(by Sailor Taichichi Vegeta)
Somebody's probably going to flame me like crazy for this –but I don't care! I'm surprised that more people haven't noticed this, I laugh my butt off every time I think about it.
Disclaimer: No funny comments from Tails today 'cause I can't figure out how to work this new friggin' QuickEdit thingy without having half my spaces and characters thrown out the window. Just know that I don't own Kirby or... the other fandom mentioned in this story.
"Wait a minute –what did you say?"
Sirica, daughter of Garlude the Star Warrior, had come to Dreamland to reclaim the legendary sword that should have been her mother's, and to exact her revenge upon that… monster who hid behind the mask of friendship and then left her to die. Here was that monster now, not holding the sword but still staring her down as if daring her to snatch it from his hand. But there was no way he had said what she thought he'd just said…
"I said very well. You may have Galaxia."
No way. Sirica had been expecting a fight, a trap, some sort of resistance from the one rumored to be the last and greatest Star Warrior. And here he was, just agreeing –What trickery was this? Sirica looked around, expecting an ambush at any second. Every rock could be a bomb, every tree sheltering a hidden battalion…
"Are you serious?" There was no way, just no way.
"I am completely sincere. She has been nothing but trouble since I first encountered her." The little blue fighter walked over to a bush and began to move the branches aside.
Wait a minute.
"She?"
"Yes, Galaxia is very much female. Just because one possesses great power does not mean that one must be male." He continued rummaging in the bush.
Sirica was sheepishly forced to agree with him. "Well, of course not, but-"
Metaknight found what he was looking for and presented it to her. "Here is Galaxia. May she serve you well."
"Er, thank you. –HEY! WHAT IS THIS?!"
On the ground before Sirica was a woman. She was bound hand and foot, and the length of her arms and legs indicated she was of the race of humans, or a similar one. Almost everything about her was pure gold: her armor, her boots (say, those were pretty nice), the twin bracelets on her wrists, and the strange headdress that kept her hair (which was also gold) in place. Even her eyes were gold, and they flashed wildly as she struggled to make herself understood around the piece of tape over her mouth.
"This is Galaxia," said Metaknight. Sirica couldn't detect any hint of a laugh in his voice, but this just had to be a joke. Or a ploy to distract her and throw her off guard! She glanced round her again, but saw nothing.
"This is not Galaxia," she said. "This is… some woman you tied up and stuck in a bush!"
"And this woman is Galaxia," responded the Star Warrior.
"No. No, this is not… Is there some sort of spell at work here?"
"No spell."
"If this is a joke, it's a very stupid one!"
"No joke."
"Very well. Bring out your fighters or your trap or whatever already!"
"No trap."
It wasn't a spell. It wasn't a joke. It wasn't a trap.
But it sure wasn't Galaxia. Sirica let out a frustrated yell.
"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!?"
"Master!" Sirica's yell brought two people running, the little fighters whom she understood to be always following Metaknight around.
"We heard yelling," said the little guy in blue armor.
"Are you all right?" asked the little guy in green armor.
"I'm fine," said their master.
"You two!" Since they were in cahoots with the wise guy, perhaps they could give her answers. "Tell me where Galaxia is!"
"That is Galaxia," said the little guy in blue armor.
"Really?" The little guy in green armor turned to his friend. "I thought that was Princess Fireball."
"You moron, Princess Fireball's hair is redder than that!"
"Sorry."
A frustrated look began to make its way across Sirica's face. Perhaps she should've been more specific…
"Look. I want a sword named Galaxia. Not a woman named Galaxia. A sword. You know, long, shiny, golden, sharp. You use it to cut things and people. A sword like mine. Sword." She pretended to slice back and forth in the air. The others looked at her like she was insane.
"But I thought the sword got broken right before Chaos left her body," said the green-armored kid.
"She must mean Serenity's sword," replied the blue-armored kid.
"But that broke too, didn't it?"
"And it turned back into Chibi Chibi and then she disappeared."
"Yeah, but Chibi Chibi was just Galaxia's Star Seed, and I think that rejoined her body when Chaos was banished and she took all the other Star Seeds back."
