Bumblekit sat next to a tiny stream, watching his reflection in the silvery water. Why couldn't Daisy have given him real name? He was always the one the other kits made fun of. Every time someone mentioned his name, fits of giggling would erupt throughout the nursery. He was a joke. A small tear slid down his face, making a tiny splash in the stream.
"What are you so sad about, little one?" a smooth mew came from behind him. Startled, Bumblekit spun around to find a pretty white and brown tabby she-cat sitting behind him.
"Everyone makes fun of me because I have a stupid name," Bumblekit sobbed.
"It's okay, I have a stupid name too," the she-cat mewed soothingly.
"What's your name?" asked Bumblekit curiously.
"My name is Sol. It's terribly girly, not any name that I would ever give to a tom."
"Oh, you're a tom? I thought you were a she-cat..." Bumblekit mewed, embarrassed.
"Oh, that's quite all right. It happens all the time in fact. I can't see why though, considering my awesome manliness. Maybe it's the fact that I have no emotion whatsoever besides amusement. And plus, I shared a den with a tom for a while. I guess that does sound kinda desperate..." Sol responded, his voice full of confusion and annoyance.
"You shared a den with a tom? Usually, toms share dens with she-cats," Bumblekit muttered.
"You're absolutely right Bumblekit! I never thought about it that way before!" Sol meowed, astonished.
"Hey Sol?"
"What is it, my tiny, stupid friend?" Sol asked.
"Everyone says you're extremely smart. Even smarter than StarClan, so I was wondering if you could answer a question that's been bugging me my whole life."
"What's your question Bumblekit?"
"Where do kits come from?"
"...Well, Bumblekit, that's a very interesting question with an even more interesting answer. You see, every time Midnight talks like Yoda, she poops out a kit and secretly gives it to a queen. That way, there's a never-ending stream of kits. And Midnight likes Ferncloud much more than the other queens, so she gives her the odd, messed up ones that nobody else wants. And that, my brain-dead little friend, is where kits come from," Sol explained.
"...IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!!! But what's a Yoda...?" Bumblekit mewed.
"That's not true! He's feeding you lies!" Crowfeather yowled furiously. Bumblekit gasped in surprise.
"A WindClan warrior! I'll tear you to shreds!" Bumblekit growled, unsheathing his pathetic claws.
"Can it shrimp. Let me explain where kits really come from!"
"Are you saying that Midnight doesn't poop them out whenever she talks like a Foda?" Bumblekit asked, hurt by the thought that his best friend would lie to him like that.
"It's Yoda..." Sol mumbled under his breath.
"Yes, Sol was lying to you. I should know better than any cat where kits come form. Besides Ferncloud and Dustpelt, of course. Okay, are you ready for this?"
"No...I liked Sol's explanation. It was pretty," Bumblekit grumbled.
"Okay, so here's where kits come from. When a tom really really likes a she-cat, he has sex with her. And then a kit is formed in the she-cat's bladder. When she's ready to give birth, she pees the kit out, along with a bunch of blood. That's what happened to you, Bumblekit. You were peed out of Daisy's bladder. Are you happy now?" Crowfeather meowed, proud with his explanation.
Bumblekit stared at the black WindClan warrior in horror.
"What...?" he said, to shocked for words.
"That's not what happens!! They're both feeding you lies!" Ferncloud yowled, accompanied by Dustpelt. "I'll tell you what really happens. When a she-cat is bored and has nothing better to do, she has sex with a tom, preferably part kittypet. Then, more little kittypets form in her love oven and are eventually excreted through her esophagus. And that, Bumblekit, where kits. It's also how kittypets have taken over our Clan," Ferncloud mewed, even more satisfied with her explanation than Crowfeather was.
Bumblekit staggered back, horrified. Nothing was real any more. His whole world was a lie. Why had Daisy even bothered to put him in her love oven? What was the point of becoming a warrior, just to have a name like Bumblebelly? He turned and raced away, not caring where he was going.
He hadn't gone very far when he ran into something hard. He looked up to find that the thing he had run into was Sol's leg. The pretty brown and white tom was looking down at him apologetically.
"I'm sorry I lied to you, Bumblekit. To make it up to you, I'll tell you a prophecy that I made up last night while I was trying to get to sleep," Sol mewed. Bumblekit's eyes widened in anticipation. Sol was going to tell him a prophecy!!
Sol cleared his throat and paused dramatically.
"The sky will turn purple and every cat in WindClan will turn into a miniature copy of David Hasselhoff," Sol meowed gravely. Bumblekit's jaw fell open. What could this prophecy possibly mean?? What kind of horrors would StarClan put them through next?
"What's a David Hassel-"
"I decided to say it, so it will happen! After all, I am the one who says things that StarClan decided not to tell anybody about!" Sol yowled. Touched that Sol would choose to tell him a prophecy that was so important that StarClan chose to be silent, Bumblekit nuzzled Sol's leg affectionately.
