AND THE GEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH
AN: Just a funny one shot. I don't own the characters or half the plot, doubt JK would want to claim this one though.
"Expelliarmis!" James Potter's cocky voice echoed off the castle walls surrounding the courtyard.
"Nice one James." Said his ever-present sidekick Sirius. The rest of Potter's disciples stood behind him laughing.
Severus was unarmed and helpless yet again at the hands of his mortal enemy James Potter. He felt completely exposed and his body tensed as he braced for the impending humiliation he knew from experience was about to follow.
James pointed his wand at Severus and effortlessly levitated him at least 20 feet in the air, which attracted a crowd of cheering and jeering adolescents. Emboldened by the crowd support, James flicked his wrist causing Snape to flip upside down. His robes went over his head exposing his very old boxers. He flailed his arms around hopelessly trying to right himself. The crowd was growing larger and clapping fueling Potter's already enormous ego at the expense of the boy branded as a geek by most of the schools students.
"Who wants to see me take of Snivelly's trousers?" He worked the crowd like a circus ringmaster.
"Yeah!" the cheer went up from the crowd.
"Stop it! Leave him alone!" Lily Evans came to the defense of Severus completing his humiliation.
"Only if you go out with me Evans."
"You're disgusting!"
"You were warned." With that he flicked his wrist again and Snape's underwear disappeared.
The gasps of all the female students and a handful of males could be heard all across the yard. Lilly continued to yell at James but he was not listening. He as well as the rest of the crowd is shocked by what they see.
It seemed that Severus Snape was packing heat. Major heat. So much so that James lost concentration and dropped him to the ground. Snape hit his head and was temporarily stunned and still exposing his assets.
James attempted to stand a little straighter, already compensating for his shortcomings.
"Ho-lee shit!" Said Sirius gawking behind James. Remus and Peter were gawking as well and looking very stupid but no one was looking at them.
A few Hufflepuff girls huddled together whispering.
The Black sisters Narcissa and Bella weren't quite so subtle. "Bloody Hell!" smirked Narcissa. "I thought he carried an extra wand."
"Perhaps he was just glad to see you." Quipped Bella and they leaned on each other laughing.
Alice and Mary stood with a group of Gryffindor girls. "I guess we know who the big man on campus is." Said Mary while not taking her eyes off Snape's, best feature.
"You know even with our most difficult assignments he does always…rise to the occasion." Alice said with a giggle.
The only one who wasn't looking at him was Lily who was still yelling at James.
Professor McGonnagall came running up on the scene and quickly cast a spell to cover the exposed young man. It wasn't' until after this that Lily turned around to check on him as he came back to consciousness.
McGonagall marched over to the pack of bullies. "Which one of you idiots cast the engorgio charm?" James blinked and stared at her in stunned silence. Sirius desperately and unsuccessfully tried to stifle a laugh. His brother Regulus was not far away and laughed openly while slapping his knee.
"Um, professor, no one cast an engorgio charm." Said Lupin who was always cool.
"What? Of course you did." She was getting angry.
"Uh… no, we did not." He said slowly raising his eyebrows and trying to give her the message..
"What? But? Oh…errr….Oh my heavens really?" she sputtered.
Sirius could take no more. He turned his back on the professor and shook with fits of laughter.
"Humph! Detention for you Mr. Black and Mr. Potter. Twenty points from Gryffindor!" And at least ten for Slytherin she added silently. "Are you alright Mr. Snape?"
"He's got a large bump professor." Said Lily who missed the whole thing. Sirius was no more good and collapsed onto the ground holding his stomach and laughing.
"Excuse me Ms. Evans?" she said with shock but then recovered. "Oh yes a bump on the head." Narcissa and Bella fell over each other laughing once again.
"I can help him to the infirmary." Lily sweetly offered.
"Oh um, no Ms. Evans, you go to class. I'll take good care of your friend. You run along now." She had a new found interest in the boy. She escorted him away passing the Black sisters who her talking excitedly. "Miss Black, Miss Black, is there something you would like to share with the rest of us?"
Bella was always the bold one. "Oh no, we were just discussing the um, Heir of Slytherin." Narcissa bit her lip and looked at the ground trying to hold it together as Sirius had earlier.
"Detention for you two as well. Come along Severus." The girls collapsed at hearing her refer to him on a first name basis. The rest of the courtyard was abuzz except for James who was sulking by a tree.
Severus Snape didn't know it yet, but he had arrived.