A/N: Just a little Carchelle one-shot set after the 7.30pm episode on Friday, where the pints went flying! May make this a two-parter if people do enjoy it but not promising anything as I already have two fics on the go! Hope you like it :)
Carla
"I'm sorry, Carla." Michelle continues to rant at me as we reach Victoria Court. "But I am not letting her slag you off. Her, of all people."
"Chelle-" I begin my attempts to silence her again.
"I mean, who does she think she is?" She exclaims, pushing the button for the lift and waiting impatiently. "Thinking she's up on her high horse, just because she's Peter's latest in a long line of rejects, owning some scuzzy back street boozer."
"You used to own it." I point out, leaning against the wall. "And you're also one of his rejects..."
"Are you sticking up for her?" She looks at me wildly and I hold my hands up.
"Wouldn't dare." I raise my eyebrows and she stares back at me, trying to regulate her breathing. "Chelle, calm down. It's ok."
"Sorry, sorry." She sighs, jamming her finger in the lift button again. "Oh we're going to have to take the stairs." She decides, heading off towards them and I hang back reluctantly, knowing I probably wouldn't make it up them without running out of breath. "You know how protective I can get, I just-" she stops, turning around. "Come on."
"I'll wait for the lift." I point to it, as she frowns, confused at my lack of energy.
"Are you alright?" She checks, concern in her eyes as she watches me lean my head against the wall, already tired from walking around the corner.
"I'm fine." I lie, as she grabs my hand and starts pulling me towards the stairs. My top was sticking to me and I didn't know whether it was sweat or the pint of bitter that had been chucked at me fifteen minutes prior to this moment. I reluctantly climb the stairs behind her, trying to keep up with her pace, before forcing myself to stop, trying to catch my breath.
"Carla?" Michelle stares at me, her worry growing. "Are you not feeling well?" She holds me supportively as I shake my head.
"Headache." I bluff again, although I could feel one coming on. "I think it must be all he adrenaline. Not... Used to all this after... The quietness of Devon."
"Look, let's get back to the flat and then we'll open a bottle, get changed and stick some soppy film on like we used to." She tells me and I smile at the thought, realising how much I had missed having her around. I spend the rest of the struggle up the staircase, trying to think of yet another excuse as to why I wouldn't be sharing her bottle of wine. Which would probably result in her getting wasted, and me having to put her to bed. "Ok?" She pushes the door open and I enter, flopping down on the sofa. "Flamin' hell Carla. Have you aged fifty years while you've been away?"
"Oh cheers." I scoff, as she passes me a glass of water and some painkillers, which I weigh up in my hand hesitantly before taking them. "I probably won't have a drink if that's ok?" I notice her pulling two glasses from the cabinet. "I can't imagine it'll do this headache wonders."
"Are you sure?" She sounds surprised and I nod confidently, before she leaves the bottle and heads into the bedroom, returning with a pair of folded pyjamas which I vaguely recognised. "Yours. You left them at the Rovers when you and Peter had a fall out one time."
"What, and you never thought to give them back?" I laugh, my heart rate settling slightly as I begin to feel more relaxed. "Bet you hugged these every night while I was away, missed me too much."
"You're so vain." She narrows her eyes and I throw a cushion at her as she laughs, retaliating it as I catch it easily.
"Where's Robert?" I scan the flat, almost forgetting about him for a moment.
"Away at a conference in Bristol." She shrugs. "Don't know many of the details, some health and hygiene thing."
"You're very trusting." I take another sip of water, peering at her over the glass.
"Well if I'd have questioned him further it would just have resolved in another argument." She sighs, staring down at her wet top. "Why am I still wearing these? I'm absolutely soaked."
"You did well to miss the best part of it." I point to my top. "She went for it with me. This is officially ruined."
"Nah, I'll stick it in the wash for you." She replies, watching me smile in response. "Sorry if I went too far."
"Oh I'm used to it." I remind her. "Except usually it's me who's kicking off at people in order to save your back."
"See, you get it." She sighs, sitting down next to me and placing a hand on my knee. "You've always got it."
"Got what?" I suddenly feel lost, unsure what she is now referring to.
"Me." She stares off into the distance. "And you're the most special person in my life so if little miss vegan two faced cow wants to say anything bad about you, sorry but I'm backing you up."
