Then it was a force of nature that took over and nothing could stop his hands from cradling her face, tangling in her hair, and all he could think was that finally...
...this is what I've always wanted...
Blair allowed herself to linger on that thought for only a moment. Any longer and she'd have to admit that she'd teetered toward Dan all bright and chipper just because she'd wanted to see him. Any longer and she would have to let go of the denial that she clung to so desperately. She let the thought slip away into the darkness as she force her mind to be a blank page, pushed reason away, let her hands skim across his t-shirt, soft under her fingertips, felt the electricity of his lips as they moved against hers, never wanted it to stop. Then it did and she felt...
...dizzy...
His head was spinning as Blair sat across from him, telling him she could use a friend. He'd left friendship behind after Nate's party. There had been too much time not saying the things he really wanted to say and that part of his life was over. There was no going back to friendship and movie dates and banter. He wanted more and if more wasn't what Blair could give, Dan was willing to have nothing. It had almost hurt as she pretended nothing had happened, asked again for his friendship, pretended that she had never looked at him in a way that made him ache for her, never asked what would make him happy, that he had never told her in a way that would leave her completely certain where he stood.
...I want you...
How had she not heard his words? Not just the words in the book, or the words as he sat across from her telling her that he wanted more. The words that were so glaringly obvious in every touch, every hug, every supportive moment. The three words, eight letters that had been unspoken but now were almost screamed from the pages of a book that was really a love letter, how could she not have heard them?
Blair stood staring at the blonde actress who was busy scrambling, stuttering, giving pointed looks across the pages of the book she gripped in her hands, looking nervously around at the crowd, horrified, but Blaire didn't care. As the words in Dan's book were read to her she felt a strange pain creep through her stomach, the kind of pain you feel when you realize that something is gone, never coming back, and at that moment all she wanted was to reach out and have him there again, his hand in hers, his voice soft in her ear, his hands in her hair, and she ached all over, but mostly in her heart. The words spilled out awkwardly from the actress's lips, stilted and jarring and Blair forgot where she was standing, who she was standing in front of. There was a time when Blair Waldorf would have been horrified as such a public stripping, never let her heart be so exposed, when her image was everything and control was the prize. And now she stood, undone, ripped open, bare for an entire room full of strangers to see, to pick a part, and she was shocked to realize that she didn't care.
...Dan loves me for me...
There was part of him that wanted to walk away and another part of him that knew he couldn't, which is why he'd texted her when he'd heard Cece was in the hospital. Blair would want to know. Now, as she strode toward him he tried hard to keep his face neutral, to not let too much out, tried to pretend they could go back to where they were, that he could help her through this and then he would try to walk away again. It almost felt like full circle until Blair started to speak and something was different, her voice was filled with humility as words tumbled out...
...how can this happen...
Confession is cathartic for the soul, and Blair felt hers start to almost float out of her body as she confessed what she'd known since Nate's party, and maybe even before that. She'd been pretending. Pretending she could go on like she had been; pining for Chuck but finding solace in Dan and telling herself it was nothing. Pretending they were just friends, pretending that she didn't feel at home when he wrapped his arms around her, pretending that when he told everything would be okay that she actually believed him. It was such...
...warped logic...
The sad twist of her mouth made Dan ache just a little more and he gripped her hand in his, trying to tell her without words that she was okay, will be okay. He knew her, inside out, flaws, strengths, and it all combined into one beautifully imperfect doe eyed woman standing in front of him, her eyes shining with tears as she gave him something he'd only just begun to allow himself to feel. Hope. All his tension slipped away with her words, with the way she said his name, loaded with frustration, the way she finally told him the truth, that little nagging truth that had first entered into his mind when he realized that Chuck's efforts to sabotage his book meant Dan Humphrey, Lonely Boy, the eternal outsider, had a real chance. When he realized that he'd crossed over a line at some point, completely unintended, that Blair actually could love him back. He allowed a small smile to flicker across his face,then she said...
...whatever this is it will have to wait...
no.
...what if I don't want to...
She walked away and knew it was time to stop the cascade of sabotage and revenge, to prevent civilian casualties in the war of shock and awe that was about to break about, a war fueled by change and empty promises. And when she hung up with Chuck, she walked back toward Dan, standing in the almost empty hallway, his silhouette framed against the harsh hospital corridor lighting, his phone in his hand, head bent down as he read some random text. Then he looked up, at her and she smiled
...I wonder what made him change his mind...
Blair heard the sigh escape from Dan as he looked her, his eyes refusing to leave hers. Then it was there, something old and familiar and comfortable, Dan and Blair, movies and museums, and something else.
...I'm gonna head home...
She glanced down the hallway at Serena and knew this was where she needed to be right now, but she still allowed her eyes to linger just a little bit longer, wished she could place her arm in his and they could go together, sit together in the silence of his loft, his hand in hers, her fingers tracing over his knuckles, her head on his shoulder, his lips in her hair, his other hand tracing the nape of her neck. Just sit there feeling the warmth of their bodies pressed against each other, marveling at the quiet and the peace around them and inside them. Instead she leaned forward and told him all those words with one simple kiss, a perfunctory, quick sweet press of her lips to his, finally a real kiss, not a kiss to prove a lie, not a desperate grab for something out of reach, but a promise, and as she walked away she felt his eyes boring into the back of her head because she had just told him what he'd always wanted to hear.
...I am yours...