It's July 1st, and I'm miserable. I've been trying to calm myself for a month now, knowing all I'm about to be reminded of. I know it's been years, but It still hurts so badly, I know everyone left me, starting with him….

*phone rings*

I slide my thumb across the screen with the green, knowing the idiot would show up here with worry if I didn't answer. I answer in a polite tone, "Hello Alfred." He answers me enthusiastically as always, "Yo, Iggy dude? How've you been, look I want to invite you to come to my birthday party, on the 4th. I already have your tickets in the mail and I just need you to say yes." I gulp, knowing I have to say yes or he'll figure somethings up, also thinking about how bad it would be if I had one of my attacks in front of him, when they're because of him. Why do I never feel this upset about Matthew leaving me?- I suck in a breath, "Yes, sure I have to call you back."

Before he can stop me, I hang up dialing my other son/little brother's number, after two rings he picks up, "Allo? Arthur?" I sigh, "Hello Matt, how are you, Happy Birthday!" He has an audible smile, "I'm doing well, thank you, and thank you for remembering!" He says a bit I can't hear about how grateful he is that I remembered his birthday. I say, "It's no trouble you were basically my son or little brother, I just, I almost forgot…. Not because of you of course! I- I mean, what happened with Alfred is on my mind." He hears his brother deflate a little, "I understand, is it the attacks again?"

I breathe in a sharp, quick breath, immediately letting the Canadian know he'd guessed correctly. He tells me, "Arthur, you should just tell him what's happening." I sigh, "I can't, if I did he would freak out and cancel his birthday party he just invited me to." I hear a puzzled hum, "Mmm?" I ask, "What, he invited me on the phone, said he was sending plane tickets.." While I'm confused the Canadian says, "Well, I have to go, birthday to celebrate and all. Bye, Arthur!" I pull the phone back and look at it confused, but before I can think about it my vision grows dark… I'm back on the field, my red coat shining up into my eyes, the sky is dark, cloudy. I look up and see the Patriot troops coming toward me, I start to tear up, 'Please not this battle, this one was the worst…' But before I see Alfred, I'm pulled back into consciousness.

I open my eyes to see two sets of familiar, but worried blue eyes. One set Carolina blue and the other, a bit less clear with the slightest tint of purple. I start to hear them asking, "Angleterre? Are you okay?" and, "Iggy, dude, wake up! What's wrong?" I groan, the two people I want to see me least like this. They calm a bit at my noise, I start, "Alfred, Francis, get off me, I'm fine." I can breathe a bit easier, feeling them back off. I feel two different hands helping me up, but when my legs almost buckle, I'm scooped up into strong arms like a ragdoll.

I sigh, "Sorry, just put me on the sofa." I'm laid down surprisingly gently, considering the two have a long running problem with me, and when I open my eyes, I see it was Alfred being so gentle while France stands back watching with slight curiosity. When they see my eyes they move a bit closer, "Are you okay, Artie?" I'm so drained from the flashback, I don't even bother to say anything about his stupid nicknames for me. I sound only a bit tired when I answer, "I'm fine, Alfred, just a bit drained now." His eyebrows furrow, "Artie, what happened?" I pale a little, "Nothing, nothing you need to worry about, Francis stop looking at me like that, I'm fine."

The Frenchman bows his head, "If you say so I'll respect you, but you can't be upset about us worrying about you." I sigh, "This happens to me every once in awhile, I'll be perfectly fine." Their eyes widen, "This is normal?" I nod, "For about 200 years now, I'll have spells like this, it's nothing too bad just leaves me drained." They both sit down close to me, France pulling me into a hug, America getting a strange look on his face. "Angleterre, you should have told us. Well I kind of get you not telling Amerique, sounds like it was a few years into his 'freedom'." I try not to let my eyes widen, but I say anyway, "It's not important, that's why I didn't bother you two, actually, Matthew has always helped me cope with them, so I wasn't alone."

Their jaws are hung open, America starts to stutter, "Ma- Matt, knew? And he didn't tell me, us?" I turn in Francis' arms, quite enjoying the closeness of the two, knowing if they weren't here I would be dealing with so heavy loneliness. I start, "Before you two get upset with him, I made him promise not to tell anyone, especially you two." I feel France pull me tighter against him, "Why? We just care, is that such a crime. You're my oldest friend Angleterre, I'm worried, it's natural." I look down when I feel a grip on my hand, it's Alfred's, I try to explain gently, "I just didn't want to worry you guys for no reason, I'm used to dealing with them now, can we move on, speaking of which… Alfred why are you here? You said you were sending plane tickets in the mail?"