"So that means the sword is Galaxia?"
"Technically, yeah."
Just what the heck was a Star Seed anyway? Sirica glanced back at Metaknight. "I thought you said there wasn't a spell!"
Said the Star Warrior, "There is none."
"Then why are they saying that she's the sword?"
"Didn't you just hear about how the good half and the corrupted one were rejoined?"
"Yes, but I had no idea what they were talking about. Just give me Galaxia already. Please."
"I did. She's right there."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" Sirica dashed off in frustration. She'd find someplace where she could pause, get herself back together, and then come back and deal out a heaping helping of knuckle sandwich to those three –wait, what was that over there? Did somebody just say something?
"This is the place, Sailor Moon. I can feel her vile presence."
Sirica peered around a tree and saw a rather odd group of people. There was a red-haired woman in a gold and red costume. Three more women in black leather. And two girls, one tall and one short, in outfits resembling schoolgirls' uniforms, each with her hair in two ponytails. All of them had white wings, all of them seemed to be the same species as "Galaxia," and all of them were currently regarding her with suspicion.
"Is this one of the Sailor Animamates too?" asked the tall schoolgirl.
"I don't know," said the red-haired woman. "This one is entirely unfamiliar to me."
"Well, we can ask." The tall schoolgirl approached Sirica. "Who are you? Are you allied with Galaxia?"
"I'm Sirica, daughter of Garlude. Currently I'm not allied with anyone –wait, did you say Galaxia?"
"So you do know her!" One of the three in black leather, a tough-looking lady with black hair and blue eyes, spoke up. "Where is your dark mistress?"
"Wait, wait, wait. Galaxia's not my mistress. I came here looking for a sword with the same name, and until a few minutes ago I didn't even know there was a woman named Galaxia. But if you're looking for her, she's right back there." Sirica pointed in the direction she'd just come from, and the strange group left.
"This is it," she heard the red-haired woman say. "This is when we put an end to the Sailor Wars!"
"I believe in the power we have, Fireball," replied the tall schoolgirl. "Come on, Chibi Chibi!"
Fireball?
Chibi Chibi?
Galaxia?
Sirica let out a burst of mad laughter. The little knights had been telling the truth and nothing but all along! It really was Galaxia that Metaknight had given her after all!
"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Sword Knight and Blade Knight heard the laughter and looked at each other, both wondering the same thing.
"She'll be fine," said Metaknight, answering their question. "The shock will wear off sooner or later."
"I wasn't expecting that much of a reaction," said Blade. "I could understand if, say, Sword showed her his Sailor Starlights costume-"
"Hey! I look way better than you do in yours!" countered Sword.
"You do not!"
"Oh yes I do!"
"We both know I look better!"
"No, I do!" Both whirled around, and in a flash were dressed as members of the trio Sirica had seen earlier. Blade was wearing a bad silver wig, and Sword was wearing a bad brown wig, both in the style of a single long ponytail. They looked at their leader, cute begging expressions on their cute faces.
"The trio isn't complete without you, Sir!" they said in unison.
"Do I have to?" said Metaknight.
"Please?" Their faces were so adorable… so hopeful… what harm would it do? "Very well," he sighed, and after another flash was instantly clad in black gloves, black 'boots,' a bad black wig (same style as Sword's and Blade's), and the star-adorned headband that all members of this group wore. However, his mask stayed on –nobody was going to be seeing his face, Sailor Starlight or no Sailor Starlight.
"And now we're truly the Three Lights!" cheered Sword.
"We're never gonna give up on that taste!" added Blade.
"It's smell, Blade."
"The Dead Moon saga's more of my forte anyway. Okay, smell then."
(Metaknight didn't say anything.)
And so when the Sailor Senshi reached the point Sirica had designated, they found this scene: Sailor Galaxia bound and gagged on the ground beside two young guys of some virtually legless race and some round blue masked creature, all wearing bad wigs and black leather. The three were posing for a camera manned by a small, round orange guy, who kept rolling his single eye and muttering in a high-pitched voice, "I don't get paid enough for this…"
"C'mon be happy, Waddle Doo!" called Blade. "And remember to get my good side!"
