The Teen Tartars Theme Song
When there's trouble you know who to call,
Someone else, 'cause we'll be at the mall !
A group of teenage super freaks
And everybody says we reek
We're superheroes who do nothing at all !
TEEN TARTARS, GO!
Call us though we're just a bunch of farters
Stupid lazy bums, and just for starters,
So if there's trouble, hurt or pain,
You know there's not much to gain,
'Specially if you call…Teen Tartars !
5, 8, 12, 2, GO!
TEEN TARTARS!
Teen Tartars: Blade's New Pet
Fartfire was sleeping (and farting) peacefully in bed, when she was awakened by a commotion from outside her door. Getting up and walking towards the hallway, she met the other Teen Tartars, standing in front of their huge TV screen. Staring down at them from the television was Robin's archenemy, Blade. Shaped like a giant Gilette, nobody knew what presence lurked inside of the neon-pink shaving razor costume, or what he intended to do, exactly.
"Like, yo," he said from on the TV, "You dudes are too stupid to figure out what I'm gonna do. So, I'm gonna tell you, instead. See ? I've got this, uh, big scary thingie I think they call a....um.....uh....oh, yes, here it is: a Crouton Detonator."
"No !" said Fartfire in shock, along with Ryeborg and Magpie.
"Um…" said Feast Boy, "What's a crouton detonator ?"
"It eradicates all croutons within a localized area, utterly destroying the salad continuim!"
"Huh ?" asked Feast Boy.
"It destroys croutons. Permanently." explained Magpie as Feast Boy started to freak out.
"If he triggers that thing downtown, the entire city will be in the middle of a major salad shortage!" worried Ryeborg.
"Cheep cheep chirp, chirp cheep chirp chirp !" yelled Robin at the screen.
"He said 'Tell me where !'" said Magpie, helpfully using her half-bird heritage to translate the small bird's chirps for Blade.
"Aw, c'mon, dudes, you all are kinda not dumb, you know. I guess you can uh, figure it out." said Blade, "But since I control the um…uh…oh, that's right, the detonation, salad...is not on your side."
The screen flickered off.
"Cheep cheep. Chirp. Chirp cheep chirp." ordered Robin, and started to fly from the room.
To the questioning looks on her friend's faces, Magpie translated : "He said to fan out, find it, and shut it down."
Upon hearing this, they tried to stop him. "Dude, when it comes to Blade, you've got issues. Maybe you should stay here." said Ryeborg.
"Yes", said Fartfire, "We have not forgotten...well, Magpie has...but the rest of us have not forgotten the last time you dealt with Blade."
"Cheep cheep cheep cheep chirp, cheep chirp. Cheep cheep chirp chirp chirp. Cheep chirp." protested Robin.
"He said he made a mistake and he can handle it. And by the way, you'd at least like to know where to look," said Magpie from the TV. "Blade gave us more information than he realized. Here, in this reflection." She pinpointed a reflection in freeze-frame of his little calling card.
"Ooh, a burger and fries. Way informative." scoffed Feast Boy.
She flipped it around and magnified it." "Ed's Burger Shack !" exclaimed Fartfire as Feast Boy turned red. "He's at the mall !"
-
But when the Teen Tartars arrived at Ed's Burger Shack, it was empty. Empty...until hoardes of Blade's robotic warriors, shaped like large cans of shaving cream, appeared in every corner of the room. "Great," said Feast Boy, "Now what ?"
"Cheep," said Robin, "Cheep chirp."
They stood blankly until Magpie told them "He told you to fight."
And they did, or at least tried to, fight off the giant cans. But before anyone could do anything, Robin singlehandedly brought down the entire bunch. He was pecking the crap out of an industrial-sized can when Fartfire picked him up and put him in his cage. "Stop !" she told him as she latched the door, "We are victorious !"
"Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep chirp chirp, cheep cheep cheep chirp. Cheep cheep chirp chirp cheep cheep cheep cheep chirp ?" he yelled from the perch inside the cage.
"He said, 'Blade's got his razor on the salad, and we've got nothing. Does that sound like a victory to you?" said Magpie with resignation.
Standing outside Ed's Burger Shack, the Tartars had no clue what to do next. But when Robin got his eye on a man walking past the department stores, he broke open his cage and began chasing after him. The man panicked and began to run, but Robin blocked him into a corner and yelled "Cheep chirp cheep cheep cheep cheep chirp !"