"Little miss vegan two faced cow?" I repeat. "Is that her official name now? It's a bit long winded."
"Well just two faced cow then." She mutters. "Or cow. Bitch."
"Ok, Michelle." I laugh and she smiles slightly as she looks back at me. "Thank you, honestly. There's not many people around here who have got my back anymore."
"Always, you know that." She puts her hand over mine and I nod, staring at her for a moment. I felt guilty. She had always been the first to know any of my secrets; the pregnancy, the one night stand with Robert, even back to when we were kids. I'd always have gone to her for advice. Now my life was on the line and she didn't even know it. I was too scared. I was too afraid of upsetting her, and I knew that if I did tell her, she'd be straight down the doctor in the morning, begging them to let her have donor tests. But this felt so wrong, lying to her, of all people. Especially when she was so loyal to me and always had been.
"I need to tell you something." The words slip out of my mouth and she stares at me intently. "...It's something big... And I don't want you to get upset, even though I know you will."
"Oh Carla." She puts her head in her hands and I hesitate for a moment, trying to remember if I'd actually said it without realising. "I knew you were pregnant... That's why you were so out of breath on the stairs? Of course I'm not going to be upset, I'm happy for you."
"Michelle, I'm not pregnant." I say more abruptly than intended and she looks back up at me. "Or at least if I am, it's a very overdue pregnancy, because I haven't had sex since Nick."
"...Wait really?" Her eyes go wide. "You haven't had sex for over a year and a half?"
"Not really the topic I was going to discuss, but." I respond.
"How have you managed that?" The shock in her tone makes me debate whether I should feel offended or not. "You?"
"Michelle!" I exclaim, laughing again as I slap her lightly on the leg. "You make me sound like some kind of sex pest."
"You're telling me you're not gagging for it?" She raises her eyebrows and I pause, wondering how to relay my answer. "Exactly." She catches me out. "Honestly, no drinking, no sex. Careful, I'll start thinking you're getting boring."
"Yeah well I'm thinking maybe I'll just pack men in anyway." I joke, as appealing as the idea seemed. "Take a leaf out of my sister's book, ey."
"Well then maybe me and you should just get together." She debates, tilting her head to the side as she stares at the wall and I try to push her words to the side of my mind, my tummy flipping in the process.
"Sorted." I respond and she smiles, looking back at me, her eyes fixating on mine for a moment.
"What did you need to tell me?" Her voice grows serious again and I watch her for a moment, swallowing fear. Why was I so scared to admit something to the person who from day one, had supported me no matter what? "Carla?" She frowns, noticing my eyes glistening over as she links her fingers with mine. "...Take your time."
"I, uh..." I stammer, trying to figure out how to phrase it. "...I'm not very well."
"Is your headache getting worse?" She raises a hand to my forehead and it weirdly sends tingles down my spine as she does so, noticing my warm reaction. "What?"
"Nothing." I cover up, staring back at her for a moment and she studies me.
"You feel ok." She moves her hand to my cheek. "That paracetamol will kick in, in a minute."
"I've got kidney failure." The words fall out of my mouth, knowing there would be no better time and she lowers her hand, staring at me in shock for a moment, trying to process the words I had just said.
"...What?" She stammers, her mouth opening and closing a few times.
"Kidney... Failure." I try to force the words out again, as I watch her battle with the truth. "And only Roy knows... And now you."
"I..." She pauses, pulling herself together, or attempting to. "What does that mean?"
"It means my kidneys are failing." I reply, not intending for it to sound as blunt and obvious as it came out. "...It means... That technically, I guess, I could... Die." I swallow and the tears that flicker in her eyes make me feel a wave of hurt.
"But..." She trails off, gulping back tears as she stares at the wall. "But you're not going to?" She looks back at me, for some kind of reassurance. "Carla?" She coaxes me, and I wish I could give her the answer she wanted to hear. "...You're not going to?"
"Um... Well, if I don't get the transplant I need, then..." I stop myself, as her mouth falls open in shock.
"Transplant?" She repeats. "Well I'll do it. How do I do it?"
"Chelle, it doesn't quite work like that." I sigh putting my head in my hands. "I knew you'd say that."
