One and the Same
By Guardian Angel (eyes_only1@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Zack angst.
Spoilers: Well, I guess Cold
Comfort…though nothing specific to the episode, just the fact that Zack knows
about Logan. *shrug*
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Author's
Notes: Ok, well, I've been kinda tossing about the
idea of doing a Zack piece for awhile now, but was so busy with
"Dreams" and other stuff that it never happened. This is for BK, who got me thinking of Zack
this morning when I read her latest story ("Waiting for Silence")
before school, and I haven't been able to put the idea down since… I had words for this floating through my
head all damn day! *shrugs* I guess the
queen of angst has struck again!
Oh,
and Jen, my darling older sis? Remember, you promised not to kill me! *snort* (She hates Zack…) ;-)
*****
What
does she see in him?
Sure,
I guess most women would consider him to be fairly handsome. But looks only run skin-deep, as Max of all
people should know. After all, she grew
up with a bunch of beautiful people. All of the Manticore soldiers are attractive. It's rather hard to value something that's been programmed into
our genetic codes.
Besides,
he's in a friggin' wheelchair. He's broken.
So how attractive can he really be to a strong girl such as Max? She needs someone who can run with her, who
can watch her back while she sleeps. Someone who can take care of her, on those rare occasions when she
actually allows anyone to.
So
if it's not his looks, then what the hell is it?
Maybe
she feels like he needs her. I guess
that's all well and good, as long as she's careful to keep from getting too
involved.
Only
problem is, she is too involved. Christ, he knows about Manticore, and her connection to it. He's a liability to her now, and for
what? For friendship? Does he really understand her? Can he
really understand her? I honestly don't think so.
Max
and I, we're one and the same. We've
been through the same hell. We both
know what it's like to live life on the run, constantly looking over your
shoulder to see who's following. We
know what it's like to be chained under water, your life held in the hands of
some cruel god-like figure who's hell-bent on improving your performance. We know what it's like to be alone. So desperately alone.
I
know she thinks of me as a brother, and that I should think of her as a
sister. But something about her just
calls to me. Max and I, we're one and
the same, in so many ways. And yet
she's different.
She's
so much…warmer, I guess. More
vibrant. She can take what most would
consider to be a dismal existence, working for Jam Pony, and make it seem fun
and exotic.
She's
managed to do what I never have: put Manticore behind her.
Part
of me envies her that, her ability to live a normal life- well, OK, a kind of
normal life- despite her past. And part
of me worries, because it means that she's not being careful enough. As much as she'd like to forget it, it did
happen, and they're still out there. Watching. Waiting.
And
now she's attached herself to him. A broken man who idealistically thinks he can save mankind, or some such
shit. He can't seem to accept the fact
that the world's as shattered as he is.
I
see the way he looks at her when she's not paying attention. When he thinks I'm not paying
attention. The over-eagerness to
please, the way he leaps on any chance to help, and show off his computer genius. That's all he's good for anyway-
research.
When
it comes down to crunch time, when she must either fight or flee, he won't be
able to do a damned thing to help her.
So
I ask again: What does she see in
him?
*****
Feedback? Please? ;-)