It doesn't go the way either of them were expecting it to go, but Jane, being Jane, adapts much more quickly. Jane seems to fall back into the routine of their life before, and once again Maura finds herself struggling.
Left behind, and struggling.
So her irritation doubles, when she pulls up to the little house in the middle of the day, and instead of the normal scene of caution tape and milling officers, they find four police cars with their lights still on, a news van and a crowd of anxious observers.
More change. More variables. Maura takes three deep breaths, and looks around for someone she knows who can tell her why her crime scene looks so active.
Jane is on site too, and Maura feels her heart speed up when she catches sight of her. Jane and Frost are both fitting their vests.
She jumps out of the car and walks briskly towards the pair, trying to tell herself that the fierce pounding of her heart is normal. That she feels the same amount of worry for Frost as she does for Jane.
But it is a lie.
"What's going on?" She asks, as she draws up to the pair. "I thought it was a murder."
"Domestic dispute," It's Frost who answers. "We thought the husband capped her and ran, but when the first responders were showing up, he let go another round."
This does not do anything to alleviate Maura's fears. She looks at Jane who glances at her swiftly, and then looks away, her jaw clenching.
What's the most afraid you've ever been?
When I thought I would lose you. When I thought he would kill you.
Lose me?
Yes Maura. You're everything to me.
"Ready?" Jane says, her voice gravelly and low in a tone that Maura understands to be determination in the face of terror.
"Yeah," Frost says, and then he waits a beat, like he expects Jane to address the M.E. She doesn't and although he covers it well, Maura still feels the sting of the detective's silence.
"We'll wave you in when it's done, Maura, okay?"
"Be careful," she says to Jane, looking at Frost. "Please be careful."
Frost grins at her. "You got it, Doc."
…
…
Frost is careful.
Jane is...Jane. She takes the shooter down, of course, but a bullet grazes her shoulder, tearing her shirt and leaving a red angry cut in it's wake.
Maura is trying to recover from the sight of Jane bleeding, when the detective approaches her, looking windswept and frustrated.
"Maura," she says, and the doctor turns, relieved at hearing her voice, and angry that it sounds so demanding.
"Detective," she says coolly, because they have promised to remain friends.
"You need to come with me to deal with a situation," Jane says. "I mean...we got the guy," she fills in quickly, as Maura's eyes widen. "And I know you should be with the bodies…"
Jane trails off, and Maura waits, eyebrows raised.
"We busted down the door he was hiding behind and...he wasn't alone. There was a kid. Eight or Nine. She scampered out and into the closet down the hall. Won't come out for anything. I need you to get her out."
She does not say please. She does not say she is sorry for worrying Maura. She does not do any of the things a courteous, loving girlfriend…
Maura shakes her head like it could derail that train of thought. They are not anything more than co-workers. Jane does not owe her an apology or an explanation.
And Maura does not owe Jane anything either.
"Detective," she says again, trying to regain control. "I now have double the work to do because of you. I'm not sure I have time to-"
"Maura, come on," Jane says, looking impatient. "We need to get the kid to the EMTs so they can look her over. Can't you just-"
But Maura interrupts her, bristling. "No. I can't just. You're asking me to delay my job because you can't complete yours." She pauses, and then continues, wishing to wound. "I thought you were better than that, Detective."
Silence. Jane looks momentarily like a little kid who has been caught in wrong doing, and then spanked.
"Fine," She growls after a second. And she rolls her shoulders, wincing slightly, and Maura feels a new rush of tenderness and fury wash over her.
"Oh, just SAY it, Jane," Maura bursts out, tilting her head slightly so that she can look Jane in the eyes.
"What?"
"Don't order me, Detective," Maura says, "If you'd like me to do something. If you need my assistance, then you have to ask me for it."
Frost and Korsak, who had turned at the tone in Maura's voice, now turn deliberately away, both looking pointedly in different directions. Frost mutters to Korsak, and disappears around the corner. Korsak studies the molding in a doorway, clearly trying not to look as though he is listening.
Jane runs a hand through her hair, grinding her teeth. "Maura," she says, her voice both whine and growl. Three months ago, in a different life, that tone would give Maura the shivers. It would have been enough.