"Yeah because you're my best friend. You're everything to me. I'm not going to sit here and let you tell me you're going to die Carla." She panics and the words hit me like a brick. "No way. Absolutely no way am I letting that happen."
"Ok, calm down." I try to hush her. "If there's anything I've learnt from this, it's that stress isn't good-"
"How do I do it?" She cries, tears sliding down her cheek and I watch her for a moment before pulling a tissue from my pocket and tentatively erasing the droplets from her face. "Please?"
"Listen, sweetheart." I take her hands in mine. "I don't know for sure whether you can. I need to find a match first. Kate and Aidan would be the best bet."
"But like you said, you've only told me and Roy." She shakes her head, refraining from letting her voice waver. "So how are you going to match with them, if they don't know?"
"I... I'm too scared." I allow myself to be weak, because she was one of the only people who could see that. "It would ruin them. It would break their hearts. The donation would mean they'd be in danger for the rest of their lives. How can I ask that of someone... How?"
"Ok." She swallows, forcing herself to be strong for me. She pats my hand gently, as if trying to formulate some response. "But I can try? I can go to the doctors? I mean, I could be?"
"Did you not hear what I just said?" I ask, trying to ensure it didn't sound too harsh. "Donating a kidney is life threatening. It's not something you just pop down to do one day when you're bored."
"Carla, you are the most important person in my life." She replies firmly and it shuts me up as I listen to her. "You know that I'll stop at nothing to protect you. No matter what that means for me. I love you too much to lose you. It's not an option, being without you in my life, isn't an option. Ok?" She stops, as I watch how intently her green eyes search my face, the beauty of them. The person who had been there for me from day one. Who had never given up on me and clearly wasn't about to now. "Ok?" She repeats, quieter this time as we stare back at each other. I nod slowly, too weak to argue, sighing as I tilt my forehead against hers. The way we had done before, the way we did when we were so close. I notice her eyes flicker up at mine, the warmth of her skin against mine was soothing.
Then I don't know why I'm doing it. The whole decision makes no sense. If it was a decision, because I felt there was little thought put into the process before I very softly kiss her lips. I can feel the wet of her remaining tears staining my cheeks, as mine do hers, connecting with one another as she returns my embrace. It was so soft and gentle. Yet so confusing.
I move a hand to her hair, my nails grazing the dampness of her top as I do so. The soft, silky strands fall between my fingers, as I push them comfortably against her scalp, where they rest as I continue to kiss her.
"Carla..." She finally whispers, slowly and reluctantly pulling away, but only so much as a fraction, so her words are still hot against my lips. "What are you doing?"
"I don't know." I respond, because it was the truth, and she soothingly rubs a hand up and down my arm, her finger moving to trace along my cheekbone, as if taking everything in. "...Sorry." I close my eyes momentarily before moving away. "Oh God, sorry." I snap back to reality before standing up, grabbing my coat and bag in a sudden state of embarrassment. "Uh... I'll see you soon."
"Hold on." She calls after me as I head towards the door. "You can't just leave?"
"It's what I'm good at, isn't it?" I shout, immediately hating myself for whatever the hell I had just done. "Leaving. Pushing people away. Making stupid mistakes that mean nothing."
"That didn't feel like nothing." She dares to murmur in response.
"Yes well you're in a relationship and I'm dying." The words hurt as I project them across the room and she shivers slightly at the word. "So whoever I came back here for. It doesn't matter. Does it?"
"Came back here for?" She frowns and I squeeze my eyes shut.
"Forget it." I snap, turning on my heel and slamming the door behind me. I fall against the opposing wall, bursting into silent tears as I stare at her door. Robert's door. What a mess. What a complete mess my life was, and getting messier every single day. I allow myself to slide down the wall, crumbling into a ball and trying to process everything that had happened in the last ten minutes, and ten months.
Before I hear a click, my head hesitantly rising upwards to where Michelle was standing above me, sinking to the ground to kneel opposite me in the corridor. Smudged mascara, invisible scars, still beyond beautiful.
"I'm not letting you leave." She whispers, studying my broken expression, knees pulled up to my chest like a little kid. Like the little kids we once were. "Not again. I promise you, I'm going to help you get better."
"...Really?" I breathe the word, even though I knew she meant everything she said. "...Why don't you ever give up on me? All the times you could have? All the times I've pushed you away and hurt you and been so worthless there's hardly been any point in clinging on?"
