"..totally has the hots for me dudes! I mean, did you see the way she looked at me? Those were totally bedroom eyes!"
A supposedly dull Tuesday found our South Park High boys merrily walking home after school, accompanied by yet another episode of "How I tried to woo Bebe and it wasn't a rejection, dammit!" by yours truly Clyde Donovan.
"Pff, like you even know what 'bedroom eyes' means." Token, being the generous friend that he is, sniggers, trailing behind the resident rainbow couple.
"I sooooo do!" Clyde whirls around from his impromptu spot of the leader, accusingly pointing at his offender. "It was totally the same look Stan always has when he stalks Wendy!"
There is an indignant "Oy!" from the very back.
"Or when Cartman ogles Kyle!"
" It's more of a, hmm…", Token hums, finger on his chin. "..oh, 'I'm planning to make sauce out of you and feed it to Stan' look."
"Definitely not bedroom eyes" Tweek grinned, showing a surprisingly perfect row of white teeth for someone who inhales coffee as much as a certain Marsh talks about his on and off girlfriend.
"Yeah or…" Clyde rounds on the blonde ".. every time someone mentions you in front of Craig! I mean just saying 'coffee' is enough to get him to -..oww!"
He was asking for the punch that followed. Despite being rather scrawny and frail looking, Tweek was one of their strongest fighters after all.
Chuckles erupt around them as everyone waits for the inevitable monotone grumble or the bird from the boy's other half.
"Sugar?"
Totally not a synonym to 'go fuck yourselves'.
"What?" chirps Tweek at the same time Clyde lets out an extremely intelligent 'eh'.
Graig leans on the blonde, the hand on his shoulder rather protective.
"Oh, honey honey!"
"Oh no..", Tweek wails and tears himself away from his boyfriend, a decent scowl adoring his rapidly reddening face. "God dammit, Craig."
"See Clyde, now that's what I c..ca..call bedroom eyes!" Jimmy stutters, eyes zoning on the couple, who were slowly and surely becoming the center of attention on the sidewalk.
Now, his tactical retreat doesn't exactly go unnoticed by the rest as they stare dumbly from the coffee addict to the cheery brunette, who was actually smiling…a very real and incredibly sappy smile without a care in the world.
Craig Tucker never smiles! Like, ever!
"Wait a second, is Craig sin..-", Token's astonishment however, is cut off when said boy belches out 'You are my candy boy~' in a suspiciously disney princess like manner.
Their jaws drop.
"And you got me wanting you~" With the devious charm of a pirate, the boy continues hitting the notes so perfectly that one would think he has a fairy godmother somewhere under the bed who regularly gives his vocal cords a boost spell.
Tweeks whole face is burning crimson by now. "I am so - hngh- sorry you guys.."
"Uh", Clyde, as responsive as ever squeaks just as Craig reaches his better half in two long strides and sweeps him in his arms for an impromptu waltz.
"Honey~", he purrs, nuzzling the cheek. "Oh, sugar sugar!" He twirls Tweek around in a pirouette and bows gracefully, which was a feat considering most of the time he is a awkward goose. "You are my candy boy, and you got me wanting you!"
"C..craig!", hisses the blonde to no effect whatsoever.
Craig does a half turn and proceeds to purr. "I just can't believe the loveliness of loving you!" He bends down to kiss one tomato cheek. "I just can't believe it's true.."
He even has the audacity to wiggle his hips a bit.
Tweek sighs. Defeated and embarrassed, he twists his head around to wail at his gobsmacked friends rather miserably.
"You guys, he's doing it again.."
"Again?" At Jimmy's raised eyebrow they simultaneously turn to stare at the brunette, who from unknown sources has somehow acquired a microphone and is obviously imagining himself as Freddie fucking Mercury.
At least his voice fits.
"You mean he actually sang for you before? Why haven't we heard him sing!" Clyde screeches, making them all cringe.
Tweek watches his boyfriend literally melt the snow around with a powerful roar of 'put a lil sugar on me babe~'.
"He did sing, once.." Tweek twitches violently. "I need ..hngh..coffee!"
Jimmy eyebrows fur a bit, recalling a distant memory. "T-that's right, back in fourth g..gr..grade",
Clyde crosses his arms, clearly distressed. "Well maybe I wanted to hear him sing for me too! He's supposed to be my best mate! What the fuck is he singing anyways..?"
"Screw that, what I wanna know," a new voice pipes up, "..is one, where the hell he got that sweet tambourine from!" An orange puffy hood squeezes in between them to reveal the smirking face of Kenny Mccormick. "Two, sweet damn, where does he keep that sexy voice, mhumm".
Tweek, unimpressed as ever, raises a blonde brow. Meanwhile the singing sensation slanders over to the commotion and drapes himself all over the blonde spaz, still humming the ending of song under his breath.
"And three, does this method actually work?"
"It's been tested" Craig smirks and squeezes his human pillow. Tweek hides his face in the his chest. "I'm gonna make your life so sweet.."
"Oh gross..", groans Token and promptly facepalms.
Craig stares pointedly at the orange blob.
"Sweet! Say Tweekers, my darlin' babycheeks, do I have you explicit permission to borrow your lesser half for a couple of hours? For a strategy meeting!"
"Kyle!"
The redhead skids to a stop at the sudden shout and whirls around, carefully chosen curse words already on his lips as he focuses on his basketball practice offender.
His eyebrows rise as his brain registers the usual orange blob he calls a friend and just what he is dragging around with him.
"Is that an old cassette player?", he wonders, staring dumbly at the blonde, who is carefully maneuvering himself across the stands with the enormous thing on his shoulder, a mike in his hand and a very cheeky grin he can make out even from the court.
"What in the…"
"YOU'RE JUST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE~"