Rating: PG-13

Characters: Sebastian Smythe

Summary: Sebastian is reunited with his favourite cousin, Celeste, but their reunion is tainted when Sebastian's depression gets in his way again. Part of my Second Chance verse. Warnings inside.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of self-harm, talk of depression, talk of past physical/sexual abuse and suicide.

Disclaimer: Sebastian Smythe is not mine *sadface*

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CELESTE:

Sebastian hadn't seen his cousin Celeste for a long time – she had been in France at some fancy boarding school. They hadn't even been able to catch up when his father had taken him after Jesse. But sitting and watching her now as they flicked through bad quality videos of Warblers performances, Sebastian realised just how much he had missed his cousin.

She laughed in the bright way that ran in their family and she twisted her blonde hair around her fingers as she watched "Glad You Came" from the Regionals competition Sebastian was sure he'd blown. His eyes travelled back to the laptop screen and he cringed as he watched himself almost fall over screwing up a move. His voice sounded pitchy and horrible. No wonder the New Directions had won…

The video finished, the screen turning black, and Celeste looked back to Sebastian with a proud smile.

"My cousin the Disney Prince," she crooned.

Sebastian chuckled softly. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"You looked so happy, 'Bastian…"

"I don't look happy now?" Sebastian asked as he forced a smile. Please don't see through me.

Celeste shuffled closer across the mattress, kneeling and wrapping her arms around Sebastian as she leaned down awkwardly to hug him. "Not the way you used to… Dad said you were in the hospital a few weeks ago, that you've been sick…"

Stupid family, Sebastian thought to himself as he cast his eyes downwards. "I didn't want to go, Chels' and mom made me."

"Talk to me, 'Bas… We used to be so close – we still are, aren't we?"

"I'm not gonna let you worry about me from the other side of the world," Sebastian said as he pulled away. He got to his feet and turned back to Celeste as he wrapped his arms around his torso and shook his head. "You're the only one who hasn't been hurt yet – I have to protect you."

Celeste shuffled forward again to kneel on the edge of the mattress, peering up at her cousin with frightful eyes. "Sebastian, what is there to protect me from? You can't hurt me." That last statement wasn't as convincing as Sebastian knew she wanted it to be.

"You're better off not knowing – I can deal with this myself. If you don't know, you can't get hurt – and you can't get disappointed." Sebastian internally cursed his emotions for betraying him as his voice cracked and his eyes watered. Keep it together, you fucking idiot.

Celeste reached up to hold his face in her hands, staring deep into her cousin's eyes. "I'll be more hurt and more disappointed if you lie to me and hide things from me," she murmured. "I love you, 'Bas. You're the closest thing I'm ever going to have to a brother. Don't leave me in the dark like this."

"I can't say… It hurts too much…"

"Then show me – or write it down or draw it or sing it or tell it through interpretive dance," Celeste laughed softly and watched as Sebastian cracked a teary smile of his own. She pulled him into her arms again and rubbed his back, "You make a beautiful mess, Sebastian Smythe."

"I just want someone to love me," Sebastian whispered brokenly.

"What do you mean?" Celeste asked before watching as Sebastian sunk onto the bed again. As he sat leaning against the post of her bed with an earnest and teary look on his face, Celeste was shocked by how young Sebastian looked. He had always seemed so mature and smart and even wise for his age as kids. Now he just looked scared and wounded and pained. What secrets were lurking inside that head?

"Celeste… I'm gay-"

"That's it?" she deadpanned, her jaw dropping a little.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes and shook his head. ""Is that it"- No, of course not!"

Celeste ducked her head slightly. "Well what is it?"

Sebastian took a deep breath but it didn't steady or calm him. If anything it made him even more hyped up. "I had a boyfriend… And he was like, fifty shades of fucked up but he was so amazing and he was just… There weren't words to describe Jesse."

"What happened to him?" Celeste asked quietly.

"He um, he tried to rape and kill me and then killed himself while I was recovering in the hospital."

"Oh my god!"

"That isn't all of it…" Sebastian frowned and clenched his eyes shut. "I-I can't say anything else. I need to show you."

"Okay…"

Sebastian stood up from the bed again, grabbing the hem of his sweatshirt and yanking it over his head. He tossed it onto the bed and ran a hand nervously through his hair as he sat down. He offered his bare forearms to Celeste and listened as she gasped, flinching and cringing as she carefully traced her fingers along the scars that would always be tender.

"What happened 'Bas? Did Jesse do all of this to you?"

"Jesse gave me the burns and a couple of the darker ones, the lighter vertical one. I did the rest myself," Sebastian admitted. "I've been fucked up for a long time, Celeste."

"Don't say that, sweetie," Celeste murmured as she wound her arms around Sebastian's waist and carefully lay down beside him, her head resting on his chest.

"I don't deserve to be loved, Cel'."

"Yes you do," Celeste said simply as she carefully took his hand. She pulled it up to her lips and pressed a soft kiss to the inside of his wrist at the edge of one of the vertical scars. "You deserve love and life and happiness and hope. You don't have to feel like this…"

"You think I don't know that?" Sebastian scoffed. Celeste pushed herself up again and glared at Sebastian. "I'm well aware that I don't have to be depressed but I can't stop it-"

"Have you tried?"

The tears welled again and Sebastian shoved himself away, scrambling to his feet. He thrust a finger towards Celeste as he glared and tried to growl through his tears. "You have no fucking right to tell me how to live! You fucking left me here to rot! If you'd been here when I'd come out things would have been different! You wouldn't have let this happen!"

"So you're blaming me?!" Celeste yelled as she got to her feet.

"Why shouldn't I?"

Celeste shook her head slowly. "'Bas, you're-"

"What? What am I? A fag? A piece of shit? Pathetic? Despicable? Not worth the time it would take to kill myself? Say it – it won't be something I haven't heard before."

"You're hurting."

Sebastian's breath caught in his throat and his hands curled into fists as he tried to hide the shock. Three years apart wasn't enough to dull Celeste's intuitiveness. Three years apart was however, enough to make Sebastian the most miserable being on the planet. But it wasn't enough to make him ignore the fact that with a single word, Celeste had told him something he hadn't heard before. And if hurting was what he was then Sebastian was going to make it worth it.

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A/N: A little snippet of pre-miracle (aka Nick) Sebastian for you :) I was watching "On My Way" out of boredom and decided Sebastian needed some female friend or something to share stuff with thus the creation of Celeste! I hope you enjoyed this, I'm sorry I haven't written that Blaine fic. I might look at what the plans for that were again and get to it in the next few days :) As always, if you have any questions or requests feel free to let me know and thank you very much for reading –Frankie xoxox