Title: First Steps
Author: heeroluva
Pairing: Jim/Bones, Pike
Contains: h/c, talk of abortion, academy
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I just like to play with them.
Summary: Jim says something he shouldn't have.
Notes: Gift fic for inell. Hope you like it! Not beta'ed. All mistakes are mine. Feel free to let me know if you see any. As always feedback is appreciated.
"She should have just had an abortion." The minute the words exit his mouth, Jim wishes he could take them back. He takes a step back as Bones freezes and suddenly turns, fury and heartbreak in his eyes, almost afraid that Bones would hit him.
"Get out," Bones hissed, shaking with rage.
"Bones, please. I—" Jim tries to apologize, but Bones cuts him off.
"Not another word." His tone of voice had Jim scurrying to leave when he wanted nothing more but to make things right.
Grabbing his jacket off the hook by the door, he started walking, not paying attention to where his feet took him, not caring that it was past curfew and that he'd be in deep shit if he got caught out again. He didn't know why he said it. Didn't really mean it. He'd known that Jocelyn had had an abortion during their divorce, only telling him to hurt him, and it had almost destroyed him.
He'd just been so angry. Hadn't thought. Carol wanted him to give up any claim he might have on his son. His son that he didn't even know the name of. He wanted to punch something. He wasn't like Bones. It wasn't that he wanted kids, not really. But the thought of having a child out there and never being able to see him, cut something inside him. He'd never wanted to be like his mother off in space all the time, while his child was left alone on Earth, but his son at least wouldn't be alone. He'd have a mother that would always be there for him.
"Cadet Kirk!"
Jim jumped and looked around guiltily, relieved to see it was Captain Pike.
"Jim, what the hell are you doing out here? You're lucky I don't report you on the spot. You're in deep shit if you get cited for being out after curfew again."
Jim tried to come up with some sort of response, but wasn't sure what to say.
Understanding passed over Pike's face and he threw his arm over Jim's shoulder. "Come on. You look like you could use a drink."
Jim went where we was led, sitting where he was told, and just looked down at the drink when it was placed in his hands. When he began talking he couldn't stop. It all poured out.
"Jim, son. I can't tell you what's right. Only you can do that. You're the one that has to make the decision. Think about this. If you let him go, will you be able to live with yourself?"
Jim thought about it a long time. Could he? He didn't know. He couldn't even imagine where he would in a year's time, let alone ten or twenty years from now. But he made up his mind. He couldn'tgive up his son. He'd agree to limited visits on his part, but he wanted to be a part of his son's life, wanted to know him. And he wanted it for Bones too, knowing that while it wasn't the same, it was the most he could offer him in terms of children.
When Pike offered him a blanket, Jim took it but looked at him confused. "It's late. Get some sleep."
Jim nodded, grateful for his kindness.
The next day, Jim had a lot to do. The phone call to Carol had been hard. She hadn't been understanding, hadn't wanted to listen to a word Jim had said. In the end, Jim had bluffed, stating that if she tried to fight this, he'd take it to court, and he'd win. His name held power after all. He hadn't meant it, had hated that he'd had to do it, knowing that it wasn't a good start, but she'd relented and told him the boy's name. David. His son's name was David. They'd even set a date to meet, and after some convincing, Carol had agreed to allow Bones to come along too.
That evening he was relieved to find their room empty, but by the time curfew hit, and Bones still wasn't there he'd begun to worry. He must have fallen asleep because he felt the bed dip, and his eyes snapped open to total darkness. His hands shot out, searching for Bones in the darkness, and when he found him, he pulled him close. "Bones," he moaned plaintively. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I'd never. She—I—"
Jim broke off as Bones' mouth suddenly found his, claiming it in a bruising kiss, a punishing kiss. Jim whined low in his throat, and Bones pulled back slightly, lessening the pressure, soothing the ache with small licks before pulling back completely. "I know, Jim. I know. I'm sorry too. Just didn't expect you to say that. Brought back those damned memories."
Bones swallowed thickly, audibly, and Jim suddenly felt the warmth of tears on his neck. He didn't say anything, just held him close.
Sometimes later when Bones had calmed down, Jim asked. "Would you like to meet David?"
"David?" Bones asked confused.
"My son." Jim couldn't keep the pride out of his voice.
For long moment Bones was silent and Jim feared that he'd chosen wrong, but his doubts were unfounded.
Drawing a steadying breath, Bones replied, a grin in his voice, "I'd like nothing better."
And thus concluded their first argument.