"I think they're supposed to be us," whispered Sailor Star Healer to her comrades.
"No way," whispered back Sailor Star Fighter.
"You don't have a good side," gibed Sword. "I, however, have nothing but good sides. Let a real Starlight show you how it's done!"
"Yes way," whispered Sailor Star Maker.
"I'm more of a Starlight than you'll ever be!" Blade jumped headfirst into the play fight.
"Well, I can sing better!"
"Oh no you can't!"
Then both of the young guys pulled microphones out of nowhere and began to belt out "Chasin' after you, pursuing that fragrance of you! No one will steal it, that fragrant star!"
"Okay, so they are us," said Fighter.
"They've stolen our outfits and our music." Maker wasn't whispering any more. Healer had had enough. She stomped over to the wannabes and, giving her best Senshi glare, declared, "You guys stole our song!"
Sword and Blade looked up, wide eyed, and gasped "Yaten!" One second later, Sailor Star Healer found herself trapped in a double bear hug.
"We love you Sailor Star Healer!" cried the two young guys.
"I can't breathe!" cried Sailor Star Healer.
"Looks like you've got a fan base on this planet already!" laughed Fighter. Healer would've cursed her out but she wasn't getting enough air.
"Will you sing for us, Sailor Star Healer?" asked Blade, stars in his eyes. "Sing Chikara o Awasete!"
"You goof, that's Taiki's song," said Sword, stars also in his eyes.
"Remember what I said about the Dead Moon," said Blade. One second later, it was Sailor Star Maker's turn to get the double bear hug. Fighter laughed even harder.
Meanwhile, Sailor Moon and Sailor Chibi Chibi were puzzling over how Galaxia came to be in her current state. Sailor Fireball, just out of the camera's range, called to Metaknight. "Excuse me…"
"Yes?"
"How did you come to subdue Galaxia? You must be a very powerful warrior."
Sword and Blade looked up from their double bear hug and chimed "He is!" Nobody could see it, but Metaknight blushed a little behind his mask. He told Fireball, "It started this way…"
Today, Sailor Galaxia had chosen to conquer a rather far off place called Pop Star and claim the Star Seed of its guardian Sailor Senshi for her own. When she arrived, she began to attack a random spot with her black lightning, waiting for the guardian Senshi to come forth. But nobody came.
That was rather unusual. When the Legendary Sailor Senshi came, she was almost always immediately confronted in a last-ditch effort to protect whichever planet she was about to take. And today, there was nobody. Galaxia couldn't even sense the presence of a guardian on the planet. Perhaps she'd fallen into a black hole? There was talk of things like that happening before. Galaxia let curiosity get the best of her and did something she came to regret very much.
She started to explore the planet on foot.
Meanwhile, King Dedede was bragging to Metaknight about a pair of antique hand mirrors somebody had found in some back room last week. Metaknight was wondering why him, and thinking that those mirrors were awfully ugly, and wondering what the consequences would be if he told the King that, when Kirby, who'd been playing nearby, let out a cry and pointed.
Yes, it was Sailor Galaxia. As she came closer to the group, she'd sensed a powerful force. It wasn't like that of any Sailor Senshi she'd ever faced –perhaps some sort of alternate form, a disguise maybe? She wanted to see if it could be turned to her advantage, or to destroy it.
Kirby saw a lady wearing golden armor coming towards him. She looked really pretty –maybe she wanted to play? He ran towards her calling "Poyo, poyo!" as if to say "Hi! Come play with me!"
Galaxia saw the strange pink thing coming towards her. Perhaps if Chaos hadn't consumed her so much by now… But no. This… creature looked soft and cuddly and totally weak, and was only in her way. So she smacked him aside.
"Poyooo!" Kirby went flying back towards the others. He was up again quickly. No, this lady wasn't nice at all. Kirby went into a crouch, ready to fight her.
So the little pink marshmallow wanted to fight? Very well. Galaxia smirked as she unleashed her fury.
