This is my first fic, though I've been a long time fan of SVU and particularly Olivia Benson/Mariska Hargitay. The bulk of the story is complete, and I will be posting chapters every two to three days. I'd love to hear what you think!

Chapter 1

Olivia

Olivia raced up the stairs too distraught to wait for the elevator in the lobby, afraid she might encounter one of her neighbors. She was furious and in no mood for small talk. She couldn't bear to be locked in the small space with anyone for the few moments it would take to reach the fourth floor... She wanted no witnesses to her tears.

How could she—savvy, tough SVU cop Olivia Benson, have let her guard down with David? She'd already been reeling for months from the emotional body-blows she'd suffered when Elliot disappeared from her life with no goodbye and no explanation for leaving. And now another man was walking away?

She knew better than to trust anyone with her heart, but she'd been so off-balance... Losing Elliot had left her devastated. She'd felt like a stranger in her own life—beyond lost, and utterly alone without him. So when David Haden came along and she actually found herself smiling she chose to believe things were looking up.

David had pursued her promising he 'wasn't going anywhere…" She came to believe he was a man she could trust—maybe even love. So she'd given in to his persistence and allowed a level of intimacy she hadn't permitted in a very long time. They were well aware there would be challenges managing a romantic relationship within the confines of the NYPD and the DA's office, but they'd agreed to meet them as they arose... And then he'd bailed at the first real obstacle that came along.

Blinded by tears she could no longer contain, Olivia fumbled with her keys, trying to find the one that would grant her access to the privacy of her apartment. Distracted by her misery, she failed to see a shadowed figure at the end of the hallway. She found the elusive key just as she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. A familiar voice tentatively spoke her name: "Liv..."

Olivia looked up to see her ex-partner moving toward her. This couldn't be happening. Not tonight! Falling apart in front of him was not an option: She'd prided herself in never allowing Elliot Stabler to see her cry. "Elliot!" she gasped, horrified when her tear-choked voice made his name sound like a sob.

Olivia flashed back to the last time she'd seen him, as they stood among the horrific carnage in the squad room of the 1-6, and her subsequent heartbreak when this man—her best friend, the rock of her foundation—walked out of the squad room and out of her life, cutting off all communication. The pain had been unlike anything she'd ever experienced... She'd been grief-stricken.

When he realized she was crying Elliot rushed to close the distance between them and reached out to her. She stepped back, avoiding him; he dropped his hand, seemingly understanding that his touch wouldn't be welcomed.

She staggered at the raw emotion he evoked in her, compounded tonight by the loss and betrayal she felt at David's hands. She hated that she could be this affected by him: She was afraid her knees would give out before she could reach the sanctuary of her apartment.

"Elliot, I can't do this—not tonight. Maybe not ever," she whispered. Avoiding his eyes and hoping to God he would leave without a scene she turned and let herself into her apartment, locking the door securely behind her.

Once safely inside, the tide of emotion and anguish she'd been holding at bay overtook her, sobs wracking her body as she slowly sank to the floor—mere inches from where Elliot stood, just outside her door.

Elliot

Olivia Benson didn't cry—everyone knew that. Her brown eyes might well-up or a silent tear might escape and trail down her pretty face, but in all of the horrific situations they'd soldiered together Elliot had never seen her cry. He stood in silence listening to her muffled sobs, knowing he didn't have it in his power to comfort her— even if she hadn't locked the door between them. Some of her pain could be laid at his feet, and that knowledge was almost unbearable.

Elliot hadn't seen her since his bullet had taken the life of sixteen-year-old Jenna Fox in the squad room of the 16th Precinct. Not saying goodbye to Olivia had been the hardest thing he'd ever done. Her phone calls had torn him to shreds; he'd sent her his 'Semper Fi' medallion praying she would understand it's meaning—'always faithful'—and forgive him.

