(A/N: I own nothing but the plot line! Enjoy!)
I am in my wedding dress.
Everything is perfect.
I had never thought about the true definition of perfection before. It all seemed to make sense, marrying James, riding off into the sunset with the handsome man on his best mate's magical motorcycle. Yes, marrying James makes sense-it does, really… Doesn't it?
"How do you feel, Lily?"
"Wonderful, I feel wonderful."
I vaguely speculate if they can tell by looking at me that I really do not feel wonderful at all. I stare at myself in the mirror, and the artificial smile on my lips makes me feel sick to my stomach. I should not feel this way on my wedding day, but I do. Marlene fluffs my hair from behind me, and Mary takes a candid picture at my right. I laugh and run my fingers through my hair.
"That likely looks like rubbish," I say, observing as Marlene gingerly sets my veil on top of my head. Mary scoffs from somewhere behind me now. "I sincerely doubt that," She protests. "You look absolutely beautiful, Lily." I can feel my cheeks heat up, my skin flooding with color. Marlene snorts, rolling her eyes at the ceiling. "You always blush like it's the first time someone's paying you a compliment. It's your wedding day! You should be proud and acknowledge how amazing you look!"
But what about how I feel?
"I feel beautiful," I lie. No, no, I feel like a terrible person. After what happened the other night... After what I did… James could never forgive me if he knew. None of them would ever forgive me. "Really, you two, you should be off getting ready yourselves. Give the bride to be a moment to herself, would you?" I ask, turning finally, adverting my gaze to anywhere but the mirror. Right now I cannot look at myself.
"Yes, fine."
"Alright, alright, we're going."
Alone.
With shaking hands, I get up out of the chair I've been sitting in for the past thirty minutes and cover my face with my hands. This is wrong. It is all so very wrong and at this point I don't even know why I'm still inside of this room, when I can be elsewhere. I know exactly where this elsewhere is, but in going to this elsewhere, I could, in turn, break the heart of someone I love very much.
What happens when you love two people at the same time?
This is something that I ask myself very often, or I have more lately than anything. Ever since I saw him in the bar… Ever since I did what I did… What we did…
Do I truly love James as much as I claim? I suppose I do. No, no, that is not good enough. I lower my hands from my face and stare angrily at my selfish reflection, tears welling in my eyes. It is not good enough to wonder whether or not you love the person that you are about to marry; the person who would do anything and everything—who had done everything in his power to actually get you to go on a date, and yet...
"I live in the same home I have always. Come to me. I will be waiting."
I stand in the room contemplating the two very different ways that I could begin living my life. Walk out the door and down the aisle, and I will become Mrs. Lily Potter. Walk out the door, and I will remain Miss Lily Evans. I can hear the clock ticking in the distance in time with the thud of my heart pounding in my chest. There are thirty minutes until I am due to walk to my future as a wife.
I push the thought out of my head and walk over to a small table. I pick up the bottle of whiskey that has been placed there in case I get nervous and as I pour myself a glass of the poison, I laugh. I laugh out loud, because this is precisely what has gotten me into the mess that I am in. A glass of whiskey. Who would have ever thought?
I am standing in a room of a church, drinking a glass of whiskey and contemplating whether or not I truly should walk down the aisle and marry the man that I claim to love. What kind of a person have I turned into?
"I live in the same home I have always. Come to me. I will be waiting."
"Blimey," I mutter to myself, the sting of the whiskey burning my throat. "You've gone and gotten yourself into quite the situation, Evans." I place the glass down and walk back over to the mirror, grasping the white fabric of my wedding dress in my hands as if I am clutching desperately on to my own sanity.
And suddenly, my hands are moving towards the necklace that James gave me as a pre-wedding gift. My fingers brush against my skin, and quickly unhook the silver chain, in turn releasing me from my shackles. I place the necklace gently down on the table, my hands trembling as I reach for a piece of parchment and a quill. I quickly scribble an apology to James. It is brief, but I know that he will at least try to understand. No, he likely will not. He never understands when it comes to Severus.
With a quiet pop, I am suddenly standing in the middle of a Muggle town in nothing but my wedding dress. I am standing in front of my childhood home. The yellow siding and crisp white shutters bring me back to when I was a young girl. When I had first met him.
Heart pounding in my chest, I turn and run towards the neighboring town. His house too looks the same as ever. The whole neighborhood is dark and dreary, and it looks as if it is about to rain, but I don't care at all. Breathlessly, I slam my fist against the door three times, and press a finger impatiently on the doorbell five seconds later when I am not given what I want. I hear rustling from behind the door, and suddenly it is swinging open, and—
"Severus, I—"
"-Lily? Why are you here?"
"I couldn't… I couldn't do it. I can't do it. I can't marry him, Sev, I just can't, not after everything, and—"
He cuts me off by grabbing me and pulling me to his chest. His arms envelope me, and suddenly it all feels right.
"You're in your wedding dress."
"I know."