With each step we take,
I know it's a mistake.
Another kiss should not be exchanged.
But yet I can't bring myself to,
To stop this madness.
I love your smiles,
I love your adoration,
I love you.
And I know you love me too,
But this is not right.
We're not meant to be,
And I know you see.
Still we walk on to the next day,
Returning to our silly play.
Day by day,
Breath by breath,
We walk together,
Hand in hand.
Smiling and laughing.
We both know it wasn't meant to be.
We just pretend not to see.
Pretending we don't hear,
The harsh words that fly.
We don't want our love to die,
I wish they could feel,
Feel the love, the warmth,
The sincerest moments we shared.
They don't understand,
They shut out our words.
They don't see the love.
I want to reassure myself,
But it's starting to get to me.
I don't know how long I will last.
Maybe this might become our past.
"Kaname, I don't think we should continue." My heart was heavy, and the sense of not being able to continue without him was making a deep path in my heart. I didn't want to do this to him, but I knew we shouldn't even be together in the first place. I couldn't imagine tomorrow if I wasn't by his side. Kaname was my everything: my savior, my heart, my soul, and my lover. Without him I know I would end up crumbling into a pile of dust. Kaname would be able to live without me, being a pure blood meant he was strong. Something I knew I wasn't. I knew I was a coward trying to run from this lovely nightmare of ours, but I couldn't, wouldn't force myself to go through this pain. The rejection from everybody. What happened to me? I used to go through each day with him ignoring the rejection, disgust, and hatred with my natural prowess. With each day, I started to let it get to me, and I naturally started pushing him away ever so slightly. Kaname always noticed whenever I did that, and he would ask why. Every time he did, I would play it down. The feeling of dread weaves its way I to my heart. Slowly but surely I felt I didn't deserve him. I felt my love wavering. I didn't know what to do anymore. It was getting harder and harder each day. Sometimes I wished myself a slow torturing death that seemed fit for someone that didn't deserve Kaname, but when Kaname took my hands and kissed them, it would quickly dissolve. But now those thoughts came to my mind almost daily, and Kaname's small reassuring kisses weren't as effective. I could start to feel weight upon my shoulders. The understanding of exactly where my position is. I didn't belong here by Kaname's side like I always naturally assumed was my rightful place. But that was only the beginning of my pain and worries.
Kaname's face was shocked but mostly pained. I could feel my heart breaking into a million prices when his perfect lips formed these next words. "I see. If this is what you wish, I will not stop you from making this choice. If you do not wish to see me, I will not stop you from leaving. Even if my heart is only yours, I see it is not enough for you. I hope you will think of our time fondly." He gave me a small smile, and I turned away quickly so he could not see the tears that were starting to form. It hurt so much right now.
I walked out of his room with legs that felt like lead. The door to outside looked less dooming than it had before, and I could feel the weight fall off my shoulders. I kept thinking about this. Did I really do the right thing? I was second guessing myself now, but it felt right. Why did doing the right thing hurt so damn much? I wished Kaname stopped me from leaving. I wanted him to beg me to not leave him, but I guess he grew tired of me. The night was chillingly gloomy, and the rain was pouring down onto me. It was so fitting for this moment in time. "I vow to never approach you again, even if every fiber of my being is hurting to be by your side, I shall never appear before you. This I will carry put skillfully, and the best way would be to disappear off of the face of the earth." And I knew the best place to kill myself was. Somewhere vast and untouched by any humans, and that was the last place I spent my happy moments with Kaname, the cliff that looked over the ocean. There we were entwined in each other's arms for warmth, looking to the horizon watching the sun paint brilliant hues as it fell. And I now made my way over there with a determined mind. I walked to the front of the academy gates fetching my beloved bike, and I fished out my keys jamming them into the ignition hearing it roar. I jumped on and sped out into the night. Everything around me was a blur as I rode the streets to the cliff. I could feel my heart race along my roaring bike. I felt for my Bloody Rose, and I found it in my back pocket where it always was. I would have been delayed if my gun happened to slip out of my pocket.
The rain was pouring even harder, and I wouldn't be able to see if I was still a human. Thankfully, I hadn't been one in a long time. My clothes were soaked, and the chill was setting into my bones. If I wasn't going to kill myself, I would have never gone there in the first place. I saw the stray path to the cliff, and I came to a skidding halt just before it. Getting off the bike, I strode the path I knew so well. The moments were flooding my head. Kaname and I walked this small path hand in hand weekly. We would flirt on the way to the cliff, exchanging teasing remarks and purposeful feathery touches. It was different walking it now. There was no happiness. There was no exchanges of "I love you" or "You'll won't be able to catch me". It was only cold and wet now. The vegetation thinned, and I now stood on the cliff. I was situated precariously on the edge, but I wasn't going to jump off into the roiling, murky waters like a cliché movie. I wanted it to hurt more, and it would hurt more if I thought of him as I shot myself. I looked to the heavens, and my tears mingled with the rain. "Thank you so much Kaname. I loved you deeply, but I couldn't bring myself to trust the fact that I belonged by your side. I couldn't handle the scorn and hatred any more. My deepest regret though was the fact that you didn't seem to love as I loved you, but it was worth it the few loving moments we had." I pulled out my Bloody Rose, and I placed it over my beating heart. "My heart beats for you and you alone. Without you, I am nothing." I knew this was a crazy thing to do. I knew I shouldn't continue. I knew I was being stupid.
I wished I could only see his face once more before I died. "Zero!" Was I hallucinating? I turned to see Kaname running towards me with a worried face. Maybe I was, but I gladly accepted it. I smiled at Kaname, and I pulled the trigger. It hurt. A fire was burning my heart as I crumpled to the ground, and it spread throughout my body. The rain icy cold seemed to help the pain, and oddly my Kaname hallucination was grabbing my hand sobbing. It felt so real. "Why did you do this? I love you so much Zero! I need you." The warmth was leaving my body, and I could hear a faint shattering noise. I looked to my feet, and I noticed I was slowly fading away. I wiped his tears with my last drop of strength and gave him a loving smile like I always done when I was by his side. I had to say this before I finally disappeared.
"I love you too Kaname." I smiled as I finally disappeared like I promised. Thank you Kaname, for showing me love.
The next day the chairman released news of Zero's death, and there was a memorial service held for him. The whole school attended, even the night class. Kaname was the first to give a speech, and the night class couldn't look to their leader knowing they were the cause of Zero's death. The next speaker was Yuuki, who couldn't finish her speech because she broke down into tears. She asked her brother why wasn't he crying for Zero. He gave this answer, "How can I cry if my heart has died?" His voice was so soft that it almost sounded sad, but Yuuki knew he really was dead inside. She wanted to heal her brother, but she knew the hole in his heart would never heal.
The night class feared for their lives, but nothing never happened to them. Kaname led them to a quick peaceful time like the chairman wanted. The vampires and humans lived in peace, and Kaname held a stoic mask like he did before he met Zero. At night Kaname would hold the Bloody Rose to his chest, and grieve for Zero. But he never cried for him. It was hard for Kaname, and many times he wanted to follow. But Kaname knew he had a role to fulfill, and he couldn't do as he pleased. Peace was kept, for fear the beast within Kaname would be awakened. Kaname was at the top of the world, and no one dared oppose him. He was very sought after, but he kept true to his word. His heart would only beat for Zero. He had hoped to be with Zero like he promised him. Each promise he wanted to keep with Zero would never come true. Zero was gone forever.