveiw, I want to see what yall thought of my first fic! THANKS!
*After my beating is through I go skipping off after giving a big smooch to the 'Submit Reveiw'
button*
___________