What Harry Would Have Wanted
By Silver Weasley
Disclaimer: All hers. :points to Jo:
Summary:
Ron's thoughts about (mostly) Hermione throughout his Hogwarts years and beyond.
Expect waves of strange protectiveness, discovery, and, of course, angst. R/Hr
A/N: I've seen this style of writing around lately, and I liked the idea of it. I've ATTEMPTED to give it a shot here, but I dunno if I did a very good job. I apologize if you find it a bit confusing, this is a bit rough around the edges. Please just read & review--constructive criticism greatly appreciated.
First.
The girl is small and her hair is brown and though she uses lots of big words, I'm hardly impressed. Her teeth are too big, anyways.
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Well, it's not my fault she doesn't have friends, is it? Why does Harry have to keep shooting me that stupid look? What does HE want ME to do about all of this! She'll be just fine once she's read Hogwarts, A History all the way through another time.
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…what? Crying? She has feelings? Wow. I almost felt sorry there for a moment.
----
Stupid troll.
Stupid, stupid troll.
Second.
Damn Malfoy. Damn him and his foul mouth and his stupid Slytherin cronies and his arrogance.
And damn my wand too, come to think of it.
----
For once, I completely agree with Snape. Lockhart is the biggest joke of a teacher I've ever seen.
…Merlin, why does she keep giggling about him?
----
It's a little creepy, what with all those attacks. She had better be careful, that's all I have to say.
----
How come she knows everything? That Polyjuice stuff actually worked.
Er, well it did on Harry and me, in any case.
Wow. That's some tail.
----
Not feeling all that good.
Why did it have to be her?
Her hands are so cold, now. What's that about a slip of paper, Harry?
What could possibly be important now?
----
Her arms are around me, and she's smiling, and she's breathing—and dammit to hell—she's alive.
She better never do that again, or I'll have words with her. Make no mistake about THAT.
Third.
Why in Merlin's name did she buy that stupid orange monster?
For all the trouble it's caused already (and she's owned it approximately three minutes), she better have a bloody good explanation.
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Well, looks like somebody went mental and overloaded their schedule with zillions of courses that are impossible to fit into the space of seven hours, let alone three years. I won't name any names though—God forbid she should LIGHTEN up…
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It was just a broomstick! It's not like it had You-Know-Who's initials engraved into the handle, for Merlin's sake. What the bloody hell is so horrible about a Firebolt?
----
Not to sound childish and whiny or anything, but that damn cat started ALL of this. Maybe I'd be speaking to her if she could control the wild animals she insists upon buying.
----
Stupid Hagrid.
I think I'll stop visiting him altogether now. Maybe then I won't have to put up with those stupid guilt trips he lays on. Or man-eating spiders, for that matter.
----
Ok.
Did she just punch Malfoy in his prat-like stupid face? Oh my God, I've been wanting to do that for years.
----
Oops. Maybe she was right about Scabbers. And the danger thing.
Remind me never to forget to listen to her again, ok?
Fourth.
Ireland just won the World Cup, but there is no time for celebration anymore. There are fires and shouting and—bloody hell, are those people floating? And now we hide here in the trees under the greenish glow of the Death Mark or whatever it's called and I'm scared but trying not to show it and they're scared and trying to hide that, too.
----
And DAMN Malfoy again for making me worry even more about her. They wouldn't hurt her like those people…would they?
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A tournament? A Tri-Wizard Tournament?
----
Correction: a Tri-Wizard Tournament for students seventeen and over. Oh. Ok. Not like they could give me a chance to prove myself, or anything.
----
Why does he always win everything?
…and why does she never get as mad as this?
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She thinks we're being stupid, but she doesn't understand. When Harry's your best mate, it's hard not to get lost in his shadow. It's hard not to wonder if anybody will ever, ever be able to see you.
----
Wow. That was one nasty dragon.
…ok. So maybe she was right. Again.
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And what is it with HOUSE ELVES anyways? It's kind of nice that she wants to help them and all, but God. How obsessive can one witch get?
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It's hard to get a date when the only person I feel like asking is her, for reasons that even I can't fathom.
I will not stoop that low.
----
BLOODY BULGARIAN!
How dare he stoop that low!
----
Hell. She really is a girl, isn't she?
Fifth.
It's nice having her here without Harry, not to say that I don't want him along too. But it's just her and me, cleaning anything Mum tells us to.
It's just nice, that's all.
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Never thought I'd be prefect, did she?
Well, at least we have one thing in common now.
----
It's almost cute how worried she is about Harry.
It's just not so cute how angsty he is this year.
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Oh God, he said there was so much blood and Dad lying on the ground and ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease let him be ok ohplease because I can't handle it, I can't handle it if…
No.
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She came. She was supposed to be sliding down a mountain on strips of wood, but she abandoned all that and came because she was worried about us, and she wanted to see Dad in the hospital.
She does look kind of nice with snow in her hair, doesn't she?
----
Does "unusual" mean she liked it?
Because that perfume cost me all my bloody savings, and then some.
----
Harry must be off his rocker if he thinks I'm getting on that thing I can't see.
He must be off his rocker if he thinks I'm letting her get on that thing I can't see.
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And we're running and we're trying to get away from them and oh God Hermione please, please be ok, because suddenly there is something very wrong with me and I don't know what I'm doing and I can't protect anybody.
Oh, Merlin, oh no.
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She's in the hospital wing and she's so pale and quiet and oh, Madame Pomfrey, why can't you just make her stop hurting? I can't stand seeing her this way.
I will see to it that Dolohov, that fucking bastard, pays for this if it's the last bloody thing I ever do.
Sixth.
That smell is so nice, just like the way new parchment and that perfume I got her and old books smell.