"Galactica Super String!"
Some sixth sense inside of the baby Star Warrior told him to move as fast as he could. Quick as a flash, he inhaled one of the King's mirrors and became Mirror Kirby, just in time to deflect the bad lady's attack back at her. When it was all over, Legendary Senshi Sailor Galaxia lay there tied up like… well, a corrupted Sailor Senshi tied up by her own attack.
"Wha –ah, no!" she cried. "This can't be!" Some masked personage held a glittering golden sword to her throat. "Who are you and what are you here for?" he asked. (It had to be a he, Galaxia reasoned; she'd never heard any woman's voice that sounded anywhere near that.) What the heck, she'd have nothing more to fear from these people soon enough. Why not tell the truth and give them a foretaste of the fear?
"I am Sailor Galaxia. I came to conquer your planet and take the Star Seed of the one who protects it." She sighed. This next part was going to be rather embarrassing… but she could always silence the witnesses later. "I can't find the guardian Sailor Senshi, though."
The masked guy turned to the little pink guy who'd just (literally) taken down Galaxia. "I'm going to get Sword and Blade. Kirby, do you think you can take care of this?"
"Pyo!" Kirby nodded in affirmation. As if to emphasize his dedication, he produced a piece of tape from who knew where and slapped it over Galaxia's mouth. Just in time too, because the Golden Queen, unable to get free, was just about to give voice to a stream of profanity that baby Star Warriors absolutely should not hear.
An embarassed silencehung in the air as Metaknight finished his story. Sailor Fireball took a moment to find her voice. "Well, we do appreciate you defeating Sailor Galaxia. She's caused much pain and suffering…"
"Okay, somebody tell me what in th' sam hill is goin' on heah!" Everyone turned to see a chunky blue penguin (hey, he dresses kinda like Santa Claus! thought Sailor Moon) and a lavender snail regarding them with the frustrated look of those who have been left out of the loop and aren't happy about it at all.
"Who are you?" asked Fighter. This seemed to upset the penguin even more, because he seemed to swell up as he shouted:
"Whaddya mean who am ah? Ah'm the king o' this heah kingdom! Ah oughta be askin' ya'll who ya'll are!" So Sailor Fireball, perceiving this so-called king as posing zero threat, introduced herself and her comrades.
"I am Sailor Fireball. This is Sailor Moon, Sailor Chibi Chibi, Sailor Star Maker, Sailor Star Healer, and Sailor Star Fighter. We came here to bring Sailor Galaxia-" she nodded at the figure on the ground "-to justice for her misdeeds."
"So ya'll are like innergalactical cops or sumfin'?"
"I guess you could say that." Sailor Moon could feel the sweatdrop coming back.
"And then ya found these three good-fer-nuthins layin' down on th' job playin' pitchah day, huh?"
"Actually, they're the ones who captured Galaxia. We were just discussing it when you came."
"The pictures weren't my idea," said Waddle Doo.
"Aw, dat's awright," said the King as he shoved Sword and Blade aside. "Ah feel like modelin' today! Come on Escahgoon, let's show 'em what we're made of!"
"Whatever you say Sire," sighed the snail (who looked like he'd rather not be there). And after yet another bright flash, the King was clad in a bad aqua wig and an oversized green-and-white fuku, which clashed horribly with the red coat he was still wearing. In his right hand was the partner of the mirror Kirby had inhaled to defeat Sailor Galaxia –it was garish, cracked and was only green because it was copper and had corroded horribly. His assistant, being a snail, wouldn't have been able to pull off the whole look effectively, but he was wearing a bad blonde wig and a yellow bow tied around his (invisible) neck, and he carried a floppy, obviously fake, sword.
Everyone just stared for a moment when this transformation was complete. And then Sword, Blade and Waddle Doo started snickering. They stopped as soon as Dedede glared at them, though.
"He did it," Sword said quickly as he pointed at Waddle Doo.
"Don't laugh at the sword," Escargoon told them. "It was the only prop I could afford because I got docked pay this month for laughing at His Majesty when he got food poisoning at Kawasaki's."
