Lord of the Rings Humor

(AKA: The "Whatever this Show is Called" Show)

This story is based off of: www(dot)cestarisweb(dot)com(slash)fellowship(dot)html. I did not write the story or the website and I do not claim any rights to it because I do not own it. I highly suggest reading that before you read this. If you don't, certain comments may not make sense. Also, the characters Elfie and Lelfie are the same characters as Elladan and Elrohir in that story. I couldn't remember their names when I started this and decided that Elfie and Lelfie are just easier too remember.

Disclaimer: I do not own LotR. I don't claim any rights to LotR or any of its characters.

Narrator: This Viking Spongebob represents Gimli. (holds up Viking Spongebob from Burger King).

skyheart15: I said that because this story is told the way happened while I was telling it to my siblings.

Gimli: I don't remember buying this hat (points at Viking hat). Or this blanket, that seems to be stuck to my back.

skyheart15: There was a blanket stuck to its back!

Gimli: And who wrote "Burger King" on my back? LEGOLAS! Oh, and this skirt - it isn't very manly. Then again, I've never heard of any girl dwarves. So... if I don't have a mom, then where did I come from? I didn't just fall out of the sky like Gandalf, or did I...?

Random Kid: Maybe dwarves marry elves. There are female elves...

Gimli: But dwarves hate elves! Not me and Legolas...

Random English Teacher: Legolas and I...

Gimli: (pretends not to hear) I'm the heir to the throne or something, right?

Narrator: Yes...

Gimli: Right. So I can like -as a friend!- who I want to like and say what I want to say... even if it's not correct grammar! (glares at Random English Teacher) Anyway, elves are sooo much better than dwarves! I mean Galadreil, for example, she's the most beautiful thing in all of Middle Earth! I even have a strand of here hair! (holds up a piece of long, blonde hair)

Saruman: (blows hair off conveniently placed cliff) Mwahahahaha, the Great Saruman has returned! (vanishes in a puff of smoke)

Gimli: (in slow motion) Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! (jumps off cliff and falls quickly down) Ahhhhhhhhhhhh... wait a minute, I'm a king! I can do what ever I want, so... (singing) I BELIEVE I CAN FLY...! (stops falling)

Legolas: Gimli, you're too fat and heavy to fly!

Gimli: (still floating in mid-air) I'm not heavy because I'm fat. I'm heavy because I wear all this armor. I also have a mithril helmet, but this doesn't count because mithril is as light as a feather. Mithril is a treasure of the dwarves. It is very valuable... (realizes that he is too heavy too fly and continues falling) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... hey! I can do what I want! (singing) I BELIEVE I CAN FLY...! (stops falling for a second, but then comes crashing toward the ground again) Ahhhhhhh... OOMPH! (stays laying dazed on the ground, but then jumps up quickly) Where is it? (getting a bit hysterical) Where is it! Where's the hair? (looks around and thinks too himself: Oh, crap!)

Narrator: Unfortunately for Gimli, at the bottom of the cliff is a field of golden grass.

Legolas: (far above) Did you find it?

Gimli: No. Oh, and, ummm.. CAN YOU GET ME UP? (we can't hear Legolas's response) (Gimli clenches his teeth) You'd better find a way! (Legolas yells something) Really? He has a rope? (Legolas replies) Good, tell'm to throw it down!

Narrator: When Gimli (finally) gets to the top...

Aragorn: You still have 2 more, right? Galadreil gave you 3 hairs!

Gimli: (tearing up) One was stomped on by a cave troll and the other was eaten by the Balrog!

Gandalf: Hmmm, interesting. Balrogs like to eat hair. Maybe that's why it ate my hat. It probably had a piece of hair stuck too it!

Gimli: (suddenly forceful) I demand that we go to Lothlorien and get another hair!

Gandalf: Lothlorien is really far from here! It would take years to get there on foot!

Gimli: Then we'll ride horses!

Legolas: But you hate horses!

Narrator: (flash back) Getting Gimli on a horse was as hard as getting Sam Gamgee on a boat!

Gimli: It's a small price to pay for a strand of Galadreil's hair! Better yet - Gandalf, could you get some of your giant eagle friends to fly us there?

Gandalf: Ehehe... Well... all I ever did for them was help their leader when he was hurt! And they've done so much to help us! I wouldn't feel... comfortable asking them for another favor!

Gimli: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Gandalf: Okay, fine!

Commercial Narrator: Next time on the "Whatever this Show is Called" show, also known as "Lord of the Rings Humor" (rolls eyes - how boring!), the Fellowship meets the Giant Eagles, who tell them that they have too build them a nest before they take them to Lothlorien. After all the hard work, the Fellowship gets angry at Gimli. What will they do to him? What will happen in Lothlorien? Next, sent to Rivendell, the Fellowship will face more trouble with some former-enemies. Find out who and what happens next time on the...

Chorus: (singing) "Whatever this Show is Called" show!

Narrator: Or as some call it, Lord of the Rings Humor. Now get lost! I mean... bye. No really, get lost!