Disclaimer: I do not own Vocaloid. As for the pickup lines, credits to. I also do not own the picture, credits to the artist.
That's it.
I'm done being friendzoned.
I can't take it anymore. Everytime you smile and say, "Len, let's be best friends forever!" you have no idea how it hurts me. Literally. I mean, the whole school knows I'm in love with you. It's like having my intestines crushed and my heart being squashed into pulp and- no, that's it. I'm not writing about how I'll die. Goddamn it Rin heartbreaking Kagamine, it's about damn time I finally confess to you how much I'm in love with you.
Plan number 01: Anonymous Letter.
"Hey Len," an all-too familiar voice calls out. I look up from the manga I'm currently reading and stared at her.
"Yeah."
"You know how much fan letters are clichédly stuffed into my locker at the crack of dawn?" she asked, one eyebrow raised.
Uh-oh.
I don't like where this is going.
My Lenny senses are tingling.
"Yeah, what about it? Are you trying to rub it on my face?"
"No. There's this one letter that stood out. It's a printed letter, not a hand-written one. The person obviously doesn't want me to know his or her hand writing. Probably someone I know. Can you help me spot the writer?" She requested, scratching her imaginary beard in thought. After the word 'printed' I wasn't even listening.
OH SHIT.
OH HOLY UNICORN'S RAINBOW COLORED, FRUIT LOOPS FILLED, PERFUME SMELLING SHIT.
THAT WAS ME.
CRAP.
Okay, reader-san, just give me a minute for me to die inside a little.
"Len? Why is your face scrunched up? Are you holding a fart?" she asked, as I look at her hand. As I spotted the messily folded letter, I tried my best not to hyperventilate.
Okay, Len.
Calm down.
She won't even suspect it's you.
Haha, why was I worrying that much anyway?
"Somehow, this letter is written like you write."
DOUBLE FLIPPING FLYING CRAP.
SHIT.
WHY DID I-
DAMN IT.
OKAY.
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
"Rin. Give me that letter."
Rin blinked at my tone. "Here."
I tore it into pieces and threw all the nearly atom like pieces into a fire.
"Um. Len."
Plan number 02: Catch her.
I clutched the object in my hand.
Yes.
I'm definitely doing this.
"Rin!"
I screamed her name and threw the object in my hand at her. The object dramatically spun in air and hit Rin flat in the face.
"Len! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" she demanded, a red ball mark on her face. I smirked at her. Yes. I've caught her...
"Len... is this a Pokéball?"
Or maybe not.
"Um. yes."
Even though I'm standing a few meters away from her, I could still feel aura choking me to death.
In this situation there's only one thing I can tell her.
"Uh... Gotta catch 'em all?"
5.6 seconds later, I had at Pokéball shoved up in my mouth, a black eye, scratches from nail on my face, bruises and a few broken ribs and was being chased by Rin riding her road roller.
Plan number 03: Books. Awkward books.
So I came up with this plan when I was walking through the school grounds.
Then I saw a pair of girls giggling slash snorting slash chortling slash letting out horny laughs.
A pair of cute girls.
Okay.
Yes.
I love Rin.
A lot.
BUT PLEASE, RAGING TESTOSTERONE HERE AND I'M NOT SURE I CAN EVEN GET RIN. SHE SEES ME AS A FRIEND AND- great, I'm getting depressed what I said myself. Wow.
Plus, I'm kind of curious to see what these girls are reading. The cover can't be seen because it's covered by the hands of the girls. What could get them this excited?
"Yo."
The pair looked up at me and stared at me like I'm the last person on Earth before letting out horny laughs.
I ignored this.
"Whatchu girls readin'?"
The two stared at each other and nodded their heads in a determined manner and showed me what they were reading.
HOLY MOTHER OF-
ARE THOSE TWO GUYS.
ARE THOSE TWO GUYS DOING IT.
HOLY CRAP.
IS THIS THE POWER OF YAOI, TO TAKE OVER THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF GIRLS?
HOLY SHIT.
"Do all girls like those stuff?" I asked, forcing myself to smile politely and keeping my thoughts to myself.
They nodded their heads, meaning yes.
"Only a lot. Do you want to read with us?"
"Do I look like a girl?"
"Wait, you're a boy?"
"Well, it was lovely meeting you two, goodbye."
After that, I went to a Manga shop and bought 20 yaoi manga and magazines.
The owner's expression was priceless and he had only asked one question.
"Are you gay?"
Anyways, I also bought some rope.
The next day, I tied one end of the rope into a loop and tied the other end to a strong branch of a tree.
This will work.
I kept the looped-side on the ground and stared at typical cartoon-ish trap and kept all 20 of the yaoi manga in the space of the loop.
"Len? Where are you? Why did you call me to a forest? Am I going to be raped?"
My ears wolfishly twitched and I dove into a bush.
Whoa.
So this is what it feels to like a ninja.
"Len? Where are you?" Rin called, her expression kind of frightened now. SHIT. IS THIS SCARING HER? I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE CHOSEN A FOREST TO DO THIS, I JUST WANTED TO BE AUTHENTIC AND HAVE IT A FOREST. BUT LOOK AT THAT EXPRESSION- DON'T WORRY RIN BABY I'M COMING, PRINCE CHARMING IS HERE TO SWEEP YOU OFF YOUR FEET, LOOK AT THAT CUTE EXPRESSION-
"Seriously Len, where the actual fuck are you? Are you taking a dump and it's stuck?"
