Bella POV.

I must have sat there day dreaming about him, not thinking about the time or what had to be done, but just going over his every detail in my head, so I wont ever forget the way his eyes shined when he smiled or when he laughed he was so care free. I focused on those things every day… I don't want to forget, I WILL not forget him!

I should probably tell you about me before I start to rant on and on. Okay, so I am Isabella Swan, Bella for short, I am 18 years of age, my boyfriend Edward left me, well…he moved away without saying goodbye without any letters or phone calls. NOTHING! When he left I had no one else to go to…I had no one. I only had the Cullen's as friends. So I turned to drugs and alcohol. At first it was just a bit, it started with weed…every few days. Then I drank hard liquor…I went on to more hardcore drugs… I got into crank hardcore. I just can't stop anymore. I am failing all my classes. When Edward left I was a mess, he was … is the love of my life and I cant live without him. I party it up to forget him. I got Mike into it and then Jessica. It was pretty easy.

Mike is my new love interest he gets his drugs cheap. And that's all that matters. Pathetic I know. For some reason it is comforting knowing I have drugs to depend on, they will make me happy. Yea I know I am sick!

So I heard that these new kids are moving to forks. I am surprised that anyone wants to move to forks. It is so boring. If Edward hadn't have been there I would have been put into the mental hospital. That's all I know. I should probably be in there now. With what all I have done… I should be in there for life.

So today we all decided to go to school, just to see the new kids and see if they have their panties in a bunch like the rest of the people in forks. They don't know how to have a little fun. If they came into our inner circle they would be shown a good time. Shit! I just remembered I owed Mike big time for the crank!!! Omigawd!!!! I can't believe I forgot. I am sure he can just come to my house after school for his action.

I just heard Mike honk the horn out side. Time to go to school. Oh joy!! Not! So here is just another day at Forks high I haven't been for about 2 weeks. I wonder how much I missed. I really don't care though. Its not like I am going to do anything with my life expect die early form the drugs. I got into his car and we drove to school in complete silence. He stopped the car and we both got out and walk towards the school hand in hand. That's when I saw them… all 5 of them… there was Edward in all his perfect ness… right when on eyes landed on his face he turned and looked right at me. He looked at ME, I looked awful!! I had lost a lot of weight over 30 pounds and I was thin to begin with. My face was shallow. I had bloodshot eyes from snorting crank early this morning. You could see the bruises along my arms and neck and legs but I didn't give a shit until now. Until I knew he would be here, staring at me, the hideous monster I had made myself become. If I didn't tell you earlier Mike hits me constantly and is really rough he is… doing it to me.

Right when ours eyes met he took me in and his face was horror stuck. Mike and I ended up walking right passed them, me well I looked away the moment he looked at me and walked past confidently. I swear I heard him whisper, "Is that really my Bella?" to his family. They all looked at me as if I was some disease. I just smirked at them. Mike and I had no classes together expect lunch which really sucked cause I had no one to cut class with and smoke some weed or crank.

When I walked into my first period class, late of course and really high, I saw HIM, sitting next to my seat. Shit! This cant be good. Not good at all.

"Decided to grace us with your presence this morning Miss. Swan? I haven't see you in a while. You missed a few tests I would like to see you after class." Mr. Humphrey stated with a smirk on his face.

" I would love too but I have better things to do then talk to you. So fuck you. Wait I already did. Opps!" I laughed harshly and walked to my seat and sat down without a second glance at Edward. I took out my phone and texed mike, I wrote "Mikey we need to snort before next class. Oh yea to nite after school my house. My room. You know where I am getting at."I then noticed that Edward had been reading my text to mike. He stiffened when he read the last part. I looked over at him and smiled a sickly sweet smile and said to him " well isn't this such a fucking surprise to have Edward fucking Cullen sitting next to me! Of all people! Jez I feel honored I really do!" I said sarcastically.

He looked at me like I had killed his puppy! Jezz!! He was the one who left me! The one who didn't say good bye! Why was he acting like this!!!

That's when he turned to me and asked very calmly " what happened be-ll-a-a?" he could barley say my name and it came out as a whisper.

"You happened." I stated and turned away.

Class had just ended and I was about to get up when Edward garbed my arm and asked to speak to me for a quick minute so I agreed and we went outside. I reached into my bag and pulled out some crank I lined it up and snorted it fairly fast… fast enough not to throw it out. Then I looked at him and said, " So what the fuck do you want?"

He looked at me and said " Bella I want you to know that I didn't mean to hurt you when I left. I thought it would be better if there was no good byes because I knew I would see you one day and good bye is or someone when they know that they wont ever see that person again" he voice broke when he said the next part " Bella I love you with all my heart and cant understand why you are doing this to your self." He loved me? He loved me? That's when it all sunk in Edward never says good-bye.

" I don't care!!! I like the way I am now!! Being high all the time and when not high drunk! I love it!!!! You don't know me anymore!! You don't know what you caused me!!! Plus I have Mike now!! Yea!! Mike Newton!" He looked shell-shocked and like he was slapped in the face.

He looked at me and said, " You are damn right I don't know who you are! I loved a kind hearted, innocent, beautiful, smart, wonderful women not this, this monster!!!!" he roared.

And then I broke down into tears...

Edwards P.O.V

There she was, the love of my existence. She looks so sad, so heart broken. I can't believe I left her when she was most vulnerable. As I sit there watching her cry, I notice the mistake I have made and how much time I will have to give her for her to ever even begin to forgive … it kills to know she just may love … LOVE Mike Newton for god sake MIKE NEWTON of all the guys…she could have picked a guy with good morals and values someone that was better for her, someone could at least give her what she needs.

Just sitting here thinking about how I could have been that man for her, the man who could have been her everything, I was her everything. But I really don't think she could love mike Newton … the vile, vile mike Newton. It has to be the substances she is using.

If I could only help her if she would only let me in. But I should get what ever she throws my way because I know that one day she will be mine again.

I cant believe I left her, and didn't call or text or e-mail. I was mess after I left her, I didn't sleep or eat I was pretty much where Bella is right now but with the help of my family and Carlisle, I got better and decided to come back to my whole world Bella … but when I saw her it all came crashing down. I felt the highest degree of want, need like that crank was my life line … no pun intended. But when I saw her and what she was doing with her self I didn't even think of the drugs I thought of her, of my love for her.

"Edward why must you always be the good person and do things for others ?" bella asked me clearly high .

"I am helping you 'cause I love you more then anything and cant stand by and watch you waste away" I said because … well it was so true. I will die, literally die if she OD on something anything and my perfect angel wasn't around, I would be able to see her smile or her wonderful brown eyes with the look of wonder and amazement she always held when she looked at anything for the first time.

She is my everything...

" Bull shit Edward that is bull shit! Why would you lie to me and say those things, if you don't remember YOU left ME!" she ranted on and on angrily. I could understand why she was so angry but if she would only listen to me she would maybe just maybe understand.

I need to tell her about what happened to me after I left her. About what I got into about how the whole big city life got to me and how my family got affected by me making all the wrong choices…