Summary: Logan remembers the worst day of his life.
Disclaimers: I do not own X-men.
Song: Hate Me by Blue October
Rating: Teen
Hate Me
One-shot
It was that day again. The day he hated, the day he always hated. The worst day of his life. This was saying a lot since he's been around forever. With his dark eyes filled with sadness he sat there his face almost blank and stoic as he stared at the wall. Why did he always come back on this day? He had no reason to be here anymore… yet he always seemed to come back… on this day.
Shakily he reached up, running his hand over the head board and over the bed post. His head turned to the side to gaze through the window and down below where it sat; the reminder. No not a reminder because he didn't need a reminder. He would never need a reminder.
How could he ever forget? Forget her face, her smile, her laugh, her tears. Never not even if he got a head full of Adamantium again. He would never forget.
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
"Logan-"
"God dammit Marie just leave me alone alright?"
"I don't understand! Why are ya' actin' like this?"
"For once will ya' give me my space? Maybe I don't want ya' followin' me around all the damn time! Like a little fucking puppy."
"Fine, ya' know what? I don't care anymore! Fuck you Wolverine."
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
an ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space
People always told him that he tended to fuck up his life and that of the people around him too. He always tried to ignore it but fuck. They were so right. He was nothing but a damn screw up as he always would be. But people would never suffer from it again… she was the last straw… He should have known that after everything. Staying by himself was the best thing. He just hated that it had to be her end that reminded him of that.
What didn't she stay away though? If she had like she said she would- Everything would be fine. She'd be fine, she'd hate him but dammit she'd be fine and that was more then enough for him.
Clenching his fist he stood, exiting the room. With a flick of his finger the light went out before he closed the door. No one talked to him, no one bothered him. They all knew better. He wasn't the same man, not anymore. And he never would be again.
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
"So ya' just gonna' run again Wolverine?!"
"Fuck yeah!"
"Dammit ya' bastard! Don't do this. Don't give up."
He ripped from her grasp before downing his tenth beer; if he didn't know better he'd say he was drunk. Too fucking bad he wasn't. He chunked the empty bottle to the ground before wrenching open the door to his truck.
He had to leave.
"Ya' coward don't ya' leave me Logan! Don't ya' dare-"
"Yo kid I got some advice for ya'…" There was a long paused as he started up the truck the deep rumble filling the air.
"Forget 'bout me."
I'm sober now for three whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
His steps were silent now as he descended the steps of the mansion, his almost lifeless eyes focused on the snow covered grass in front of him as he stepped from the school and towards the back. People moved from his way and still no one spoke most didn't even dare to look at him.
His boots crunched the snow as he left the pavement. Even with his jacket on the cold of the air found a way into him making his already cold body even colder. The snowy air cut against his cheeks, sending him stings of a reminder… that same reminder… the one he didn't need.
He stopped his footsteps becoming none as his dark eyes slowly traveled down to the piece of cement that sat dug into the earth. Beside it sat three other stones but to him… this was the most important one. The reminder.
Reaching down he ran his callused hand over the cold smooth stone. His throat tightened but he swallowed it down, determined not to cry. He was the fucking Wolverine. But so what if he cried once a god damn year? Who was to judge him, huh? Who?
"I love you Logan, no matter what."
"Fuck ya' Wolverine!"
"Don't do this-"
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
"Hate ya'? How could I ever hate ya'? Sure ya' piss me off but hate ya'?"
"Nah… I love ya', sugah."
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
Why wouldn't it go away? He just didn't understand. What had he done that was so terrible to be haunted by these memories… these thoughts… of her. That smile entered his mind again, framed with those beautiful dark curls and those innocent yet aged brown eyes. And whenever she cried… God those tears could make even the Devil want to turn good.
Hah then what did that make him, huh? What was worse then fucking Satan?
"Yer too hard on yerself, sugah, lighten up everyone has bad days."
He ran his big fingers over the fancy writing his lips barely moving as he read it out loud, almost inaudibly, "Anna Marie D'Ancanto; Friend, Daughter… "
"Come on give me a smile."
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your brown eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling-
"Make it go away!" His knees gave away and he fell to the ground his forehead resting on the smooth top of the headstone. His cold face was cleared by warm wet tears and he cursed gripping his black mess of hair.
He just wanted her back. He just wanted his Marie back. That stupid kid he found hitching a ride with him… that dumb fake smile that she always tried to pass off as her real one… Even that angry glare he got. He wanted it all back. Every smile, every frown, every damn tear. Anything. Anything was better then nothing.
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be…
--
-clears throat- So uh yeah… What do you think?
What happened? Well that's for you to figure out or decide on.
Review Please!