"He said to tell him everything you know about this !" yelled Magpie from around the corner.
"I...I don't know anything !" panicked the man.
"Cheep chirp !" yelled Robin.
"He said to answer him." translated Magpie as Fartfire grabbed him and watched the man run away.
"Cheep cheep chirp chirp." said Robin as he flew from the group.
"He said we're wasting time." translated Magpie miserably.
"You know, just because we're trying to catch Blade doesn't mean you have to act like him !" yelled Feast Boy after him.
Robin turned and fluttered back in Feast Boy's direction. "Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep chirp ! Cheep cheep cheep chirp chirp chirp, cheep cheep cheep chirp chirp !" said Robin to Feast Boy.
"He told you to never compare him to Blade." said Magpie.
Suddenly, Fartfire sneezed, and a mind-blowing odor filled the mall. "Oh, gross !" yelled Feast Boy as the group recovered from the stench.
"Sorry," said Fartfire, "I'm allergic to Crest toothpaste. There must be a source nearby." She sneezed violently and almost knocked them out from the stench.
"Interesting" said Ryeborg.
"Not really," sniffed Fartfire. "On my world, Crest allergies are quite common."
"No," said Ryeborg, "I mean the key component of a Crouton Detonator is a crest toothpaste core. Which means...."
"Fartfire can track it," finished Feast Boy, to which Fartfire farted miserably.
-
The five Teen Tartars were down in the sewer, tracking the Detonator by Fartfire's sickening sneezes, when they saw something ahead of them. It was a giant, floating oatmeal cookie, and on it was robotic can of shaving cream - and the Crouton Detonator ! It sped away when it saw them, but they took up chasing after it. Suddenly, a giant block of cinders crashed through the wall and grabbed Robin.
The others stayed back for a moment, until Robin yelled "Cheep cheep cheep cheep chirp cheep. Chirp !"
All except Fartfire rushed ahead. "Fart ! You heard the bird !" yelled Ryeborg from somewhere down the sewer.
"No I did not ! I do not speak bird !" Fartfire yelled back.
"He told you haul butt !" she heard Magpie tell her.
So, she did. They chased the cookie further and further into the heart of the sewer, dodging blasts of raisins and oatmeal, until they were able to land on the cookie. Panicking at the cookie's controls, Ryeborg ripped off a chunk of raisins and threw them over the edge, somehow stopping the cookie's mad dash.
Meanwhile, Robin was having his own issues with Cindersblock, the giant block of fireplace ashes that had attacked him. Pecking madly at the floating specks of ash, Robin finally managed to defeat the giant monster, leaving it tied up on the floor. But then, he noticed a tiny can of shaving cream in Cindersblock's hand, and turned it over to read the name of the shop it had come from. When he saw the name, he knew just where to go - the CVS by the old gas station.
While Robin was dealing with Cindersblock, the other Teen Tartars were puzzling over the Crouton Detonator. Approaching it cautiously, Fartfire screamed when a giant clown's head popped out from the center and danced around the room, singing strange songs and clapping its sixteen hands. Picking it up and throwing it over the edge, Ryeborg stepped up to the machine.
"The Crest toothpaste core," he said, "Very fresh and minty - no sudden moves."
Fartfire began to sneeze, but dunked her head in the sewer water just long enough to stop it. "Do you have any idea how to stop this thing ?" asked Magpie in annoyance.
"Um…no…" said Ryeborg sheepishly, "But we could…um…uh…stuff a sandwich into the toothpaste! Yeah, that'd work, wouldn't it ?" Everyone turned to look at Feast Boy.
"No way," he said, "am I ever going inside that thing ! You guys have gotta be crazy ! What do think I am, nuts ?"
"Sometimes." said Fartfire.
"What ? I'm not crazy !" protested Feast Boy.
"No, but sometimes you are nuts." said Fartfire, "Is that not the name of the small, crunchy brown food used to create peanut butter ? Into which you transform on a regular basis?"
Feast Boy groaned and banged his head against the side of the boat. "Just call me Turkey."
-
Back at the CVS, Robin found Blade down by the shaving cream. "Like, finally !" he said in exasperation, "I like, thought you couldn't beat Cindersblock, you lousy bird !"
