Author: LuminousMinds
Summary: "I don't know, maybe we should stop…"
Pairing: Mac Taylor/ Lindsay Monroe
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI NY. It's just a lot of fun to play with these two ;)
Any mistakes you see here are Mea Culpa. No beta :(
Reviews, yes? Please lemme know what ya'll think.
Enjoy!
Thursday, September 11th, 2008
Had it really been seven years since that tragic day passed?
To Mac Taylor, it seemed as if it all happened yesterday.
He sat at a dark corner of the tavern, quietly nursing a glass of bourbon, just thinking. Thinking about that day… the day all hell broke loose. God, he could still remember when the Twin Towers came crashing down, the two seemingly indestructible structures being reduced to rubble. He could still note the pungent scent of smoke in the air, and feel the ash on his skin. He could still hear the blood-curling screams of terror of all the ingenuous by-standers taking in the horrific sight. He could still see the charred corpses, in mass piles, one on top of another.
He could still see Claire…
He closed his eyes.
There was nothing he could do. She was gone.
The warm liquid made its way past his lips as he took a small sip. He set the glass down gently on the wooden counter, and heaved a long, heart-wrenching sigh. If he weren't in public, he'd be crying by now.
"Whiskey, huh? I'm more of a beer girl myself. Although, an occasional apple martini doesn't hurt either."
Mac stiffened, but slowly turned his head to see who the owner of that voice was. And there was Lindsay, sitting right next to him with a Bud Light in hand. She gave him a small, but warm, smile. Mac had to smile back. He didn't want to, but Lindsay just had that effect on him.
"Never would've expected to see you in these here parts." He narrowed his eyes and his forehead creased. "What are you doing here, Lindsay?"
"Must you question everything I do?" she protested. When she received nothing but a blank stare, the brunette shrugged, her brown curls bouncing childishly as she did. "Just wallowing in my self-pity..." she answered honestly, waving the bottle around a little before taking a sip from it.
"You too?" he chuckled, bringing the glass of liquor back to his lips.
Lindsay smiled again. "I guess so… I saw you here and… well, I figured I'd join you." She looked him in the eye. "One should never have to drink alone."
Mac nodded. He really, really wanted to be alone, but he just didn't have the heart to turn her down. He loosened his tie, and turned back to his drinking buddy, willing to make small talk, for her sake.
"So what's the occasion?" he asked, teeth crunching on a chunk of ice.
Lindsay exhaled loudly. "Oh, various things. Losing my friends, my falling out with Danny…" she tilted her head slightly, "You know."
Mac looked down at his now empty glass, frowning a little. "Yeah…" he murmured.
Lindsay noticed this. "Order another one, it's on me," she said, waving for the bartender.
Mac sighed. "You don't have to—"
"But I want to." She made no effort to hide her pearly whites, and Mac felt his heart melt instantly. As she directed her attention to the bartender, he couldn't help the butterflies flying around in his stomach, something he hadn't felt in a while…he had feelings for Lindsay, that much he knew, and he would act upon them but Claire…all he could think about was her…she was… well, he didn't want to say she was holding him back, but it truly seemed like it. Like he'd be betraying her if he had anything to do with the feisty brunette.
"…about you, Mac?" Lindsay asked, and the supervisor blinked a couple of time as he slowly faded back to reality.
"I'm sorry?"
Lindsay raised a thin brow. "What do you want to drink?" she repeated.
He bowed his head to hide the blush creeping across his cheeks. "I'll have what she's having…" he murmured.
The young bartender nodded, shouting, "Two Bud Lights, comin' right up!" right before he left. Once it was just the two of them again, Lindsay looked over at Mac again. "What about you?"
At this, Mac quirked a brow. "What about me?" he countered.
"What's the occasion?" she echoed him.
The supervisor shifted his gaze elsewhere now. He just didn't want to talk about it, and he knew that if he stared into her chocolate orbs, he'd give in and spill all of his guts out. Lindsay noticed the dark change he took on, and furrowed her brows in confusion, giving him a barely audible "Mac? You okay?"
