Disclaimer: Though I have an almost complete, functioning brain, I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Alice in Wonderland or anything I may happen to mention that is a company, brand, etc. I do own a plastic fork, though!

Thanks to anyone reading this, it makes me feel all special! I would give you a cookie but I don't know you and wouldn't be able to get it to you before it starts to mold. (If cookies grow mold)

How to Be Mad

Lesson.1 Make an imaginary friend

This is pathetic. I've got a figment of my imagination staring at me. And no, it's not a pink elephant or a talking zebra; it's an actually humanoid imagination. I hate those. To make things worse, I'm hanging from a chandelier by my foot. What's that? Kairi, why don't you just drop down? Unfortunately, I am not about to risk finding out how far it is, nor am I about to try doing any of those twirly flips that many would do. (Or so my imagination is telling be I could do from feet below) And look; now he's laughing! I can feel the blood rush to my face, and it's not only because I'm upside down. I'm going to get him when I get down from here. This is all that rabbit's fault. Yeah, she's on my list too.

5 hours before

"Kairi, wanna go somewhere?"

I looked up from the intense telepathic conversation with the wood of my desk to stare at the brunet next to me. This, of course, was my best friend, the world renowned specimen called Hyperatus Selphiatus, or Selphie for short. High in the jungles of school she roams, her bright yellow giving her away. I have never seen her without a yellow outfit on. Ever. Even though the uniform is blue and white, she has yellow ribbons tied to her sleeves and a bright yellow belt on. And her hair, wow, most people who try can't get it to stick up at that angle. How does she get it to curl that way? I wonder if she needs gel or something for that…..whatever. Dang, I just forgot what she was talking about. Better ask her to repeat it in a way she won't notice I wasn't listening.

"What?" Okay, I think that went wrong.

"Well," she's nervous, I wonder why, she's always so straight-forward, "Do you want to come over after school, we could hang out or something."

"I thought you were going to ask if I wanted to skip the last hour of school before break."

We crack up; it's always been a joke with us because most of our friends skipped the last day of school. We're not coming back for about 3 months, so might as well start that a day before the rest, right? (I'm going by my school schedule, maybe not yours) Besides, being sixteen does that too you. I know that there's only supposed to be Senioritis, but a little-known fact is that Junioritus is a serious ailment for kids in the eleventh grade. The urge to be lazy and skip isn't just for the graduating class anymore. Some of my classmates even had Freshmanitus in ninth grade, which is a rare case that is so closely related the only difference is the age of those contaminated with it. (These are not real ailments, just excuses for behavior problems in school, just to let you know)

"Sure Selphie, I just have to call my mom after school, to tell her where I am."

Well, she's not really my real mother, and she doesn't care what I do. But if I don't tell her, she blames me for whatever is wrong in the house. I was adopted a couple years ago by her and her husband, knowing nothing of the first 10 or so years of my life but my name, Kairi. I didn't know my last name, where I came from, or anything else, and my foster parents just wanted a kid to help their political careers. They both have prominent names in the world of politics, and it looks better if they are 'taking care of a poor, orphaned girl with nowhere to go.'

For the rest of the hour, we mainly talked of what we were going to do. Selphie had found a cool new spot on Destiny Island, so we were going to see it. Destiny Island is one of the only places that I can be free of my parents and any of my troubles. It's a small island not far from Transverse Town, but no one really goes there. Some people say it's haunted, because people have gone there and didn't come back. It's kind-of rundown, with trees and plants growing everywhere. Really spooky if you go there at night, but during the day it's beautiful. It used to be a tourist attraction, a vacation in paradise, until the manager disappeared one day. When we were younger, Selphie and I used to call it our own kingdom and we would go through the broken-down tree houses pretending to be princesses out to save the world.

"Remember when you fell out of that tree and we had to throw you in the water to shut you up?"

"Or the time we slept in one of the houses to see a ghost?"

"You thought it was a ghost, I still say it was the Loch Ness Monster's cousin."

"What about the time you dared me to eat a paopu fruit."

