Shipper on Deck
Dorian knows that Cullen and Trevelyan are meant for each other. Unfortunately, they can't see that.
A SINISTER PLOT
Dorian tapped an ornate gavel lightly against the top of his desk to quiet the gathered group of Inquisition members gathered in his quarters. "The meeting has come to order," he said smoothly. "Is there any new business?"
He received blank stares. Dorian sighed dramatically (which was the only way he ever did anything). "None of you would last a day in the Imperium," he lamented.
"Dorian?" Josephine asked. "Why are we here?"
"At two in the morning, no less," Cassandra snapped. She was half-clad in her mail and sleep clothes, because when Dorian said it was important, she thought she was going have to kill something. At the moment, killing Dorian seemed very appealing.
"We are here," Dorian stated grandly, "to discuss the urgent matter of what is happening between Commander Rutherford and our dear Inquisitor."
Apparently, there were actual crickets in Dorian's bedchambers, because in the silence he could hear them chirp. Crickets were everywhere in the south. Dorian found them highly annoying.
"...But there's nothing going on between Cullen and the boss," Iron Bull said finally.
"Exactly!" Dorian trumpeted. "They're absolutely meant for each other, but are too thick to see it! We simply must help them along!"
Leliana and Josephine perked up slightly at the prospect of meddling.
"What, we're gonna get the two of 'em into bed?" Sera asked. At Dorian's solemn nod, she whooped.
"Do you really believe that the most important thing at the moment is to meddle with Commander Cullen and the Inquisitor?" Solas barked. "More important than say, defeating the Elder One?"
"Take it easy, Chuckles." Varric was furiously taking notes. "The Inquisitor could do with a little fun."
"This is hardly the time for fun, darlings," Vivienne raised her perfect eyebrows. "I hate to agree with the apostate, but surely there are more pressing matters to attend to."
"We wander in our conversation," Dorian chided. "We must make the Commander and the Inquisitor see that they're just meant to be. It's too adorable to not happen."
Josephine nodded in agreement. "Cullen is a bit enamored of the Inquisitor..."
"My network will easily be able to find the Inquisitor's feelings for Cullen," Leliana stated.
"Oh, my fair lady!" Dorian exclaimed. "Please do not trouble yourself, Lady Leliana. I believe your spies might be more efficient in... other areas of interest. And between the eleven of us assembled-"
"I will have no part in your silly matchmaking," Solas got up and left.
"Ten of us assembled, then." Dorian amended. "The Commander and the Inquisitor will be madly in love in no time."
STEP 1: GET TREVALYAN THINKING ABOUT ROMANCE.
Dorian struck early in the morning, before the Inquisitor had her morning tea and was not quite coherent. "Ah, my lovely lady Inquisitor! How are you this fine morning?"
She eyed him warily. "Hi, Dorian." Trevelyan started boiling water on the wood-burning stove in the communal kitchen.
"My dear, I must tell you, I am feeling excellent lately! I must ascribe it to my felicitious relationship with the Iron Bull!" Leliana, who was keeping a covert eye on the operation, thought he was laying it on a bit thick, but then again, Dorian though that anything worth doing was worth doing dramatically. "Have you ever been in love, Inquisitor?" he continued.
"Not-"
"You absolutely must try it sometime, Lady Trev. It's simply wonderful!"
Trevelyan poured the now-boiling water into a clay cup and added dried tea leaves from Skyhold's gardens. "Well, I'm happy for you and Bull, Dorian, but I don't really have time for that stuff. Busy leading the Inquisition and all that."
"But surely after the darkspawn Corypheus is dealt with, you'll have more time for pleasure. In the Imperium we say, 'all work and no play makes for boring dinner conversation.'"
"You also said that two virgins in the same bed is two too many virgins," Trevelyan raised her eyebrows as she sipped her tea.
"That is also a saying among my people," Dorian smiled. "But surely the lovely Inquisitor, the fame of whose beauty has spead throughout Thedas, would not have that particular problem."
"Not discussing this with you. Too early in the morning for anything but tea," Trevelyan grumbled and shuffled off, Dorian presumed, to do something official.
He would count that as a win.