But now the doctor is strong enough to hold her ground. She squares her shoulders. "I am a Medical Examiner. I work on the dead. I am the queen of that particular realm, as a matter of fact. And I was under the impression that the living...that the victims were your kingdom, Detective."
Jane glowers, but does not respond. Maura watches the dark eyes drop to the ground, narrowing. She steps a little closer, lowering her voice. "I do not work for you, Rizzoli, and you cannot order me about as though we are-" but Jane's eyes jump up to meet hers and she cannot continue.
She clears her throat. "If you need me to do something for you," she starts again.
"She's afraid," Jane interrupts her suddenly, and Maura takes an involuntary step back, caught off guard by the tone in the brunette's voice.
Jane balls her hands into fists, looking away. "She's afraid of me. And she won't come out. I could do my job," She states pointedly, "and drag her out. But I don't want to. It wouldn't be right."
Maura waits, but Jane doesn't say anything more, just stands there, not looking at her.
Infuriating. This woman is noble and brave and beautiful and… "You are infuriating," Maura says aloud.
Irritation flutters across Jane's face, but she doesn't take the bait. Maura is struck briefly by the idea that the last three months have changed the detective as well.
"Maura," Jane says with a sigh. "It's a kid. It's a terrified kid. Can you just-"
"Can you just ask me, Jane?" Maura cuts in. "If it's that important to you?"
For a moment there is silence, just the sound of Frost's nervous pacing in the hallway above them. And then Jane takes a step towards her, she holds her hands out, palms up, like surrender.
"Will you please help me, Maura?" she asks, and her voice could be louder, but she's not whispering either.
"The kid is scared of me, and I don't want to drag her out. Will you please...help me get her out and to the EMTs."
It's heartfelt. Or it certainly sounds that way, and for a moment Maura can't do anything but stare at the woman in front of her. She would not have believed that Jane would give in.
"Yes," she says finally, watching as Jane's shoulders settle in relief. "Thank you for asking."
Jane gestures, heading back towards the stairs, still not looking at the doctor directly.
"Thank you," she says. "This way."
…
She is small and dirty, with red-blonde hair and big brown eyes. And she comes to Maura at once, sliding out from her hiding place at the back of the closet and throwing her arms around the doctor's neck.
It catches her off guard, the blatant show of affection, but she holds she girl back checking discreetly for injuries.
"Alright," she says quietly, when she can bear the hugging no longer. "Alright, darling, now stand back and let me look at you. Are you injured?"
The girl pulls back but doesn't answer, just stares. A creaking of the floorboards makes them both look around. Jane has come back to the doorway, and although her gun is now holstered, she still looks a bit fearsome.
"Hey there," she says, stepping forward. "I'm-" but she doesn't get any further. They girl turns and scampers back into the closet with a whimper.
Jane makes a disgruntled sound. Maura feels irritation well up inside of her. "Can you give us some time, Detective?" She asks.
Jane frowns, but turns on her heel without saying anything. This does not make Maura feel better.
It takes a little longer to get the girl out of the closet this time, and when she does come, she holds onto Maura's wrist so tightly it is almost painful. She is 11, maybe, Maura thinks. Short for her age, and delicate. She reminds the doctor...of herself.
"Come on, darling," she says, gathering her things. "Let's get you somewhere safe."
"The girl doesn't move, and when Maura goes to move, she holds her back by the wrist with a strength that is surprising.
"No one out there will hurt you, love," Maura says softly. "Just a ride in the ambulance. Just nice people, okay?"
The girl doesn't answer, but she presses her free hand against Maura's chest. Hard.
Maura takes a breath. "Yes," she says quickly, and when she moves to stand, she is allowed to, though the child does not let her go. "Yes," she repeats, leading her to the door.
"I'll be right here with you."
…...
…...
"Rizzoli."
"She won't eat," Maura says, swallowing the shock she feels that Jane did not recognize her landline.
"What?" Jane sounds a bit like she's coming up from underwater. "Maura?"
"The child," Maura says anxiously, glancing over her shoulder. "She won't eat."
There is a pause on the other end of the line, and the doctor pictures Jane sitting up on the couch, tank top, sock feet, and boxers, rubbing her eyes. "Jane?" She prompts.
"When did you get licensed?" Jane asks, sounding clearer. "For foster kids?"