"Don't worry, little kit. I'll raise you like you were my own son. Come on, we can live with Midnight and you can help me make up more prophecies. We'll be one big, messed up family." With that, Sol and Bumblekit walked off into the sunset.
Two Moons Later
"Has anyone seen Bumblekit lately?" Leafpool asked. "He hasn't bothered me about his constipation for a while now." This was very unusual. Everyone in ThunderClan knew that Bumblekit had chronic constipation, and he was constantly complaining about it.
"Bumblekit?" Daisy asked, confused. "What a stupid name! Who's kit is he?"
"Um...I'm pretty sure he's yours..." Leafpool replied.
"...GREAT CRAP OF STARCLAN MY KIT'S BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!!!!!" Daisy wailed, her tiny kittypet mind on fire.
"Daisy! If you're not careful, you'll break your brain!" Leafpool scolded. "Besides, why would aliens ever want to abduct Bumblekit? He's so stupid!" Leafpool laughed.
"...But he's my kit! If you don't rescue him from the aliens, I'm gonna move back to the horseplace!" Daisy threatened violently.
"There's no way I'm gonna let a fellow kittypet down!" Cloudtail yowled, appearing from nowhere.
"Cloudtail, get out of my den!" Leafpool shrieked.
"Fine, fine," Cloudtail grumbled. "But not before I do something stupid! Come on Daisy, let's go find Bumblekit!" Together, Cloudtail and Daisy left the camp, going in no particular direction.
Two Hours Later
"I don't know why Brambleclaw thought that the journey to the sundrown place was so hard," Cloudtail boasted while Daisy stared at the water blankly.
"I'm hungry," she declared as if it were the most important fact in the world.
"Me too," Cloudtail admitted. "I sure wish there was some kittypet food here!" he said to no one in particular. All of a sudden, a bowl of kittypet food dropped out of the sky and landed in front of Cloudtail. "StarClan haven't predicted this! That must mean that I'm more powerful than them, if I can get a bowl of food to drop from the sky just by asking it!" Cloudtail gasped. Daisy stared at the bowl of kibble ravenously. She lunged toward it, swallowing all of the food in one bite.
"It tastes like Bumblekit's crap," Daisy confirmed. Cloudtail stared at her, horrified.
"Yo-you ate my magical food!" Cloudtail said, heartbroken. Suddenly, he cried out in pain. It felt like something was gnawing on his tail. He whirled around to see something gnawing on his tail. At first, he had no idea what the fat lump of fur was, then he realized that it was Bumblekit.
"Bumblekit! Quit chewing on my tail! Don't you have some deathberries to eat?" Cloudtail snapped in annoyance.
"Hey, don't you be talking bout my homie-g like that foo!" Sol yowled in fury.
"Be mean to the ugly kit, you have," Midnight proclaimed loudly. But everyone was staring at Sol. Depressed that no one was paying attention to her, she turned and lumbered away.
"Sol, have you been molesting my kit?" Daisy demanded.
"Molesting? I only do that to girl kits!" Sol corrected. "Last time I checked, Bumblekit was a guy. And I checked a few nights ago, so I don't think that the Erins could've given him a sex change that quickly."
"Erins? What's an Erins?" Bumblekit asked stupidly.
"Then Erins, my blob-like little friend, are the ones who made us," Sol explained to the dumb little kit.
"But I thought that StarClan made us."
"No, you stupid little shit. Everybody knows that I'm smarter than StarClan, so why don't you listen to me instead of what your mommy told you?"
"Well, I guess that makes sense..."
"Are you suggesting that I lied to my kit?" Daisy growled angrily.
"Yes, yes I am," Sol confirmed.
"Oh...okay. I just wanted to make sure."
"So, wait...Bumblekit was never abducted by aliens?" Cloudtail asked in confusion.
"No, you dumb kittypet. Bumblekit is too stupid/ugly/deformed to be abducted by aliens. They only want normal life forms, so it doesn't mess up their experiments."
"How do you know so much about aliens?" Daisy asked suspiciously.
"Because I am one!" Sol yowled, ripping off his false ears to reveal hideous, purple antennas. The two cats and the fat little kit shrieked in terror, then they all ran off in separate directions.
Midnight lumbered into view again, her confidence regained.
"Sol not only one who not normal," Midnight said cryptically. "Sea cucumber be my true identity. Except, pretty cat/alien give me life-like badger costume and fool stupid kitty cats." Bumblekit blinked, his tiny brain not being able to understand Midnight's senseless ramblings.
Finally, the stupid little kit realized what was going on. His pupils dilated, and he ran away, mewling in terror. When everyone was gone, Sol ripped off the cheap, fake purple antennas to reveal his real, neatly groomed ears.
"Ha! We fooled them, didn't we Midnight!" Sol boasted. "That little story about you being a sea cucumber was great!" The old, flea-ridden badger looked down at her horribly disgusting paws.
"Yes...story..."