Goodbye.

The team say goodbye to one of their own. Sam, Callen, Kensi and team friendship.

For the first fourteen years of her life she had had a misunderstanding of pure sorrow. Of sorrow, of grief and of loss. It was understandable; these feelings were not something she had ever experienced before and for that reason she really had no right to understand them.

And now, now that she did, she wished every day that she still lived in that naive and blissful world of ignorance.

Her misunderstanding changed the day her father died.

After that day she knew what is was to grieve. After that day she knew what it felt like to lose something so irreplaceable that it's almost impossible to ever feel whole again. She knew what it was to feel empty. She knew what it was not to trust anyone. She knew what it was not to commit to anything, to keep her distance. She knew what it was like to not let anyone see who she actually was; to see the real her. And she knew what it felt like to choose to do all of this, to work every minute of every day to keep up the facade of being 'fine'.

God she hated that word.

Kensi stood, her shoulders slightly slumped, staring at herself in the tall, sliding mirror. She wore black. Black. More black. She hated black. Almost as much as she hated the word 'fine'. Well she didn't really hate black but she hated the reason she was wearing it. She closed her eyes in an effort to evade the tears that were welling. She would not let them fall. Not today.

The junior agent sighed softly for what had to have been the millionth time that morning and let her head fall forward against the mirror cooling it on the glass. She closed her eyes and simply breathed feeling her chest rise up and down. Kensi stayed there in that position, as still as possible, for several moments or at least until she jumped, her whole body flinching violently, when her phone rang. She pushed herself away from the mirror and stumbled unsteadily on her heels towards her phone that lay on her bed. Her hands were shaking as she reached to grab it,

"Hello" she said without even bothering to check who it was,

"Hey Kens" G's unmistakable voice came through the phone, except that it was even more exhausted and weary than usual but that was expected and Kensi would bet that he hadn't gotten a drop of sleep the night before. She sure hadn't. Callen had stayed at Sam's place and for that she was thankful. She could only imagine what was going on in both of their heads and she was glad that they had each other. That's what partners were for after all. A bitter taste rose in her mouth as she answered,

"Hi G" She said as she turned on the spot and let herself slide down the side of the bed until she was sitting on the floor with her knees bent upwards to her chest.

"Just checking in, Sam and I are just leaving and you're further away" he said gently and she knew he was consciously trying not to upset her,

Had she really been that bad?

"Yeah I know I'm just going out the front door" She knew he would know she was lying in a heartbeat but she really didn't have the energy to care.

"Kens you sure you don't want to just come here and we'll drive in together, or I can come and pick you up?" Callen offered and Kensi shook her head fiercely from where it laid on her knees. It was only after several seconds that she remembered he couldn't hear her denial,

"No G I'm good I'll be there don't worry I'm ready" She assured him and forced her pulsing head back up to take another look in the mirror,

"Okay, how are you doing?" Callen asked her softly and she snapped her head away from her reflection feeling her emotions bubble,

"Fine" And there was that word. Straight from her mouth.

"How's Sam? How are you?" She asked before he could call her out.

"Yeah...we'll be there" She nodded squeezing her eyes so tightly as they began to sting when he repeated her words,

"Alright G I'll see you there" She managed to get out before her voice choked up and she couldn't talk anymore,

"Okay Kens see you soon" With that she hung up.

She couldn't do it. She couldn't go. She wasn't going to be able to hold it together.

Part 1 of Goodbye,

Really hope you guys like it so far...please reviewww!

Nina Xx