"You could only eat half before you spit it back out!"

"It was nasty!"

"Bring"

We all ran out of the classroom, most kids sprinting down the halls to get out. Once out in the sunshine, I took out the hair tie in my auburn hair, shaking out the stiffness. Ah, no more school for months! I looked out at all the people running off to go home, or to celebrate. With this being a small town, there weren't many kids in the school, but it still had the effect of a stampede. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I need to call my mom. Then find Selphie, she wandered off somewhere. I took my phone from my shoulder bag and dialed my mom.

"Hello?"

"Hey mom, I'm going to hang out with Selphie today, okay?"

"Fine, whatever, as long as you don't miss the election speech in a few days." So I can be gone until then and she won't worry.

"Sure mom, I'll be sure to make it."

"Oh, and I need to tell you, you're going to have a baby brother or sister."

"What a surprise, congra…"

"Goodbye Kairi."

"Click"

"Bye."

I fell back against a tree, my phone falling from my hands. A baby? A million thoughts ran through my head. How long had she known this? When was she going to tell me this? I pulled my legs up to my chin and breathing deeply. It's like I really don't belong with that family. Now that my mother was having a baby, that child would be all the publicity they need. No one would remember the girl who sat off in the background of all the parties and other social outings my family was at. What if I just disappeared? Wow, that sounds depressing.

I need to cheer up. Maybe if I got out of this uniform, I would feel better. I got up to find Selphie. She said she had to call someone before we left the class. I turned to my left to find her off in a corner, talking in a low voice to someone. Well that's different. Come to think of it, Selphie was sneaky and suspicious all day. Maybe she's hiding something, like she ate all of my chocolate pudding. That must be it; she was like this when she ate the last of my cookies too. And now she's sending her secret Mafia gang out to their underground dealers to get more chocolate pudding. But wait, what if she had them poison it, so as to get rid of the evidence of her run-ins with the law that didn't really happen but I can pretend I saw. Mwahaha, she'll get it if my pudding kills me with its green poison. She's going down.

Getting my trusty weapon, (a spork with an angry face sharpied on) I oh so sneakily crept up to her, making sure that I was hidden. That piece of grass disguised me so well, I'm sure I blended in like a zebra in a stripes convention. Or she was too distracted to notice, but I like to think I'm just amazing. Pulling out my amazing ninja skill, I was about to whack her on the noggin when she turned around, grinning. She lunged at me with her spoon, but the power of my spork overcame her with its fork-like capabilities, and I whacked her arm. How she put away her phone and got her spoon out, I had no clue. Perhaps this goes with her weirdness today. Oh well, I won!

"Victory! Victory!" I ran in circles, chanting my battle cry.

"Ready to go?" Aww, she interrupted my chant. Oh yeah, we're leaving.

"Yep, let's go!"

And so we left. Making a quick stop at Selphie's to change; we raced to the beach where our boats were. I had changed into my black tank-top with a white one over top of it. I also wore a purple skort, just incase I need to go upside-down. I had my bracelets on my arms and wore a few necklaces as well. (Think of Kairi's outfit from the first game) Taking off my shoes, I hauled my boat to the water as Selphie came up.

She was in her short, sleeveless yellow dress. It looked almost like a pair of yellow overalls for a girl. And she was wearing sandals, meaning she was probably going to kick those off sometime. Or use them to hit me with, they were wooden, so it might hurt. On her wrist was a watch, the old kind with the hands that confuse me. It was a gift from her grandma or something, so she wears it all the time.

We shoved our boats off into the water and hopped in, splashing water around us. Then we were off, paddling as fast as we could in order to beat the other. I started laughing, we do this every time we go here and I already know who's going to win. I paddled as hard as I could, but somehow Selphie was always able to pass me. Where she gets all that upper arm strength from, I want to know. She probably practices rowing in her spare time or something. We came up close to Destiny Island, just as Selphie starts to speed up. She's like a machine, that girl is! We reach the island quickly, pulling our boats to shore away from the tide if it comes. I almost lost my raft once to the tide; it was a good thing Selphie noticed it. We had to run in the water to get it, me falling on my face, getting a mouthful of water.

