Dreams and Nightmares

Summary: There are two dreams, and I am not sure which is real, or if either are real. I am not sure of who I am. But the red light will guide me in the fight against the demon king who threatens to take me away...

Warnings: Some violence

In the dream I hit the ground and feel my shoulder scrape the earth. There is a red light, and that is all I see. My horse rears up and then runs free, and I am alone. I stare into the red sun and close my eyes.

...come and meet your god, my child, and be set free...

Now it is another dream and I am walking towards the temple. There are others all around me. We have come to face our god and be judged. I feel at peace. The throbbing on my shoulder has stopped.

… to be set free you must serve...

I wake up from that dream and into another, where a man is waving his hands in my face and yelling. I do not recognize him. I realize that I do not know anyone. I am alone and in a haze. But I must reach my destination. I turn and begin to walk, to where I do not know...

… what happened? Where are your men...

I sit in a circle with my new friends. I know they are my friends because they are dressed in white. We all are. We belong here. It is our job to serve, to bring glory to Jer'gyda. They tell me that he is good to those who are obedient. I want to obey. I am fiercely loyal. I just can't remember to whom. Maybe I have served this god all along. But I have so much to learn...

… found his horse, seen nothing of him since...

I stare up at Blood Pledge Castle, my uniform in shreds. I am confused. People I don't recognize speak to me in a language I do not understand. They look worried, or possibly angry. One of them grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me. I shouldn't be here. Maybe they are trying to tell me so? I try to turn away but they grab my arm and begin to pull me. I shout and struggle, the pain growing as I am pulled farther from my new god...

… why won't you come to me? Do you wish to anger your god?...

I am on my knees, begging Jer'gyda for forgiveness. He tells me that I have been disobedient. He needs me in all of my dreams, not only this one. I am desperate to please him and not be cast out. I will join you soon, lord. I must be obedient in my other dream.

… what's wrong with him? Why won't he answer...

I open my eyes. I am in a chair. I must leave and find my god in this dream too. It is imperative. But I cannot. Ropes bind me to the chair. Cruel faces I do not recognize sneer at me, as if to mock me. The one in black touches my hand and I slap it out of the way, lunging forward angrily. I have to get away. Why would they take me away?

… it's the demons. The demons have me. The demons won't let me come...

There is dancing. I sit staring from the corner at the white dancers before me. There is the balding man with the russet beard, and a woman with short golden hair. There are at least one-hundred of us now, worshiping our new god. I cannot even remember what came before. I know that this is new, but all memory preceding my experience is gone. Perhaps this is a dream, but it feels real. All of the dreams do. I never know in which dream I actually exist, or if I ever existed.

… do you recognize me...

I wake up into another dream in a prison cell, gagged. A man is leaning over to give me something, but all I see is his sword. I swiftly grab it and cup my hand over his mouth. I spit out the cloth in my mouth and replace it with his, locking the cell door behind me as I make my escape. A feeling of exhilaration swells up in me as I feel my freedom. I am now able to return to my god in this dream, too. The red light swirls around in the corner of my vision as I make my way through the dungeons I know so well.

… what's your other dream like...

I am talking with the russet-bearded man. He doesn't know his name. Neither do I. But we can talk about our dreams, both the one that we share and the ones that we do not. The man is a butcher from somewhere. He doesn't know where, but he remembers being a butcher. Or at least, using the butcher's knife on something. That is all he can say before falling silent. The woman with golden hair has forgotten who she was. In her other dream she sits in a room with a spinning wheel, and spins, day and night. A third man with black hair swears that he will reach this place in all of his dreams soon. I express a similar hope.

… snap out of it, Captain! Grab my hand...

I wake up to my other dream on a horse, riding faster than I ever have. I am not alone. To my left and slightly behind is a man trying to keep up. He reaches out for me. He wants to take me back and hold me prisoner. But I must remain free and serve my god. I can see the sweat dripping from the man's orange hair. I turn to face my destination and drive my boot into the side of my horse, spurring it on even faster...

… there's nothing I can do, he's going too fast...