He gave her a firm nod, but the dejected expression on his face told her otherwise. Lindsay sighed, and once her beer was brought to her, she almost chugged it down. Mac was staring at the intricate wood pattern etched onto the counter, fingering his bottle of brew, debating on whether to tell her or not.
And Lindsay blurted out, "If you don't want to tell me, that's fine…I won't push you…"
Mac snapped his head up. "No, Lindsay….it's okay. I'll tell you."
He took a swig of beer, savoring its bitter taste, and cleared his throat. A brief moment of silence and a quizzical look on his face told Lindsay he was trying to find the right words to say. So she gave him time. It wasn't like they were going anywhere for a while.
He locked eyes with her, and just as he feared, he was ready to spill his guts out.
"On this day, seven years ago…I lost my wife." He paused, sucking in a shaky breath before continuing, "…her body was never recovered."
Lindsay bit down on her bottom lip, trying to fight the waves of sadness from crashing over her. She could see the pain reflected on the older man's face. She had gotten wind that Mac lost Claire some time ago from Stella, but she never knew when exactly or how or why. And now that she did, knew that he lost her today of all days, she could only think about comforting him. Her fingers slowly intertwined with his, and she gave his hand a nice squeeze. Mac's cobalt eyes darted to their mating hands, obviously surprised by the act.
"I'm really sorry, Mac…I never…"
He tightened the grip, blinking back the tears. "It's fine. I'm fine, I think." His lips quirked up into that small smile again. "It gets easier, with time…"
About a five beers later, they were ready to call it a night. They stood up from their stools, threw on their jackets and walked out of the tavern and into the cool night.
"Let me walk you home," Mac offered.
Lindsay shook her head. "Nah, it's okay. My place is just around the corner from here."
But Mac wouldn't have it. "You've been drinking, Lindsay. I'm not taking any chances."
Lindsay made a face. "So have you," she grumbled.
Mac rolled his eyes. "True, but I'm a lot better off than you, trust me," he reasoned, as they both headed down the desolate street.
The walk back to her apartment was rather short and quiet; well, with the exception of a few comments thrown here and there. Lindsay trotted up her apartment complex steps, noting Mac was still following closely behind her. After jogging up two flights of stairs, they finally ended up in front of her room number, and Lindsay fiddled with her key chain to find the proper key.
"Got it!" She mumbled triumphantly, and with a twist and turn of the lock, the door unlatched and swung open. She sighed, and turned to face her supervisor, ready to bid him goodnight.
Lindsay leaned against the door frame. "Thanks for walking me back home." She beamed at him. "I appreciate it, you know."
Mac gave her a crossed look. "If I recall, it was against your will."
She laughed. God, he loved that sound…"Yeah, but it was still a nice gesture."
Mac chuckled lightly. "It was my pleasure, really."
A small smile escaped his lips as he stood there, just observing her. His cobalt eyes were locked on her chocolate ones, and he was thinking…just thinking how beautiful she looked. He felt himself slowly lean into her, and her to him, and he didn't know what on Earth possessed him to do it, but his cold lips gently brushed past hers, before finally capturing them in a warm kiss.
Lindsay's small hands gripped the collar of his coat, bringing him closer to her and deepening the kiss, enjoying his flavor. She could still taste the bourbon, and the five beers he downed with her and a delicious tang she could only describe as just Mac.
Bracing one hand on the door frame, while the other was strategically placed on the small of her back, he continued to dominate her mouth, lips clashing with lips and tongue clashing with tongue in an erotic dance, a scorching heat coursing through their frozen bodies.
"Lindsay…" he murmured in between every heart-stopping kiss, "Lindsay…I don't know, maybe we should stop…"
"Nah…"she moaned, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Lindsay… we've been drinking…" he protested lightly, and yet that being said, he wouldn't back away, not by a long shot. He was finally doing what he'd dreamed of doing since he met her, since day one, and he couldn't bring himself to stop.
"So?" she queried, pulling back and completely breaking off the lip-locking. Now she was mad; did he really have to find an excuse for everything? "You think this—" she wagged her finger back and forth between the two of them, "…is just the beer talking?"
"I…I don't—"
"That has nothing to do with it Mac. We're both fully conscious of what we're doing, regardless of whether we've been drinking or not, and we both seem to like it, so why don't we just let nature take its course?"