Maura blinks, pulled up short. "I…" she begins. "Well, I…six months, maybe? But I...I only registered as a temporary emergency option," she says finally. "Just in case we...I mean, in case something...like this ever happened."
There is more silence on the other end, and after letting it be for about twenty seconds, Maura finds she cannot let it rest.
"I didn't deliberately not tell you, Jane," she says quietly.
"I know," just as soft.
"And I would have discussed it with you if-"
"I know, Maura," Jane says quickly, and then. "So...she won't eat?"
The question brings Maura back to the present. "Correct," she says with a little head nod. She is beginning to regret her rash decision to take the child with her. If she had Jane to help her...If they were still even best friends...But... "I laid it all out in front of her, told her to help herself. She just stares at it."
"Has she said anything at all?" Jane asks.
"No," Maura replies, holding the phone away from her ear as rustling comes from the other end of the line. "Jane?"
"Sorry," Jane sounds muffled. "I lost a sock between the couch cushions...hate it when…" she disappears for a second, and Maura cannot help her smile.
"You hate it when that happens," she says absently. "I know."
"Huh?" Jane is back, sounding clearer. "Did you say something?"
"No," Maura says, "Did you locate your sock?"
"I did...look, Maur," the nickname makes Maura's eyes close. "I'm not really sure why you called me."
Maura frowns. She'd thought it was obvious. "She won't eat," she repeats.
Jane pauses, and then asks, very quietly. "And why did you call me, Doctor?"
Maura opens her mouth to tell the truth, and then closes it again.
Jane waits a beat, and then sighs. "What are you trying to feed her? Is it kid friendly?"
Maura contemplates. "I put out a plate of bread and cheeses and a really nice pate spread."
Jane snorts. "A pate...Maura…"
"What?"
"No self respecting child would ever eat pate, let alone a traumatized one in a stranger's house in the middle of the night."
Maura fires up at once. "I ate pate all the time when I was around her age, Jane, and I believe that had the normal amount of self respect for my-"
"Maura," Jane raises her voice, but she does not sound angry. "She's not going to eat pate."
The doctor bites her lip. "What will she eat?"
"Norm-" Jane begins, but then seems to catch herself. "Pizza," she amends. "Or chicken fingers? Turkey Sandwich? Chips?"
The doctor can feel the panic she'd kept at bay earlier beginning rise inside her again. "I don't have any of those things," she says, aware that she sounds as worried as she feels. "I don't have any of those things."
Silence again, and Maura is just about to prompt Jane again, when the detective heaves a huge sigh.
"Give me twenty minutes, Maura, okay?"
Maura stares at the baseboards, trying to make sense of this. "What?"
"Give me twenty minutes to grab some stuff, and then I'll be there, okay?"
Maura shakes her head. "I didn't ask for you-" she starts.
"I know," Jane interrupts. "Twenty minutes."
Maura puts the phone down and looks around the room. She feels unaccountably nervous. Jane Rizzoli has not been in her house in over two months. They'd fallen together that night, after Hoyt. Jane had saved her from a nightmare like they were characters in a storybook, and when she'd woken up in the detective's arms the next morning, she'd felt warm and content and happy. For the first time in her life.
But they hadn't made it.
A noise from the kitchen shakes Maura out of her thoughts, and she moves so that the little girl is in her line of vision again. She sits at the counter where Maura has left her, and as her feet swing back and forth, the toe of the right one thunks gently against the base of the counter.
"Okay," Maura says stepping towards her, and the strawberry blonde head turns jerkily towards her. Maura tries on a smile. "Okay! Good news. Remember the detective from this morning?"
The girl's hands tighten almost imperceptibly around the back of her chair.
"Oh," Maura says quickly. "No, she's not coming to take you away. And she's not as frightening as she seemed this afternoon."
Maura pulls out a second chair by the counter and sits down slowly, putting her hands up so that the child can see that she does not mean any harm. "She's actually extremely kind and caring. She is just passionate about her job. Passionate about justice."
Maura looks at the girl to see if she has understood, and finds that the deep brown eyes are trained unblinkingly on her face.
"She didn't mean to scare you," Maura reiterates. "She meant to protect you. That's just the way she is sometimes. She can be impulsive and hot headed, and her intentions and her actions well…" Maura smiles affectionately. The girl doesn't say anything.