Nice. Just like her.
----
Sometimes I get theidea Harry is totally on to my feelings for her. He gets this look, like God, how thick could he be? He even once rolled his eyes at me when I said something stupid to her. I've said it before, but what does he want me to do about it anyways!
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Stupid Slughorn and his stupid parties and his stupid favoritism and—what's that, Hermione? You can invite a guest to the party? No never mind what I said about McLaggen! Never mind about any of it.
----
How could I have screwed everything over so badly? This is all Ginny's fault. I can too snog, just bloody watchme.
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I am completely rethinking this entire situation with Lavender.
God, those birds were merciless.
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Wouldn't it be nice if she held my hand that way? Wouldn't it be nice if I could kiss her like that? Would it be nice if she would make up stupid nicknames for me? Hell, if she went around calling me Won-Won, I'd insist that everyone did. But none of that will happen now, thanks to Lavender and her fondness for my lips.
Gee. Wouldn't it be nice if I wasn't such a total and complete git?
----
McLaggen!
Merlin, at least KRUM could play Quidditch!
----
It hurts too much to even move.
It hurts to breathe.
All I know is that somebody's talking to me and telling me everything will be fine and it's ok, Ron, it's ok, and God oh God Ron I'm so sorry please, please just wake up, just wake up, please.
All I know is it's her.
----
Bit annoying to have to fake sleep every time Lavender comes down here.
Maybe next time I'll see if she'll go get her instead.
----
Harry's eyes are wild and scared and he's giving us lucky potion and the Invisibility Cloak and he's saying goodbye. And as she buries her face in my neck and I put my arms around her and try to tell her that Harry will be fine, he'll be ok—we'll be ok—I can't. Because I don't know if that was the last time I'll ever see my best mate alive.
----
It's too sad to even think about, really. All that white marble.
I held her and stroked her hair and prayed that I wouldn't start sobbing, too.
It's so hard to not just tell her everything now.
Who knows how much time is left?
Seventh.
I wish we were going to Hogwarts. I really, really wish we were going to Hogwarts.
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Don't be scared, she tells me. I'm right here.
And it's true that I'm terrified; I don't think I'll ever see the Burrow again. But with Harry on my left and her on my right, I don't think I have to worry that I'll die alone.
----
This village is so quiet. All little and sort of sleepy, like the occupants don't get out too much. Harry is quiet, too, but in a different way. In a sort of "this-is-the-place-my-parents-were-killed" kind of way.
She can't stop shivering. I wish I could give her my cloak without freezing to death myself. Maybe if I just put my arm around her…
----
Why don't you ever do anything? Harry demanded this morning.
What? I asked, half-angry, half-puzzled.
You're letting her slip away, Harry told me. It makes me mad just to watch it. Merlin, can't you just say something to her?
What do you want from me? I now wanted to know. What do any of you want from me?
No, mate. That's what you should be asking yourself, Harry said, and then, he stalked away.
----
You know what? she asked me when we were on watch together.
What? I wanted to know.
There is no reason to play games any more with you, she said simply. You already know me too well; what's the point of hiding it? If we die, we should die knowing what could've been.
No, I said, smiling for the first time in weeks. We should die knowing what that what could've been is what always has been. I was just too much of a coward to reach out and grab it.
Never a coward, she whispered. Not ever.
And then, I finally kissed her.
----
How did we get here? Where did all the light and the warmth and the peace go?
Where is all that blood coming from?
And most importantly, where is she?
----
Dolohov doesn't know when to quit.
He raised his wand to kill her, but not before I killed him myself.
She could barely say thank you before LeStrange hit her with a curse
----
She's still not waking up. The War is over, but her battle has only just begun. I can't focus on the other horrors around me. All I can hear is the Healer saying, There is nothing more we can do for her.
No. NO. Not her, too. Please.
Eighth.
When she wakes up, I do not cry, and neither does she. We are out of tears. I simply kiss her as gently as I can and say,
Marry me.
She says,
Of course.
----
The wedding happened two days later, and it was brief, and beautiful, and I loved her more than I ever had when we stood there at the altar, me supporting her because she was too weak to stand by herself.
You were never even really engaged, Ginny laughed to me, but her eyes were hollow, unrecognizable. Just fancied you'd get married one day, did you?
But she knows why we did.
Everyone knows why we did.
----
I didn't expect the baby to be so beautiful, either. I don't know why, but I didn't.
Let's call her Lily, Hermione says. In memory of Harry.
Yeah. He'd like that, I think.
----
Lily is only three months and two days old when I look at the calendar and almost break down sobbing.
It's a strange feeling, going to the cemetery and saying goodbye to your best mate all over again.
Even though it's been a year, I still can't believe he's gone.
----
She's the only one who understands.
We were the Trio, you know.
It's just not fair to have to be the Duo, and stare at the empty spot during Christmas holiday where he should be sitting.
----
I rarely sleep anymore. I know she knows, but she hasn't said anything. Until tonight, when she found me on the sofa downstairs and slipped her arm around me.
I miss him, too, she whispers.
I don't understand why it had to be him, I say.
He chose to go. And you must stop blaming yourself for it.
I know, I sigh. I know.
----
The sun was bright today and Lily will be ten months soon.
We sat on the grass with her and we told her about her Uncle Harry, and how brave he was, and what a good friend he was, and how we must never forget him. Lil was involved in playing with the butterflies, so she didn't hear much of it, but she will someday.
And then, my beautiful wife looked over at me and whispered, I love you, and even though I hear her say it every day, it makes me wonder if this is what Harry would have wanted, too, to see us happy and in love, with a child.
Yes.
Yes, somehow, I think that would have suited him just fine.
Fin