He blushes slightly… strange, he speaks softer than normal, "Um- my boss, wanted me to come and personally escort you to my home, since we have such a long relationship." I nodded, "Does, he realize how this time could be quite sensitive for us both? I mean not even the Queen tries me during July." Alfred blinks at me, "I didn't know, you were still so sensitive about it, I try not to think about that time." I blush, "Well it wasn't exactly the best point in our friendship, nor the most forgettable." he sighs, "I know, Arthur, I just want to forget that time, it was really hard, for both of us." He pulls me, to him, Francis reluctantly letting me go. I turn to look at both of them, "Why are you both so touchy feely today?" They counter automatically, "Why are you allowing it?" I sigh, "Because if I was alone, I know I'd feel very lonely right now…" They blink, not used to me being so open… to be honest I'm not used to it either, but I'm so drained I can't bring myself to care. I lean my head to Alfred's chest, the rest of my body on Francis, both sets of arms cradling me tightly. I drift off….

It's December 16, 1773, I can feel it, I know it's important but- I'm in Boston, oh no, not again…. I start shaking, I feel warmth, but also panic, the tea being dumped, the people of soon two different nationalities fighting, fades. I wake up. Both France and America start, "Okay, I don't care if this is normal," "I'm not leaving you alone." France starts and America finishes. I lower my head, defeated, I just want to get this month over with, America starts, "Well I was going to stay here for a day, but I've changed my mind, you're coming to my house, now." I nod silently, letting them pull me out to Alfred's private jet (all the countries have one), France starts, "Bye, you two, don't do anything to each other I wouldn't approve of." I blush at his suggestiveness, "As if I'd listen to you, I'll do what I want with whom I want." I blink and so does Francis at the tone and proper grammar coming from Alfred, France clears his throat, "It was a joke, Amerique. Bye now."

I turn to America with a blush, "Why would you say that?" he blushes back explaining, "I don't like people bossing me, and I kinda didn't think about what he was implying." I laughed, "Of course you didn't, you speak before you think. Although I'm 5 years older than you and raised you, I doubt we'll ever snog anyway." America furrows his brows but says nothing, I doubt he forgot my explanation of that word and how it can mean two different, but similar things. I change the subject, "So, who else is coming to this party of yours?" I see his face light up, "Dude, it's going to be awesome, everybody's be there bro! It's gonna be decked, food, drinks, people, music, what else?" I sigh, "It can't come soon enough."

America looks, "Britain dude! Are you okay, you look sad?" I force a smile, "I'm fine, just a bit tired." He grabs my hand, "Are, you okay, does it have anything to do with earlier?" I blush, suddenly, strangely uncomfortable with the closeness between us. I stutter, "I- I'm fine, I told you they aren't a big deal. I've just had a lot on my mind today." He smiles warily, "Yeah, me too. I just hate this part of year at my place." My eyebrows furrow, but I say nothing, he sighs, "I love how the fireworks look, but the noise they make, it reminds of that time." I suck in a breath, "I don't want to talk about this." He nods, gripping my hand tighter.

I turn to him, "America? Are you okay?" his usually bright personality now quite dim, I've never felt as worried about him as I am now. He shifts closer, "Can you just hug me? Like when I was little, in your lap, pure unfiltered affection?" I blush brightly, "Well- I- You aren't- but- You're too old for that now!" His eyes turn pleading, I know he wouldn't ask unless he really needed it, and he's my friend as well as little brother… it's not weird, unless I make it weird. "Fine, once we get the-" I cut myself off, because I look up to see his somewhat familiar home. He takes me up stairs leaving his housekeepers to deal with our luggage.

When he stops and opens the door I realize it's not my room but his, he says, "This is where we'll be staying." I blink, "You mean to tell me in this giant house, I can't use one room?" He blushes, "The other rooms belong to the housekeepers, they live in, all the rooms are sound proof though." I tilt my head with a questioning look, he blushes, "One of the workers brought someone back and no one was happy until they were assured they wouldn't have to deal with that again from any part of the house…." I sit on the bed, he jumps in my lap, I try not to let the slightly uncomfortable friction he caused show on my face.

He smiles up at me, "I missed you dude." I smile, "I missed you too Alfred" My arms cradle his head and his legs, he looks so content. Until I hear a phone ring, he sighs… "My boss, better answer." his voice changes, "Hello… I know…. Plans changed…. Okay… goodbye." I ask him, "Are you okay?" He smiles, "Yeah, he was just wondering what changed." I yawn, "I'm tired…" Alfred laughs, "Dude I haven't seen you this relaxed since…" I smile, "I know, I just don't like being vulnerable. I've been too tired today to care."

Alfred strips his shirt, "Well then get comfortable, I sleep in boxers so, be as free as you'd like." I flush, "You can't sleep next to me in just boxers! That's weird." Alfred smiles, "What's weird dude, we met when I was like 5 and you raised me, it's nothing you haven't seen before." I blush, "Th- That's - I -" but I can't get any words out and Alfred is already in his boxers in bed. He says, "Dude, just stop worrying and get comfortable." I nervously strip, leaving on my boxers, having no pajamas with me. When I settle next to him he smiles, "Now was that so bad?"

I sigh dramatically, "I suppose it didn't kill me." he scoffs at me, I counter, "Not that it's not a pleasure being so near you with so little clothes." I stop, "I -I didn't mean- I don't know where that came from." I see Alfreds blush from here, I sink down into the pillows, lights long off, saying, "Goodnight." As I drift to sleep.