"She's coming to bring you something to eat that you might enjoy," Maura says after a moment. "She has a knack for…kid food." Maura glances at the uneaten platter of food on the counter. "She is very good at connecting...with most everyone."
The little girl still doesn't answer, but by now Maura is not expecting her to. She glances towards the fridge, thinking absently of getting them something to drink, and sees that the last note Jane wrote her is still there, taped to the freezer side of the appliance. She'd been meaning to take that down for weeks.
Love you beautiful. I couldn't work your stupid coffee machine extreme, so I'm running to Pete's. See you at work.
Maura stares at the note from across the room. When it had appeared, she'd felt delighted and enthralled. After they'd broken, it had made her sad...and then angry.
Now she just stares, trying to find the appropriate name for this new emotion.
Why had they broken? Why? What had been the final straw that ended the one thing she thought she couldn't live without? When Maura thinks back, she can remember they way that they'd fought, Jane sarcastic and biting, drawing on the doctor's fears, and Maura lofty and scathing, probably doing the same thing. She remembers it could start over coffee in the morning, or dessert late at night, and either way they would both go to bed with tight jaws and racing thoughts.
Or maybe Maura had been the only one to try and quiet her tearful breathing and steady her pounding heart. The detective had always seemed to pull herself together by the time they had to show up at a crime scene, and she was able to interact in her normal joking fashion, even with Maura. But instead of putting her at ease, this made the doctor angrier. She was mad at Jane's ability to brush her feelings to the side, mad at her own inability to remain professional, mad at Frost and Korsak for their knowing, sympathetic faces. For their faces that said, we thought this would work, too.
They'd all been wrong. And they fought twice as long after every make up.
Maura couldn't loosen up.
Jane wouldn't come out to her mother.
Maura would not abide being a secret. She would not lie.
Jane was slow to say "I love you."
Maura jumped in too quickly.
Jane would not ask for help.
Maura was too snobby.
Jane did not have enough class.
All the things that made them perfect partners...made them awful partners.
The doorbell rings, and Maura jumps, which makes the girl jump, which makes Maura jump again, having forgotten she was there.
"It's just Jane," she says unsure if it's for her benefit or the childs. She repeats herself. "It's just Jane," and she slides off the chair and hurries into the front hall. She opens the door on the detective, casually dressed in a pair of jeans and a cream colored button down shirt. She grins at Maura and holds the pizza up like she's personally caught it herself in a forest.
Maura can't help but smile back. Some things never change.
"Come in," Maura says, stepping back to let the detective in. "Thank you...for coming."
Jane looks momentarily hurt. "Sure," she says simply. "Kid's in the kitchen?"
Maura wants to kiss her. Wants to offer to take her coat. Wants to wrap her arms around the skinny waist and stand with her head against the taller woman's chest like they used to after especially stressful cases. It was when they got along the easiest, when hard cases finished successfully. Neither was interested in coming home to turn the TV on, or to bury themselves in books or work. They'd drop their coats by the door and wrap up in each other.
Just stand there and hold on.
"Yes," Maura says, holding her hand up to show the way as though Jane doesn't know the doctor's house as well as her own. "Yes. She's in the kitchen."
…...
Jane stops moving when the little girl looks up from the table, and holds out her hands, pizza box balanced on her open palm. "Hey kiddo, remember me? Different clothes and no gun this time. Just here to say hi, and bring you two some pizza." She doesn't move again until the child looks away, back down at the kitchen table. Then she steps forward and slides the pizza box onto the counter. When the girl doesn't show any fear, she flips the lid open and takes a slice for herself.
"I wanted to say sorry," she says casually, as though she and this girl are old friends, and Jane has done something to make her angry. "I'm really sorry I scared you this morning. I'm sorry that I pointed my gun at you. I didn't know who you were for a second, because of everything that was going on."
The child doesn't answer, but she lifts her head to look at Jane, eyes curious.
Jane pretends not to notice. Or maybe she truly doesn't notice, that's how at ease she seems. Maura is jealous.
"Anyway, I'm really, really glad that you are okay. And I'm really glad you agreed to come home with Maura, because she's going to take really good care of you until we can find you a safe, permanent place." Jane takes another bite of pizza and chews lazily, looking thoughtful.
"For as long as it takes," she says, and it sounds like an afterthought, but Maura knows this has been deliberate.