The shooting in the squad room had brought Elliot's world to a dead halt: The days following had been black with despair... He was broken. He'd fallen into a vortex—so deep he couldn't be reached. God forgive him, but he'd thought about eating his gun; had it not been for his Catholic faith and his children he would have. Mired in self-loathing, he'd wanted contact with no one: Not Kathy; not his children; and definitely not Olivia.

The squad room had been full that day—detectives, unis, perps, visitors, all of them at risk from the bullets spraying from Jenna's gun. But Elliot had seen only Olivia—no one else existed—no one else mattered. She'd been the one he was protecting—and a child had died at his hand. He'd wanted to blame her, just as he had with Gitano. But he'd known the truth: She was innocent. Faultless. She hadn't asked for his protection... He had needed to protect her.

Collision

"Go away, Elliot... This isn't happening!" Olivia's response to his knock on the door had been delivered in no uncertain terms, although her voice was still tremulous with tears.

"Liv, don't be so friggin' stubborn! You know damn well I'm not gonna leave you alone in this condition, so you might as well let me in before we disturb your neighbors." Elliot was every bit as stubborn as Olivia and something told him he had a lot at stake tonight. After the shooting, Elliot realized he could never go back to the 1-6—even though it would mean the end of his partnership with Olivia. It had felt like death, a loss from which he could never recover. And it had finally occurred to him: He was in love with his partner—deeply in love. He wanted Olivia in his life, but he wanted her as far more than a friend.

Regrettably, his life was in complete shambles, and had been long before the shooting. No one could help him—especially not Olivia. If he'd turned to her then, it would've destroyed them. He'd clearly understood two things: First, he wanted to be with her. And second, he couldn't be with her until he took control of his life… He would not go to Olivia a broken man.

Even in his fractured state he'd understood he couldn't risk seeing her for the few moments it would've taken to tell her goodbye. It would have weakened his resolve. What he needed to do had to be done apart from her, with honor and integrity. Otherwise, nothing could ever be right between them. He'd worried that she would be so hurt and angry she'd never forgive him, but he'd known it was a gamble he had to take. He'd watched her from a distance, exercising a self-control that was hard-won.

But now he had to get inside, no matter how determined she was to keep him out. He knew how angry she was... Olivia's words and the look on her face when he'd reached to touch her, told him clearly she was pissed. She was a force to be reckoned with when she was hurt and angry, but he sure as hell wasn't going to leave her alone tonight. She needed him... She just didn't know it yet.

"Elliot, go away! I'm not doing this," Olivia insisted, her voice raspy from crying. The irony of the situation was not lost on her... That Elliot showed up at her door tonight of all nights, after being MIA from her life for nearly a year, was ironic... That he thought he could come waltzing back into her life and play the hero was moronic. The bastard certainly had balls, she'd give him that.

"We don't have to do anything, Liv, but I'm not leaving you. I'll give you ten seconds and if you don't open the door I'm gonna use my key."

"You son of a bitch, what are you still doing with my key, Stabler?" All the tears were gone from her voice as she connected with the anger that had been bubbling at the surface of her consciousness ever since she'd discovered Elliot in her hallway.

"10 - 9 - 8 - 7…" Elliot started the countdown.

"You bastard…! Have you forgotten I'm a cop?"

"6 - 5 - 4 - 3," he continued.

"I swear to God I'll get my gun if you touch that door," she hissed as she lurched to her feet.

"2 - 1…" Elliot finished the count as he inserted the key and turned the lock, pushing the door open.

Olivia had opened the drawer where she kept her gun just as Elliot entered the apartment. He crossed the room in one stride and grabbed the gun as Olivia reached for it, lifting it out of her grasp. He placed it on top of the fridge, and barely had time to duck when Olivia tried to slug him, losing her balance when she didn't connect with his jaw. Elliot caught her and drew her to his chest, pinning her arms behind her.