Mac's lips were pressed into a thin line. He didn't know how to respond to that.
Lindsay went on. "You feel it too, don't you?" she pressed her palm on his chest, on his heart. "Right here," she added, "I know you do."
Mac bowed his head, feeling ashamed, somewhat. "I've felt it for a while…" he answered truthfully.
"And so have I. So let's just…stop tip-toeing around our feelings for each other. I'm willing to give this…to give us a shot, if you are."
God, did he want this. He wanted her. He wanted to make her his. He wanted to love her, he wanted to marry her, he wanted to have children with her, and he wanted to spend every waking moment with her.
Claire…his mind kept drifting back to her. He knew he'd never be able to fully give himself to Lindsay, because somehow, he still belonged to Claire.
"…I know what you're thinking. I'm not here to replace her, Mac." His head snapped up at that. Lindsay smiled, a little sadly. "I'm never going to replace her. I'm just here to…add some light to your darkness, take away some of the pain. I know that you still love her, but I know that you love me too," she stated, rather boldly.
His jaw went slack. "Lindsay…"
Her soft hands caressed his face. "I think…Claire would want you to be happy." Her brown orbs were sparkling. "Don't you?"
Mac closed his eyes. Would she?
"Of course she would," his mind barked at him. He shouldn't even doubt it for a second. Claire is…was… truly a selfless person. It was one of the many things he loved about her.
Lindsay but down on her lip when he didn't answer, eyeing the floor. "Think about it. You don't have to decide now." She was halfway inside her humble abode. "Whenever you're ready, you know where to find me." The door was already closing, before she uttered a goodnight to her supervisor. And in an instant, Mac was alone once again.
Friday, September 12th, 2008
Mac stood at the edge of the concrete sidewalk, hands dug in his jacket pockets. Today he decided he would take the day off work and take care of some unfinished business. And through that short time, Lindsay's words rang through his mind like a bell.
"Think about it…"
Mac let out a frustrated puff of air as he checked his watch.
"You don't have to decide now…"
He looked around the busy streets, trying to hail a cab.
"Whenever you're ready, you know where to find me…"
He slid along the torn leather seat, closing the door. The scruffy looking driver turned to him, asking him where he'd like to go. Mac looked at him dead in the eyes, trying to gather the courage to say the next few words.
"Ground Zero, please."
The cabbie's face suddenly hardened and he gave the supervisor a small nod, turning around and pulling right into the New York traffic. Minutes had passed by, and before Mac knew it, he was there. The cab pulled up in front of the deserted space, and the supervisor paid the cabbie appropriately, giving a curt word of thanks, and finally stepping out of the vehicle. Mac watched the taxi speed away, and once it was completely out of sight, he turned his attention back to what he came for.
One step turned into two, and that quickly turned into a jog. His calloused hands roughly gripped on the metal railing, and his cobalt eyes were fixed on the dark, barren crater that was behind it. He then pressed his forehead against the cold metal and closed his eyes momentarily to pay his respects, a silent prayer running through his mind for all the innocent souls that lost their lives on that fateful day, and last, but not least of course, his wife Claire.
"I'm sorry I didn't come by yesterday," he murmured, his chest tightening as a wave of emotions flooded over him, "…too painful…I didn't want you to see me like that…"
A woman's giggle fluttered past his ears. "It's okay. I forgive you," an airy voice spoke. Lithe fingers caressed his face, and his eyes jolted open. Claire was standing right next to him, an angelic glow surrounding her body, beaming at him. Mac's jaw went slack. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Was it really her?
He brought his hand up to touch hers, and was surprised at the feel of her soft skin.
"Claire…" he whispered.
Her smile never faltered. "It's great to see you, Mac."
His mouth opened and closed, trying to find the right words. This couldn't be happening. It just wasn't possible. And yet, her she was… "What are you…? I mean how… It's great to see you too." Strong arms pulled her fragile frame in a warm embrace. His eyes snapped shut again, and he buried his face in her brown locks, breathing in the luscious scent of strawberries. That scent always drove him mad… "I missed you so much, honey…"
Her soft, pink lips pressed a kiss on his cheek. "I missed you, too, Mac. You have no idea."
