Note: Batman and Alice in Wonderland are not owned and created by me.
Jonathan Carne (the Scarecrow) was bribed out of Arkham Asylum. The Scarecrow was very thankful to be free, but he wondered who got him out of Arkham Asylum. The Scarecrow entered his former office and saw a mysterious guy with a fancy hat on. The Scarecrow asked "What's going on?"
The Mad Hatter said "Greetings Mr. Carne also known as Mr. Scarecrow. I'm Jervis Tech, but I prefer to be known as the Mad Hatter."
The Scarecrow said "Thank you for helping me get out of Arkham Asylum, but what is your plan?"
The Mad Hatter replied "For years I've wanted Batman's cowl. Having hats has always been my main hobby, but stealing the world's nicest and most stylish hats does gets boring at times. That's why I need a more exciting headwear for my collection. Batman's cowl would be the biggest stand out in my collection if I ever get it."
The Scarecrow asked "Do you think I can grab Batman's cowl and run away without getting beaten up?"
The Mad Hatter said "I wish that crimes could be that easy, but I know Batman wouldn't be very understanding about a simple robbery like that. Thankfully you have your fear gas. I want you to use fear gas to make Batman afraid of his cowl. Can you do that for me?"
The Scarecrow said "Yeah." The Scarecrow and Mad Hatter shook hands and did a evil laugh.
The next day Bruce Wayne was relaxing at his mansion. Bruce said "Killer Moth drove me crazy yesterday. I had to buy a store's entire bug spray supply to stop him. I hope that I can relax today." Bruce looked outside and saw the Bat Signal. Bruce walked to the Bat Cave and got on his Batman costume.
Several minutes Batman arrived on top of the police station. Batman asked "What's the problem?"
Commissioner Gordon said "The Scarecrow got bribed out of Arkham Asylum and he's already doing a crime. He's robbing the Clock King's clock store."
Batman rushed to the Clock King's store and whispered "Robbing a clock store seems like a small crime for the Scarecrow. I think that he's planning something bigger and scarier."
The Clock King said "Please steal the cheap clocks, not the valuable clocks."
The Scarecrow replied "Stealing the cheap clocks would be a cheap crime for someone as cool as me."
The Clock King said "I can give you some coupons to save money on clocks."
The Scarecrow replied "I like coupons, but they're a literal waste of time right now."
Batman went into the clock store and said "You better stop stealing time Scarecrow."
The Scarecrow replied "I'm going to rob you Batman."
Batman said "I doubt that any criminal like you can do that." Batman threw the Scarecrow outside.
The Scarecrow said "I know how to stop you this time Batman." The Scarecrow sprayed a special type of fear gas that was made to make Batman afraid of his cowl.
Batman replied "Your gas can't stop me." Batman suddenly felt really scared. At first he wasn't sure what was making him scared, but he eventually realized he was becoming afraid of his cowl. Batman felt confused about how his own cowl could scare him.
The Scarecrow said "That cowl doesn't seem like a great fit for you Batman. You should take it off and calm down."
Batman tried to fight his fear, but he was so scared that he threw his cowl to the ground. Batman used his cape to cover up his face. Batman started to run away.
The Scarecrow picked up Batman's cowl and said "It turns out that I scare Batman as well as I scare crows."
After recovering from the Scarecrow's fear gas Batman ran to the Batmobile and put on a spare cowl he had in the Batmobile's trunk.
Meanwhile the Mad Hatter and his friend, a young woman named Alice, were in the Mad Hatter's lair. The Mad Hatter said "I hope that crow hater actually succeeds."
Alice replied "I wonder how the Scarecrow could make Batman afraid of his cowl. It makes me curiouser and curiouser."
The Mad Hatter said "I don't know how the Scarecrow's fear gas works, but I do know that he's scared Batman more anybody else?"
Alice asked "Are you scared of the Scarecrow?"
The Mad Hatter said "I'd rather keep that a secret in order for me to sound brave."
Alice said "Are you scared of Batman too?"
