Put-Put Golf With The Cullens
On this pleasantly cloudy morning, we will find our two favorite characters alone in Bella's room. They are presently doing something that they tend to do quite often nowadays—arguing. But they are not arguing about the maintaining (or loss) of Bella's humanity. Oh no, today there is much more at stake…
"I am not going put-put golfing with your family!" Bella insists.
Edward is faintly amused. "Why not?" he asks, simply. For some reason, he wants Bella to go put-put golfing with his vampire family. He knows that he'll win the argument in the end—as always—but he's being a gentleman and letting her have her say first.
"Because if you put one of those golf clubs in my hands I'm going to end up killing someone!"
"Bella, you know you can't kill any of us," Edward points out in a very logical tone.
She sends Edward her most deathly death-glare, leaving him even more amused than before.
"I'll be right there to make sure nothing happens," he assures her, trying not to smile.
Bella harrumphs.
"But wait!" she says very suddenly, with a very sudden burst of inspiration. "It's rainy! You can't go put-put golfing in the rain! So there, haha!"
"It's not like we can go there when it's sunny," Edward counters with that astonishing logic of his.
"Then why can't it be a sunny day when you suddenly decide to take me put-put golfing?" she grumbles. Her logic pales in contrast to that of her vampire-boyfriend.
"Bella," the aforementioned vampire-boyfriend says in a pleading tone. His butterscotch eyes begin to melt and smolder, and he knows that it won't be long now. Bella, however, sticks up her chin in defiance of his vampire-ish perfection. "No, Edward," she says firmly. "It isn't going to work on me this time. I am not going put-put golfing with your family, and that's final."
One Hour Later:
"I hate you, Edward," Bella announces. She is sitting in the back of the Cullens' eight-seat-van—where do these cars come from?—which is reserved for special occasions such as these. The Cullens are, unfortunately for Bella, on their way to the nearest Mini-golf course. And it is safe for us to assume that Bella is not pleased.
"I love you, Bella," Edward replies, unruffled by his much-hated condition, from the seat behind her. He is rewarded by Bella's blush a moment later.
"Don't be so dramatic, Bella. It'll be fun, you'll see," chirps Alice, who is cheerful despite having been forced to drag Rosalie into the van this morning.
"Oh, shuttup," says Rosalie, who had been dragged.
Jasper, who is currently bearing the brunt of Bella and Rosalie's displeasure, sighs heavily.
"So…what is put-put golfing, anyway?" This question is posed by Emmett, who will readily admit to never having gone put-put golfing.
Esme, from the passenger's seat, answers, "It's like regular golfing, dear. But the holes are nearer, and sometimes there are obstacles you have to pass through to get the golf-ball in."
"Ah," Emmett says, considering. He glances behind him, to where Edward and Jasper are seated. "It's a competitive sport, isn't it?"
"Erm, yes, I think so," replies a very apprehensive Esme, not catching the warning look from Carlisle.
Emmett beams.
Rosalie, still huffing in annoyance, speaks up. "How long will it be before we get there? I want to get this over with as soon as possible," she grumbles.
Edward, who is sitting beside her and is not at all happy with seating arrangements, shrugs and points at Alice. "She's the one who went online for directions."
"I think we'll be at Froderick's Put-Put Palace in around forty minutes," Alice calculates brightly, gesturing at the rather redundant navigational system on the van's dashboard.
There is a collective groan from those within the vehicle.
Around Forty Minutes Later:
"You cannot be serious," says Rosalie.
"Cool," says Emmett.
"Oh, no," wails Bella.
The inhabitants of the van have left their respective seats, and are now gazing upon the entrance to Froderick's Put-Put Palace. Beyond the entrance there can be seen elaborate representations of a haunted house, the statue of liberty, and a fairy castle. Throughout the park are little children carrying little golf clubs, pulling their parents along behind them with expressions of delight on their faces.
Jasper appraises these children very calmly for a moment, then covers his face with his hands.
"Well," says Carlisle, a bit awkwardly. "Shall we go in, then?" Esme steps forward courageously, putting her hand lightly on his arm, and they approach the entrance. The others follow in the same fashion, though Bella glares at Edward.
"Don't worry, Bella," murmurs he, entertained once more by Bella's attempt at fierceness. He indicates the three different put-put courses that they are allowed to choose from—the fairy castle course, the haunted house course, and the statue of liberty course. "We'll let you choose which one," he adds reassuringly.
Bella is not reassured.
Author's Note: Hi, everyone. I know it isn't a Cullen one-shot or a Beauty and the Beast chapter, but I've had this idea stuck in my head for the longest time. This story will probably be a two or three-shot if I decide to continue it, and of course it will be behind Beauty and the Beast and the Cullen one-shots on my priority list. It's the first thing I've written that even comes close to humor, so I'd appreciate feedback. Thanks, guys.
--Poola