Shattered
Rated: PG-PG13
Season: 10
Spoilers: Momento Mori
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate.
Summary: They hadn't meant to hurt her. At least that's what she liked to tell herself. Vala struggles with some of the memories she is regaining after the events of Momento Mori. Can Daniel find a way to help? DanielVala.
A/N: Hey everyone! Hope you enjoy this little bit of Vala angst and Daniel comfort. In case you're as dreadfully addicted as me, you may have noticed that Vala carries a stuffed giraffe in her pack off-world – you can see the top of its head in "The Quest". If you watch the Director's Series on the dvd extras for that episode, you'll see him more clearly. Just a little FYI as you read this.
Best wishes and lots of love!
Christine
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They hadn't meant to hurt her. At least that's what she liked to tell herself.
The first blow had been to her head.
They just didn't understand. What could they, simple villagers, possibly know about parasites and hosts?
The second blow was to her head as well.
The third and forth blows to her stomach and back. Again and again and again.
Would it have changed anything if they'd understood she was there, feeling every hit and kick and burn they inflicted? Would they have really cared, or would their anger have blinded their compassion.
They seemed to enjoy watching her bleed. Humanity was funny that way. Deprive people of it for long enough and, when it is handed to them, they can't understand it. They use it for power rather than order. Dominance over mercy.
Every single one of them was given a chance to take their vengeance out on her, even the children. Perhaps they hoped to make her atone for what she had done to them. Thing was, the anger in their eyes never dimmed. No matter what they did to her, it never seemed enough to appease them and the years they had suffered under her rule. They were thirsty, and no amount of torture would satisfy them.
Vala took in the shattered glass and twisted metal in front of her. Breaths came in gasps.
"Vala… You have to stop."
Vala spun around, hockey stick still firmly in hand. "And why exactly is that, Daniel?"
"Because that's my car."
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Vala looked him squarely in the eyes for a moment, then turned back to his car and raised her hockey stick again.
Daniel jumped between her and the car. "Vala, just stop! Please! What is going on?"
"Leave me be, Daniel. I'll pay for the car."
Daniel clasped his hands firmly over hers to block her strike.
"Vala, I don't care about the car… Well, okay, yes I do, but what I'm more worried about is you. Why are you doing this?"
"Dr. Lam suggested that when I feel frustrated or angry about the memories that I'm regaining, I should hit a pillow."
Daniel stole a look at his car. "That is not a pillow; that's my car."
"Yes, well I am very frustrated and very angry right now."
"Did you at least try the pillow?" Daniel stared at her in exasperation.
Vala stared back at him for a moment then pulled free from his grip. She threw the stick to the ground and stalked back inside the base. Daniel just stared after her. He debated quickly about following her and confronting her, but perhaps now was not the best time. Considering what she'd done to his car, he could only guess what he would look like if he crossed her even more than he already had.
He knew she was probably regaining memories some would consider better left uncovered. Maybe it was selfish of them, needing her knowledge from her time as a Goa'uld. But still, she had a right to know. Good or bad, those memories were what made her who she was. He just hoped the good memories would be strong enough to overcome the bad ones. Or that he could at least find some way to help.
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Vala sat on the floor by the side of her bed and grimaced at the mess around her. Feathers were everywhere. In her hair. Stuck to her clothes. Getting sucked into the ventilation system.
Yes, Daniel, she thought to herself ruefully. I did try the pillow. It just proved to be vastly insuperior to that beautiful car of yours.
Trying to clean up the feathers had only added to her fury. That's when she'd gone after something more gratifying.
Vala ignored the knock on her door. Better to be left alone. Her memories were coming back much quicker. No telling what, or who, she might go after next.
Another knock. "Vala, will you please let me in?"
"No, Daniel."
"I just want to talk to you."
"Well I don't want to talk to you… Or anyone else for that matter," she added to soften her words. He was her friend, and she knew that. She didn't want to hurt him simply because she was having a bad day.
"What about Geoffrey? Would you talk to him?"
Vala's forehead wrinkled in exasperation. "And just who is Geoffrey?"
"Geoffrey's… a giraffe."
"A gi- what? Is that some kind of nationality on your planet? Daniel, please just go away," Vala put her head in her hand.
"Geoffrey's a friend of mine from when I was a kid. I used to talk to him when I was having bad days."
"Daniel, for heaven's sake." Vala stood up and marched to her door. She flung it open to reveal Daniel, one hand in his pocket, the other hand holding a stuffed creature to his chest.
Vala's eyes softened as she took in the small animal with cross-stitched eyes and fuzzy head. A chubbier, cuter version of a creature she's seen on television not long after returning to Earth. Daniel held him in such a way that she knew Geoffrey must mean a great deal to him. Still…
"Daniel- I'm not a child."
"I know. I just- I know how anger can build and build until it gets to a point where nothing can fix it. You just end up suffering long after the people who hurt you have moved on."
"Then what to you suggest I do?"
"Talk about it." Daniel held Geoffrey out to her. "You don't have to worry that he'll say the wrong things or judge you for what he hears. He'll be your friend, just like he was mine."
Why was he trusting her with his dear friend? "Aren't you afraid I might try and hurt him?"
"Nope."
"Not even just a little?"
Again he shook his head no.
Hesitatingly, Vala took Geoffrey from Daniel's hand and held him close to her as Daniel had done. He was right. She couldn't hurt Geoffrey. He was much too sweet.
"And what if what I have to tell him isn't very nice?"
Daniel shrugged his shoulders. "He's heard a lot over the years. He can handle it." Daniel put a hand on her shoulder. "Goodnight, Vala," he said, then turned and walked away.
Vala watched him until he was out of sight. Then she looked down at Geoffrey. He looked back. Vala scratched his funny nose, then leaned down to kiss the top of his head. She turned back into her room and closed the door behind her. She sat back down on the floor by the side of her bed, this time with Geoffrey.
She looked at the feathers still fluttering around her room, then she looked back down at Geoffrey. He smiled back up at her, stitched eyes filled with trust.
Maybe she could tell him just a little bit.
She opened her mouth and started to speak.
Daniel never did ask for Geoffrey back. She kept her little friend with her, in her room when she was on Earth and in her pack when she was off-world. She told Geoffrey a lot of things, but his expression never changed, and she loved him for it.
A Geoffrey and a Daniel. She would be hard-pressed to ask for more.