Just a little bit more and my life would be so much happier.
One more pound, one more ounce of disgusting, repulsive f** off my body.
My body which has become a source of shame, disappointment, ugliness.
A large, round soft stomach, thighs that invade each others space, a chipmunk face about to explode.
But in other's deceitful, lying eyes, I am a sack of bones, sunken face, guitar ribs.
Their lies do not fool me. I must not succumb to their goal of making me f**.
Do not listen to them. They are out to hurt me, they want me ugly.
They are jealous of my control, my ability to handle myself and not let myself go.
One more mile of running (-200). One more hour of cycling (-250) Just a bit more.
Not a minute under or it is a complete restricting day.
Keep going to the point of exhaustion. No excuse.
Head hurt? Heart weak? Lungs bursting? Too bad. Keep moving.
Or else the consequence. The consequence of no less food.
Only low calorie, low sugar, low fat. (preferably no calorie, no sugar, no fat)
Nothing for Breakfast. Why do I need fuel in the morning? I haven't done anything physical.
Carrots and a quarter cup of bran for lunch. Exactly a third cup, no more. Maybe some Diet Coke.
Dinner is a small piece of wheat bread with a small salad and half a cup of juice.
All in all 250. 300 is the limit. 400 on days when I can squeeze in a full workout.
Numbers constantly explode in my brain. An apple (80), Chicken Bacon (60), Yogurt (100).
I should be getting the genius award in math.
Or in tabloid news.
Jennifer Aniston and her baby food diet. Sounds okay,maybe a consideration.
Gwyneth Paltrow's Detox Diet. Seems pretty good actually.
Beyonce's maple syrup diet. Nope. No sugar allowed available.
I wish I were a movie star so I could have an excuse to be constantly dieting.
No parents nagging me to eat dinner.
They aren't home enough to seriously notice though.
Always at the dentist office, looking after someone else.
And when they do come home, my grades are never good enough.
I'm gonna end up like Aunt Sue according to them. Apparently I do drugs in their world.
They think my recent weight loss is because I always party to burn the calories off.
Partly true about the calories but not so much the partying.
I am a nuiscance to them. I should just disappear.
My friends never notice I don't eat at school. They're too focused on sex and boys.
If I could just get thinner, I could disappear altogether.
No one would notice.
Hermione closed her eyes. Darkness swirled around her. Her head felt light, her breathing slowed down. It felt like that moment just before you fall asleep, that lapse between consciousness and unconsciousness. Her heart stopped.
Ginny came in.
"Hermione, come on there's the cutest guy and—Hermione? Wake up. Hermione? Come on quit joking, I know your awake. Come onnn he's really cute! Seriously, you're freaking me out! Stop it! Hermione? HERMIONE!"
Poor Hermione! Please R&R. And don't bother saying I have no idea what anorexia is about. I've had personal experience with it. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm just putting it out there. Thanks!