Author's Note: I am taking a tiny break from CartmanKyle and am now, moving onto CartmanButters, CartmenWendy, KyleIke, and GregoryStan. They are all some sort of crack, and were supposed to be drabbles on their own, but they were too short so I combined them all together. Don't like a pairing, skip that part. Well, anyways, please R&R :)
here to stay
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oo1: CartmanButters
Cartman is a bastard. It is simply known to man that Cartman is the biggest bastard on the planet. He even fed a guy his own parents! In chili-form. So, when Eric (totally against his will) had to be tuttored by none other than the pussy, Leopold Scotch, he wasn't thrilled, to say the least. Especially when it was thundering and Butters was sitting there, whimpering like a little baby. Cartman wondered if his dad had some sort of handgun in the house. Their family was freaky after all.
"G-G-Gosh Eric, do you think this rain will ever let up." A flash of lightening lit up the sky, lighting the dark house and a window-shaking roll of thunder followed. "Ah! Eric! I'm scared." He shook and trembled, sniffiing as his baby blue eyes struggled to hold in tears.
"Sure Butters, now can you just help me finish my homework so I can go home?" Cartman grumbled angrily, glaring at the scared blond boy. God, Butters was such a pussy, he thought to himself when the boy brought his legs up to his chest. "Butters, you're 8, grow up already!"
"I-I can't help it Eric. It's so loud and rumbly." Butters tapped his knuckles together, eyes darting back and forth rather uncomfortably. "I'm sorry. I can help you once the rain lets up."
"Butters, I don't have to wait around! Ugh, what does your mom and dad do to stop you from being such a pussy when it rains?"
"W-Well ... " The blond boy thought hard for a minute. "My mom tells me it's gonna be alright. And that it's just Jesus moving furniture."
Cartman deadpanned. "Butters, that is the stupidest thing i've ever heard."
"B-But it works!"
With a heavy sigh, Cartman used a finger to pay Butter's head. "Uh, there, there. It's just uh ... jesus moving the furniture. There, you better now?"
Another thunder rolled across the earth. "N-No." He said as his whole body shook wildly. "N-Now, my mom kisses me."
With a long groan, he leaned forward and kissed the frightned boy on the lips. "Like that?"
"No!" Butters began, laughing. "On my cheek, you silly. What you did, that's only between boyfriends. So ... " His eyes brightened and he didn't jump when thunder sounded loudly. "Does that mean you're my boyfriend?"
Cartman sighed, burrying his hands in his chubby palms. At this rate, he'd never get home.
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oo2 WendyCartman
"So Eric, it's our one month anniversary tomorow." Wendy stated as she fixed her purple cap over her long, pretty black hair. Wow, one month. No one had even expected them to last past one day. But to everyone's (including herself) suprise, they were now at a one month anniversary. Their first anniversary and she was expecting a present.
"Yah, and?" Cartman asked as he watched the 16 year old Wendy. At first he hated her. She had just been some hippy ho! But ... well, she puts guys under spells,
or something, because he had asked her out just one month prior. Huh ... maybe she wasn't a hippy, but a gypsy.
"Well ... it's tradition that you get someone presents right?" She asked, giving him an irritated look. Maybe a present was too much of a stretch.
"Hey Wendy, you're a hippy right?"
"No!"
"So you like all animals right?"
"Well yah...but--"
"Okay." Cartman said before running out of the house.
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"Hurry and open it!" Cartman ordered, failing to notice Wendy's offended look. She didn't enjoy being bossed around.
She smiled as she unwrapped it. It had holes in it, it was obviously some sort of animal. Maybe a dog, a cat? Just the fact that Eric had gotten her something was something to be happy about. "Oh Eric, you're so nice for getting me some--AHHHHHH!"
Out of the box slithered a huge, yellow and white boa constricter, forked tongue slipping in and out.
"Happy anniversary!!" Eric cheered.
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oo3 KyleIke:
"Kyle!"
Kyle grinned warmly at his little brother, finding it adorable how his little brother could barely speak his name. It sounded more like, 'Kwul', and the fact that his voice was so innocent and sweet, gave Kyle butterflies. "Yah Ike?" He laughed, holding his 8 year old brother's favorite stuffed animal in his hand, high above his head.
"Give it back!" He ordered, trying to climb up his 13 year old brother's legs. He pulled at the denim of his pants and jumped, trying to seat himself on his lap, to get a better reach at his precious bear.
"You want your bear?" Kyle asked, laughing to himself as he watched his brother crawl into his lap and sat there, stretching his little body to reach his toy. It was still out of his reach.
"Yes Kyle!"
"Well ... you gotta give me a kiss first." Kyle smirked, watching as the clocks began to turn inside his head.
"A kiss?" He stuck out his tongue and shook his head. "But that's gross!"
Kyle frowned a bit, but still kept the toy way out of Ike's reach. "Well, I guess you don't want your bear back huh?"
"No!" He shouted, whining as he struggled to reach. "Fine." He sighed, lower lip jutting out in a pout. He leaned up, his older brother pointing to his own lips as if saying, 'Right here'
With a grimace, he leaned up and pressed his sticky lips to Kyle's.
"Here you go." Kyle grinned as he gave Ike his toy back and watched with a warm spot in his belly as he smiled in content and hugged his bear.
He just hoped Ike didn't tell mom and dad.
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oo4 GregoryStan
Stan hated Gregory. He was a stupid French faggot, one who tried to steal Wendy from him. And Stan hated him even more, when he had actually suceeded in doing so.
He hated Gregory even more, when he found out he was going to be going to the same school as him. He hated how Gregory always waved at him, always said 'hi' to him like they were friends. They weren't friends though, oh no, not even close.
Stan hated that Wendy was all over Gregory when he came to the school but it did make Stan a little happy that Gregory seemed uninterested. Gregory walked by him and winked and Stan hated him all over again.
Stan hated him (right?) when Gregory told him that he may have liked Wendy before, but Stan was just too cute when he was all angry and jealous, and he only kept it up to see that cute scowl on his face. Stan didn't know what to say, so he stood there, in his winter coat as he stood with the one he hated in the snow.
Stan hated him so much when he pushed him back into the snow, hard, he saw stars in his eyes, and straddled his hips.
And Stan really hated him, when he kissed and bit his lips and actually gave him a hard on.
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Author's Note: I am now officially in love with GregoryStan, Cutters, and KyleIke. I was already in love with WendyCartman so yah...hope you liked these :) Please review!