Disclaimer: I may not own Evil Dead, Halloween, Nightmare on Elmstreet, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th, Scream, Hitchhiker 2: I've been waiting, Dead Silent, The Hills Have Eyes, or Child's Play, but I do own...um, I have some OC's right?

Anyway, I figured that if there was a to be a sequel to Army of Darkness( which I also don't own by the way), Ash should get a break from fighting the Evil Dead, though all of his enemies in this story are evil, and in the end are gonna be dead. I also don't think I will finish the Smasher for a while, at least not until my skills improve. I hope you like this story, please review.

The Begining

"I should never have gone to that cabin. However, since hindsight is 20-20, I guess there was no way I could see it coming. While staying at a cabin for an innocent weekend in the woods, we found the book that has to this day ruined my life: the Necronomicon, or Book of the Dead. A tape recording of the books first pages unleashed a horrible evil that killed my sister, my best friends girl, my best friend, and worst of all Linda. I was then forced to dismember their re-animated bodies, which had become deadites, as I would later call them. It then came for me, and I became a deadite.

"God must have smiled upon me that morning, because right after that, the sun came up drove the demon away, or so I thought. Unfortunately, I was forced to stay another night in the cabin. I lost my hand to another attempt at possesion. After cutting it off, I replaced my hand with a specially designed chainsaw. I was joined later by a hot girl named Annie, who was apparently looking for her dad, who made the recording without knowing the consequences.

"We found out that the only way to stop the Book's power was to find the missing pages, and recite a spell to stop it's evil. The pages were in the basement. Problem: the basement contained a deadite woman, who happened to be Annies mom, the first victim of the Evil. So, we destroyed her, got the pages, and Annie read the spell...well most of it. My possesed hand stabbed her before she could finish it. Though it was successful in stoping the deadites, it opened up a vortex, which sent me back in time to 1300 A.D.

"At first the locals and I had some disagreements...they believed that I was a soldier of Henry the Red, who they had just defeated it battle, and that that meant it was okay for them to throw me in the pit of doom...and I disagreed. After I killed a few deadites, climbed out of the pit of doom right before the walls closed in on me, showed king Arthur what a boomstick could do to a sword, and forced them at gunpoint to release Henry the Red, who wasn't such a bad guy by the way, they decided that I was the promised one to save them from the deadites...and I still disagreed. However, since they weren't trying to kill me, I decided, hey, what the heck, at least I get to kill deadites.

"I later met a girl named Sheila who had wanted to apologize for earlier ill-treatment. Some time after slept with her, she was taken by deadites. Some wizard guy, who had helped me by throwing my chainsaw into the Pit of Doom, told me about the Book, and told me that I'd have to find the Book of the Dead, and recite the three little words that Annie didn't say(no, not I love you). Only then would I return home.

"After fighting an evil, version of myself on the way there, whom I refer to as Bad-Ash, and burying him, I went to find the book in an abandoned, very large cemetary. I found it in the center of the graveyard, which apparently was filled with bodies that were all in the exact same state of decay, which I'll explain later. I couldn't remember the exact word, and mispronounced them. Apparently, while not awakening the Evil in the form that it had been before, it woke up the skeletons of the people buried there, in a very deadite-ish form. I decided to leave with the book before they attacked.

"I returned to Arthur's kingdom, and gave them a brief intro on how to fight deadites, and converted my Oldsmobile into a weapon that was great for fighting skeletal deadites. King Arthur apologized for being such a bad judge of character, and trying to kill me. He wasn't such a bad guy after all. An army of skeletons led by Bad Ash attacked the castle, and we were barely able to hold them off. When it seemed that they were about to get into the castle, I drove them back from the gate using the Oldsmobile. A deadite version of Sheila caused me to crash the Oldsmobil, and retreat back to the castle. Bad-Ash's army broke through most of the defenses, and almost got the Book, but after a long fight with Bad-Ash, in which I launched him into the air, and blew him up, I was able to retrieve it. Meanwhile, Henry the Red showed up with an army, and finished off the army of Deadites. The two factions of humans eventually resolved their issues peacefully. The wizard reminded me what the words were, and I started to leave. Sheila, now a human again for some reason, begged me to stay. They even offered to make me king, but I refused; my place is here."

Ash finished his story on that note, leaving his coworker, Bob, who had probably stopped listening a while ago. He asked if Ash had said the words right, and Ash gave his usual answer: "Well, close enough," mainly just to leave his annoying coworker with the thought that he might have re-awakened the Evil. He new that he had said the words exactly, as the wizard had written them down for him, and even given him a pronunciation guide. He also left out what he did with the Book, which he had thrown into a volcanoe, along with all the pages he had collected from the basement. Bob finally left, having annoyed him into telling the story, which Bob didn't believe, but wanted to hear, just to see if he was as crazy as they said he was.

Ash was tired of new employees asking him to tell him the story of how he almost became king. It had been several months and the memories still hurt. It wasn't like any of them believed him anyway. Even his group of close friends didn't quite believe him, but knew he would never kill a fly let alone all of his friends, and girlfriend. The police, after he took a lie-detector test, and hypnotherapy, and still gave the same story, decided that he must have a deep rooted case of insanity, and was commited to an asylum. However, they did find evidence that maybe his friends had been the ones that attacked him, not the other way around, and that they hadn't been under their own will.

They gave him some story about how Mrs. Knowby had made a tape that brainwashed people into becoming killers, and that she had done this after a skin-disease caused her to go insane, and her husband locked her in the basement. Ash had pretended not to notice the obvious plot holes in the story, and was pronounced sane. Sad thing is, the police weren't pretending to believe it.

Now, several months later, he was once again working at S-Mart. He sighed as he put the boxes of utensels on the shelf. "I heard your story about how you almost became king." he turned around to see a red head standing next to him "I think it's kind of cute." I've heard worse pickup lines, he thought. Before he could responde, a she-bitch deadite came out of nowhere and attacked the S-mart. The critics of his story became believers, that day as he jumped onto a cart and gunned down the charging monster with his double-barrel remington, after yelling "Hey ugly, lets rumble," and introducing himself as "Ashley J. Williams; housewares." After the embodied force of great evil was dead, or redead, or whatever you wanna call it, he walked up to the red head, said "Hail to the king, baby!" made out with her for several hours, and went down in history as the nutjob that saved S-mart. He later found a very familiar tape recorder on the she-bitch's dead body. After hitting play, he shot it immediately upon hearing the first few words of the spell that had started it all. He took it out right before it could play the last sylable, thus keeping it from unleashing the Evil Dead in S-mart.

With the last incarnation of the Book of the Dead destroyed, Ash's life began to return to normal, with his new girlfriend, Elaine Stroder. In fact his life was better than normal, since he was offered a job as a cop. He took the job, and became a very good cop. It was alot easier than killing armies of deadites, and the pay was good. It seemed the Evil was gone forever. Unfortunately for him, the Book of the Dead, wasn't the only constantly returning force of evil in the world...

Hope you like the story so far, because it gets better. Ash is going to be fighting some new enemies... well, new to him anyway. Look at the freakin disclaimer if you want more info. Please review, I don't care if it's signed or not. I don't care what you say about my story as long as it is helpful, and contains minimal profanity.