A/N: I know this is not my regular style, but I wanted to try something new. Plus, this idea came up while me and my friend were drunk and were watching Rocky Horror Picture Show, and so two monsters were born: this thing, and the Avengers Rocky Horror Picture Show she is writing. We took it to different places, and I have no idea how well this will go, but I don't think I've ever written in the "humor" genre and I never wrote anything even remotely crossoverish so this is a first in many aspects... I hope I won't disappoint, but what the hell, I'm having fun, and this is only the beginning.

Sorry for long Author Notes but I felt like I needed to say that.

Thanks to my friend Darya who, as always, took the time to beta my work to make it more presentable to you guys :)

Disclaimer: I don't own neither Rocky Horror Picture Show nor Fullmetal Alchemist and it's characters.

EDIT: cover picture by uchiha-umeko from tumblr, permission to use granted. Also, her art is amazing, so go ahead and look her up

Prologue

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It seemed to be just another regular day at the office. Too much boring, made-up work to do, useless documents to sign, annoying subordinates to deal with and a schedule filled with meetings.

Colonel Roy Mustang was currently on his way to one of these meetings; they were usually nothing more than boring discussions, a challenge for his ability to stay awake while being bored to death. However, they were an integral part of his job as an officer, and he had to sit through it and keep his complaints to himself.

He arrived at the meeting's room and found that he was the last person to show up. Not that it really mattered, he thought as he occupied the last available seat, right next to his best friend Maes. He wasn't late, and he definitely had more important things to do than be here and listen to higher ups blabber about nothing.

"Are we all here?" asked Major General Hakuro, and Roy already knew this was going to be really just another useless meeting about nothing that had anything to do with him. He let out a sigh and sunk in his seat, bracing himself for the inevitable boredom.

"Hey, Roy," he heard Maes whispering next to him, and he glanced in his direction, then let out a low sound to let him know he heard him. "Did you hear? It's time for the annual department competition."

"Oh, not that crap again," the Colonel whispered back. Every year the military arranged a competition between all the different departments for charity purposes. They were supposed to do something for the community: raise a show, a gaming evening, something like that. It was nothing but a stupid way to gain the people's unconditional support, but in order to make the different commanders actually play along, they've made it a competition. There was no actual winning prize, but 'respect and fulfillment' were supposed to be sufficient. Roy's department has never won, but they never really tried to. It wasn't worth it, and no one really cared. No one even remembered who won last year, so why should they make an effort to succeed?

"Yeah. But I heard that this year the winning department is getting a whole week off to go to a vacation in Western. You know the kind of resorts they have there, right?"

Of course Roy knew. Amestris wasn't known for its vacation options, but Western City was an exception: blessed with thick forests and lovely lakes, its main income source was the money coming from people spending a weekend or a holiday there, away from their troubles. It was expensive to go there, and, besides, Roy was stuck in Eastern due to work and really had no one to take with him there. But still, the mention of that place was enough to ignite his curiosity and he couldn't help but ask farther. "Of course. But why would they do that?"

Maes shrugged. "No idea, but I have no complains. I also heard they're going to raise the bar this year, so if you want to participate, you have to think of something good."

"I don't know, Maes," Roy sighed, and glanced at his commander for a second. He was talking about something that had to do with coming up training; not interesting, and Riza would fill him in about it later anyway. "You know I hate this stuff."

"Yeah, but think about it. A vacation in Western… and being away from here. Besides," he added, and Roy knew now he would hear the real reason for his friend's persuasion. "This year is Gracia's and mine fifth anniversary… and I want to take her somewhere special. You know I can't do that unless we're given a vacation… and I don't make enough to get all three of us to Western."

Roy smirked. "I see. I'll give it some thought, Maes."

"Thanks, Roy. Hey, by the way, did I show you the picture of my beloved Elicia riding a horse for the first time?"

"No, but Major Hughes, we are here to participate in this meeting, you can show me later."