Robin flew at him and bit off a piece of the plush razor costume, then fluttered down the aisles toward Lingerie. Blade, running after him, flung a extra large bra and a six-pack of pink lacy thongs at Robin, knocking him to the ground. But soon, Robin was back up and down near School Supplies, flinging Crayola crayons and packets of notebook paper across the aisle at Blade. Dodging a package of highlighters and fluttering past an incoming gluestick, Robin quickly made his way to Health Foods, where he ripped open boxes of tofu dogs and sugarless ice cream and smeared them all over the aisle, causing Blade to trip and slide all the way down to Medications. However, Blade was now able to grab Robin and force-feed him bottles of Tylenol and cough syrup until he couldn't even flap a wing, he was so dizzy.
"Man !" yelled Feast Boy from inside the Detonator, "You have no idea how sticky it is in here ! But at the same time, cool and minty-fresh. My at the moment nonexistent teeth are getting whiter already."
Ignoring Feast Boy's mindless babble, Ryeborg dumped a can of oil on the machine and stood back to watch the results, appearing to be profitable. But before they had time to be happy, the Detonator lit up and started belting out an opera. "Oh, no !" screamed Feast Boy from inside the machine's core, "We blew it ! We've destroyed salad forever ! Wait a minute - why is salad not destroyed forever ?"
"Because this wasn't a Crouton Detonator," said Ryeborg as the machine spat out Feast Boy, leapt into the sewer water and swam away. "It was a fake."
All of a sudden, a giant metal leprechaun rose from the bottom of the cookie and said in a mechanized voice : "Hey there, kiddies, look at me ! I'm Jolly Bob, the leprechauneeeeeee !" Then, it opened its mouth and shot a laser beam at them, knocking them into the water.
"Ugh !" said Feast Boy, popping up from the beneath the water, "Um....aside from the giant crab that's grabbing at my butt, I think I'm okay."
"Eeeeew !' yelled Ryeborg from somewhere across the sewer, "Rye bread so does not taste good wet !"
"Whatever that leprechaun was supposed to do, it didn't do it" concluded Magpie as she shook the cookie crumbs from her hood.
-
When Robin awoke from his state of drug shock, he could see Blade standing in front of four big screens, labeled with the names of his friends. "Nanoscopic monkeys," Blade told him. "With a push of this button, the monkeys inside your friends will begin playing ear-splitting country music."
"Cheep cheep chirp cheep chirp ! Cheep chirp chirp chirp cheep cheep." said Robin indignantly.
"It's not about, like, your…uh…oh, right…your friends. It's like, um, about…you. I think. Maybe. Cuz for some time now, I've, like, been searching for a pet. And Robin, I've, like...chosen that puppy down at PetSmart. But Lucy Johnson bought him last Thursday. Then, I wanted the hamster from PetCo. But Jimmy Miller bought her yesterday. So Robin, you're kinda my last choice, but I guess you'll do," said Blade.
"Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep chirp chir-" Robin stopped short.
"If you become my pet," said Blade, "If you always obey me. If you never ever bite me or fly away.....the monkeys will remain asleep. But if you don't - the monkey band will live again !"
Far away, roaming the city streets, were the other four Teen Tartars. Fartfire was desperately floating around on a big puff of gas, farting miserably as she searched for Robin. Magpie was playing games on the computer and pretending to search for Robin. Feast Boy was eating a pepperoni-and-mayonnaise sandwich. Ryeborg was at the site where Robin had left Cindersblock. "Robin and Cindersblock definitely went a few rounds, but I can't tell who won. Or where they went."
"Oh, we are bad friends !" cried Fartfire with a fart of sadness, "We never should've left Robin to fight alone!"
"Yeah, 'specially since Blade's big do-dad was a dud. Plus, he had a vet appointment tomorrow. Do you know how hard those things are to reschedule ?!" Feast Boy complained.
"The Crouton Detonator wasn't a dud. It was a decoy, to lure us away from Robin. And we fell for it. By the way, Feast Boy, the vet's appointment is next week. You won't have to reschedule it." said Magpie.
Suddenly, a beeping sound went off. "Tartars, trouble !" said Ryeborg.
"What ?" asked Feast Boy. "Old Lady Jenkins got her head stuck in the toilet again ?"
