Just a Goodbye
Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho does not be long to me and I make no money from this work of fanfiction at all. Full of Grace belongs to Sarah Mclachlan.
A/N: This is the ultimate end of A Change of Pace. No real spoilers for it though.
The winter here's cold, and bitter
it's chilled us to the bone
we haven't seen the sun for weeks
too long too far from home
Hiei smiled down at his husband.
"I know it's been a while. There are some things I needed to tell you, that you probably didn't know."
He took his wallet out, and noted, ironically, that he actually had one now.
"You were a horrible influence on me." Hiei sighed softly. "I actually got a job. The grandkids are doing well, in fact, we have some great-grandkids now." He held up the pictures.
The smile turned slightly ironic. "And kittens. Lots and lots of kittens. We've taken over Genkai's temple, if you can believe it. Our brats, Yuusuke and Koenma's brats, Keiko and Botan's brats… And the kittens. Kasumi is still taking care of most of them… Iyasu is working at the zoo; all the animals love him there. He's married now, if you believe it. You'd be even more surprised to know he married a woman, one of Yuusuke's brats, Junsui. That's where the horde of grandkids came from… Plus the stray humans. You have the others picking up strays, too…"
I feel just like I'm sinking
and I claw for solid ground
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go
"I took over Mukuro's territory after a while. It helped, to keep busy. It's the same old, same old. Assassination plots, intrigue, annoying shit like that. Although the Youkai has been rather quiet since Yuusuke and I took over our territories. Maybe it's the rumor that Koenma actually grew a spine. Considering the time he actually USED that pacifier on someone," he snorted, wanting to laugh at the memory but instead found his eyes watering up- and two gems fell from his eyes. Looking down, he noticed that he his feet were covered in them.
"Its just not worth it anymore… The kids are happy with their lives now. The great-grandkids really don't know they're part demon. They live in the temple… but I can't stay there. Not anymore. You're there, too. I wish… Dammit, why did you have to be mortal? Damn you. Damn you for being so human. Damn you for being you Kazuma. I never regretted being a demon until you died."
If all of the strength and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
full of grace
full of grace
my love
"You never would have let someone change you into a demon. I know that. I think we all did, but I never really thought about you dying. You know… I'm surprised how you did go. I'd always assumed you'd go down fighting, not in your fucking sleep. No one saw it coming. One minute, you were there, one minute, gone. Botan knew, of course. So did you. You foresaw the whole damn thing, and we didn't know until the next morning after we found you under a tree with that stupid," Hiei felt more gems roll down his cheeks," cat, in your lap. She died with you. Stupid cat…"
So it's better this way, I said
having seen this place before
where everything we said and did
hurts us all the more
its just that we stayed, too long
in the same old sickly skin
I'm pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
oh darkness I feel like letting go
"Why her? Why not me?" he paused and shook his head. "Same reason you never told me you'd been having a heart attack all day. You didn't want me to worry. I was your husband, you stupid oaf. I deserved the chance to worry about you."
He looked round at the pale autumn day, with early snow on the wind.
"Oh yeah, I finally told Yukina I was her brother… She told me it was about time I told her and that she wondered if I would ever get the courage to say anything. You would have been laughing your ass off at that one."
Hiei stopped again, to study the gravestone. It was roughly hewn granite, with Kazuma's name, date of birth and death, and simply "Beloved," below that. It seemed appropriate.
Nothing to show how his family had been in mourning for the first twenty years was on it. Nothing to show that Hiei had nearly killed Koenma and Botan to get Kuwabara back could be seen in the weathered stone. Nothing to show that Kuwabara had given Hiei the emotional smack down of his life before he refused to come back…
Yet around it, the ground was littered with tear gems. Not just Hiei's- their children, and Yukina and her children and their grandchildren, had visited and mourned, leaving a glittering memorial around it.
"I know suicide isn't honorable, and that you would have my hide for it," he told the rock, sitting down in front of it and pulling out his sword. "I really could care less. Maybe Koenma will let me born human so I can go after you. Wherever you are."
The tiny fire demon braced the sword, about to fall on it-
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" cried a voice, and Hiei was grabbed by the scruff of his neck.
Breaking the hold easily, he whirled, bringing his sword up to aim at the one who would intrude on his grief. Then he stopped, blinked.
It was a young man, with black hair and brown eyes… who looked a great deal like Kuwabara's female form. Only it was a man.
"Suicide is a coward's way out! Why are you doing it?"
Hiei was shocked… Angered that his way out was blocked, and at this newcomer… And then he felt his ki.
A trembling laugh escaped him. He couldn't believe it…
If all of the strength
And all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love
//"You just don't get it, do ya, Hiei?" the oaf said gently, as his small husband cursed blisteringly at his husband's shade.
"Oh, I get it all right! YOU DON'T WANT TO COME BACK!"
"Hiei-" his face went hard, then softened. "I lived my life, I was happy, you made me happy. You never wanted to remember that I was human though, that I would die. I never wanted to fight it though."
"Is this revenge?" the half fire demon spat viciously. "For how I treated you at first?"
"NO!" Kazuma gasped in shock. Hiei didn't look directly at the specter, other than noting he looked neither young nor old.
"Hiei, I loved you… Its just… this life is over. You," he graced his husband with a goofy smile; the kind that had always driven Hiei insane with its sincerity.
"I'm bound to a human's fate. To be born, to die-"
"I understand perfectly!" Hiei roared, and flitted off.
"To be born again," Kuwabara sighed, and disappeared…//
"You stupid- it wasn't any of your business if I died!" Hiei tried to snap at this youngster.
"HEY! Who you calling STUPID?" The boy tried to swing at him.
Hiei easily dodged. "There's no one else here."
"SHORTY!"
"Hm. Oaf."
"OAF?"
They continued arguing… while both smiled.
The end.