Jane looks down at the little girl for the first time. She smiles. "You want some pizza, honey?"
She nudges the box a bit, and after a brief hesitation, a small hand reaches out and eases a piece of pizza out of the box.
"Good-o Sammi," Jane says with a wide grin. Both Maura and the girl look around at her, confused.
Jane looks between them. "Oh, sorry," she says. "I just...well I don't know your name. And when I was your age, my aunt would call me dearie, or sweetie, or honey." Jane makes a face. Maura sees the corner of the girl's mouth twitch. "Yeah," Jane says. "I hated it. So I gave you a name so we could avoid that."
The child frowns a bit.
"Do you not like Sammi?" Jane asks earnestly. "I can pick something else." She tosses her crust back into the box and grabs another slice, pretending to think. Maura hides a smile.
"I can throw some names out there, if you want," Jane says slowly. "You've been through hell," she dodges Maura's swat at the pseudo swear word. "And you don't want to talk," she continues. "I get that."
Silence falls, and the little girl seems to be lost in thought.
"Mary," Jane says quietly.
Slowly, the girl shakes her head.
"Nancy?"
A little smile. A head shake.
"Francesca," Maura says, and the other two turn to look at her, both with raised eyebrows.
"Really Maura?" Jane asks with a laugh.
Maura flushes, but not from embarrassment. "What? I've always thought that was a lovely name."
Jane laughs, a full, genuine laugh, and Maura wants to close her eyes.
"Darling," the detective says in a fake British accent. "Is your name by any chance New Caladonia?"
Maura opens her mouth to explain how Jane's accent and her guess are wildly inaccurate, and finds that she is laughing. They are both laughing, and when the little girl opens her mouth and says in a small but very clear voice, "My name is Abbi," Jane nods like it's no big deal, and nudges the pizza box closer to her, still chuckling.
…...
…...
"You got her to speak," Maura says, following Jane into the hallway. Jane is preparing to leave, and Maura feels the calm and contentment that had been with her for the past hour begin to evaporate.
Jane sighs and rolls her shoulders. "A name," she says. "It's a start. At least she's not afraid of me now."
Maura resists the urge to reach out and touch Jane's arm. It's not something they do anymore. "She wouldn't have been, if she'd met you under normal circumstances," Maura says, trying to sound reassuring. "Shock, especially in children, can cause a reaction that is not-"
"I know," Jane says with a tired smile. "Thanks, Maura."
The atmosphere is comfortable, the closest to normal that the doctor has felt in a while, and she allows herself to smile back, hoping she doesn't look as hopeful as she suddenly feels.
"You know, Jane...I didn't mean it today," she says. Jane raises an eyebrow. "I didn't mean what I said about how you do your job," Maura clarifies. "You are a fabulous detective."
She expects a snort or a scoff in return, but is rewarded with a bigger more genuine smile that makes her stomach flip over.
"I know," Jane replies. "I know. The whole day was just...unexpected. We were all under a lot of pressure from the get go."
"I-I should learn to be more adaptable," Maura offers, knowing that she doesn't mean just in terms of their cases.
Jane looks away. "So should I."
They fall silent again, Maura marveling at this new, seemingly changed Jane, and the detective studying the carpet very hard. She clears her throat, and Jane jumps, looking momentarily disoriented.
"Anyway," the detective says with a swipe of her hand through her hair. "She's eating now...Abbi is...so she should be okay for tomorrow too. I guess I should..."
A new fear grips Maura as Jane moves to the door. "I'll have to put her to bed," she blurts out.
Jane stops, turning to look back at her. "Yeah," she says with a grin. "Most kids I know need sleep."
Maura frowns, feeling her defenses coming back up. "Well," she says, trying to keep her voice neutral. "What...What will she require for that?"
Jane stares at her. "What will she req- Maura, she's a kid. Not a lab rat."
And just like that, they are fighting again. Maura can feel the hurt at Jane's insinuation spill over into fury. "I know, Jane," she says coldly. "But as you well know, I would feel more comfortable with a lab rat than a child, so if you are not going to stay, I would appreciate it if you would please explain to me how to put Abbi to bed so that she does not feel lonely or scare or uncomfor-"
"Typical," Jane cuts her off, voice rising. "This is so typical."