All the Dreamlanders sighed and added "Again."
Sword, Blade and Waddle Doo tried hard not to laugh any more. The real Sailor Senshi were too shocked to do anything. (Sailor Star Maker didn't have any air to do anything with because Sword and Blade were still hugging her.) Metaknight, who hadn't said anything since he finished telling Sailor Fireball his story, didn't break the silence.
Finally Sailor Moon asked, "Were you planning on doing anything with Sailor Galaxia?"
"Not really," said Metaknight. "A friend's daughter had stopped by earlier, but she changed her mind."
"Hey Waddle Doo!" called Sword, who had recovered by then. "Come on and join the club!" Waddle Doo sighed and rolled his eye again, then donned a bad green wig and took out a long purple stick to whose end had been affixed somebody's red rubber ball.
"Say, doesn't this mean the three of us aren't supposed to like the three of you?" asked Blade.
"What else is new?" said Waddle Doo.
"Hey! Sailor Senshi group picture!" called Sword. Everybody liked this idea, so the cosplayers gathered around the real Sailor Senshi, and Sailor Chibi Chibi hit the button on the camera before dashing back to her spot in the picture.
Then King Dedede said, "Come on Escahgoonie, Ah'm starvin'. Let's go get some grub!" So the King and his assistant left, Waddle Doo barely managing to hang on to the back of the tank. Fighter could hear Escargoon singing "We are carved in shining gold in my heart…" and she fought the urge to crawl underneath something and not come back out as she watched them drive off towards Cappy Town, a big lunch, and the fulfillment of Mabel's prediction that Mayor Len Blustergas would receive a big shock that week. (The Mayor was a big fan of the Outer Senshi.)
Sailor Fireball managed to shake off her sweatdrop and say, "I think it's time for us to leave as well. Sir Metaknight, may we take Galaxia with us?"
"Certainly," replied the Star Warrior. "We hadn't decided what to do with her yet, but I believe you'll handle the situation well."
"Thank you," said Fireball, and very soon the Sailor Senshi were all gone.
"Look Sword!" Blade pointed at the sky. "They're like stars!" Sure enough, six glowing shapes were passing through the sky, growing smaller by the second. Headed in a different direction was a seventh shape, no doubt Sirica in whatever spaceworthy vessel she first encountered in her rush to get away from these crazy people…
"Let's make a wish, Blade," said his comrade.
"There's nothing I need to wish for. We're happiest now, right Sword?"
"You're right," laughed Sword. Blade joined him.
Metaknight laughed too as he pulled his sacred sword from its hiding place in the bush.
The EndA/N: Well, that's my first ever Kirby story! Man, it felt good. Sorry about the lack of decent spacing (this darn QuickEdit is dysfunctional! Grr), or if anybody suffered severe emotional scarring 'cause I inflicted King Dedede's accent on you. Flame if ya like –I like Sailor Moon and I like Kirby and I liked writing this story, so I don't care what you say as long as it's not threats of a surprise tax audit. I'm probably gonna catch some flack for Triple-D and Goonie's transformations and what they imply, but oh well. I thought it was funny. And cute! (Why isn't the King being a jerk about it? While everyone else managed to see the original version –probably bootlegged from Rock Star or someplace –he watched the dub where the Outers are cousins and so he doesn't know any better.) Although that was just for the story's sake. Sword and Blade make the best darn Neptune and Uranus I can think of. MK and Jecra would be more like Princess Fireball and Fireball's lover, since in each case a great evil force causes someone very special to a great warrior to end up dead in front of said great warrior. I guess the King and his assistant could be Kaori Night and Dr. Tomoe… In case you haven't noticed, I've found a LOT of parallels between Kirby and Sailor Moon because I am a weird person. Galaxia just happens to be the most obvious. And I did distort a couple of things for the story's sake. I don't think Galactica Super String would have the effect I gave it, nor do I think Sirica would run away just because Pop Star's citizens are rabid Sailor Moon fans. Or would she? What do you think? You can use that little blue box down there to tell me.
And my birthstone is an alexandrite! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!