Their conversation ended there (and of course, Roy did whatever he could to escape his friend afterwards), but Roy couldn't stop thinking about his best friend's words even hours later, when he was back in his apartment sipping his evening coffee. He usually treated that stupid competition as the burden that it was, and nothing more. But this time there was actually a prize; a meaning to the competition. And it was a worthy one, too. The idea of getting a few days, or maybe even a whole week off work in order to go to one of the resorts Western offered, and on the military's expense no less, was very alluring. Besides, it's not like they really had anything better to do. Truth was, Eastern City was rather quiet these days and his higher ups were making up work for him and his crew. Just yesterday he was forced to send Fullmetal on some stupid, meant-to-be-a-failure kind of a mission. The boy would return in a few days and rant about it, but at least for now it gave Roy some time off from the headache the teen usually gave him.

Maybe actually making an effort this year was a good idea. Keeping them all busy while earning a luxurious vacation, what could be so bad about that? They all probably need some time off; hell, he knew he definitely needed time off.

Roy made a decision. For the first time in his life as an officer he won't skip the annual charity event. He let out a sigh and grabbed the newspaper he picked up on his way back from work. Now he just had to find an idea that'd be good enough to make them make the most money and ensure their winning. He allowed his gaze to flutter over the words written, scanning the many reports and announcements and ads that were printed there when his eyes caught a familiar picture. He delayed on that article, reading it instead of drifting over it, and a headline and one paragraph later he realized it was a review of a play he accidently watched a couple of years back. It was a hideous and brilliant show at the same time; so stupid and uncanny it made him laugh. Its name was The Rocky Horror Picture Show, an idiotic musical with a confusing plotline that made no sense at all and mostly seemed like a lame excuse to dress the entire cast in corsets and net leggings. Ah… the ladies, walking around the stage with pretty much everything showing on display… the men – well built, tanned and handsome men – dancing in high heels and singing about, well, about sex toys and orgies. It was beautiful, disgusting, and hilarious. Whoever thought about that was a genius. If only Roy could find such an awesome idea, it would grant him the first place for sure.

Oh. Roy's eyes went wide and a wicked grin spread on his lips as the idea formed in his brain. It was sick, and he'd have to pull his rank more than he liked to – if not use bribery – but it was the greatest plan he'd ever had. There was nothing better than getting all the girls in his division into form flattering corsets and net leggings, and watching the males wearing them too… that could be interesting. Very interesting indeed.

Surprised by his own brilliance Roy put the paper down and got up from his sofa, rushing towards his phone. He dialed, and waited for an answer.

"Hello?"

"Maes, tell me. Are there any limitations on what that stupid event should be?"

"Roy! I didn't get to show you my daughter's picture! I'll show you tomorrow. I don't think there are any limitations, they always just ask everyone to be creative – "

"Good! So it doesn't have to be on a certain theme, or suitable for every age…"

"Don't tell me you're planning on getting strippers to raise charity for you! That's inappropriate – "

"No, no, no such thing. I want to… never mind. Don't worry about it. Does it have to be suitable for kids or not?"

"I don't think so. You're scaring me. What exactly are you planning?"

"Good. You'll find out tomorrow. Good night, Maes." He hung up the phone, ignoring the callings from the other end, pleading for some explanations. He had no time to explain. Tomorrow he'd tell everyone about his plan and force them to cooperate, but in order to do that he had to be prepared and have everything ready, and he had only tonight to work on the layout.

It was going to be the best show anyone ever presented. It was going to be a hell of a lot of hard work, but it was so going to be worth it. Roy's grin broadened, and he rushed towards his study, starting to think of the right way to present his idea, and the way it should be.

A/N: Like I said this is the first time I'm writing anything of the sort, so I'd really appreciate some feedback to let me know how I'm doing and how I should improve or if there's anything that doesn't make sense at all.

Thank you very much for reading :)