"No," said Ryeborg. "But I'm willing to bet she probably will tomorrow."
-
It turned out that while Blade did want a pet, he didn't actually have anything to take care of it, and he was too dirt poor to buy anything. So, he decided to have Robin steal some. He wrote out a shopping list and told Robin to go get them. But while he was fluttering away with the pet store bag, he was stopped by the remaining members of the Teen Tartars.
"That's not Blade !' said Magpie, "It's—!"
"Robin." concluded Fartfire.
"Duh !" said Feast Boy in annoyance, "I knew that ! A giant razor blade is not half a foot tall with feathers and tail !"
The others looked at him in annoyance. "We knew that, Feast Boy," explained Magpie.
"It's about building suspense. You know, the whole 'superhero vs. mysterious villain' sort of scenario. Don't you get it ?"
"But we're not superheros," argued Feast Boy, "We're just a bunch of teenage super freaks ! Don't you watch the theme song ?"
"Actually, I switch the channel when the theme song starts" said Magpie.
"What !? But the theme song's the best part ! How can you not watch it ?" protested Feast Boy.
"No, it's not ! I know—"
And so it went on. And on. And on. And of course, Robin took this oppurtunity to escape with the stuff. "Oh, good, you got the stuff !" said Blade upon Robin's arrival. "Okay, you can like, go away now."
But Robin was not going to settle for it. He flew up and started pecking at the giant razor costume, screeching and twittering madly. Blade grabbed him by the tailfeathers and held him upside down, studying him with interest. "I monitored your vital signs during the mission." he said. "Lowered heart rate. Drooping eyelids. Excessive yawning. You won't admit it, but on some level, you got bored stealing for me. It was a bore, wasn't it ?" He let go of the feathers and watched Robin flutter to the ground. "You're going to keep stealing, Robin. And you're going to keep getting bored. And sooner or later, you will fall asleep. Who knows - I might even become like an insane shrieking elephant to you."
"Cheep chirp chirp chirp cheep cheep chirp chirp." answered Robin sadly.
"The way I see it, there's only two possible explanations," said Feast Boy back at Tartar Tower that night. "One – rabid blue rabbits have invaded the sewer system, inserted a microchip into Robin's head, and are controlling him using a toy car remote. Two - evil witches wearing Spandex and tutus are devising a plan to take over the world and have forced Robin to join them."
"As logical as that sounds…if blue rabbits were involved, I would've sensed it." said Magpie.
"And my scanners confirmed that he wasn't wearing Spandex." added Ryeborg, chewing grimly on a loaf of rye bread. "That was the real Robin. Our Robin. Well, techincally, the pet store's Robin which we bought for $4.95 plus tax and veterinary bills."
"Lies ! He was wearing Spandex, your scanners are wrong. Robin is our pet and nothing could ever make him betray us ! Well, except for a hot-fudge-and-nut-sundae, but otherwise…nothing," protested Fartfire from across the room.
"But something did." said Magpie sadly.
"Three words," Feast Boy cut in, "Tie-dyed pork rinds with an attitude." "
"That's seven words," said Magpie, and kicked him across the room. "And no matter what the reason, no matter how much we wish it was't true, Robin's a criminal's pet now. And just like any other criminal-"
"The Teen Tartars have to put it off for a while, whine and complain about it, take three hours getting ready, and bring him down." finished Ryeborg.
-
As it turned out, while Robin had managed to get most of the things on the list, there was a certain brand of bird food he'd forgotten to pick up. So, he went back that night to get it. But just as he was getting it from the shelf, he heard a voice behind him. "You're not walking out of here, Robin," said Ryeborg, "cuz you're a bird and you don't walk, anyway. But mostly just because we gotta stop you from stealing, I guess."
Robin chirped in surprise and flew out an open window. "Well, that sure was smart, now, wasn't it ?" said Magpie with annoyance.
And although Robin did try to escape through the window, the other Teen Tartars intercepted him on the roof. "I don't know what's going on, but we don't wanna fight, we just wanna talk !" said Ryeborg desperately to Robin, who screeched in his face and pecked a hole in him.
"Guess there's nothin' to talk about !" said Feast Boy, promptly turning into a raisin and scurrying away.
"Yeah," added Magpie, "Especially since he can't talk ! He's a bird, stupid !"