If murder could be committed with a look, Elliot Stabler would be dead and Olivia Benson would definitely be found guilty. She struggled against him to no avail, calling him every contemptible name she knew. In spite of the rage in her brown eyes and her tear-ravaged face, Elliot thought she'd never looked more beautiful.

Battle

"Were you actually gonna shoot me, Benson?" Elliot demanded. "I can't believe you went for your gun!"

"And I can't believe what a prick you are," she growled. "But some things never change."

Olivia had nearly stopped struggling. "Remember, I'm a civilian now, so I'm unarmed... Are you going for your gun if I let you go? 'Cause if we're gonna play 'Shoot-out at the OK Corral' I'm at a definite disadvantage here, Liv," Elliot smirked with a raise of his eyebrow, loosening his grip on her arms.

"You're such a jackass," she sputtered as she wrenched herself free. She spun on him so quickly he never saw her right hook coming until it caught him square in the jaw, knocking him into the wall.

"Ow! What the hell! You never could play nice, Benson," he moaned as he rubbed his face.

"What do you want, Elliot?" Olivia asked angrily. She gingerly flexed her hand.

Elliot continued to rub his jaw while he struggled with the answer to her question. After the shooting, Olivia had become his beacon as he'd slowly clawed his way out of the vortex. He'd addressed his anger, exploring his "demons" through grueling hours of therapy with Dr. Huang, and counsel from his priest. He'd sorted through the detritus of his marriage and he and Kathy finalized a long-overdue divorce. And he'd worked tirelessly to repair his relationships with his children.

He'd been determined to shield Olivia from all of this... She would never play the role of the 'other woman' and she could never accept being a factor in the break-up of his marriage. She was genuinely fond of his kids and he refused to put her in a position where their respect for her would be diminished.

He knew he'd only begun the journey of sorting through a lifetime of emotional baggage, but he'd made progress. He'd been ready to come to Olivia, unencumbered and feeling emotionally and spiritually stronger than he'd felt in many years—perhaps ever. Unfortunately, he hadn't counted on David Haden entering the picture... That was not part of his plan, and it was a game-changer.

It had kept him away until an old SVU case resurfaced, revealing Olivia had been instrumental in putting the wrong man in prison eight years ago. Having himself experienced the horror of sending an innocent man to prison Elliott wanted to offer her his support… At least, that's what he told himself as he stood before her.

Elliot met her eyes. "I'm here because I heard about the Pena case. I was concerned and just wanted to see how you're doing—let you know I'm here for you," he said quietly.

A look of pain flashed in Olivia's eyes. "How can you have the nerve to come here tonight and tell me you're concerned about me? If you cared anything about how I'm doing, where the hell have you been for the past ten months?" she whispered, close to tears again. Her voice rose, her eyes dark with anger. "For that matter, where have you been for the past six years?"

Elliot stood before her, his head bowed. She had every right to be furious with him: He'd disappeared from her life giving her no explanation and no opportunity for closure—so he understood why she was angry about the last ten months. But he'd be damned if she was going to blame the past six years on him. He and Olivia had been partners for twelve years in a unit where the average run for a detective was two... They were recognized as one of the NYPD's best detective teams, working hand in glove, daily witnesses to some of the most degrading and appalling acts that one person could perpetrate against another, their own lives often on the line. They had each become an integral part of the other—more than best friends.

But in the later years of their partnership interaction between them had become tense and confrontational: They'd railed against each other knowing the other's weaknesses and which words would inflict the deepest wounds. The more they'd pushed each other away the more they couldn't bear to be apart—and they'd been equal players in the game.

He needed to stay calm and not blow all the hard work he'd done over these past months… He'd forgotten how quickly she could push his buttons. He cleared his throat and lifted his eyes to hers again. He spoke quietly and calmly, focusing on the anger management techniques he'd learned: "Olivia, I know you're angry with me and you have every right to be. I know how much I hurt you, and for that I am so, so sorry. There's no way you can understand this right now, Liv, but please believe me… My intentions are good, and honorable. What I've done, I've done because I care for you."

