Wish You Were
She is the beautiful child of something tragic, and you are the tragic child of something beautiful.
And it isn't as though you've had a terrible past (a fucked up childhood) because, really, there's nothing wrong with your family at all and you've always had more growing up than all the other children you've ever met but- and it isn't as though you'd like to paint yourself a martyr, but- there's something wrong with you.
Something dark and malformed that's lurking deep inside your mind, that has twisted your insides so far beyond recognition that you've felt the need to put up walls, not to keep people out, but to lock the monster- in.
You've always wondered how such a misguided child (and you aren't thinking of the fact that you're a lesbian when you ponder this) was the end result of such a beautiful marriage.
And in this way, she is your complete opposite.
She is the wonderful end result of something disastrous. She has had a terrible past (the fucked up childhood you sometimes wish were yours) and even though she isn't okay, she is absolutely gorgeous in every possible way. Everything about her is honest and raw, and pure in an almost violent way.
And everything about her draws you to her like a moth to the flames.
It is during these times, when you get like this, that she notices where your mind has gone, and she worries. And it's funny how she can see right through you
"Oi, Shizuru? What are you thinking about?"
(she's grown more observant, you think), even though you haven't put your guard down for a second. And she's anxious.
It is also during times like these that you wish she were someone else (anyone else) so you wouldn't have to want her in the way you know you do.
"I wish you were someone else, Natsuki."
And she flushes, glaring at you worriedly, hurt flashing in her eyes before you smile (and you almost regret saying anything, then), twisting away from her and wishing your expression didn't look as wrong (bitter) as it does.
"Sh-Shizuru…" You hate the way she sounds so betrayed by your admission.
"Wish you were…" You say slowly, softly, almost humming underneath your breath as you lean forward, resting your forehead lightly against the window pane, your arms moving to wrap around yourself. "I wish you were…"
So I wouldn't have to love you.
And it isn't all fucked up logistics, the way she moves to wrap her arms around you, the way she presses against you in all the wrong (right, you think, your breath hitching in your throat) ways.
"Shizuru…" She says, in a way that makes you want to cry. "I love you."
Like it's the easiest thing in the world to understand. As though she's certain that some things are simply meant to be the way they are, regardless of your inner demons.
And somehow, you're all right again.
A/N: Short and simple. Not how I usually write them. Well. I can write short things. But as to the simple part of the equation...no. I don't usually do simple things. I'm all for the complex.
Later.