Mac looked at her with all the desire in the world. Gosh, she hadn't changed a bit. "You look…amazing…" he breathed.
Claire just shook her head. "You don't look so bad yourself," she teased, eyes trailing and admiring his well-sculpted form. She pulled back slightly, with a solemn expression crossing her lovely face, now. She sighed. "But as much as I enjoy this, that's not why I came."
Mac's thick eyebrows were knit together, perplexed. "I don't understand…"
Her lips quirked up in that smile again. "You will, soon." She extended her hand for him to grab. "Do you trust me?"
Mac smirked, clasping his hand with hers. As weird as this was, his dead wife coming to him, he felt unnaturally safe. "You don't even have to ask."
There was a hot, blinding flash of light of light, and then there was silence. Mac rubbed at his eyes, a string of curses tumbling out of his mouth. Stupid light, he thought. Claire just laughed though, and patted Mac on the shoulder to get his attention, directing him where to look, and when Mac did, his heart sped up. He recognized this scene. He saw himself, and he saw Lindsay exchanging a few choice words in the hallway of her apartment. He saw himself timidly leaning in to capture the feisty brunette's lips in a passionate kiss. Mac felt the reddish tint cross his cheeks, and he stole a glance at the angel next to him.
"I'm sorry… I can explain…" he mumbled.
Claire tilted her head, amused. "Don't be," she stated, "there's no need."
Mac chewed on his bottom lip nervously. "I still don't understand, Claire. What are we doing here?"
The angel pursed her lips."We're here," she began, "because of her." Her index finger was pointing at Lindsay. Mac cocked an eyebrow.
"Lindsay?" he queried.
"That's correct."
Mac was still lost. "What does Lindsay—"
Claire gently cut him off."You're in love with her." She stared him down when he showed signs of protest. "McKenna Boyd Taylor, don't even try to deny it. You wouldn't have done that," she pointed back at the scene before them, "…if you weren't."
Mac winced at the use of his full name. "Nothing gets past you," he sighed.
"What can I say? I'm an angel, Mac. I know all, I see all." She offered him her hand again, and he willingly accepted it. The flash of light returned and the scenery around them changed. The sounds of ringing telephones and mindless chatter reverberated in his ears. Mac immediately recognized that he was in the Crime Lab. The two of them were standing in the middle of the pathway, of all the hustle and bustle. Lab rats and CSI's were running up and down the halls, and filling up all the labs, losing themselves in their work. A smile caressed Mac's features. This was home to him.
Mac then shot Claire a questioning look. She merely shrugged, and pointed right in front of them again. His focus immediately shifted, and he was met with Lindsay again. She and Stella were walking together, quietly discussing a case they were working on. It looked like they reached a breakthrough because Stella got all excited and ran in the other direction, leaving the junior investigator to herself. Lindsay smiled and went to go into one of the labs, when she spotted Mac's office. Her face immediately fell, seeing it empty. She leaned back against the glass, looking at the confined space with a longing in her chocolate orbs. Sighing, she tore her gaze away, and ran into the layout room, ready to analyze the evidence.
"She's a good kid," Claire noted. "I like her very much."
Mac nodded. "That she is..."
"You're never going to find another one like her, you know."
Mac rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah. I know."
Claire scoffed. "Then what are you waiting for?"
The senior CSI blinked several times."I...I don't know," he fibbed.
Claire lightly slapped him on the shoulder. "I know what you're thinking, Mac Taylor. Remember, I'm an angel; and I'm insulted." This made his neck coil to her. Her blue eyes were burning with anger. She went on. " You're afraid to pursue any kind of relationship with her because of me?"
The supervisor eyed the tiled floor.
The angel let out an exasperated sigh."Oh, Mac...I could never resent you for this. You know I'll always love you. And I know you'll always love me, too. But please, try to think of yourself. If Lindsay makes you happy, then go ahead. Be happy. Don't drag this out longer than it need be. Go get her before it's too late."
There was that light again. And just as expected, the scenery changed around him. The two of them were back at Ground Zero. The sun was just about to set in the horizon, and the streetlights were coming on. Mac and Claire's gazes locked in silent communication; they knew it was time to say so long and farewell.