Olivia's eyes widened. None of what he was saying made any sense. How could he believe what he had put her through could possibly be anything 'good' or 'honorable…' or had anything to do with caring for her? The man was delusional—he must have had a breakdown! Just when she was thinking she should cut him some slack, he continued his spiel.

Elliot's voice rose: "I take full responsibility for the last ten months, Olivia, but I'll be damned if you're gonna blame me for the last six years. We were equal partners in screwing that up, and you know it!"

Olivia turned away from her long-time partner and stormed into the bathroom before she followed through on the urge to punch him again, leaving Elliot where he stood. She had to get away from him so she could pull herself together and think. She'd had a hideous day and she was exhausted… If he insisted on torturing her she was at least going to be comfortable.

She clipped her hair up and quickly scrubbed away the make-up her tears had smeared down her face. Trying to avoid any painful thoughts of David, she stepped into the shower allowing the hot spray to loosen some of the tension in her neck and shoulders. Taking her time, she endeavored to restore her composure while the hot water flowed over her, washing away the remnants of her day. When she finished she toweled herself dry but found she wasn't yet ready to face Elliot. She brushed her hair, leaving the long auburn locks loose and falling down around her shoulders, then re-applied a small amount of makeup—irritated because it was too close to bedtime to be bothering, but not wanting Elliot to see her without it. Finally, slipping into her favorite sweats she made her way out of the bathroom hoping he would be gone, knowing he wouldn't be… She found him sprawled comfortably on her couch watching ESPN.

While in the shower she'd thought about what he'd said about the past six years. As much as it killed her to admit it, she knew he was right: They owned an equal share of the blame. Conceding defeat, she sat down across from him. "Elliot, I can't do this tonight... Please, please leave," she begged him.

Elliot looked over at her, registering the defeat and sadness on her beautiful face. "I can't,Liv. I won't leave you," he said softly.

A spark of anger returned to her eyes as she confronted him. "Oh my God Elliot, why are you doing this?" What do I have to do to get you out of here—call the cops?"

"Go ahead, call them. And I'm doing this for us," he said calmly.

Olivia flew out of her chair, incredulous. "Us...? There is no 'us' Elliot!" she shouted. "There hasn't been an 'us' for the past six years! There was no 'us' when you so easily replaced me with Dani Beck," she nearly spat. "There was certainly no 'us' when you didn't tell me you'd left Kathy. And any hope of 'us' died when you walked away from me without a goodbye and never looked back. You didn't even have the decency to return my damn phone calls, knowing it was tearing me apart. So screw you, Elliot...! Don't you dare tell me you're doing this for us," she raged, stomping into her bedroom.

He was off the couch and across the room before she could slam and lock the door.

"Go ahead, Benson, run away... That's what you do best, isn't it?" he shouted. He pushed against the door, forcing himself into the room. The fire in his eyes told her she would be wise to let him have his say.

"Get it off your chest, Stabler," she sneered. She folded her arms and stood in front of him.

Elliot couldn't believe how quickly she could make him lose it. He took a moment to calm down. "Yeah, you run away, Olivia, as soon as it gets a little too personal, you run. And you don't give anyone any advance warning," he scoffed, "so don't be riding my ass too hard. And when you're not running you're puttin' up walls; I still don't know what happened at Sealview except it fucked with your head. And with the men parading in and out of your life—the latest is Haden, isn't it? It's a little hard to keep track of when you're available these…" He heard her gasp and grabbed her arm before her hand could connect with his face. "And that's the second time you've tried to assault me in less than an hour," he barked as he wrapped his arms around her to keep her from doing him further harm.

He was surprised she wasn't fighting him this time, and thought it was a ploy to make him drop his guard. When she didn't move, he looked down at her: The reality of this beautiful woman in his arms took his breath away… And then his heart nearly broke as he saw a lone tear roll down her cheek.

TBC

Thank you for reading!