"...Because I love you." She replies, so meaningfully, and after our previous, impromptu encounter, I struggle to define what she means by those three words. "And like I said to you once, I've lost too many people who are special to me... I'm not about to lose one more. Especially not you. No way."
"I love you." I whisper in response and she manages a weak smile, reaching for my hand. "Can I stay with you tonight?" I ask, suddenly afraid of her response. "I don't want to go."
"You know you can." She leans forward, kissing me on the forehead, dipping her eyes to meet mine and placing another longing kiss on my lips. "You don't need to ask. You never need to ask."
Michelle
I sit on the sofa, Carla's head in my lap as I stroke her hair back comfortingly. It wasn't the first time it had happened, and it wouldn't be the last, but there was something so relaxing about watching her eyes flutter closed for a few seconds at a time, before realising she was slipping between waves of sleep.
"You can sleep." I murmur, not wanting the sound of my voice to shock her, but it doesn't, she just smiles at the sensation of my hands in her hair. "You know you're way too good for Peter?"
"You're way too good for Robert." She mumbles, her voice slightly croaky and annoyingly adorable. "You're way too good for any man you've ever been with."
"I doubt that." I reply, content with her response all the same and she shakes her head slightly, nestling against my legs. "I'm glad he's not here tonight."
"So am I." She replies quietly. "Does that make me sound selfish?"
"No." I can't help feeling flattered at her response. "...You said... Whoever you came back here for? I thought you said you didn't come back for Peter? Or was that just for Toyah's benefit?"
"...I didn't mean Peter." She admits, tilting her head so she can stare up into my eyes, and I don't need her to explain any further for me to realise what she means. "...But it was a stupid heat of the moment thought..."
"I thought you were joking earlier when you said you were taking a leaf out of Kate's book." I manage a small laugh, despite feeling terrified at the circumstances deep down.
"I was." She looks amused at my recollection. "I haven't completely changed, down south."
"It wouldn't matter to me if you had." I wind a piece of hair behind her ear, softly grazing my thumb against her forehead as her eyes close momentarily. "You'll still be the same Carla I've ever known. No matter what you go through, no matter who you are and what you decide."
"...I'm so scared, Chelle." She whispers and it breaks my heart. "I remember Hayley saying that to me." She swallows, pulling herself up and sitting cross legged on the sofa so she could look at me. "I remember her saying she was so scared... When she knew she didn't have long left. She knew it was going to end. I could only feel upset for my own selfish reasons, knowing I would carry on. There would be a huge gap that she filled , and I could try to empathise with her, but I didn't understand her words properly. Not until now... And I'm so scared." I force back tears as she says it, desperate to be strong for her, as much as it was breaking me. "I don't want to die..."
"You're not going to." I place a hand on her cheek, realising how definite my words sounded. "I'm not going to let you. I'm here. I've got you. You don't need to be scared, because I promise you now, everything is going to be ok."
"You can't be sure of that." She shakes her head. "Trust me I want to believe it."
"When have I ever let you down?" I ask her and she pauses, trying to think of a time, or some witty comeback to lighten the situation, but her expression was empty. "You see? Try trusting me."
"I do trust you." She replies. "I trust you with my life."
"And I trust you with my kidney." I nudge her gently and she can't help smiling. "If you promise to be nice to it."
"You don't even know whether you can yet." She reminds me, as she had so many times already, knowing I wouldn't give in on this one.
"Well if I can't I'll find you someone who can." I tell her and she smiles, allowing me to win for the sake of her own exhaustion. "Can I ask you to do something for me?"
"Depends what it is." She replies. "What shoes do you want to borrow?"
"Well if we're having that conversation." I laugh slightly at her joke, my face growing serious again. "I was going to say, please don't wake up tomorrow morning and regret this."
"Regret what?" She murmurs, her eyes flickering to my lips. "Regret pouring my heart out to you?" She guesses, before pausing. "...Or regret this?" She leans in again, kissing me once more, her lips warm and sweet against my own. I return it, surprisingly not at all shocked by her latest actions. She pulls away, her eyes meeting mine.
"Either." I reply, answering her question at last and she smiles, watching me lovingly for a moment before I move in again, caring for her, protecting her, loving her, like I always had done. And like I always would do.