Hello dear readers!
I'm back with some Sousuke and Kaname goodness just for you. I hope you'll enjoy this as much as I did when I was imagining the scene. There's no real lemon, but some lime so if you're not into that kind of stuff, go back quickly!
And as always, a huge huge thanks to Perpetual159 who made a amazing job as a beta and to Galilab who keeps on nagging me to write more, espacially for FMP.
So without further ado, here goes the story...
Show Me Love
"I should get going..." said Sousuke after putting the last dish in the cupboard.
"Okay..."
Kaname turned to face him, ready to follow him to the door, but he didn't move. He seemed idle, as if he wanted her to tell him what to do.
She was a bit confused with his hesitance, something she hardly ever saw in him, but decided against commenting on it.
"I have to leave early tomorrow, so..." he trailed off. He still hadn't turned to look at her; in fact, his eyes were glued on his hands, avoiding her.
It wasn't the first time he ate dinner with her before a mission. But every time, he stayed a little longer, as if he refused to leave her behind. He helped her with the dishes; she washed and he toweled, and sometimes, they watched a movie. He'd accept anything to delay his departure.
But tonight, he'd said he had to go back before nine since he was scheduled to fly out before dawn.
As usual, he had insisted on doing the dishes, but now, he fidgeted, struggling against the inevitable, refusing to walk out that door, despite knowing he had no other choice.
"What are you...?" Kaname bit her lip. She knew she couldn't ask him anything about his job, so she stopped herself. Instead, she settled with telling him, "I hope you'll be safe."
She even managed to smile but Sousuke didn't answer back. It wasn't like he could tell she had smiled.
He turned and looked up to meet her eyes. She could see the strange tremor deep in his cloudy orbs, proof that he was struggling against some inner conflict, and perhaps steadily losing.
With a tentative smirk, she added: "Maybe you should change your job. I know you've been a soldier all your life, but... well, you know... it's dangerous... and, yeah… um, even if you're always careful... and very good at what you do... but… uh, nonetheless... you risk your life... and well... you're still young, and..."
And, so, there she was, rambling, trying to vanquish the awkward silence in her kitchen.
Taking a deep breath, and averting her eyes, she gathered her courage and whispered what she had meant to say all along.
"I'll… I'll miss you…"
Her cheeks heated up quickly and she was sure she was redder than a bottle of ketchup, but still, she had to say it. After all, it was true. They were friends, so there was no shame in it!
"Thank you," was all he could say.
He didn't want to leave her again. Even if he didn't believe in premonitions, he had a bad feeling with this mission, as if he would not come back.
Every time he had to go, he felt it, stronger and stronger each time, and tonight, he couldn't fight it. He needed to tell her. He just didn't know how.
"I…" His eyes wandered everywhere but her face and Kaname didn't like it. What could he have to say that was so difficult?
Kaname felt her heart beating faster. Was he going to leave her again? Indefinitely?
She reached for his hand, gripped it to get his attention back on her.
"Don't tell me you're not going to come back!" Her voice was low, filled with a mixture of anger and sadness. He couldn't do that to her. Not again!
Sousuke looked at her, wanting to ease her mind, but no words came out. All he could do was stare, like an idiot, torn between his duties and his feelings.
"I don't know… I don't want to, but…"
Dropping his eyes once again, he saw their hands, still locked. His fingers intertwined with hers, reveling in the softness of her skin and the warmth of her palm.
Everything about her was appealing, from her heart that was filled with kindness, to her slender digits holding his strong, calloused ones.
If he couldn't tell her, maybe he could show her what he felt.
Gently he squeezed her hand and drew her to him. He only wanted to soothe her; yet, he didn't know what came over him.
He found himself in a deep embrace with her, unable to let go of her. Her scent, her heat, the faint moan she made when he let his fingers graze her silky hair, and even the way her body molded to his… it was all too much.
He lost it.
At first, it was just a kiss. Nothing really out of the ordinary, but she was so eager to kiss him back, he couldn't help himself and without bothering to ask, he took much more.
His hands went under her skirt just as he pushed her against the wall and she did nothing to stop him when he pushed down her panties.
And so, he went on.
***
She never thought her first time would be that way.
Actually, she had never really thought about it.
Bred in a very traditional way, Kaname had always assumed she would be pure for her husband, and she didn't contest that motto. When she thought about her wedding, she only focused on the wedding day, sharing it with all her friends and wearing a wonderful white dress, never daring to imagine what was expected and bound to happen afterwards.
Yet, there she was, not even engaged to be married, held tightly within the arms of the one responsible for her protection, and enjoying every single moment of it.
Sousuke gripped her hips and went deeper, causing her to whimper faintly. Even if she hadn't really known what to do in the beginning, she had quickly found a rhythm. Now, she was rolling up her pelvis, searching for him, complementing his every move.