There is his statue. Jer'gyda. His hands reach to the sky. We have thrown ourselves prostrate in his presence. I only wish to look upon the real thing. My friends raise their hands to him. They now number in the hundreds. They are grocers, jesters, oprhans, widows, and sons of kings. All together for one purpose. I do not question what this purpose is. It does not matter, for I was born for this. Everything else has been erased. In a dream, only the dreaming matters. The rope burns on my wrists throb as I raise my hands along with the others.

… you have done well, my child. Here is your reward...

It is my duty to guard my god in this dream. I stand at the door, as still as the statue that represents him. Nothing will pass. I know that I am good at this, but I do not know why I know. This is my other dream now. I live both dreams in service to the one who has saved me.

… he's been brainwashed. Whatever you do, don't hurt...

In the blissful dream I share with my new friends, the sky is darkening. Jer'gyda tells me that a great demon is coming to kill him. He says I led this demon here. I beg him for forgiveness and say that I will defend him to the death. He smiles and me and holds out a benevolent hand. In this hand is a flower. I take it and he tells me what my duty will be should the demon breach the main hall. I am ready.

… master of houjyutsu, has been snatching people from the borders for years...

In my other dream there is clamoring at the walls and the screaming of women. They have come. I am not afraid. I reach into my pocket to touch the flower. But in this dream it is not a flower. It is a golden dagger.

… Captain, what is that? Stay back!...

We all sit around the statue that is now in the open air. The sky is darkening all around us. The time of reckoning has come. I want to act, but in this dream I am powerless. This is the dream where gods and demons come to life. Jer'gyda will kill this demon, and I will die defending him. I have waited my entire existence to do so.

… he's just an old man. Let's see what he wants...

Wild demon soldiers fly at us. I unsheathe my sword and ready myself. My friends who have been blessed enough to make it to this dream rush them and are cut down. Four of the demon soldiers come at me. One is taller than I am. He is wearing green but his face shows nothing, only emptiness. All of them are empty faces. I know then that they are my enemies. I rush forward for the attack but they will not hit me. They dodge and parry and attempt to grab me. They are fools. They will all die. The short one in black runs for me and I lower my sword to end his miserable life.

… it's me! Conrad, it's Yuuri! Conrad!...

I am wearing white again. Blood runs down my cheek where I have been cut but I barely notice due to what is before me. No longer small, the demon has grown to four times my size, and I realize that he is the king of them all. He begins to speak.

"When innocent men and women are taken from their homes and turned into slaves, it is an abomination against both men and demons. When friends are turned against friends and brothers against brothers, this cannot be tolerated. Jer'gyda! I have heard of you and your corruption of good people. Your magic is no match for mine. On this day, justice will be done."

… my god, I have failed you...

I know now that my god is doomed, that my friends are doomed. I know that this demon will win and kill all that is good in the world. I also know why I have been given this dagger. I drop my sword and fall to my knees in submission as a demon in green stands guard over me.

I reach into my pocket and feel the cold metal against my skin. One cut across the throat is all it will take. One instant and my destiny will be fulfilled. I whip it out of my pocket and as I pull it to my throat I feel not the pain of life leaving me but a gloved hand. The soldier in green has grabbed the dagger. I wrestle him for it, watching the flood from his fingers drip from the dagger to the floor. I close my eyes and see nothing but searing red, hearing nothing but an angry scream as my god dies a terrible death.

… You idiot, let go! End this, now!...

When I open my eyes, I am staring at the face of my brother. Gwendal launches the dagger away and it sticks to the wall. I stare at it in confusion and look down at my dirty uniform with the torn shoulder, the rope burns around my wrist, the chain still hanging from one of my ankles. And in an instant the gravity of the situation slams into my brain and the wind is knocked out of me. I am Conrad Weller, and I know again my true duties.

My king is lying on the floor, exhausted from defeating the evil mage. I bend down to make sure that he is all right. He is. Wolfram launches into an angry lecture about the trouble I have caused, but I am not listening. I am looking sadly at the ground at the corpse of a russet-bearded man, crushed under the fallen head of the giant statue. I see the golden-haired woman with a slit throat, a boy of seventeen with a spear through his chest. These were my friends, back in the dreams.

And I know that the dreams are finished. But the nightmares have just begun.