"What do you want to do today?"

"I don't know, you're the one who told me we should come."

"Oh yeah, I wanted to show you something."

We walked over to the row of abandoned shacks, coming up to the pool of clear water. When we were little, we would use it as a drinking pond, because it was so cool and refreshing. We used to play mermaids, and swam there looking for sunken treasure. (aka some shells and shiny rocks) We would 'journey' all around the island, often lapping it in an attempt to satisfy our childish curiosity. This eventually helped my life later on, I joined the track team in High School and now I'm in the Varsity team. It's amazing how one thing leads to another like that.

We passed underneath the shade of the enormous trees that made up the center of the island, their leaves cloaking our footsteps. I looked around, seeing nothing that Selphie would have any interest in. She was leading us to a part of the rock that was covered in vines. Big, exciting, totally-better-than-swimming-in-the-nice-cool-water rock. My favorite.

"Selphie, why are we here?"

"I thought I saw something here the last time I came here, so I wanted you to come with me to check it out."

Then I saw it, the big foreboding cave with an evil I'm-gonna-kill-you-and-your-future-generations feeling. Being the rational person I am, I said the first thing I could think of.

"Are you kidding me? We'll die if we go in there!"

I mean, the place was practically screaming death, or my name is Sherrie. Which it's not.

Then she gave me the most pathetic, suck-up face I had ever seen, her eyes big and her lower lip trembling, even her hair seemed downcast. Why did she do that? It's cheating, that's what it is. And I'm going to one day figure out how to resist it…. Maybe.

"Fine, but if a cave troll comes and eats my brains; I want purple flowers in my memorial."

"Thanks Kairi!"

And so the two courageous young ladies boldly stepped where no man had gone before….Not! Okay, so Selphie bravely skipped in, but I on the other hand stayed to the side and slowly followed, using my keychain flashlight as a guide to not run face-first into the walls. Which was a bad idea, because I lost her. Like she ran off into the darkness and I don't hear her singing anymore lost, not just I can't see her lost. I shouted to her over and over again, threatening to drown her non-existent cat or to throw her down the stairs, once I found some. Then I heard it, a king of moaning sound coming from where I had been a little while ago. I looked back, and saw a light coming from far away; bobbing up and down, like it was hopping. Imagine that, stuck in an ominous cavern and being chased by a monster playing hopscotch. Joy.

I started sprinting then, going as fast as I could with only the flashlight guiding my way. I would occasionally stop and look over my shoulder to see if I had gotten away, but each time the light was there, bobbing up and down. Maybe it's a mutated Mexican jumping bean, just waiting to hop in my ear and take over my brain.

Now I had to admit, the prospect of being taken over by a food, at least I think it's a food, put me in a panic, I just started running straight, no longer able to scream, my throat was so dry. And I ran into a wall, perfect.

Staggering back, I cursed the very day the wall would dare get in my way, when I noticed that it wasn't actually a wall. It was a door, a big wooden door that you would see in old castles or haunted houses. But it looked sturdy, like someone took care that the wood wouldn't rot or anything. Raising my flashlight, I spied the trail of gold outlining the door, glinting as I held the light close. It was so weird; the way the door drew my attention, almost forcing my nose up against the wood in order to inspect it.

"Isn't it cool?" I heard Selphie say from behind me.

"Yeah"

Wait… Selphie? I turned around, about to scream at her or stab he with a fork, or something that I could come up with in the next two seconds when I noticed something odd about her. Not just regular wear-so-much-yellow-it-would-make-a-normal-person-ill odd, nor gravity-defying hair odd, she had both of those already. Now, I'm sure that this is probably normal for everyone, but it's a shock to me.