She wondered for a few seconds where and when he had learned how to please a woman, but knowing him, Kaname chose to not ask. He was good, a total natural she suspected at least—since she couldn't compare him to anyone else—, and that was all that mattered. In any case, she also suspected it was his first time, too, so it was absurd to feel betrayed.
She also immediately discovered that Sousuke was neither kind nor gentle when he pounded inside her, but surprisingly, she liked that. Very much. She liked feeling his primal side; she felt privileged watching him in a state that no one else had seen him in.
Kaname had intentionally allowed him to go on and rattled his rigid soldier-like persona, thus stirring the very wild and unruly, almost bestial impulses he always thought he had under control. Secretly, she was glad she did it, and basked in the results.
He was not a gentle man, and restraint wasn't known to be his first quality. But at the same time, he would never hurt her and they both knew it. His touch was rough and his kisses were hungry, but Kaname regarded the idea of complaining about his intensity ludicrous considering how much she delighted in it.
She knew he was strong, forceful and wild. Even savage.
She'd seen him in battle and she accepted his violent ferocity. In fact, it was what always made her feel safe with him. His strong arms around her always meant untiring protection, his dauntless shoulders meant dedicated support, and his hands... well, for now, they meant absolute pleasure.
He knew exactly how and where to touch her, making her shiver and ask for more. Kaname kissed him to prevent her cry when he increased his rhythm. She thought she was going to lose her mind.
Her breath was ragged so she left his lips and dropped her forehead on his shoulder. She breathed in his scent and closed her eyes to relish in all the emotions he arose in her.
He made a short twist on her hips and hit something deep in her core. Before she could understand what he had done, he did it again and that was when she felt it. Like she had been hit by lightening, her whole body began to shake.
The impulse started from her belly and it ran on every nerve, in every vein. She was on fire and all she could see was a blinding white. As soon as it came, it disappeared, leaving her with only a strange feeling of bliss and an inexplicable need to laugh.
They stayed there, in silence, unable to move or speak.
The truth was, however, they didn't know what to say or do.
It had all been so sudden, but oh, so intense...
Kaname rested her head in the crook of his neck, refusing to meet his eyes. She wanted to tell him what she felt, but she couldn't come up with the words.
God, how much she loved this man! And she just had sex with him. Just like that, without a word, without a protest. And just like that, she didn't have de slightest need to reproach herself, nor did she feel the slightest shred of guilt. Despite her previous musings, she saw no crime in giving herself to the man she loved, married or not.
At the same time, part of her feared she would break the spell if she spoke, and another part called her a coward.
Gathering her strength, she opened her mouth and in a very faint voice, she whispered: "Sousuke, I... I..."
She couldn't utter that stupid "L" word.
And for that, she did reproach herself. She was weak.
However, that wasn't the only reason she didn't say those three little words. In all honesty she was still a stupid, hopeless romantic, and like in those cheap novel Kyouko always made her read, she somehow illogically decided that she wanted him to say them first.
It's only fair! her mind reasoned defensively. After all, he was the one who started everything!
He just had to say them first.
Deep inside, however, she knew he wouldn't. It would be too much out of his character. But before she began lamenting this reality, she soon realized that it was enough that he showed her how much he cared, how much she meant to him. In his very own way, he had told her. He'd broken his rules and allowed himself to be selfish, even if it was just for a few moments. He'd lost his control and his inhibitions… just for her… just so he could show her. Ironically, and with a faint smile, Kaname also reminded herself that Sousuke was a man of actions, not necessarily a man of words.
Still smiling, she gave the faintest shrug, hoping Sousuke would confuse that with the slight tremors that afterglow was still aimlessly rewarding her body with. She couldn't ask for more, and she knew it.
She absently looked up and noticed the clock on the wall across the kitchen.
It was nearly ten.
"You're gonna be late," she whispered, trying to pull away, but to no avail. His grip had tightened on her waist momentarily and he drew a deep breath in her hair before releasing her.
They steadied their clothes quickly, avoiding each other's eyes and Sousuke made his way to the door, as he should have done before he got carried away.
Just when his hand reached the knob, he stopped, and without turning back, he said: "I… I'll miss you, too."
Kaname gasped. That wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear, or what he really wanted to tell her, but that was better than nothing and it gave her some hope.
Sousuke opened the door, ready to go, but froze when she asked: "Will you come back?"
She was right behind him and he could felt the warmth of her body through his shirt.
"I'll do my best," he responded. "Will you wait for me?" he asked, with a quick glance over his shoulder. The bad premonition was still there, but in some way, it was less overwhelming, less oppressing.
"Always, you military freak!" She smirked and Sousuke felt much lighter.
Maybe he was worrying too much.