Umm, don't really know what to say. This is set right after "TOW the stripper cries". I was watching it the other day, and it just cracks me out. "Snow… Paper… A ghost!"
Oh, and I didn't plan on making this about pairings, but since it is me that we're talking about, there is probably going to be some Mondler. Nothing major, though.
I don't even know how I thought about this. I just did. Hopefully, this should be fun.
"Mon, I know you're upset…" Chandler said, stepping towards his wife.
"Don't touch me!" she shouted.
"What? I didn't do anything!"
"This is… I can't believe my first kiss with Rachel was my first kiss with you!" Ross said, watching his sister, who was hysterically brushing her teeth.
"First?" Chandler pointed out.
"Well, first and only… you know, don't talk to me. I'm still mad at you."
"But why? It's not my fault you guys kissed!"
"You still kissed Rachel!"
"It was sixteen years ago, Ross! Just get over it!"
"Still! She's my ex-wife, you know? You kissed my ex-wife before I did!"
"Okay, we're doing this? Fine! You kissed my wife before I did! We're even, aren't we?"
"No, because your wife is also my sister!"
"And that makes you feel better? Taking advantage of your poor little sister while she was on the bed? Don't you feel horrible, you sick pervert?" Chandler exclaimed, not really mad, but mostly trying to make Ross see his point.
"Okay, I think I'm going to throw up." Monica said.
"Okay, first, I didn't know it was her, two, I didn't mean to actually kiss her, and three, she was hardly little back then."
"Oh, and the thing that your sister was fa… scinating" he corrected himself, under Monica's glare "in a different way, makes you feel better about taking advantage of her?"
"I… I didn't… It's not like we slept together!"
"Oh, dear God." Monica muttered, frightened.
"It's not like I slept with Rachel!" Chandler answered.
"Still… You knew I liked her! Why would you do that?"
"You know why! I've told you a million times today, Ross. I just wanted to get back at you for kissing the girl I liked."
"Yeah, okay."
"Mon, are you okay now?"
"I don't think I'm ever going to be okay again."
"Oh, come on. You guys are making a big deal out of this. So, you kissed. It's not so bad."
"It's… It was my first kiss! It is a big deal!"
"Oh, so that's what the thing is? You're upset about your brother being your first kiss?"
"No… it's just… I always thought it was you!"
"Why would you think that?"
"Because! It was your room, for crying out loud! And I didn't think my brother was so stupid to think I was Rachel!"
"Hey! It's not my fault if you decided to sleep in my bed!"
"Oh, I'm sorry! What should I have done? You thought I was going to sleep in the bed of a guy I barely even knew?"
"So, you couldn't sleep in his bed, but you would have kissed him?"
"Yeah, so? Is that a problem?"
"Guys, please, stop. I have a much better question. If you thought I kissed you back then, why did you still hate me on Thanksgiving, when we met again?"
"I just… It's not like I really hated you, you know? I just… I wanted to get back at you for calling me fat, I guess."
"Even after the kiss?"
"Exactly."
"Why didn't you kiss her better? You might have saved my toe!"
"Okay, this is getting too weird." Ross stated.
"Hey, guys! What are you up to?" Rachel asked, entering with Emma in her arms.
"You kissed Chandler!" Both Gellers accused her.
"What? No I didn't!"
"Yes, you did! He confessed!" Ross said, pointing his finger at her.
"Okay, then how come I don't remember kissing him?"
"See Ross? It has been so long, she doesn't even remember!" Chandler said, happily.
"Chandler, what are you talking about?" Rachel asked.
"Back when I was in college. Remember, the party?"
"Oh my God! That really happened? I thought I had just imagined it!"
"Why would you think that?"
"Well, I was so drunk, you know? And I thought I was just imagining things because Monica was constantly talking about how much of a jerk you were the morning after…"
"What? Why? You thought I kissed you!" Chandler asked his wife.
"I didn't want her to know! I wanted her to think I still hated you!"
"Oh my God. Okay, can we stop talking about this?"
"No, you kissed Rachel before I did!"
"You kissed me when I was drunk!" Rachel exclaimed.
"So, now we have three people who are mad at me. Nice."
"You didn't kiss me!"
"Mon, we've kissed thousands times, isn't that enough?"
"No! You were supposed to be my first kiss! Not him!"
"Your first kiss was Ross?" Rachel gasped.
"I thought it was you" Ross shouted.
"This just keeps getting better, doesn't it?" Chandler smirked towards Monica. She just stayed quiet. "You're still upset, aren't you?" he added, hugging her.
"Well, yeah! My first kiss with you was actually my first kiss with Ross!"
"Hey! My first kiss with Rachel was actually my first kiss with you!"
Chandler just ignored him, and kissed Monica. "Okay, let's just pretend this kiss was sixteen years ago. Any better?" She nodded.
Ross looked at Rachel expectantly. "So…?" He suggested.
"Yeah, I wouldn't count on it."
The end!
I enjoyed writing this so much. Probably more than you'll enjoy reading it, really, but that's okay. Just tell me what you think, 'kay? I will accept every kind of review, even bad ones. I mean it :)