On top of Selphie's head was a pair of fluffy, white bunny ears. I admit I ogled at them for quite some time; my eyes would probably be falling out of my sockets if they could. I had known this girl for most of the life I remember, and I had never known. My best friend is secretly a jackolope! I always wanted to meet one of those. But wait, she doesn't have antlers. Darn. I mean, now I'm just going to say that my best frie… they just twitched! Like full on wagging back and forth then standing up straight on her head twitched! I'm going crazy… or crazier than I already was to begin with. I wonder if she ever sings "Do your ears hang low?"

I must have started humming that ridiculously addictive song, because Selphie was in my face, ears and all, and trying to shake the crazy out of me.

"Kairi! Kairi! Snap out of it! I'm sorry Kairi, I was going to explain as soon as you got here, but you got lost and started running once I found you again and hit the door and…"

"Heh heh, ears."

"Yes Kairi, ears. I was going to tell you, I'm not originally from Transverse Town, I'm actually from Wonderland."

That snapped me out of my stupor. Wonderland, wait I know that place from somewhere…

"Wait, Wonderland like Alice, the Queen of Hearts and all?"

"Yeah, that's where I lived until I was sent to find you."

"Wait, why would Wonderland want me?"

She looked down slowly, averting her eyes and scuffing her shoes in the dirt.

"I'm not aloud to tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because the White Rabbit is a meant as a guide, not an explainer of things."

"Meaning you don't want to explain. White Rabbit, huh, well that explains the ears. Got a pocket watch too?"

She seemed to brighten up at my acceptance of her new funny living hairpiece. She smiled widely, digging through that pocket on the front of her dress. Funny, I didn't even think that was a pocket, I thought it was just decoration.

"Right here!"

Out of the magical pocket she produced an old, gold watch, the kind with the cool cover that you have to click a button to open. I looked old, with the letters WR engraved in looping calligraphy on the front. It was beautiful, in its own antique way.

"This is so cool."

I reached out to touch it, the glint of the cover drawing me in. I was about to lay my fingers on it when Selphie pulled it back to her chest, like a little kid with a teddy bear.

"No time for that, no time for talk, it's time for you to leave."

"Leave where? You're in the way."

She wagged her finger in my face, grinning at my confusion. I felt a gust of coldness, wind I guess, and turned around to see the wooden doors wide open, a dark abyss beyond.

"It's off to Wonderland for you."

With that, she pushed me, and I stumbled through, loosing my balance and falling. I never said I was the most graceful person ever. I braced myself for impact, but I just fell through where I thought the floor was, and was sent tumbling until the darkness consumed me.

later

I don't know how long I have been falling, but I've grown bored of it. I had found a mysteriously floating rocking chair to sit in, which made me feel safer than just free-falling, let me tell you. Though, I don't like how it's rocking and floating at the same time, it sends shivers down my back each time and I feel like I'm going to fall out. I also found some toast and jam, which usually I never eat, but I figured it would have to do. It was delicious, by the way. All this random floating stuff is really getting on my nerves, it's so weird to see things floating without any walls or floors to support it's self on. I'm just waiting to see a crazy lady riding a bicycle to come floating by, but no cackling crones in sight. And now I'm bored again.

later later

Still floating gradually down. Still bored. What's new? Selphie should have warned me, I would have brought a book or my game boy or something. I think I'll take a nap now.

later later later

Okay, this trying-to-sleep-in-a-rocking-chair isn't working and I'm now tired and uncomfortable. I'm going to hurt that rabbit the next time I see her. That is if my face doesn't become a squished pancake on the floor once I get there. If I get there. Bored. I don't even care if I fall to my death anymore; just get me out of this place!

So much later that the author didn't want to write later anymore

I had finally gone to sleep when my chair abruptly stops and shoves me out of my seat, in which I had just gotten comfortable. Unluckily for me, that position was upside-down. I had hoped that at least the blood draining to my head would knock me out or make me so dizzy that I couldn't think, and it turned out to be so comfortable I just fell asleep with my legs hanging over the back and my head on the puffy seat cushion. But now I'm falling.

Wait…. I'm falling, which means I'm still going to splat into a pancake at the bottom. Crud. And so I did the most logical thing I could think of and started screaming.

"I don't want to die! I'm too young to die! I have a whole life to live and a rabbit to beat up! Noooooo!"

