A/N: Hey guys I wanted to upload "I have OCD, Deal with it" but I am really depressed and I didn't want to bring that out on my romantic comedy. I am going to do this super fast to get some anger out and this is just my angst story and I will add chapters if I am feeling any worse. I hope this makes up for no chapter 4 but I hope you understand.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee but I do own the angst that is boiling inside of me right now.
Rachel's POV:
SHUT UP! Stop acting like I was perfect for the lead role because I wasn't. I promised myself I would never be a understudy and here I am. Not only am I an understudy but I am an understudy for A MALE LEAD! It's just angering. I have disappointed myself but more than that I have disappointed Barbra Streisand (my biggest idol) and I could never face that again. Ever since I was 3 months old I have been in pageants and dance competitions but only 10 plays and this one I wanted.
I wanted it more than they could ever tell. Here's the worst part. I have to suffer it alone for 2 more hours until my dad's come to sympathize. I really would mind getting a small role but being an understudy was so much worse. The 5% chance that he is going to be sick and I will get to go up on stage won't happen. As much as I hope and hope it will it won't happen.
Sometimes you have to face the truth. Well let me tell you something; THE TRUTH SUCKS! At this point it might suck more than getting hit by a car or breaking a leg. I knew that my audition wasn't up to my normal standards but I was sick that weak. Plus, the whole show was casted horribly. Now I just have to sit here alone thinking about my failer at 9:13 at night. Nobody even cares. I talk to people and they ignore me.
I just CAN'T STAND IT. It hurts worse than I thought it would. I didn't cry (never will Rachel Berry shed a tear).It's just a pointless waste of my time that I really don't feel like dealing with. Not only that but they didn't even remember my audition. They didn't remember the soul I had put into it and as hard it is for me to admit it, I didn't care enough. God, If I only could care enough! Then I wouldn't be in this position and I could be happy. I would be ready over all my various lines happier than ever.
I would sip tea on the patio, reviewing my songs and singing them with all my heart. But I am not and it is too late to go back. This was the one thing I didn't want to happen. All my nightmares are coming true and I wish they wouldn't. It doesn't help that school isn't going well. Everyone seems to be attacking me and there is no way out.
A/N: sorry its so short but it really helped to get anger out. I would right more but it seems I am out of time. This really happened to me so it is very personal. Love you guys, Hate myself.