Jumping back up as Robin battled with Magpie, Ryeborg aimed his Bread Shooter at Robin, able to fire off a steady stream of freshly baked rye bread. But he couldn't do it. He just couldn't bring himself to fire on his own pet. Plus, he had a feeling that bread crumbs weren't going to stop a bird, of all things.
"Chocolate, marshmallow, butterscotch !" yelled Magpie, and flung rocks and debris at Robin, hoping to hit him just enough to slow him down. But given her uncanny ability to hurt herself while performing in any type of battle, she also managed to fling herself backwards onto the cold stone of the roof, giving Robin the perfect oppurnity to flutter up onto the giant letters reading PET SHOP on the top of the building.
But his escape ended there, for Fartfire stopped him with an enormous fartbolt. "Do...not...move." she commanded him.
But Robin didn't think he could move if he wanted to - the stench from the fartbolt had paralyzed him. "Use the bird food !" commanded Blade from a little microphone Robin was wearing. "Now !"
Grabbing the bag of bird food in his toes, Robin fluttered up to Fartfire, looking her straight in the eye. "Robin," she told him, "You are my best friend and my first pet. I cannot be in a world where ice cream is nonexistent - nor can I be in a world where we must fight. If you are truly evil…do what you must."
Robin stopped in surprise and shock. "Cheep chirp cheep, chirp !" he told her.
"Robin !" Blade yelled from the microphone, "You have been a very naughty birdie ! And for that - it's monkey time !"
Robin watched in horror as ear-splitting country music began to destroy his friends. "Eeeeee !" screamed Fartfire, "What is that horrible sound ?"
She fell from the sky, unable to fart any longer. "Chirp - cheep !" Robin begged Blade.
"Attack !" commanded Blade, "Attack with every grain of bird food you've got ! It's the only way to save them."
"Cheep chirp cheep" said Robin sadly to Fartfire, then dumped the entire bag of bird food on her.
"Where…what…what happened ?" said Fartfire sleepily, as she woke from her country-music induced coma and floated down onto the roof to join her friends.
"Okay," said Feast Boy, "Weirdness. What just - ahhh !" He was silenced by a tremendous amount of bird food pouring down on him from above. But when he surfaced from the pile, Robin was gone. "I know where Robin picked up that bird food, but where did he learn that little ear-splitting music trick ?" asked Feast Boy in confusion.
"I do not think that was Robin" answered Fartfire. "Perhaps it is Blade who has learned a new trick. Or it could be Old Lady Jenkins. Either way, we are in trouble - and so is Robin."
-
And Robin's chirps and cheeps echoed through the night as he returned home to his master, Blade, who was reviewing video of the recent battle. He flipped back through it twenty billion times, zooming in on totally irrelevant things, laughing at fat people in the background, trying to cut it into a music video until he almost konked out. "Like, thrilling," he said, "My, like, pet is progressing even…um…uh…faster than before. All he needed was a little motivation - and a hot-fudge-and-nut sundae."
But what he didn't notice was Robin approaching him from behind. "Cheep cheep cheep chirp !" he said angrily, and pecked viciously at Blade.
"Hiya, birdie," said Blade, and picked Robin up by a wing. "How ya doin' ?" Robin glared at him and tried to escape, pecking and biting at his hand. "Oooh, good," teased Blade, "Ten billion more years of training, and you might have a 2 % chance of posing a threat !" At this remark, Robin flung himself from Blade's grasp and hurtled across the room. "You're gonna wish you hadn't done that !" he warned.
"Cheep cheep cheep cheep chirp cheep cheep chirp chirp !" retorted Robin, going back in to peck him up some more.
"Yep - I'm definitely picking something up on the invisible monkey level." said Ryeborg, back at Tartar Tower. Feast Boy, who was attached to a couple of jump ropes they had tied to the computer, turned to look at the screen, displaying millions of tiny monkeys marching joyfully through his bloodstream.
"Those things are inside me ? Eeeeeeeew !" he screeched, and passed out from disgust.
"They're inside all of us. Billions of 'em ! Or at least one or two, probably," said Ryeborg.
"With such technology at his command, Blade can make them play terrible country music whenever he wants !" fretted Fartfire.
"Unless Robin becomes his pet." finished Magpie.