Maura nearly sees red. "Yes!" she hisses. "It's just so predictable that Doctor Maura Isles, Ice Queen, doesn't know how to take care of one simple, frightened-"
"Not that you stupid genius," Jane yells. "I'm not talking…" she shakes her head furiously. "You want me to stay! You want me to stay and help you, Maura. But you won't ask. You're too proud to ask the same way that I am too proud to ask...but somehow, when I won't, the world has to end."
Maura's retort is lost as something crashes to the floor in the kitchen.
They both run around the corner to the kitchen to find Abbi's chair, empty and on its side. Abbi is nowhere to be seen.
Maura looks at Jane with wide eyes, and the detective raises her eyebrows like, well?
"Abbi?" Maura calls tentatively. "Where did you go, darling?"
No answer. Maura looks at Jane again, who gestures to the room. Maura steps forward into the kitchen, and her change in view reveals one small shoe sticking out from the space under the kitchen table.
"Oh, Abbi," She says, feeling a lump in her throat. "Did we scare you?" She approaches the table, and kneels down, coming level with a pale little face. "I'm so sorry," she says quietly. "That was very, very rude of us...to argue so loudly."
Abbi says nothing, but she pulls her knees up to her chest, taking a deep breath.
"Will you...come out please? We promise we are done. We promise not to fight anymore."
"No yelling," Abbi whispers. "Please."
She starts to crawl forward, and instinctually, Maura holds out her arms, not knowing quite what to expect.
Abbi collapses into them like she's been doing it her whole life, and when Maura turns to look at Jane, she sees her own shock and confusion reflected back at her.
"Maura?" Abbi's voice is by her ear.
"Yes."
"Is what she said true? As long as it takes?"
Maura nods. "Yes," she says firmly. "As long as it takes."
…
…
"Alright, well," Jane looks like she wants to disappear before another fight breaks out. "I'll see you tomorrow, Maura," she says, and she turns once again to the door.
But seeing her so warm and caring towards Abbi, and feeling them so close and united in their goal, has had an effect on the doctor. This time, she reaches out and takes Jane's arm, firmly enough to stop her.
"What has happened to us, Jane?" she asks softly. "Is this who we are now?"
Jane doesn't turn around. Her shoulders sag. "God," she whispers. "I hope not. I hate this person more than I hate giving up...or giving in."
Maura squeezes Jane's uninjured shoulder in an attempt to get her to turn around. "Is that how you see it? When we compromise? Or help each other? It felt like giving up? Or...giving in?" The idea makes Maura profoundly sad.
Jane glances over her shoulder, and then away, looking pained. "I don't know, Maura. I don't...don't look at me like that. I just know that a lot of the time...I felt." She makes a vague gesture with her hands. "I felt…"
Maura braces herself. Trapped, angry, frustrated. "Say it," she says.
Jane lets out a huge breath. "Guilty," she says finally.
This is not what Maura was expecting at all. "Guilty?"
"Yes," Jane rushes on, looking like a twenty pound weight has been lifted off her shoulders. "God, I just felt so guilty, Maur."
The nickname rushes through the doctor like caffeine. Making her breathless.
"Why?"
"I...I felt like we got together and then all I did was hold you back. You wanted to go out, you wanted to move in together...And I...I couldn't. I felt. I was…" Jane seems to search the air around them for the words for a moment before giving up. "Here's this brilliant, sexy, beautiful medical examiner," Jane says, sounding defeated. "Here's this woman who could have anyone in the entire world. And she chooses-"
"A detective who is just as brilliant, just as beautiful, and although she'd hate to hear it, just as sexy…" Jane makes a face and Maura laughs. In the living room, they hear Abbi laugh softly at something on the TV. Jane tries to smile, but it comes out a little bit like a grimace.
"I felt guilty. Then I'd get mad...lash out...feel guilty."
Maura nods, "I see. A vicious circle."
"Cycle. Yeah."
The canned TV laugh track starts up from the living room, underscored by Abbi's soft laugh once more, and Maura and Jane smile at each other for a brief moment, before Maura looks down at her hands, knotted by her waist.
"Jane. Would...I mean. Do you think that. I...It would mean a lot if-"
But Jane chuckles and steps forward, away from the door. Towards the doctor.
"Maur," she says. "Just ask."