When Miroku went to Church
By HanyouGohan (ReverberatingSilence)
Disclaimer Don't own anything, never will, until I become a multimillionaire anime dude and buy them!
Authors Note I did this with the help of my good friend Zimmer. We did it as we did "The Chocolate Covered Ants". Each of us wrote one sentence at a time, not knowing what the other would write.
Miroku is a monk, but he's never gone to church…what's with that! So one day he was thinking about all the stupid things that he had done and finally decides to go to a Catholic church and repent of all his sins.
Inuyasha stared at him when he said that, "What are you, nuts! You'd scare away all the nuns!"
"YES! I AM NUTS! Why do you think I am only going for the women! I am not going for them. This time." Miroku stated, as he slicked back his already deformed hair.
"Maybe we should give him a chance," Sango said. "We could go with him and make sure he doesn't act up…again."
"That's a great idea, Sango! And then we can dress up like nuns and pretend to sing little hymns and then we can pretend to poke people with little sticks saying 'you need to repent for your sins!'" Kagome shouted.
Inuyasha turned and stared at Kagome as she ran around poking Shippo with a stick. "And I like you because…?"
"Because I am pretty, and um. Better than Kikyo! And I look like her, too!" Kagome smiled as Shippo gnawed on her leg. Inuyasha rolled his eyes and turned back to Miroku, wishing he hadn't.
"OMG! What did you do!" Inuyasha screamed as he stared at Miroku's new pope lookin' outfit.
"Well. I can't go to a Catholic church dressed like a Buddhist monk! They would kick me out!" Miroku replied…eating chicken as he said so.
"AWWW! Im telling Pastor Scott that you ate chicken!" Shippo yelled and ran away. Kagome only giggled and ran after him, Inuyasha rolled his eyes again. Kagome stopped in her tracks.
"Why are you always so cruel to me!" she cried as tears ran down her cheeks the size of eggs. "I knew you hated me!" Kagome ran away, only to hit a tree and fall over.
"Kagome!" Inuyasha screamed, running towards her and lifting her up. "Are you okay?"
"Must...have…dog ears!" Kagome screamed and grabbed Inuyasha's ears. Inuyasha couldn't fight the urge deep inside him…he started to purr.
"WOW! I didn't know Inuyasha could purr!" Sango squealed. "Let's laugh at him!" Everyone laughed.
"Oh yeah? So what if I purr! I can point out bad things about all of you!" Inuyasha growled, dropping Kagome to the ground.
"Oh yeah! Like what?" Miroku hissed. "Miroku, you're a pervert. Duh! Sango, you sing in the…spring things. Kagome, you talk to yourself when no ones looking and say really stupid things, Shippo likes to dance around naked in the middle of the night, and Kirara sings karaoke!" Inuyasha huffed and everyone stared at him.
"SO?" Miroku asked. "so. Let's go to this so-called Catholic church of yours Miroku, This is getting boring!" Inuyasha shouted. Even louder than before. Kagome laughed.
10 minutes later
The small group, who we will call the "Inu-gumi" stared at the now burnt down church.
"Great Kikyo! Look at what you did!" Inuyasha growled. "Now we cant go to church." Kikyo let out a maniacy type laugh and disappeared.
"Don't worry Inuyasha! There's another church right there!" Miroku smiled and pointed the other building next to them, which suddenly burst into flames. "There's another one!" Miroku pointed to the one next to it, which also burst into flames.
10 minutes later, there were about 385723 buildings that had burst into flames, so the entire town was destroyed. Miroku sighed and walked down the road. "OH OH! Look right there!" He yelled and danced up and down. The others looked at him and back at the church.
"YAY!" they all shouted and ran towards the door. They leaped in and sat down in the pews waiting for the preacher dude to come in. Also known as a pope. Or priest...whatever. So they sat there.
"
Hey, what's that?" Inuyasha asked and pointed to the window. They saw a small candle sitting there, just hovering in the air. Suddenly it fell, and BOOOMMMM! The whole building started to burn. Miroku and the others jumped up and ran out of the church.
"OH NO! OH NO!" Kagome shouted over and over jumping around. "My hair is on fire!" Inuyasha dumped a bucket of water on her head, and revealed a shiny head of no hair. Kagome sighed. Suddenly, a little piece of hair popped on her head. Then, a huge thing of hair plopped back onto her head.
"WOW! My wig is back!" Kagome squealed. Inuyasha fainted. "You have a wig!" Sango shouted and
Kagome nodded. "MEE TOO!" she cried and pulled her hair off. "ME TOO!" Miroku cried and pulled his hair off.
"Well, my hair is real." Inuyasha shouted and Kagome glared at him. She took a razor and shaved all his hair off. "There, you joined the crowd."
"NOOO!" Inuyasha shouted, but suddenly it grew back. "Oh the joys of being a demon!"
Miroku was getting bored so he lead the group to another Catholic church he had heard of in another town about 2 miles away from where they were. They walked into the building hoping it wouldn't burst into flames...but...instead it started to erupt like a volcano. They ran for their lives. But, before they could leave, they saw the pope run by them, his FAKE hair hanging from his nose.