Meanwhile, back at the CVS, Blade was in the middle of a fierce (yet strangely one-sided) battle with Robin. Finally, he managed to grab Robin and hold him so he was unable to peck. "I have much to teach you," he began. "But the first thing you need to learn is your ABCs !"
So, Blade spent the next hour teaching Robin the ABCs. "But the second thing," continued Blade when the lesson was over, "is gratitude ! I made you my pet, all my bird food, all my jingly bells and rope toys and little mirrors and fancy cages, all for you ! But the only thing you care about is your fat, stinky owners ! But if your owners are so distracting, maybe I should just get rid of them..."
"Cheep. Chirp cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep chirp." said Robin in defeat.
"Good birdie," said Blade. "And, from now on, I'd like you to call me…Jo-Jo the Dancing Circus Clown."
Suddenly, an overpowering stench filled the room as Fartfire and the other Teen Tartars burst into the room. "Leave him alone !" she yelled as she let off another fartbolt.
"Cheep cheep cheep cheep ! Chirp ! Cheep cheep chirp cheep cheep chirp chirp !" Robin cried.
The other Teen Tartars looked with puzzlement at Magpie, who explained, "He thinks we don't know what the beams did to us. Don't worry, Robin, we know."
"And we don't care." added Ryeborg.
"We are your friends, Robin. We are not leaving without you." said Fartfire.
"What ? Are you crazy ? He's a frickin' bird, he doesn't need friends !" protested Blade.
"Hey, everybody needs friends !" Feast Boy told him.
"No they don't ! I don't !" said Blade.
"My point proven" said Feast Boy smoothly.
"But…but…oh, why waste time arguing ? I'll just destroy you, instead."
And he did. With a push of the button, the monkeys began the chorus of "Home On The Range," and the Teen Tartars keeled over in ear-splitting pain. Robin began to panic. He couldn't attack - but then he knew what to do. He bit off a chunk of the machine used to make the monkeys, chewed it, and swallowed it, thinking all the while that it tasted vaguely of bananas. Now, he could hear the music too - and it was definitely too unbearable for words (or chirps, in his case).
"Cheep cheep, chirp. Cheep cheep chirp cheep cheep cheep, cheep cheep cheep cheep chirp chirp - cheep cheep chirp cheep cheep cheep cheep chirp." said Robin defiantly to Blade.
"He said," Magpie traslated weakly, "If…i-if he loses his o-owners, y-you lose your p-pet. And he…k-knows how you h-h-hate to…lose. B-because…he p-played Scrabble with you th-that one time, a-and you…flipped o-over the board…because h-he noticed…that you spelled CAT wrong."
Unable to speak any longer, Magpie gasped for breath and fell, unconscious, to the floor. Upon hearing her translation, Blade burned with anger - but he turned off the monkeys. And with un-monkeyed strength at their will, the Teen Tartars got poised to fight…and called up the police so they could take care of it.
-
Back at Tartar Tower, Ryeborg eliminated the last of Feast Boy's monkeys, and he leapt up and began to do the Macarena in celebration. "Um...I know this isn't my style," said Magpie, "but we...and the police, too...well, mostly the police...just kicked Blade's butt. Shouldn't we—celebrate?"
Robin fainted dead away upon hearing her, but nothing could make Feast Boy and Ryeborg happier - they both thought the best way to celebrate was eat - and by eat, they meant stuff as much food as possible into their mouths until they spontaneously combusted. And, acting upon this, they swept Magpie off her feet and dragged her into the kitchen - but Robin and Fartfire hung back.
"I am...sorry." she said in resignation, after slapping him a few times to wake him up.
"Cheep chirp chirp ? Cheep chirp ?" asked Robin in confusion, and Fartfire hit herself on the head.
"I am so stupid ! This is definitely not the time for a mushy moment; I cannot understand a word you are saying !"
So they both continued on to the kitchen to watch Feast Boy and Ryeborg argue over what to eat. "Who wants asparagus pancakes ?" asked Feast Boy.
"Man, nobody wants asparagus pancakes !"
"I do ! Pass me the goat cheese !"
"You're not getting anywhere near the goat cheese"
"Man ! Pass me the goat cheese !"
"Is there any rye bread in the asparagus ?"
"No, there's no rye bread in the asparagus, duh, it's asparagus !"
"Then nobody wants it !"