"Do you really have to go?" Mac asked, obviously sad.
She pouted, rather childishly, almost making the supervisor laugh. "Unfortunately, yes." She then took the steps necessary to close the distance between them. "Take care of yourself," Claire whispered, pulling her husband into a hug.
Mac gave her a firm nod. "You know I will."
She smiled again. It was really nice to see that smile, even if it was for the last time. "Good." She pressed a feather-like kiss to his cheek. "And don't forget what I said."
"I won't." He smiled as well. "Love you." Mac said.
"Love you too."
Then she turned her back on him, walking away.
"See you on the other side,"Claire stated, before making her exit and disappearing into thin air.
A chill ran down his spine, and his eyes snapped open.
Mac looked around in bewilderment, wondering what the hell just happened.
He backed off from the metal railing, taking a couple of steps back, breathing heavily. His fingers ran through his cropped hair frantically. Looking at his watch, he realized what the time was, and he bounded down the street, with only one thing on his mind: Lindsay.
"Lindsay, gotta get to Lindsay…" was the mantra that kept running through his mind as he ran through the still-packed streets of New York. He passed and swerved around several people, not caring if he hit anybody. Nothing in the world would stop him from completing his mission. A couple more blocks and his goal would be achieved.
Meanwhile, Lindsay was curled up in her couch, her chocolate orbs fixed on the television in front of her, watching the images flash on and off. She wasn't really paying attention, though. She was too busy thinking about her boss. Wondering why he didn't show up today, wondering if she scared him off….she huffed, crestfallen, and sunk back into her couch. Then the doorbell rang, and Lindsay's forehead creased in confusion. That was odd, she wasn't expecting anybody. She had half a mind not to answer, but her investigative skills kicked in by then and she decided to see who it was nonetheless.
"Coming," she called out lamely, leaping off her seat to head for the door. She looked through the peephole, and found a very tired Mac hanging on for dear life. He was bent over, hands on his knees, sucking in every bit of breath he could. Lindsay quickly unlocked her door, and she opened her mouth to speak, but before she had time to react, the older man had cut her off with a kiss.
She gasped at this, which gave access to Mac's wandering tongue, and they moaned as they finally tasted each other again. It seemed like an eternity since they last did. Lindsay felt wandering hands circling around her waist, pulling their bodies even closer together, while she threw her arms around his neck, continuing to explore each other sensually.
Seconds had turned into minutes and the two parted, in need of air, while they lingered in each other's warmth, forehead against forehead, and breath mingling with breath. Lindsay looked up at her supervisor, trying to find the answer to all of her questions in his eyes.
"Wha…?" Lindsay breathed, not able to finish her sentence.
Mac sighed. "I thought about what you said and…I realized that you were right. I'm not going to tip-toe around my feelings anymore."
His lips tenderly brushed past hers again.
"I was afraid…" he murmured truthfully. Afraid was an understatement. He was scared shitless.
"Afraid of what?" she countered. What could he possibly have been afraid of? It's not like she didn't love him back. Or maybe that wasn't it, she thought.
Mac swallowed hard. "I…that I couldn't fully commit to you…"
"…because of Claire," Lindsay concluded solemnly.
Mac sighed for the billionth time. "Right. But that's no longer the case." His calloused hands cupped her face. "I know now that I can't go on without you, in life thinking about what could've been. I love you, Linds."
And before anything else, Mac hooked his hand around her neck, and claimed her mouth again like a true champion. Lindsay moaned, louder this time, and squirmed under his touch as he pressed her up against the door frame. Their bodies were rapidly responding to the ministrations and if they didn't stop now, they'd probably "consummate" their relationship in the hallway, giving whoever passed by a free show.
"Mac…Mac, stop…" she panted, and the supervisor complied, misunderstanding written all over his face. Lindsay just smiled at him. "Let's take this inside, shall we?"