"MY LIFE IS BETTER THAN YOURS! DIE YOUNG!" The pope shouted. Miroku glared at him. "PURGE!" he shouted and sucked the ugly old man into his Kazaana. Everyone was very happy about this, but a lot of Lava was heading their way so they had to leave. They took the elevator downstairs and headed for the closest shelter, only to find that there was none. In the middle of a forest a least. So they had to get out of the forest and look for the closest one for a little bit of shelter. They found another Catholic church and the sign said "NO LAVA OR FIRE HERE". So they entered with a bunch of other people.
They all sat down in the rows of chairs or whatever, and looked up at the pope. He was about to talk when suddenly there was low rumbling sound. Inuyasha's ears started to twitch and Kagome giggled. The back wall of the church burst into pieces as a flood of oatmeal threatened to kill everyone!
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" One nun said. "ATTACK OF THE OATMEAL!" Another said.
Miroku and the others grunted, b/c they knew they would never find a church. They might as well die in the chunks of the six month old oatmeal.
"Gawd! It stinks!" Inuyasha cried and covered up his super sensitive nose.
Miroku opened his mouth VERY wide and headed toward the oatmeal. "MMMMM! That tastes good!" He said, gobbling up all of the oatmeal. Everyone began to rejoice in the church.
"The church is saved!" Said the Pope, "Thanks to this um. What's your name, son?" "Miroku," Miroku stated calmly.
"Thanks to Kimoru!" He lifted his hands in the air and said something in a different language.
"ITS MIROKU!" Miroku shouted. "It's ok, Miroku," Kagome soothed as she touched his shoulder.
Miroku began to cry. "He doesn't even know my name! WWAAHHH!" "Forget it, Miroku! You need to confess your sins now," Inuyasha said. "This is going to take a while." He mumbled. All of a sudden Kikyo burst through the doors. Miroku let out a huff, another church was about to be destroyed. Kikyo marched down the isle staring at nothing inparticular. Inuyasha growled as she stomped passed him and up to the pope dude.
"No! Save the pope from sin itself!" Kagome cried and ducked behind Inuyasha. Kikyo ignored this comment and looked at the pope. Time seemed to stand still
About a millennium later
"Pope, I want to repent for my sins!" Kikyo said. Everyone stared in shock before they fell over, anime style.
"I am terribly sorry, Kikyo, but you have sinned too many times," The pope said as he pulled out a knife and stabbed her in the stomach.
"That...was…not my…heart." Kikyo choked out before she fell to the floor, greeted by a puddle of blood. Inuyasha stared at the ground, at Kikyo's dead body. Tears filled his eyes as he stepped closer to her. Kagome watched him walk to her body and knew what was going to happen next.
"Kikyo." Inuyasha whispered and kneeled by her limp body. Finally the tears fell and he looked at Miroku. "Miroku...she's dead!" He smiled. "YAY! Im so happy I actually cried!" Inuyasha grabbed
Miroku's hands and danced around in a circle singing some weird song about Kikyo being dead.
"Hey, Miroku," Kagome began, "Why don't you try to repent for your sins and hopefully the pope will kill you too!" She grinned. Miroku looked at Kagome sadly.
"You want me to die?" he sniffed. "Well. Um. I didn't mean it THAT way um... I was um. hoping that the pope would TRY to kill you. He has no chance of that. You have your wind tunnel!" Kagome cried happily, though you could tell it was fake.
"Its called a Kazaana!" Miroku shouted. "Does it really matter!" Kagome cried.
"Kazaana sounds more professional!" Miroku huffed. "Just go to the pope and ask for forgiveness already! That's the whole reason we came here!" Inuyasha SCREAMED as an ambulance picked up the rest of the 'dead' Kikyo and took her away.
"I wanna heal!" Sango screamed as blood poured down her face. "I wanna feel!" She cried as she touched the blood. "What I thought was never real!" it was purple instead of red, and she licked it. "I wanna find something I wanted all along!" She looked at the other. "Some food!" Everyone fell over anime style.
"Anyway." Miroku said, "I'm gonna do it! I can do it! Yes I can! .No I can't. Never mind. I'm leaving. BYE!" He attempted to leave, but Inuyasha pulled Miroku by his "Wig" pony tail.
"YOU ARE NOT LEAVING!" Inuyasha shouted. "YOU'RE GONNA GO TO THE PRIEST, YOUR GONNA CONFESS YOUR SINS, AND YOUR GONNA LIKE IT!" (A/N: He's not too happy.)
"I want something else to get me through this!" Miroku cried. "Semi- charmed kinda life baby, baby! I want something else." Everyone stared at him as he continued this odd outburst. "I'm not listening when you say...go away!"
"Why is everyone singing! And changing the ending of the songs! What's with that!" Kagome said. No one answered. Inuyasha suddenly tripped over a rock and died. Miroku fell through a pit and landed in hell, and Kagome fell to her knees in pain, whereas Sango's head just exploded.