The Mad Hatter replied "The answers to questions about who I'm afraid of won't be revealed."
Alice whispered "Coward."
The Scarecrow drove to the Mad Hatter's lair. The Scarecrow proudly said "I got Batman's cowl."
The Mad Hatter replied "I'm really proud of you Mr. Scarecrow."
The Scarecrow handed the cowl to the Mad Hatter and asked "How much do I get paid for my success?"
The Mad Hatter said "You did such a good job that you can have a hat from my collection for you. Also if you want a second hat I'll give you a discount."
The Scarecrow replied "I wanted money, not hats."
The Mad Hatter said "But my hats are worth money so you can sell one of my hats for thousands of dollars."
Alice asked "Why is there a tracker in the cowl?"
The Scarecrow said "I didn't notice that earlier."
Alice replied "That shows how smart you are."
The Scarecrow said "Thank you." The Scarecrow eventually realized that Alice was mocking him so he frowned.
The Mad Hatter replied "Batman probably knows where my hideout is. Lets find another place to hide Alice."
The Scarecrow asked "Can I come along?"
The Mad Hatter said "Okay crow boy. Lets hurry."
The Scarecrow, Mad Hatter, and Alice went into the Mad Hatter's car which was shaped like a tea table. They hoped that Batman wasn't nearby, but driving such a weird guy helped Batman find them faster. Batman started driving after them.
The Mad Hatter asked "Do you have any fear gas with you Scarecrow?"
The Scarecrow said "I took most of the fear gas out of my pockets to make room for coupons." The Mad Hatter and Alice rolled their eyes.
There was a red light so the Mad Hatter stopped. The Scarecrow said "You don't need to stop at red lights, because we're criminals."
The Mad Hatter replied "I'm a criminal, not a idiot. If I drove during a red light we could end up in a car wreck."
The red light was so long that Batman caught up to them. Batman told the police about the criminals so he had police cars surround the criminals. Batman said "You weirdos better give up right now."
The Scarecrow tried to run away, but he accidentally ran around a street full of police officers. The Scarecrow said "For once I'm more scared than anybody."
The Mad Hatter said "Maybe you should us back to Wonderland Batman."
Batman replied "Crazy talk like that earns you a long visit to Arkham Asylum."
Alice said "I hope that you don't have me arrested Batman. I didn't steal anything."
Batman sighed and said "If you leave now the police and I will let you go."
Alice replied "Thank you Batman. You're the best."
The Mad Hatter said "But you said I was the best yesterday."
Alice replied "You're literally yesterday's news." Alice gave Batman a hug and ran away while the Mad Hatter rolled his eyes.
Batman grabbed the cowl that the Mad Hatter stole and said "You're a bad hatter, not a mad hatter."
The Mad Hatter angrily said "I'm mad at you Batman so the mad part of my name is more accurate than ever. Before you arrest me I have a question: Why is a raven like a writing desk?"
Batman said "I don't know dude."
The Mad Hatter replied "Ravens and writing desks have one big thing in common: they're less bothersome than you."
Batman rushed home, changed back to Bruce Wayne, and got ready for a fancy charity party that was hosted by him. Anybody that wasn't a criminal was allowed to come. Bruce Wayne asked "Am I doing a okay job at being the host Alfred?"
Alfred Pennyworth said "You've helped raise a few million dollars for charity. Almost five million."
Bruce replied "Then add a extra five million from me."
Alice said "Greetings Mr. Wayne. It's a honor to get to be at one of your parties."
Bruce asked "Do we know each other?"
Alice said "Maybe. You look just like Batman."
Bruce replied "Yeah right. Do you think I could be both a rich goofball and a super detective?"
Alice said "No. That would be mad." Alice secretly knew Bruce Wayne was Batman, but she was nice enough not to tell anybody.
Meanwhile the Scarecrow and the Mad Hatter were put in the same cell. The Mad Hatter asked "Do you want to change your name to the March Hare so we can be best friends?"
The Scarecrow said "No thanks hat dude."