Mac smirked, leading the both of them in the semi-darkened abode. "I like the way you think," he growled playfully, as he kicked the door shut. He whirled her around, pinning the young woman against the wall on the right of the door, devouring her mouth with his own. He then grinded his throbbing erection against her hips, wanting to let her know exactly what she did to him, and his hands began to roam her body, one tugging at her pajama bottoms while the other cupped and massaged the full roundness of her breast, stroking her through the cotton material that prevented pure contact with her soft skin. Lindsay let out a guttural groan and arched into his hand, a balmy feeling nestling in the pit of her stomach. God, she wanted to feel more of that ridiculously delicious sensation that coursed through her body, and she knew no one else but Mac Taylor would be able to give it to her.
"Off," she demanded, her fingers tugging at his shirt, "…now."
He groaned at the sound of her voice, deep and sultry. God, he ached to join bodies with her, so fucking badly. "With pleasure," he grunted, taking a step back and finally ridding himself of the flimsy top. The two CSI's continued their little game down the narrow pathway, bumping and stumbling into things along the way but laughing it off, their clothes and underwear leaving a trail behind them.
They couldn't reach her bedroom fast enough.
Her door swung open, and their neared the edge of the bed. Lindsay slowly slithered on top of it and Mac followed soon after, stretching himself over her and gently guiding himself to her entrance.
"Mac… I need you now, please…" she panted as he teased her hot center.
"Let me love you, Linds…" he whispered, catching her pink nipples in between his lips, "…let me love you…"
Lindsay's eyes snapped shut while he jerked forward, pushing through that first ring of tight muscle. "God, yes, yes…Love me, Mac. I can't wait; Please love me…"
He felt her arms wrap around his neck, and he buried all of himself into her.
Lindsay threw her head back and moaned as the bolts of pleasure surged through her body. Mac stilled momentarily, shivering at the feel of her. A dizzying sensation washed over him; she felt absolutely amazing around him and that drove him insane with longing. He wanted, no he needed more. Mac, trembling slightly, pulled out of her, and drove right back in. He bowed his head, looking at her, seeing the impassioned expression crossing her lovely face while he continued to slam his hips into hers, thrusting harder, making her pant and gasp. He bent down and kissed her fiercely then and she opened to him. She felt so good, so hot and tight and he groaned loudly into her mouth as she gloved around him.
His pace changed dramatically, quickening at an inhumane speed, and hot damn, it was much better for the both of them. Their moans and grunts of pleasure fused and echoed through the small room. Hearing this, it reminded them of all the events that led up to this; not just yesterday, but every day since they met each other. The flirting, the talking… if they had only known it'd be this good, they wouldn't have waited so long.
Lindsay cried out loud at a particularly hard jab. "Oh, my—Mac, do…do that!"
He slammed into her sweet warmth as deep as he possibly could, making her howl with ecstasy.
"Like this?" he breathed, thrusting again.
"Oh…yes! Mac, I'm…I'm…" Lindsay said incoherently. She was so ready to fall off the edge, to dive in head first into that pool of release.
Mac strained out a chuckle, "That's it, Linds. Don't hold back; show me what I do to you. Come for me, honey…"
Her cheeks flushed bloody red at that, and he grinned.
Another hard thrust and he had hit it; Lindsay's body convulsed violently as her climax ripped through her body, calling out his name at the last minute. Mac threw his head back and her name fell from his lips two thrusts later, his seed deliciously warming up her insides. The last bit of energy he had was completely gone. He caved in to his weight, and he fell on top of her, burying his face into her neck, breathing in her wonderful scent and listening to her heavy pants.
Lindsay beamed. She almost couldn't believe this actually happened. "That was awesome," she stated, making Mac laugh. She was so cute.
He rolled them over to their sides, pulling the sex-stained sheets to cover them.
"I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as I did," he said, planting feather-light kisses on her salty skin. Lindsay sighed at the affection he was giving to her. She craned her neck around to look at him. Her brown orbs connected with his steely blues. "Thanks, Mac."
He was almost about to say, "for what", but shrugged it off as soon as he noticed she was drowsy. He noted her last words of love before slumber finally took over. Mac sighed, really happy with himself. He couldn't have envisioned a more perfect outcome.
The older man looked up at the ceiling, smiling.
And somewhere up there, he knew she was smiling right back.
FIN.