Okay, maybe not.
"Hm? What's this?"
YES.
SHE SAW THE MANGA.
OKAY, NOW SHE'S MAKING WAY TO IT.
OKAY, NOW SHE'S READING IT. OKAY, NOW SHE'S-
SHIT.
WHY IS HER NOSE BLEEDING.
IT THAT NORMAL.
IS THAT EVEN HEALTHY.
"Rin, yo, what's wrong?" I army-rolled out of my hiding spot and asked, trying to make myself cool and not the screaming mess I am inside.
"Len, what's this?"
"Um."
"Len."
"I thought you might like it." Oh, and also, later if you liked it, I wanted to confess to you and have babies with you.
The next second, Rin had completely tore all 20 manga and shoved it up my throat.
Plan number 04: Poems.
Poem number one.
Dear Rin,
Roses are red,
Violets are blue-
Wait, if they're blue, then why call them violets?
What was I about to write anyways?
Poem number two.
Dear Rin,
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
It's about damn time you take a clue,
And notice my feelings.
Does anyone else think I sound like a desperate, clingy high school anime girl?
Yeah?
Thought so.
Poem number three.
Dear Rin,
You are my sempai,
My lovely sempai,
You give me dokkyuns-
Fuck it, we're the same age.
Poem number four.
Dear Rin,
Every time a gentle wind comes,
Your soft blonde locks sways,
Your eyes finally looking serene 'cause gu~rl, damn you're a sadist-
She might skin me to death after reading these few first lines.
Poem number five.
Dearest Rin,
I love you,
And I can't get over that fact,
I-
Fuck.
This reminds me of the time she said 'Let's be best friends'.
Great.
I'm crying and the paper is stained.
So poems aren't really my thing.
Plan number 06: Pick-up lines. Lots of pick-up lines.
"Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile."
"Len, what are you doing?" Rin asked in an exasperated sigh.
"Do you have a map? Because I'm lost in your eyes."
"Len, what the fuck."
"You must be a light switch, because every time I see you, you turn me on."
"What."
"My doctor says I'm lacking Vitamin U."
"Dude, what."
"I seem to have lost my number... can I have your's?
"Retard, we live next to each other and fuck no, you already have it."
"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!"
"What, I look like an awkward potato. What are you doing anyways?"
"I'm not staring at your boobs, I'm staring at your heart."
"I'm an A, I don't even have boobs."
"Put down that cupcake, you're sweet enough already."
"What cupcake."
"Your lips look so lonely... would they like to meet mine?"
"Use one more pick up line and I swear Len, you're gonna wish you were never born."
Over the past few years I've been friends with Rin, there's one thing I've learned:
Every threat she makes is serious.
"...Okay."
"Thank you."
"Where did you find those pick up lines though?"
"Internet."
"Oh."
I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.
"Do you sit on a pile of sugar? 'cause damn, you have a pretty sweet ass."
Next thing I knew, Rin's fist had painfully hugged my face.
Plan number 07: ?
"That's it! I've had enough!" I screamed, clutching my head dramatically.
"Huh? Len, what's wrong-"
"I love you!"
"..."
"Ever since the middle school I loved you and it's about time you finally took a clue, damn it!"
"Len..."
"I've been hopelessly in love with you until now and all you ever do is say how we'll be best friends forever!"
"Len..."
"I've had enough! I know you'll probably not feel the same way about me, and the friendship we have here," I said, gesturing the space around us. "will never be the same, but... screw it, Rin, I love you and I can't stop myself!"
"Len."
"No! Don't 'Len' me! I get it, 'kay? You don't like me that way and we probably won't be able to be friends... I mean, best friends anymore... so yeah, g'bye Rin," I ended, trying to stop myself from crying. I sighed and walked away.
Tug.
"What is it?! Trying to make fun of me-" I started, but was cut by... Rin's lips? My eyes widened at this.
WHAT.
IS.
SHE.
FUCKING.
DOING.
IS THIS A DREAM?
IS SHE ACTUALLY KISSING ME?
WHAT THE FLIPPING FUCK?
Wait, wasn't I waiting for this moment?
For once, I decided to put all of my thoughts in the back of my mind and deepened the kiss by wrapping my hands around her waist. In return, Rin connected her hands behind my neck.
After what seemed like a minute later, she pulled back her lips, panting, and connected her forehead to mine.
"Don't decide... what I think... asshole... I feel the... same damn way... as you..." she said, between pants.
"Yeah? You do, huh?" I smiled, a rare genuine smile only for her, playing on my lips.
"Yeah. I love you, Len," she said, nuzzling her head against the crook of my neck. "I always have, ever since middle school. The whole school knew it too."
"I love you too, Rin. I guess that makes us the same."
A peaceful silence built up as we stared at each.
"Hey Rin?" I asked, breaking the silence.
"Yeah?"
Are you an orphanage? 'cause I wanna give you kids."
"Seriously, Len, shut up."
-The end-
Well, that was amusing to write.