Gilbert has been irritating the hell out of me this morning. Funny thing is, I'm hardly the type to get frustrated with other people, but I can't stand his Prussian, German ass. He always comes up to me and screams in my face:

"Hallo, loser! It's an awesome morning, isn't it? Are YOU awesome! Ha! Zhat vas a rhetorical question! Of course you're not awesome, 'cause you're a loser! Bye!"

And then he runs off with that annoying-ass laugh.

((Mini A/N: Your laugh is no better, Alfred.))

Nobody asked you, TayZay, just crawl back into your Otaku corner.

((Alright...))

As I was saying.. Today, he's been talking some outrageous shit. I mean, I know Beilschmidt lies for the majority of his life, but this is some real crazy shit! He swears he's gonna rob a bank. A fucking bank! There's just no way! Last time, Gilbert promised on sneaking into Natalia's room and "doing the deed". That cost him a bruised asscheek, claw marks on his back, and a broken nose.

Um, so I'm assuming he got the deed half-done, but after a broken nose I stopped guessing.

Even though today IS a nice morning, it's likely to be ruined by some idiot stunt performed by Gilbert, and then somehow we all wind screwed in the end. These are one of the gazillion reasons why I hate Gilbert Beilschmidt...

"Alfred, rob a bank vith me!"

"No."

"C'mon, you dumb blonde, I can't do it alone!"

"I said no, Beilschmidt. Now fuck off."

"Man, I thought joo vere fun, but you're nothing but a pussy."

I grabbed his Prussian ass by the shirt collar and pulled him close to me ((yaoi?)), glaring into his red irises.

"You listen here, Beilschmidt. Just 'cause I've grown up a bit over the past several years doesn't make me a pussy. I'm just far too mature for your miniaturized mind to comprehend. Okay?" I end it with a sarcastic smile, and then-on impulse-dodge the fist he aims for me.

"Nobody asked for your American opinion! Joo haven't changed a bit; I don't know vhy joo have to lie half of zhe time just to get Arthur's attention..."

I can feel my face burn to a deep red.

"There vas a joke I heard yesterday..sometzing about his London bridges or vhatever-"

"Shut the fuck up!" The blush extends to my ears.

He grins in a way that makes me wanna clobber his damn face in, but I resist the urge.

"Joo didn't deny it! Hahaha! You're gay for an Englishman!"

"Well, y-you're gay for an Austrian!"

"Vhy did you stutter?" He blinks.

"Why did you try to avoid my statement just now?"

He narrows his eyes at me. I narrow mine back. He won't get away with this.

"You're bicurious."

"I know."

Damn, I forgot. He's always been open about his sexuality... Still..

"Are you in love with Elizaveta?"

He spits out his Budweiser on my face. I violently smack his shoulder.

"Vhat kind of question?!" He's flustered with a hot pink face. "No, d-don't ask me zhat ever again!" Gilbert tries to walk off, but he's not getting away that easily.

"I'll rob a bank with you if I can get your ass confesses your deepest sexual desires to Elizaveta Hederevary."

"Go to hell."

"Take it or leave it."

I watch as his jaw clenches, his blush increasing in volume. I just grin in triumph. This is gonna be the greatest bet ever...

((Ending A/N: Okay, so maybe it'll be a two-shot; I'm just too lazy to out up the second chapter right away. Bare with me, and don't be afraid to give a little R & R. If not me, do it for the PASTAAA! I mean, do it for Italy (=_=)৩ I am so sorry...))