Quinn drops her graduation cap on her desk and slides open her closet door. She knows what she is looking for. She pulls down the light green shoebox and lifts the lid. The letter is right on top, heavily creased, two lines cutting the paper into thirds. Quinn unfolds it carefully and reads it again, careful to breathe steadily to hold back the tears.
Dear Rachel,
This is my last chance to say goodbye, to say everything I need to say, so I'm going to say it all.
It is going to be easy to leave Lima behind. It is going to be easy to leave the memories of Finn and Puck and Sam behind and move on to a better and brighter future. I was honest when I told you that.
I wasn't entirely honest, though. It is not going to be easy to leave every person behind. It is not going to be easy to leave you behind, Rachel. When I'm at Yale, I won't remember why I thought I loved those boys, but I also won't understand why it took me so long to realize I loved you. Love you. Because, Rachel, I do love you.
I don't want to be your anchor. I would never consider holding you back, or trying to keep you near me. I want you to fly away to New York and blossom into the Broadway star that I know you are. I just want you to know that I love you.
I also want you to know that when the snow begins to fall at Yale, I will wish that you were there to dance in it with me. I will wonder if the snow is falling in New York yet. I will check the train schedule so I can go down there and see for myself. If it is, I will sit in a coffee shop near NYADA and wait for you to find me there.
I want you to know that when you mass invite all of your Facebook friends to your first NYADA show, I will click "maybe," but will attend every performance I possibly can. On closing night I will bring you flowers and lie when I tell you that I just happened to be able to make it that night.
Maybe you will come up to Yale to see me in my first performance. Maybe you will spend the night. Maybe we will both become intimately familiar with the landscape between New Haven and New York City.
I don't expect you to love me back. Now that I have told you, it probably seems like I was being selfish when I told you to leave Finn behind, but I don't expect anything for me, Rachel. When I told you to leave Finn behind, all I expected from you was for you to become a bright and shining star.
Whatever you do, wherever you find yourself, never forget that you are Rachel Berry, born to be a Broadway star, with the most powerful voice I have ever heard, the biggest heart, the brightest future. The world needs to hear the voice of Rachel Berry. Please, never forget that, even for a moment. If you do, come find me, and I will remind you.
Good luck, Rachel.
I know I will see your name in lights someday. I will be there on opening night, every time, no matter what.
If you need anything, at any time, anywhere, do not hesitate to call me. I hope we will continue to be a part of each others' lives, but if we are not, know that you will always have a piece of my heart.
With love, always,
Lucy Quinn Fabray
She knew this day would come, but she was surprised it had come so quickly. It had been four years since she had carefully penned this letter, eight previous drafts piled in the trash can. Four years since she had carried it to the choir room for her last Glee meeting. Four years since she had quietly tucked it into her bag when she saw Rachel and Finn walk in arm-in-arm, a gold ring wrapped around Rachel's finger.
Rachel was smiling, happy. As much as Quinn wanted to pull Rachel aside and remind her that Finn would just weigh her down, she bit her tongue and pulled her face into something resembling a grin. She congratulated them again. She hugged them all goodbye, and glanced back as she walked out the door. Rachel was touching Finn's chest, discussing something intently. Rachel was not watching her walk away.
The hadn't spoken since. Quinn had taken the train to New York for Rachel's first NYADA performance, but had pulled her hooded coat around her face and ran out as the applause began, because Finn was there too. She never went again. She had realized then that Finn would always be there too.
When Rachel changed her relationship status to "single" two years later, Quinn was too busy with her own performances to try again. Plus, she didn't know if she could handle seeing Rachel. It was easier to forget that almost imperceptible heartbreak with each passing year and each hookup and short-term girlfriend.
But the day had come. The day she had promised herself she would call Rachel and wish her congratulations. The day she would see what might be possible.
Quinn pulls her phone out of her purse and scrolls through her contacts to "R." Rachel Berry.
Her hand begins to tremble as she hits "call" and brings the phone up to her ear.