OneShot, this is basically the ramblings on Snape's mind. I like to think of it as reflecting on his love for Lily just before he faces Voldemort in his last moments. Please review, I appreciate constructive criticism and positive feedback so keep it coming!
Disclaimer: Although I wish I did, I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters here.
You have no idea what he put me through. No idea. Time and time again I would tell her how arrogant, how conceited, how self-assured he was. Either she didn't see it or she just didn't care, I don't know which. But I loved her. It's the first time I've said it to myself – said that word. Love. Yes – I, Severus Snape, loved Lily Evans.
But it didn't matter. Love didn't matter. What's that old saying? "Love always finds a way." Rubbish. All of it. If love always finds a way then why did Lily and Potter end up together, why? Why did they get married and have a child? He looks and acts exactly like his father, there is nothing special or distinctive in any way about him. But he has his mother's eyes. He has his mother's eyes. And that is why I have done all this, for the greater good. I have done this not for Dumbledore, not for the Potter boy, not for James Potter, not for myself even. I have done this for Lily Evans, who I loved.
I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand watching that…that git ruin my life and Lily's – she might not realise it but that's what he was doing. They weren't right for eachother, she was always meant for me. Ever since we first met, I knew I must have some deeper like for her because I knew she was a muggle born and still befriended her. She never understood how big that was for me – to be friends with a muggleborn. I never told anyone else – never told my father, my mother…no one. Not until Dumbledore. I could trust him…I thought. I thought I could trust him until the day Lily died. Until the day everything I lived for was gone. Until the day my heart and soul were torn in two and I knew that they could never be repaired. How could she be gone? How? It wasn't possible. And Dumbledore? I had put every last part of myself into Dumbledore's plan of protecting them, protecting her! And all for nothing. Nothing.
That word rang in my head a thousand times when I heard the news. It was what I was left with now that Lily was gone. Nothing. There was the Potter boy of course, he survived. He wasn't her, but he was close enough. He was all I had left. As much as I despised him for his father's attitude and personality I loved him for his eyes. Every time I caught sight of him in the corridors, or in the Great Hall at a meal, or in Potions class I would see those eyes and everything would come flooding back. The ruined house, Lily's body carelessly lying on the floor like a rag doll. It wasn't right and it never would be but the Potter boy was all I had left. I held onto him, onto that little rope I had tying me with Lily until the very end.
Words could not express my love for Lily Evans. My love for Lily Evans fuelled my hatred for James Potter and my love for Lily Evans changed me as a person, to something better than what I was before. My love for Lily Evans never died and my love for Lily Evans stayed strong until the end. My love for Lily Evans created my patronus and my love for Lily Evans is a shameless love for a beautiful person that may have gone from the real world but is never gone to me.
I laughed at the idea of love when I was a small child but now I treasure it as the thing that shaped my life most – my love for Lily Evans.
Thanks for reading – please review it means a lot!
~finniganforever