Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned From Spirited Away
(Things they should have told Chihiro)
By Nyghtvision
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Disclaimer: Go to someone else's fic. Cut and paste their disclaimer here. Print out. Add salt and cook to taste. Serve and enjoy.
==================================
What I Learned:
Flowers tend to wilt if they aren't put in water
Shrines are actually houses for miniature aliens but they don't want you to know about it
Four wheel drive means you can speed as much as you like, and by God you're going to do it.
Parents have no common sense. Thus, do not even bother trying to convince them not to go into the creepy place. Just cling to their arm and deal with it, because you'll be needed when things go wrong. And things WILL go wrong.
If it's a funny-looking building, it's most definitely an amusement park.
Sure, the place is bankrupt and there's no one there and it's covered in dust and you've never heard of it, but if you smell food -- it could still be open!
It goes without saying, don't eat the food
(Unless the dragon boy gives it to you. We'll go into that later.)
Flyswatters are the weapon of choice against pigs.
If you don't know what's going on, it's always a good idea to run away screaming.
No, that boy is not a girl.
Day and night are relative. Ignore them.
If your shoes are wet, that probably means you're standing in water.
It's hard to slap people if you're see-through.
Remember what I said about the dragon boy? Eat whatever he gives you.
Birds are evil.
In the name of Earth and Wind and -- no, in the name of Air and Fire -- in the name of Earth and -- oh, what the hell, just unbind her
Hold your breath when crossing bridges.
If you're a frog, don't annoy the boy.
There are lots of frogs in the Spirit world. Learn to live with them.
Your first priority is ALWAYS to get a job. No matter what happened to your parents or what kind of state you're in, whip out your resume and get jobhunting
I don't know what to do with you, so go bug the boiler man.
Make friends with little spiders made out of soot. It sounds weird but it makes sense in the long run. They'll carry your shoes for you!
Coal is heavy. Very, very heavy.
All you need to get by in life is a nice roasted newt
Just IGNORE the radish spirit...
Ever wonder where the term 'zip your lip' came from?
The secret to landing a job is to be annoying. Very, very annoying.
It helps if the witch took an oath to be an equal-oppurtunity employer
If you're looking for a nice exotic touch to spice up your office, try three bouncing humming scowling green heads. They go with every color scheme
That lady has a big nose.
Sign all contracts with somebody else's name
Even if you can't remember your name, remember your apron size and save Lin/Rin the trouble
If you quite understandably don't want to strip and put on an apron in front of two strangers, complain that you don't feel good
People sneak into your room at night and steal your t-shirt and shorts. Stay on your guard
Never go walking in gardens without dragon boy
Bring a permanent marker with you when you go to see your parents. Write "MOM" and "DAD" on them in 2-foot red letters. There now, aren't you a smart kid?
Alternatively, tattoo it into their ears. Mom always wanted a tattoo
Remember, always eat what the dragon boy gives you. It's good for you
Always carry some kind of identification with you. Write it on your wrist. In fact, while you still have the permanent marker and tattoo needle, write it all over yourself.
You can freak out when your parents are turned into pigs. You can whine and cry and complain as much as you like -- go wild! But you have to accept instantly that Haku is a dragon. It's expected of you
===================================
Well, that's it for now. If you enjoyed it, let me know. I'll probably continue later. Until then, I remain
Yours in the Netherworld
Caspian Nyghtvision
(Things they should have told Chihiro)
By Nyghtvision
==================================
Disclaimer: Go to someone else's fic. Cut and paste their disclaimer here. Print out. Add salt and cook to taste. Serve and enjoy.
==================================
What I Learned:
Flowers tend to wilt if they aren't put in water
Shrines are actually houses for miniature aliens but they don't want you to know about it
Four wheel drive means you can speed as much as you like, and by God you're going to do it.
Parents have no common sense. Thus, do not even bother trying to convince them not to go into the creepy place. Just cling to their arm and deal with it, because you'll be needed when things go wrong. And things WILL go wrong.
If it's a funny-looking building, it's most definitely an amusement park.
Sure, the place is bankrupt and there's no one there and it's covered in dust and you've never heard of it, but if you smell food -- it could still be open!
It goes without saying, don't eat the food
(Unless the dragon boy gives it to you. We'll go into that later.)
Flyswatters are the weapon of choice against pigs.
If you don't know what's going on, it's always a good idea to run away screaming.
No, that boy is not a girl.
Day and night are relative. Ignore them.
If your shoes are wet, that probably means you're standing in water.
It's hard to slap people if you're see-through.
Remember what I said about the dragon boy? Eat whatever he gives you.
Birds are evil.
In the name of Earth and Wind and -- no, in the name of Air and Fire -- in the name of Earth and -- oh, what the hell, just unbind her
Hold your breath when crossing bridges.
If you're a frog, don't annoy the boy.
There are lots of frogs in the Spirit world. Learn to live with them.
Your first priority is ALWAYS to get a job. No matter what happened to your parents or what kind of state you're in, whip out your resume and get jobhunting
I don't know what to do with you, so go bug the boiler man.
Make friends with little spiders made out of soot. It sounds weird but it makes sense in the long run. They'll carry your shoes for you!
Coal is heavy. Very, very heavy.
All you need to get by in life is a nice roasted newt
Just IGNORE the radish spirit...
Ever wonder where the term 'zip your lip' came from?
The secret to landing a job is to be annoying. Very, very annoying.
It helps if the witch took an oath to be an equal-oppurtunity employer
If you're looking for a nice exotic touch to spice up your office, try three bouncing humming scowling green heads. They go with every color scheme
That lady has a big nose.
Sign all contracts with somebody else's name
Even if you can't remember your name, remember your apron size and save Lin/Rin the trouble
If you quite understandably don't want to strip and put on an apron in front of two strangers, complain that you don't feel good
People sneak into your room at night and steal your t-shirt and shorts. Stay on your guard
Never go walking in gardens without dragon boy
Bring a permanent marker with you when you go to see your parents. Write "MOM" and "DAD" on them in 2-foot red letters. There now, aren't you a smart kid?
Alternatively, tattoo it into their ears. Mom always wanted a tattoo
Remember, always eat what the dragon boy gives you. It's good for you
Always carry some kind of identification with you. Write it on your wrist. In fact, while you still have the permanent marker and tattoo needle, write it all over yourself.
You can freak out when your parents are turned into pigs. You can whine and cry and complain as much as you like -- go wild! But you have to accept instantly that Haku is a dragon. It's expected of you
===================================
Well, that's it for now. If you enjoyed it, let me know. I'll probably continue later. Until then, I remain
Yours in the Netherworld
Caspian Nyghtvision