"Tried to give you warning! But everyone ignored me!" Shippo cried, no one had known he came back. "Told you everything loud and clear, but nobody's listening!" Shippo cried. "Talked to you so clearly but you don't wanna hear me! Now your all dead!" Shippo burst out laughing and fell into the pit to hell as well. Miroku popped back out, Sango's head regenerated, Kagome's pain went away (her knees no longer hurt either) and the rock vanished so Inuyasha could stand up again.
"Now that we're all back, let me repent of my sins," Miroku said calmly like nothing had ever happened. He slowly walked towards the pope, who was still chopping heads off of people.
"DIE EVERYONE!" The pope shouted. Miroku was still calm and kept on walking towards the pope.
"Um. Excuse me, Mr. Pope, sir." Miroku began, "But I would like to confess of my sins right now." The pope stopped in his tracks. He slowly looked at Miroku, his knife in the air. He smiled.
"Come here, my child, for you shall be forgiven soon," The pope said, as he put his knife on the stand. "OH MY GOD! ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE DEAD! WHO DID THIS! Oh well. Let's go, Kimoru." He walked to the room thing where you say your prayers. or whatever.
Miroku tried not to cry, but one tear fell. "It's Miroku." he mumbled. He slowly followed the pope and sat in the little room thing, looking at the pope through a screen-thingy.
"I am sorry, for I have sinned." "Tell me all of your sins, child," The pope said. Miroku sniffed and looked down.
"Well I don't know where to begin. You see, I'm a pervert you know?" "Yes child, I once was too." Mr. Pope dude nodded and Miroku continued: "I ask women to bear my child because my days are numbered and I want someone to seek revenge for the family. You understand?" the pope nodded.
"And I really like this one girl, but she hates me. And sometimes I blame that on…um…Mary and Jesus. Yeah...then I ate a cow, which is against my religion. And I hang out with demons, and I cuss, and I've killed so many people. But there is one sin I desperately need repentance for. I know all of these were awful, but there is one I cant keep away anymore. Something horrible. I have to tell you."
"Please child, tell me." "Well, I shall show you." Miroku pulled out a magazine and handed it to the pope. It was a PlayBoy magazine.
"Ah, I see." The pope looked at him. "Child this is not a sin, just the manly culture. You do not repent for that."
"So I can re-subscribe!" Miroku cried with hope and the pope nodded. He leaped up with a smile and took the magazine back. "Well then forget you old man! I'm outta here!" He dashed out of the dark room and the pope chuckled. He pulled out his magazine and stared at the woman with big eyes. "That boy has a lot to learn." He smiled and looked at the next page. "He's still on PlayBoy, which is only level one…wait till he gets to level 7 like me!" he whistled and turned the page.
"Inuyasha! Look Miroku is back!" Kagome cried hyperishly and bounced around him singing. Inuyasha growled and grabbed the bag of "sugar chunks" from Kagome and threw them to PARTS UNKNOWN! Kagome looked down at him and cried. "NNNOOO!"
"No more sugar for you young lady!" Inuyasha cried and sat her harshly on the ground. She continued to cry and kick, all she wanted was her sugar. SUGAR! SUGAR! SUGAR!
Inuyasha sat back down on his rock when he saw Miroku walk up. "Well, did you repent?" he asked and Miroku nodded with his fingers crossed.
"Of course Inuyasha. Why else would I have been in there for 23.45 minutes?" Miroku gave him a cheesy smile.
"You were looking at my brother's PlayBoy magazines with the pope!" Kagome screamed.
"Yes, but he said that it was ok," Miroku smiled once again. Even cheesier. "Well, then that pope is just as bad as you!" Kagome snapped.
"I gotta go potty!" Sango cried and ran around in circles. "It burns! It burns!" she said gripping her pants and bouncing around.
"WELL GO YOU IDIOT!" Inuyasha cried and threw her into the woods. She soon came back drenched. "What happened to you!" Kagome shouted. "Well, I was running around, looking for a tree with no leaves, then I spotted a river! So I ran into the river and I went pee pee! But then the river began to pull me towards the water fall. So I had to pull myself out of the water. It was hard, but I did it!" Everyone stared at her with a sweat drop.
"I'll take everything from the inside! And pee it all away!" Sango smiled. "Ok, that was really stupid." Inuyasha said. Kagome nodded. Miroku stuck his tongue out just because he wanted to, since he was bored.
"Tried to give you warning!" Shippo yelled again. "OMG! SHUT UP!" Inuyasha cried and killed him.
"Well, the point of this story is over so um. The end." Kagome said. "And that is the End of another wonderful Inuyasha-gumi journey. We look forward to seeing you again, please come back soon!" Inuyasha smiled and waved a dead Shippo through the air.
"Yes, do come back! We love you all!" Sango said in a squeaky voice. "THHHHEEEE ENNNDD!" Miroku sang.
The End
Another great story by the ever wonderful Spike and Zimmer! Please R&R, we would really appreciated it!
-RS (Spike and Zimmer)