And that is how I ended up here; hanging upside-down from a mysterious hanging chandelier that I swear only appeared when my foot was in between its rungs. It doesn't hurt it's just annoying to be beaten by an inanimate object; at least I think it's inanimate, I'm not totally sure with this place, with the floating jam and all. And to make it worse, I'm not just a few feet from the ground, like I would hope. I'm actually quite a ways up, the furniture actually sitting on the ground looks smaller than I know it should be, and I stretched my fingers as far as they could go and didn't even come close to touching the floor.

Oh, and the figment of my imagination is here too, not to worry. As soon as I got stuck, he just appeared, with this stupid grin on his face. Now that was annoying.

"How's the weather up there?"

That's the first thing he said before cracking up. Which didn't help him to getting on my good side?

Unfortunately, his appearance does help him, which doesn't help me despise him. I noticed right away that he was about as old as me, if not only a little older, with the oddest spiky brown hair I had ever seen. I thought Selphie was bad, but this guy takes the metaphorical cake. It stood up in all directions, but didn't shine with gel or whatever else that people put in their hair to make it stick that straight. I mean, it looks like he could poke an eye out with that. But in a cute way. He was wearing back, hooded jacket unzipped to show off his well-muscled chest through the red tee-shirt underneath. He was also wearing a pair of baggy black pants with red lines going down the sides. On his feet were big yellow shoes. Yellow. Really, one would think that they wouldn't match, but they did.

But I have to admit that the things that caught my attention were his eyes. Guys shouldn't have eyes that pretty a color blue. They just seemed to suck you in. It's not fair! How can I hate this guy now?

"You done staring? I'm kind-of bored down here, so if you're going to fall, could you hurry?"

That's how. That's the bad thing about guys, they're nice to look at, just not talk to. Like the fish that sings every time you pass by, except at least the fish stays still.

"I don't want to fall, it's so far down!"

"You just have to land on your feet."

"Easy for you to say, you're on the ground."

"Here, I'll help you."

"Oh no, no imagination of mine is going to 'help' me down."

I decided that no guy would ever just appear out of nowhere, and that I must be dreaming still. Dang, which means I'm still falling. Anyway, I must just be dreaming this guy up because I've never had a boyfriend, and probably never will. That's it! I'm hallucinating a guy because of my sad life of sadness and gloom. I really am pathetic, I guess.

"I'm not your imagination."

"Sure, sure, and I'm not hanging from a chandelier, yes, we all wish that was true, but no."

There was no way I was going to let Hallucination Guy get to me. He was the fake one here, not me.

"I'll prove it."

"Sure you will, have fun with that."

And then I kind of zoned out of his "I'm a real boy" rant. I mean, he's got no way to prove himself, and I'm kind of hard of thinking, having been upside down for a while now. Maybe if I ignore him he'll go…

"Ouch!"

Something just pinched me, and I don't like it. Invisible crabs and all scare me. I opened my eyes to give those crabs a beating when I came eye to hair with my imagination. Let me tell you, his hair is about the softest hair I had ever felt. Now that's not fair.

"I'm not fake either."

He pinched me again, right on the arm. Okay, it hurt a little bit, and he's still here, so I guess he's not a depressed, single girl's hallucination. Shoot, now what am I going to do; he's sitting on that floating chair, looking so smug… Wait, he was just down there a minute ago.

"How'd you get here… floor… down there?"

"This is Wonderland; it's just how it is."

Now that doesn't seem to make sense, but neither does anything right now, so we'll go with it. Now, something that's been bugging me.

"What's your name?"

"Sora"

"Do all of you have a title, like Selphie is the White Rabbit?"

"Yeah"

"Who are you?"

"If you must know, it is your deepest pleasure to be speaking with the Mad Hatter."

Of course….

End Chapter

There, it's finished! Now I don't know how long it may take to write another chapter, but I will try since I'm making a resolution to finish this. (I have a habit of leaving things half done) Please tell me what you think of it! Thanks!

Happy-kat Hikara